Versace Handbags

More accurately, trouble has been brewing for quite some time now.

We make light of Versace’s relatively piddling bag efforts on a regular basis (or whenever I can’t think of something more interesting to write about), but based on Dana Thomas’s very interesting article on the company’s troubles for the latest Newsweek, bad bags aren’t the only problems that Donatella & Co. are having.

Whether or not we want to hear it, handbags are one of the most profitable and important sectors of a worldwide luxury business – the only thing that makes more money for companies like Chanel and Dior is beauty. So is it true that as go purses, so goes the company?

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Well, first, it has to be said. Taylor Momsen is approximately 16 years old, and this look is perhaps a tad old for her. She could probably be wearing things that are slightly longer, and eye makeup that’s slightly less…well, just slightly less.

But I kind of love her for dressing like this, truth be told. This is how every girl that ever bought a Joy Division album desperately wanted to dress in high school (including yours truly…), and almost none of us ever got the opportunity. I didn’t because I was on debate team and bleach-blond extensions and a whole pencil worth of eyeliner probably would have made me look unprofessional at tournaments. That, and I don’t think my mom would have bought me leather short shorts. But a girl can dream, I suppose.

But obviously, we’re here to talk about Taylor’s bag, the Versace Metal Frame Satchel. We’ve spoken about this bag before, but it’s hard to get a sense of something when you can’t see it carried. Two things struck me this bag after I saw the pictures – it’s a lot smaller than I expected it to be (it’s not nearly the size of a Stam, to which I originally compared the structure) and I like it just as much as I did previously.

It’s legitimately a nice-looking bag, which is not always Versace’s strong suit, and for that I’m excited. The price, however, is still thoroughly unexciting. Buy through Nordstrom for $3995.

One company that appears to be paying absolutely no attention to fall trends is Versace. And why would we expect them to? They pay no attention to good taste or reasonable pricing standards, so this is about par for the course.

Objectively, the Versace Socialite Satchel is not a terrible Bag. It’s perfectly fine. But it is completely tone deaf when compared to what else is going on in fashion right now. And, as always, the price is astronomical.

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It’s been a while since we had a good ol’ fashioned bashing of an insultingly overpriced Versace bag, and as they say, there’s no time like the present. So let’s talk about the Versace Rose-Embellished Jacquard Hobo, shall we?

I know you guys enjoy this as much as I do.

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I make a lot of fun of Versace, and it’s for a lot of good reasons. They make largely unattractive handbags in weird shapes and with odd stuff stuck to them, and then they charge prices so high that they verge on insulting. They’re not a brand that’s famous for their quality handbags, nor are they widely carried by tastemakers or celebrities, so it’s hard to say why they think they can get away with such ridiculous designs and pricing. They end up in the sale section a lot.

And maybe, just maybe, someone at Versace has been paying attention, because the Versace Croc Embossed Satchel is decidedly unoffensive. It’s not the best bag I’ve ever seen, but it has a structure that subscribes subtly to the recent origami bag trend without being unnecessarily complicated. The structure is classic Versace, but it lacks the obvious, gaudy branding and enormous, shiny gold hardware that have characterized so many of the brand’s less-successful bag ideas. The color is gorgeous, as is the variation of the croc-stamped leather, and it all comes together in a reasonable, tasteful way. The best part, though, is the price. It’s still too high, but compared to some of the brand’s recent price points, it’s fairly unoffensive. Buy through Nordstrom for $1770.

Oh, Versace. Just when we start to get into the summer fashion blahs when nothing new is coming out, another one of their ridiculous bag appears and we have something to talk about yet again.

In the grand scheme of things, for this brand in particular, the Versace Leather Flap Hobo isn’t terrible. It can actually be used as a handbag. It will hold things. You can put it on your arm. Which in some cases, for Versace, is a progress. It’s a bit overdone, because of course it is, and it’s got some sort of red patent wings or something hanging off the front. They appear to serve no purpose, because of course they don’t. And this particular bag is both patent and regular leather, which is particularly hard when using red since the pigments render so differently on the two materials. They got fairly close, though. Kudos. I mean, not exactly the same, but not hugely different. But the gaudy gold hardware spells out their name in big block letters and the flaps are nonsensical as I already mentioned, and the price is insulting, because of course it is. It’s Versace. Buy through Saks for $2470.

