Well. Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills certainly was dramatic, even if the allegations that the group wanted to level against Lisa were often unclear at best and petty complaining at worst. I’m not sure if that’s because the rest of the Housewives aren’t as smart as she is or because Bravo edited the episode to make Lisa look like she was being hounded by a gang of confused harpies, but either way, not much truth was established and some people cried and the husbands had fits over various things.

1. Puerto Rico is not the same as Costa Rica or Puerto Vallarta. Lisa, not so good with her Latin American geography. Better than Kim is with her Spanish, though. No one let her order her own food in Puerto Rico, please. Just Cokes. She’s got that part down.

2. We left the magical Real Housewives world at the airport for just a moment. The weird thing about reality shows like Real Housewives and Jersey Shore is that, although the show claims to depict the cast members’ everyday lives, they strenuously attempt to maintain an illusion of a world in which the cast is still not famous. It adds an extra layer of disingenuousness to shows that already require a significant suspension of disbelief on behalf of their audiences, and getting to watch the paparazzi take their photos for a moment was a rare reminder that the world we’re shown on TV is not, objectively, the real one. The Housewives are actors, in a weird, post-modern sense of the word.

3. Blue is Yolanda’s color. She’s so blonde and tan and wonderful and it’s as though Yves Klein blue was just made to be on her body at all times. Models! They really aren’t like the rest of us at all.

4. Real Housewives are afraid of smart people more than they are afraid of anything. That Lisa is strategic, conniving, a little two-faced and not genuine in all her friendships is not, in and of itself, a problem for any of her frienemies. In fact, if she weren’t all of those things, preferably all at once, she wouldn’t make a very good Real Housewives cast member and probably would have been sent to whatever island Sheree from Atlanta and Alex from New York now live on. The problem is that Lisa’s all those things and smart, which is where she largely differs from her reality TV compatriots. The rest of the cast pretty much proved that was what they were afraid of last night by nominating Yolanda, the smartest of the not-Lisas, to go over and pick the day’s fight, even though the disagreement was really Brandi’s and Kyle’s.

5. When was the last time Brandi called Lisa? You know, that’s an interesting point. (And Lisa brought it up, because she’s smart. Please refer to the previous point.) Brandi’s now complaining that Lisa isn’t mothering her as heavily as she used to (although she previously complained this season that Lisa mothers her too much), but what Brandi hasn’t detailed is how she has tried to maintain their previously strong relationship. So…has she? Or did just sit there waiting for Lisa to friendship all over her?

6. Lisa shoved a bunch of tabloids in Brandi’s suitcase before Palm Springs. The tabloids held fantastical rumors about Mauricio’s infidelity, and Brandi claims that Lisa shoved them in her bag not once, but twice before the group’s trip to Palm Springs. Lisa, of course, denies it, and I think she might be lying. Mostly because it’s a brilliant way to stir the pot, and Lisa is good at strategizing.

7. These people very clearly live in a warm climate. The entire time I was watching them argue on the beach, all I could think was, does anyone understand how many people I would kill to get an afternoon, just one single, solitary afternoon, on the beach at this point in winter? They didn’t even sunbathe, they just started arguing and storming off and questioning each other. If you think back to the Crazy Island episodes of Real Housewives of New York, you’ll recall that they at least waited until dinner time to fight.

8. Brandi wants Lisa to take a lie detector test. About how much she likes Scheana, I think? Or at least that’s what it sounded like at first, until Brandi got around to mentioning that she had heard Lisa knew Scheana was her ex-husband’s mistress long before she maybe set them up to run into each other at a party and combust. (In reality, it was probably the producers, or at the very least, the producers and Lisa together, who had that idea. It was clearly a setup.)

9. Lisa’s basically been caught, but they’re having trouble reeling her in. I don’t know if all the allegations that have been leveled against Lisa are true, but because they mostly seem like the regular Real Housewives plot manipulation in which every cast member attempts to engage with varying levels of success, I’m sure at least some of them are. The cast, as a whole, has been trying to pin Lisa down for a couple of episodes now, and last night, they made their most direct attempts. Which were…fair to middling? Lisa cried, and her tears seem genuine even if they’re not because she’s such a stiff-upper-lip Brit in most situations that it’s striking to see her upset. By not constantly crying wolf in other arguments, Lisa’s bought herself a small benefit of the doubt in this one, which should be a lesson to all future Bravolebrities.

