As a handbag addict who shops for designer items more frequently than anyone else in my inner circle, I often find myself marveling at how supportive and patient my husband is of my shopping habits. While I have loved bags since high school, the obsession has definitely evolved (and intensified) since my husband and I began dating back in 2012.
We met eight years ago in a conventional way, at a Boston bar, after he struck up a conversation asking me if I knew what had just happened in the football game playing on the tv (I had no idea, football is not my game). I had moved to Boston three weeks prior to meeting him and we hit it off right away. In fact, I texted my cousin that I had met the man I was going to marry when I got home later that night. We did encounter a logistical problem, my husband is Irish and was only on vacation in the city for one week before he would be returning home to Cork. We spent as much time together as possible during that week, and six weeks later I flew to Ireland to visit him. The rest is history, so they say. Handbags are an undeniable passion of mine, so my husband knew about my love of them from the start of our relationship. At that time I was 24 years old and fresh in my career, but I had collected about 15 contemporary designer bags that I cherished deeply.
My family knew it was getting serious when I started selling a handbag here or there from my collection to offset the cost of plane tickets to Ireland. After a few visits back and forth to see each other over the course of a year, we decided to move in together. I had always wanted to live abroad, so I made the next steps to move to Ireland. An inside joke in my family is that they knew he was “the one” when I sold off all but three bags from my handbag collection for the move. It was a big deal at the time and even though bags are only material possessions, it definitely was symbolic. A few weeks after moving, we got engaged, and three months later we were married.
After my move, my interest in handbags never waned; I talked about them often, showed him photos, spent many nights on the PurseForum. I had owned a collection back in Boston, so he knew about my love of bags, but when we lived in Ireland, I put my handbag shopping on pause and traveled as much as possible instead. I was able to travel to nine countries in two years and explore Ireland, so buying handbags wasn’t a priority for me at that time. After two years we decided to move back to the US, and I had been silently plotting that I would buy my first premier designer bag before moving back since the prices are cheaper. Even though I was an EU resident and did not get a tax refund, the conversion rate still made it significantly less costly.
Two months before we would be moving back to the US, I blurted out over dinner that I really wanted to buy a Louis Vuitton Neverfull. My husband had no idea what the price of a Louis Vuitton was, and when I showed him, I think he was surprised to say the least. I pulled out my laptop and logged onto tPF to show him photos of the bag, explained why I wanted it so much, and broke down the price difference between the bag in the EU and the US. After seeing how much it meant to me, he agreed I should get it.
I didn’t have an Irish driver’s license, so he even drove me five hours to Dublin and back to purchase my Neverfull from Brown Thomas. In that moment, I remember thinking how happy I was to have found someone who accepted my quirky handbag obsession and that we had such a fun road trip to get it. I still remember everything about that day like it was yesterday, including how I broke out in a sweat at the register over the cost of my first premier designer purchase.
It’s been five years since I got my Neverfull, and my husband is more supportive of my handbag hobby than ever. He is the one at the boutique inspecting handbags with me to make sure they are perfect before I bring them home, inspecting it closely for defects or scratches. Last May on a weekend visit to NYC he went to a pub and let me take my time shopping in SoHo, telling me to buy whatever bag I wanted, and I quote, “as long as it’s not one of those Birkin thingies”. He can now identify many bags and brands, and it has become a fun piece of conversation that we can discuss at home.
I know he will never fully understand my bag obsession or the number of bags I have, but I am so thankful of how supportive he is of my purchases. He will never really “get it”, but for now, I am just happy he supports my expensive habit. I’m never going to “get” his need for a pool table either, but supporting each other’s interests is part of what makes our relationship work.
Does your partner support your handbag habits? I would love to hear how bags play a role in your relationship.
We ask those who fill out our closet confessionals to share if their spouse supports their handbag habit as well. Responses vary from supportive to those who find it necessary to hide purchases from their partner. Be sure to check in weekly for fresh installments with new perspectives!
Yes definitely. My husband loves design and shopping. Sometimes he’ll suggests bags for me. He enjoys the ceremony of going into the boutiques with intentions of making a purchase.
That’s so special for him and you!
My husband is nearly just as you described, and has always been extra supportive! He has even tried to learn the designers and understand the appeal. Our road trip was to buy my dream Boy Chanel in Frankfurt, Germany. We are military and were stationed in Germany at the time and took advantage of the VAT refund and European prices. Ain’t love grand, as they say?
Where were you stationed in Germany? Wouldn’t be Darmstadt would it?! Vlad’s family lives close to the US army base there!
