Dear Vaughn,
As with many of your sister’s monthly letters, your first one is a bit late. But I hope one day you’ll recognize how much I put into being your and Millie’s mom which means the house isn’t always spotless, the laundry is piled up, and your letters are behind schedule. You’ve been with us a bit over a month now and our little family feels complete and my heart is fuller than I imagined possible.
I already shared your arrival story and I felt so differently with you joining us versus your sister. I’ve settled into my role as your mama much more seamlessly, with far less anxiety and worries. I mean, I even leave you in your bassinet upstairs while I go downstairs, which if you saw me with your sister is surprising! But much like with your sister, I cherish these first weeks and while I am really tired, I hold you and cuddle you as much as I possibly can.
Every person is different and the same is true with every baby. Your personality is so different from your sister’s at this age. You want to be held nonstop and the minute I put you down, no matter how deep of a sleep you are in, you wake up and start crying. You switch from a bit of fussing to a full scream-cry faster than I can get to you and start feeding you. You have no problem letting me know what you want and when you want it. Unlike your sister, you love eating and I feel like all I do is nurse you. Don’t be confused about it – I love nursing. I’d venture to guess some people think I’ll be the next mom on the cover of Time Magazine for nursing you both so long, but in the scheme of life it is a short time and the bond that Millie and I formed and now you and I is something I’ll forever cherish about these years.
And baby boy, you are loud! You grunt and squeak and purr and everything is a bit dramatic with you. I love this about you and I keep trying to imagine what it will mean for you as you continue to grow up and develop your personality more. I imagine you being both incredibly easy going and a bit over-the-top, which is exactly how you are now.
Most people ask me about how much sleep we’re getting, it’s a question that people love asking moms of newborns (along with how big is your little one which is a question that drives me a bit nuts) and no, you are not an anomaly, you don’t sleep that much so we don’t sleep that much. It’s par for the course and while I’d love more sleep, these are moments that you need me and eventually you will sleep. You love love love your mama and knowing that I am your person that you rely on and I’m able to provide everything is a joy for me.
I’m writing this letter to you while you’re curled up leaning against me in my bed, with your little feet crossed (which they always are, and I always want to remember this about you) and turned toward me. I can see and feel the love you have for me and though I knew how much I’d be able to love you, feeling it can not be described in words. I was nervous to have you because I felt like we’d just gotten into a really solid groove as a family of 3, but now that you’re here, I can’t imagine my life without you.
You my little man are my sidekick and I always dreamed of having a mama’s boy. Millie loves me but you’ll learn this about your sister as you get bigger – she has the biggest heart but also wants to be on her own a lot. She was like that on day 1, month 1, and year 1. You want to be held, you want to snuggle, you want to lay on my chest after you finish nursing and if I’d let you (which trust me I have), you’d spend your entire day being held by me before ever having to be placed down.
I’ve taken the past 6 weeks to be with you, and I rarely am without you. I will never be able to say how thankful I am that I have this time with you and how lucky your dada and I are to have the flexibility to work from home and see you and Millie both so much. I love the business your dad and I have and I love sharing a bit about our life with everyone, after all it’s because of them we are able to be with you so much. Luckily for me at this stage you sleep a lot and need me, so I can ease back into work with you by my side (get ready to learn about designer bags my little one – if your future partner loves bags, they’ll be thrilled about this!).
I love the way you grip my shirt while I hold you, I love the way you always have a hand on your face when you’re sleeping, I love the way you cross your feet whenever you’re hanging out, I love your super serious eyes and the way you study everything, I love the way you are so patient with your sister. I love every little thing about you. My role as your mama is to allow you to become who you are, not force you into being what I want you to be, and right now that means you need me nonstop and I love that. You’re sweet, you’re loving, you’re patient with us and your sister while also being outspoken about what you want, and I am so lucky to be your mama. I always want time to slow down, but I also look forward to seeing who you become. You have my heart, you will always have my heart, and I love you more than words could ever describe. Thank you for making me a mama for the second time, it is my ultimate joy in life.
Love,
Mama
