Your Bag isn’t really your bag; well, not yet.
You can make a request, send a list, tell your Sales Associate (SA) exactly what you want, but until the box is opened, Hermès bag offers are a risky proposition. Even with a Special Order (SO) where you’ve specified the details, the craftsperson may have made a change (something I experienced when the stitching was altered; however, it looked terrific).
So what do you do when the box is opened and your heart sinks instead of sings?
You decline the bag.
The First Time I Declined a Bag at Hermès
While I love bags, for me, “getting there” is at least half the fun; I’m a fan of most of their departments (metièrs). I try to buy only things I’ll use, and I don’t usually purchase more than one bag per year. In my however-many-years of collecting, I’ve declined two bag offers.
The first time was after I’d been working with my SA (I’ll call him “Y”) for about 8 years. The New York Flagship had just moved to its current location; after months of no bags for anyone, the first weekend post-opening was dedicated to leather appointments. It was exciting: every client there was being offered a bag. I saw some incredible pieces.
Y was thrilled to offer me:
a Kelly Pochette in Black Swift with Gold Hardware.
…Black…Swift?
Well, hmm.
It was beautiful, but not a combination I was interested in. In my clumsy hands, Swift scratches easily, unlike heartier Epsom or durable Chèvre, both of which had also been used for KPs. I might’ve gotten past that if the color was exciting, but black, while useful and always in demand, wasn’t doing it for me.
After all the anticipation, I felt a little disappointed.
In that moment, it occurred to me that this situation was probably just as uncomfortable for Y as it was for me.
The SA practically jumps through hoops for every bag they want to offer, and each of their many clients has their own style and taste. When there is a good relationship, the SA’s job is part-Master of Ceremonies and part-Fairy Godparent. They need to balance keeping clients interested with managing expectations.
I felt bad about saying no, but it didn’t make sense to buy something I didn’t love.
I felt disconnected from the excitement surrounding me, but that evaporated when that KP was offered to another client. We were by the scarf counter when she came down with her SA to find a matching twilly for the handle; her excitement and joy over the same piece I had just declined made me feel so much better. It was like a bit of karma had been sent my way, and it made me feel good that I had a small role to play in someone else’s happiness.
A few months later, Y offered me another bag, one that still makes my heart skip a beat.
Double the SAs + Double the Clients = Quadruple the Stress
The second time I declined an offer was this past December.
My SA situation is complicated: In 2024, Y, whom I’d known for over 10 years, was promoted to management; luckily, another SA whom we both adored was transferred in.
X, my “new” Hermès SA (whom I’ve known for many years), and 2. Y, my “old” SA, who sometimes joins us to catch up or give me his input. They’re friends, and they keep each other in the loop about me as needed. At an event in November, my husband and I briefly chatted with Y, who indicated that X had been working on something for me that would happen soon.
We returned at the end of December; my husband went to find Y to chat, and X whisked me to one of the leather floor rooms. This was the second bag she’d procured for me, and I knew it was important to her to find something I loved; her first offer had been a bag I’ve been carrying nonstop.
She returned with a small box.
And two pairs of white gloves.
She was so happy to offer me something completely new: a blue box.
Now I almost couldn’t breathe.
She removed the dust bag, and my heart JUMPED.
Vert d’Eau. Kelly Elan. With Ostrich Feathers.
WAIT, is that Porosus Crocodile — ??!?!!
I had no words. No, literally. I started repeating “OhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGodOhMyGod” as though I had lost any useful brain function.
I had my gloves on and the bag in my hands. I’d never held an Elan before: it was perfect. I could see my sweet (and patient!) husband do a mental math calculation, numbers swirling around his head like in the meme. He commiserated with Y; he has his own opinions about colors and leathers. I could see him watch me; while he’s far more practical and realistic than I am (we are quite the Capricorn-Gemini pair), I know there are times when I can make it hard for him to say no.
“Get it.”
I was ecstatic. My first blue box bag, in a style and color I adored. I couldn’t believe it.
X had been talking, and finally I began to hear what she was saying…and there was an important piece of information I still didn’t know.
It’s a Kelly Elan, I thought. Even though it’s Porosus, how much could it possibly cost? (I know, I know.)
“$65,000.”
Sixty-five. Thousand.
That is, by the way: $55,000 for the Porosus Elan, plus $10,000 for the feathers.
I stopped. You’d think it would be hard to shock me with a price at Hermès…
…and you’d be wrong.
I looked at my husband. He looked at me. I told him we needed to talk.
Then came a moment that my husband and will never forget:
We had a very VOCAL debate.
In the middle of the leather department.
Him INSISTING that I should Get. The. Bag.
and Me INSISTING that was Not. Gonna. Happen.