10. Husbands, don’t yell at your wives’ friends. Mauricio looked like a bully when he did it to Brandi last season, and Ken looked like one last night, calling people stupid and all that. It’s not dignified, it’s not helpful and it’s not going to help Lisa win the argument. I can understand wanting to defend your spouse, but in these carefully constructed webs of alliances and audience loyalties, they should probably just take their own advice and shut up.

Bag count: One blue Rag & Bone Pilot Bag, two Louis Vuitton Neverfulls, one Juicy Couture beach tote, one Stella McCartney Falabella that has to be utterly exhausted by now.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Taki

    I always love reading you recap for this show. I love reading your opinion about the show. I also believe Lisa put the magazine on the suitcase, but they should also as why Brandy bought that in the first place. She even put it in the coffee table where any of her guest in the house can see it. I can’t beleive Kyle is now siding with Brandy when the reason that Yolanda and Brandy are fighting Lisa is because she and Kyle are trying to work things out. Ironic. I really think Ken is truly hirt in this because he genuinely like Mauricio.

  • Angela Brown

    There were three neverfulls – it was ridiculous.

  • Nancy

    TMZ is reporting that sources tell them that Joyce and Carlton might be out for next season.

    • laura

      I hope it’s true.

    • Deborah


  • candiebear

    you missed the lv limelight clutch brandi carried to dinner at the end of the episode

  • I really like Lisa, but I think everyone has done something to cause pain to another person at some point in their life, even if they didn’t think it was that malicious, and it sounds like Lisa did put the magazines in Brandi’s bag. It’s sad, because you can see all of them falling apart and not knowing who to trust

    • mimi

      I wonder why anyone would care? I’d want to know why Brandi bought them? In her book she tells how much pain they caused her when her ex,her and Leann were in them. She supports the magazines by buying them and had them on display spread across her table in her living room. Doesn’t that sound like the question that should be asked? I could imagine Lisa making a joke and so can Kyle. That’s why she said on WWHL to Andy that if Lisa had said it was a joke she would of let it go. (Which is a complete and total lie!)
      Lisa isn’t perfect but in all the time she’s been on the show I’ve not seen her attack or scream and cuss anyone. Bravo LOVES to edit fan favorites and rip them up for some reason they’ve always done that. But with Lisa it’s hard. She doesn’t behave like the others so there is little to edit and piece together. #teamlisa

  • Jennifer

    If this episode made one thing clear, it’s that Ken and Lisa are intimidated by Yolanda.

    • mimi

      I didn’t feel that way. I felt they were purely shocked that she isn’t the person they thought she was. That it’s all smoke and mirrors. I felt horrible for Ken and Lisa!

  • mimi

    I do not think Ken did anything wrong. I adore Ken!

    Bottom line in all of this BEYOND stupidness is they can’t stand they have nothing real to make Lisa look bad to us.
    Lisa isn’t perfect and unlike Yolanda has never claimed to be.

    I believe she lives a mostly honest and open life. If she didn’t we all know we would of heard things before now. Just as we always have with all the HW shows.
    If you were to put all the HWs in a bag and throw it up, Lisa would be the only one to come out worth a sh**!

    I believe Lisa and Ken are both good,caring people. (Not perfect) That they’ve worked hard for what they have and try to be good people and do for others without needing glory for it (the 10.000 reward for Brandi’s lost dog came from them)
    Kyle and her husband LOVE seeing their names in magazines. It doesn’t matter the reason. It makes them feel important. This is why THEY HAVE and them alone have kept the story front and center for over a year. Lisa tried to give them advice to ignore it and it goes away. But they can’t. This why the drama .
    Brandi should be on Myrtle Manor. The girl is just trash!
    Yolanda has been passed around like a $2 dollar ___(u know) when a husband is done with her he passed her to his friend.

  • ogates

    I feel Ken did the right thing to speak up for Lisa–Mauricio, on the other hand, went from playing ball in the sand to full-blown pissed off calling Lisa a “F@#$EN B” on the word of Kim? Kim who didn’t even have first-hand knowledge of magazine-gate? This was a planned ambush on Lisa & Ken which I hope backfires on the Bully Wives of Beverly Hills (Yo, Brandi, Kyle, Kim)! Of course I’m Team Lisa! Who wants to be on Team Bullies?