Our little man joined us early this month…

I know many of you have been waiting to hear about baby boy Dusil, and I wanted to share the news that he arrived a little over three weeks ago! We’ve been spending the past few weeks loving on him and cuddling him nonstop while adjusting to becoming a family of 4 (plus Brutus, he’s still with us too!).

Life has been quite different since his arrival. Juggling the two kids is tricky but in different ways than I anticipated. I thought Millie would be incredibly jealous, but she has taken to her big sister role so magnificently; it surprised me and still does to this day. She wakes up every morning and comes to our bed to to see him and in the sweetest voice says “Hi Baby Vaughn are you ok?”. Watching her interact with him brings me a deeper love and joy than I ever imagined and I don’t want to miss one of those interactions, they are some of the most cherished of my life thus far.

I had an unplanned c-section with Millie and had a scheduled repeat c-section with baby boy. It was odd to know the exact day of his arrival, but calming in a way too. On January 3rd at 10:18 am, I heard his first cries and with tears streaming down my face I instantly fell deeply and entirely in love. It’s a surreal moment. With Millie I knew I’d love her but I didn’t understand how deep a mother’s love is until I had her. So when I was on the operating table waiting to hear his voice and have him brought to me, my excitement was different knowing that another life that would complete mine was on the other side of the curtain.

I wanted a different birth for Millie but had time to mentally prepare that I’d be having a C-section with Vaughn. I was lucky to have every single tech, nurse, and doctor that was involved put me at peace and ease my fears by playing music (I chose Sam Hunt), talking me through every step, and taking the best care of me and my son. While it still wasn’t my ideal birth plan, it was the safest for me and the baby. Thinking back to the experience, I loved it so much in a way I didn’t think was possible that my eyes are welling with tears just remembering it.

And the greatest gift that I could ever receive was our son – whom we named Vaughn Vladimir Dusil. His middle name is self explanatory, to keep Vlad’s name, and his first name topped our list of boys names for years before we even had Millie. I can’t say there is a deep meaning to it aside from the fact that we like something a bit different but not too crazy and we loved the idea of Millie sharing a first name starting with a M like me and Vaughn having a first name sharing a V like Vlad.

Vaughn has been a delight, mostly wanting to nurse and cuddle which are two of my favorite things in this world. We had a hiccup along the stay in the hospital and Vaughn’s bilirubin level rose pretty high and they had to take him for 24 hours of phototherapy. The minute he left the room I broke down crying. I hated that anything was wrong with him and I was scared. Seeing him in the incubator with his eyes covered and not being able to hold him made me ball, the tears just wouldn’t stop. I had the slightly glimpse of what moms and dad’s whose babies are in the NICU feel like and I can tell you that feeling is one I wish on no one. Babies are resilient, we as parents are resilient, but it doesn’t take away the fact that these situations are hard. Though I was then discharged and Vaughn was still admitted, the hospital had a “hotel” room (which is just another room right across from the nursery) we were able to stay in the extra night so we didn’t have to leave him. Having him right across from our room brought me so much peace and I could go visit him as much as I wanted. The treatment worked well and quickly, so after 24 hours of phototherapy and a couple repeat tests, he was discharged and we were good to go home.

I am sure many of you are wondering more about how big sister Millie is taking it – and I can tell you that was one of my biggest fears. I knew I wanted more than one child if we could, but after having Millie my love for her runs so much deeper and more intense than I imagined possible, I worried that having another baby would hurt my relationship with her (plus I thought she’d be super jealous). I guess many parents feel this way – the pull of wanting to give each child all of their love and knowing no matter what at some point your children will be jealous and feel left out compared to their siblings. I know that feeling being 1 of 4 kids, even though I think my mom is probably the best mother on the planet who taught me what loving someone so immensely means and feels like. But Millie always amazes me, she always has and always will. My strong-willed 2-year-old who has been used to being the center of attention took to her baby brother right away, approaching him with a gentleness I didn’t think she had in her and asking about him all the time and trying to help. She will cover him with a blanket, tell me that he needs milk, and is content cuddling me on one side while he is nursing on my other side. I never want this feeling and these memories to subside and with my two kids in my arms. I truly didn’t think it was possible to have this much love inside of me to feel and give, but it’s the feeling that makes me feel alive in a way that I could never put into words.

As for Vlad, well he is the best dad. Watching the man you love father your children with so much love and compassion is one of the best things to witness. He loves our kids, he loves me, and he does everything he can to care for us. He makes sure I am eating well-balanced meals and cooks for us daily and he steps up to be the absolute best father he can be.

I apologize for taking a while to formally introduce our new family member! I did share him on the forum and Instagram, and didn’t forget about you all – but it’s been hectic. Vaughn loves being held and for the past 2 weeks will only sleep if he’s being held (yep, bad habit, and now time consuming habit!). Our family of 4 has loved these first weeks together and I am beyond excited to see what this brings as Vaughn and Millie continue to grow up together. Having kids is a reminder to live in the moment, take nothing for granted, and live more simply because it’s truly the small things that make life meaningful.

I’ll slowly be coming back to post, but for now I am savoring every moment because as you moms and dads know, the days are long but the years are short, and I can never get this time back!

❤︎ Megs, Vlad, Millie and Vaughn

If you want to see a bit more of our life and more of Millie and Vaughn, be sure to follow @purseblog on Instagram and check stories. I don’t update a ton, but if I do update, it’s there!

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