Of course, I wanted the bag, but I simply could not justify it. Was this a major birthday, anniversary or other milestone event? No.
Was this on my top 5 list of dream bags? No. Do I still have children in college and graduate school? Yes.
We’re not young, and my husband and I have been very responsible with our expenses (ok, ok, he has been very responsible). Maybe at some point we will buy something that costs nearly what my parents spent on their first house. An exotic bag could be such a thing, but it would have to be one of a very few specific pieces, which we would both be comfortable with, at a time when we were prepared for it; certainly not a bag that I’d be afraid to carry, or purchased on a whim, while we had several years of higher education left to pay for.
I declined the bag and left with a few scarves – and THAT was totally ok! Of course, my SAs understood, and it gave the four of us the opportunity to discuss our expectations and limits. I wasn’t disappointed, or even upset; in fact, I felt a little relieved, knowing that despite the serious temptation, it was far beyond my comfort level.
Unexpected Benefits of Declining a Bag
Declining an offer may not just be necessary; it could actually strengthen your relationship with your SA. Every healthy relationship has boundaries, and this is one of them: what you are willing and able to accept. When your SA understands your thought process and where you’re coming from, it benefits both of you: communication engenders more communication.
Since SAs have no control over available inventory, declining a bag may be inevitable. It doesn’t negatively impact future offers; instead, it shows that a client cares about what they buy from Hermès, that it must meet their needs.
There is an additional subtext: that the client is willing to wait for what they want because they plan to remain a client. This is central to Hermès’ culture and valuable to SAs, who are wary of resellers and other customers who only want coveted pieces and nothing else. It encourages an SA to find a better-fitting offer for the client who has now demonstrated a personal and emotional investment in the purchase, and that they aren’t going anywhere. If undertaken thoughtfully, this can subtly shift the energy of the relationship to the client’s benefit.
This is exactly what I experienced originally with Y, and now with X, too. I received a happy text just a few weeks later, and was offered something exciting and more appropriate, which I can’t wait to carry.
Look I love this blog and have been reading it for over 10 years. I get it’s about bags. I get it’s an escape from the real world. But I found the privilege expressed in this article really confronting. I feel uncomfortable after reading it. Maybe I need to take a good look at myself but if refusing an Hermes bag needs an entire article written about it, I’m not sure I want to be here anymore.
Considering it’s a blue box, it would’ve made sense to buy it and resell it.
Look at all the discussion this article has generated. That should indicate that people are interested. Weather you find it worthy or not is up to you. Trying to berate the blog for your own feelings is slightly irrational. Maybe this article confronted something in you that feels frivolous for coveting bags?
It’s mostly a click bait article and most people just go to the comment section… at least that’s what I just did. 🤣🤣
I really appreciate you sharing your honest opinion. I understand why this piece might feel uncomfortable, especially when it zooms in on a very specific, privileged corner of the shopping experience. And this experience is not one that many have, including myself!
At the same time, this is exactly the kind of reality that exists within the world we cover. Hermès operates very differently from most brands, and navigating that process, including moments like declining a bag, is something many of our readers are actively curious about or experiencing themselves.
Our goal isn’t to suggest that this is a universal or relatable situation for everyone, but to give an inside look at how this part of the luxury market actually works. The topic of this article would not even cross the minds of many as a real-life scenario, but many others live in this reality as well.
That said, I hear you. And it’s always important to us to balance this kind of content with a wide range of perspectives and price points, because the love of bags doesn’t live in just one lane!
So, someone who has the means to purchase Hermes bags (good for them) wrote an article about their experiences at Hermes, and that bothers you because you can’t afford Hermes…? I’m not sure the article is the issue.
Well said. The intense delusion is overwhelming.
Same.
I’ll take this over the advertisements and celeb glazing any time. at least this is an actual story which offers insight into a world I have no access to. from a real client no less.
It’s so interesting to me where the line is for the readers of this blog! I feel like I could write a graduate thesis about it. Is somebody agonizing over a $63,000 Hermes bag really so different from someone agonizing over a $2,000 Gucci? Or for that matter a $500 coach? It’s all frivolity. It’s all class signaling. None of it is vital.
The job of luxury brands is to create objects of desire, and as consumers it’s fun to covet (and maybe one day obtain) your desires. It’s a game we’re all playing. If you hate the players I’d ask yourself why. If you hate the game, well… why are you here?
You have some valid points. I remember agonzing for weeks for my first purchase over $100, then $500, then $1k. Today I am contemplating a $10k bag. But to put into perspective, there are families of 4 who do not even gross $65k a year. So if you can buy the bag, buy the bag. I get that it is their money to do as they see fit. However, I would hope the person who has a discretionary spend of that amount donates generously to help those who cannot get by. I certainly do.
