Dear Vaughn,

It always bugged me to hear people talking about the 4th trimester, not because I didn’t think it existed, but because I think we over-analyze and focus on giving terms to everything. But after having Millie and now you, I know the 4th trimester has a name because that period of time can be a bit rough as it’s the biggest transition and many parents feel like they can breathe a bit better by month three.

So here we are, you are three months old, and I still can’t believe you are here. You are so different from your sister, with a little personality that slowly grows daily. You are equal parts calm and dramatic, going from the happiest baby to the most upset baby in no time for no reason. You don’t take a pacifier yet you want to shove your entire fist in your mouth to self soothe. You will scream if I try to feed you when you aren’t hungry, but if you are hungry and I’m one minute late, you will audibly yell out. And the same goes for sleep. You can not be awake for more than 1 hr and 15 minutes at a time without going into a full on meltdown as we try to get you to sleep 23 seconds too late.

But boy, when you are content, you are the most content. You are perfectly happy to be held and just stare at us and your sister. Your smile is one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen, with a little dimple peeking through on either side of your cheeks (you got this from me!). Your sister loves you more than I thought she could muster at this age, and it makes me want to have about 12 more kids watching you two together. The minute you wake up from a nap and lock eyes with us, your smile is the first thing you share with us, and we will do anything to get you to smile. It’s a cheeky little grin, so innocent and pure. And while you smile for all of us, you particularly want to watch everything your sister does. When she’s in the room, your gaze doesn’t leave her, you track her every move. She’s really taken to you, calling you “my little one” and always checking on you and telling me what you’re doing.

Sleep is sometimes good with you, but you have no desire to sleep through the night or even close to it. I love our nightly cuddle sessions but I’d be lying if I said that I’ll miss them. Especially with a very active toddler sister running around, sleep is necessary for your mama to feel semi-functional. And the car, kid you absolutely hate the car with a deep passion. I didn’t know kids hated cars, I was under the impression that every kid loved the car and the car would lull you to sleep. But within a few minutes of you being in the car you go from a low fuss to a full blown sob fest that I can not find my way around. I put the windows down, I sing songs, I play white noise next to your ear. I’ve even sat in the back middle set next to you while your dad drives 10 minutes down the road to the doctor with no avail. I don’t know why, but the car is your least favorite thing ever and I really really really hope you one day like it because I spend a lot of time in the car.

Having you has made me more confident as a mom, I’ve fallen into the role far more seamlessly than I did with your sister. I fell in love with you quicker than with Millie because I knew how insanely intense this love would grow as you grew, and you are the most incredible little dude to round out our family. I promise to take more pictures of you (I was always behind on Millie’s monthly pics and I’ve neglected yours thus far, I’m sorry), try not to make you ride in the car, keep you upright for at least 30 minutes after eating for your reflux, and love you and protect you from now until the end of time. I always dreamed of having a little mama’s boy and I count my blessings daily that you joined us and allow me to cuddle you and pinch your cheeks more times than I can count every single day.

Love,

Mama

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