And love hearing about supportive partners!
We were in Stuttgart, there’s a wonderful Breuninger department store downtown (their flagship) with a variety of boutiques including Gucci and Hermes, but no Chanel. Stuttgart is southern Germany, Frankfurt was a good day trip and a good excuse to visit their Christmas market!
Way, way before my time, (Dave had just met his first Cock-a-Poo), in 1969, he says he lived near Nurnberg on a small radio research base for a few years. He claims there’s nothing like the charm and culture of “old Europe”, whatever that means. HEY, can I PLEASE get a bone now?? ? ?
My partner is fully supportive of my passion for bags, and makes a ton of effort to be interested in what I’m interested in generally. It definitely makes it easier that we’re both employed full-time and can easily spend our own money on things we like without the other person’s buy in, and that we trust each other to be prudent with our non-essential purchases.
He often gets brownie points with other women that he encounters (my aunt, our realtor, his coworkers, so on) by saying things like “I like your [designer name] bag”, and they’re always pleasantly astonished that a guy in ratty gym shorts has recognized subtler signs like the BV intrecciato weave even when super obvious logos aren’t present. Funnily enough, once they get over their initial surprise, they often say things to him like “Your girlfriend loves to shop, doesn’t she?” — guilty!
I don’t think my husband is that support of my handbag collection, but it’s mostly because we have a massive mortgage that we need to pay (we live in a very HCOL area), we’re trying to save up to renovate our kitchen, we’re planning an expensive honeymoon to the Maldives, and we also need to replace our car (which is a 2000 Honda Accord) soon. We make very good money, but every cent counts, and as of right now, handbags aren’t really at the top of my priority list. That being said, if I really want to buy a bag, he wouldn’t say no. I have my eye on a vintage Chanel right now and I’m 80% of the way there to pressing the “checkout” button.
Le BF doesn’t really care what I spend my money on, as long as it’s nothing really ridiculously stupid. He doesn’t really comment on my purchases either unless I ask for a comment. He knows how much I like bags so I think he’s just happy I can be so easily entertained. 😀
We were in London at LV the night before our early flight in the a.m., i liked something at LV but i hadn’t done my research before hand. Didn’t know how much of a deal i was getting buying there. And i also don’t impulse shop on expensive handbags. Every purchase is well thought out. We went back to the hotel. I hopped on the wifi and started calculating, going back and forth looking at the pics and decided i wanted the bag. We had 10 minutes to get to the store before it closed. My husband ran with me. We made it in time 🙂 . And then he moved all his things around in his carryon and luggage to fit the bag and box 😛
Thats true love right there! 🙂
Yes, he is. He happily supports my interest in high-quality bags, shoes, etc and will accompany me if hitting a store with plans to buy (he’s less fond of mere window shopping). A few times when we’ve gone into stores together, we ended up buying for him instead — it’s how he got his LV and Fendi messenger bags and Ferragamo belts and wallets. We both love Le Bon Marché and FSH/rue Saint-Honoré in Paris and the Brera district and Quadrilatero d’Oro in Milan. Before the pandemic we would go to those cities at least once a year with some time purposely set aside for shopping. Although I have been the primary wage earner for the past decade, we almost always make purchasing decisions together. Plus we both agree that we won’t spend money on anything we can’t afford or would rather put toward other things, like travel, home furnishings or tech upgrades. He grew up in major shopping cities like Hong Kong, Singapore, New York and Los Angeles, so knows more about LV, Etro, Prada, Polène, Moynat, etc than he does about most sports teams. 🙂
What a lovely story, Lucy! While my boyfriend loves computers, I love handbags, and we have mutual respect for our passions. He will converse and listen to me talk about the differences in the leather/stitching, while I chat with him about testing his CPU coolers. My dream is to take him to FSH in Paris to purchase a Kelly, and have him know all the different types of H styles/leathers when we walk in the door! 🙂
LOVE this and sounds so much like Vlad and I – he builds his computers and I study bags!
My husband had never heard of any of these high end brands but he is supportive of me buying them and has bought me a few himself. He bought me my first Gucci bag without me even asking for it & I love it.
So sweet of him to buy something he knew you’d love!
my husband knows I Love purses but has no Idea of brands and prices. I can never be open and tell him – only because WE CANT AFFORD IT ! BUT … I have this CURSE 🙁 Soooo I buy it with my own , and in my own way .
I’m currently single but I know for a fact I wouldn’t be with somebody who shames me for loving handbags.