Anyone care to take a guess as to why I’m writing about this bag? Anyone? No? Ok. Well, I’m writing about the Versace Turquoise Fox Hexagonal Tote purely for my own entertainment. As of late, more or less everything Versace does makes me want to punch someone in the face (and even if one of their bags isn’t bad, the price is atrocious), so when my mom somehow found this bag and emailed it to me earlier this morning, I couldn’t NOT take the chance to make fun of them. And really, this bag is more deserving of ridicule than any other that I’ve seen lately.

It looks like the Cookie Monster and Snuffleupagus had sex, and the resulting baby was skinned and turned into a handbag (yes, I had to Google to find out how to spell ‘Snuffleupagus’ I thought it had more F’s, personally). That kind of violence against muppets will certainly not be tolerated here at PurseBlog, and the immense cruelty towards children’s entertainment that Versace has shown with this handbag will not soon be forgotten. For shame, Donatella. What are you going to do next, skin the Florida Gator’s mascot and make a clutch out of it? Actually, on second thought, I would be completely ok with that. Just stay away from Big Bird. Buy through Bluefly for $3532.99.

Oh, Versace. We’ve had this conversation before. But before we starting talking about the sticking point that I always have with this brand, let’s talk about some positives. First, I think this is a really nice-looking bag. The Versace Frame Satchel reminds me a bit of the iconic Marc Jacobs Stam in shape and proportion, and that’s a good thing. People loved, and still love, that bag, and part of the reason was because it’s simple and functional. I like that Versace included their bit of bling in the top frame by making it all metal, and the zipper trim is cute and a bit unexpected. The leather also looks beautiful.

The problem I have though, is that the leather is not exotic, and for the price tag, it absolutely should be. $4000 is too much to spend for a regular leather bag, which is exactly what this is. My Stam cost about $1300 at regular retail, and this bag is not any more fantastic than that one was. I continue to be baffled by Versace’s pricing scheme, and they don’t appear to have the avid following to support it. Buy through Nordstrom for $3995.

You know what really grinds my gears? More than, like, anything else in fashion? The misappropriation of the word “couture.” Something isn’t “couture” just because it’s expensive or weird looking. You don’t call something “couture” just so you can try and charge more for it. Couture is a real word with a specific definition. Couture is a one-off piece that is hand-made for a client or show, not mass-produced. Couture is not sold on a mass-market website.

I would think that a brand like Versace would understand the distinction. Apparently not, though, because the Versace Couture Clutch has no indication of ACTUALLY being couture to me. It’s just a woven metallic envelope clutch that reminds me a lot of Bottega Veneta. And since Versace is known to charge upwards of $2000 for completely non-spectacular, non-couture clutches, I can’t imagine that they’d charge less (but still an exorbitant amount for what you get) for something that was actually handmade in small quantities. So I’m befuddled here. Has the word lost all of its fabulous meaning? Or am I missing the reason that this actually fits the category? Buy through eLuxury for $1305.

And now, in “Things That Cost Way More Than is Reasonable” news, we have the Versace Croc-Stamped Clutch. Is it an actual exotic? No, no, it’s stamped. So it’s regular leather like every other bag you own. Hmm. Well, is it big? No, it’s a clutch. A clutch-sized clutch. Ok. Well is the design really interesting or innovative? No, it’s just a regular pleated leather bag with a standard chain strap like most clutches have. It’s got a metal handle, but I’m not thrilled. And I’m not saying I don’t like it – I do! It’s cute! It’s couple-hundred-bucks cute, though. And when has Versace priced anything but a t-shirt in the couple-hundred-bucks price range? Certainly not a bag. And this bag, my dear bag friends, started out at a whopping two grand. Even thinking about is giving me a headache like you wouldn’t believe. Thankfully, the reasonable folks at eLuxury have had the good sense to knock about $800 off the starting price, but still. That’s $1200 for a completely unspectacular clutch (and the leather looks a little fake-y. Just sayin’). We all pay exorbitant prices for our bags, but this might border on insulting. Buy through eLuxury for $1239.