As a psychiatrist I find these types of articles and this obsession with Hermes truly fascinating. We have all made purchases that others would consider frivolous so I’m not judging. I’m more curious about the rationale behind the purchase and the idea that refusing to buy something you don’t like or don’t feel comfortable spending is something that needs to be defended. The stories we tell ourselves about these objects are clearly very powerful. Some may say, “it’s not that deep”, it’s just “escapism.” Television is escapism. This is a chokehold on our limbic systems.
Regardless, I’m glad the author did not buy what she did not like and was able to buy something she did.
This article offers an interesting insight in a world that very few have access to.
What the author unfortunately fails to realize is that the SAs are not her friends. They may be friendly to her, but certainly no friends. They are proxies for a cleverly marketed mirage that tricks affluent customers to believe they are special by granting access to artificially limited pieces. Being part of the chosen few. Mere peasants don’t get offered these!
If the bag gets turned down, the same tactic will be applied to the next “VIP” customer in the effort to sway them to cough up a ridiculously marked up sum for a bag.
None of it is vital, it’s all frivolous exorbitant spending.
The bag industry is not alone in this, the watch, art, and car worlds operate along the same principles. Nonetheless, I appreciate the insights Bari offers here.
A couple of points to lightly counter:
1. While SAs may not be friends, they are also human beings. I can tell personalities of people peeking through the corporate job portion of the interaction, and often you can tell if it’s someone you do feel like you get along with. Yes, they can be masking, but they are humans working a job just like everybody else, so if you make their job easier and nicer and if you have a natural friendly chemistry, that can impact the interactions you have. A client who is demanding, mean, or acts like it’s all stupid likely won’t get the best offers, unless they cough up a LOT of money.
2. The “”VIP”” customer is often, in fact, a heavy spender. “Pre-spend” is a thing- to get an offer, you don’t simply just exist, you have to have a great buying history, often from various departments, of non-leather goods Hermes sells. I’m in an area where there are many wealthy clients, and unless you’re spending a lot of money per year on non-bags, you likely won’t get offered a kelly out of the blue like the backup person in this story. This was also at a special opening event, so a rare opportunity.
Also, the bags (usually) hold great value on the resale market- often commanding prices twice what the person ultimately pays, but not including the money they had to spend to even get the bag. So that does factor into peoples’ willingness to buy, I believe.
Exactly! Someone who thinks the SA are her friends is actually just sad and pathetic. It is like thinking the hooker is in love with you.
Ha!
Haha yes
It’s clear that Hermes has done a phenomenal job creating the illusion of scarcity and desirability. To make people pay tens of thousands of dollars for a piece of leather is pure marketing genius.
Is it weird that I don’t actually like Hermes bags, but love the game they make you play?
Wow, just wow. The timing and optics on this article just turned me off to Hermes and purseblog. I love my luxury bags but I really hope I have never come off as this pretentious and self-centric.
This piece wasn’t meant to come across as pretentious or self-focused, but rather to pull back the curtain on a part of the Hermès experience that people are often curious about but that isn’t always openly discussed. The reality is, the buying process there can be complicated and includes moments like this.
We cover a wide spectrum of the handbag world, from more accessible finds to the highest end, and this falls into the latter. Sharing it isn’t about endorsing the behavior or lifestyle, but about documenting what exists within that space.
That said, I do appreciate you calling out how it felt to you. Your perspective matters to us, so thank you for sharing! I wanted to share a bit of our perspective on it all with you 🙂
Purseblog you began digging your online grave when you let Notorious Pink write that unfortunate (and utterly misinformed) rag about tariffs.
Now that the whole world has been taken hostage by the orange bully and your people, above all, are living paycheck to paycheck, while the rest of us anxiously wonder which tantrum he’s gonna throw next, you truly believe there isn’t a better come-back strategy than to again ask Notorious Pink to vomit another entitled piece about herself?
Can’t you analyse the numbers?!
You used to get hundreds of comments, now you regularly get down to 0. Your website used to be a fun place, it is now a sad, deserted would-be patrician backroom that you unfortunately seem unable to read.
Well said, Eos.
Thank you, appreciate your words 🙂
man in my whole life I hope never to be cucked by a brand
LOL 😂
For realz.
Hermes is cringe.
this was a fun read! I was actually wondering about that situation. The whole system sounds really organic.
When I was working at LV, we were always pressured into upselling. I never really liked that. But one time I offered my clients an exotic piece because I was told to and she was like “I’ll take it” and I was honestly shocked she could afford it, as in: I never thought about her financial situation before.
I’m never going to purchase from a company who makes me feel like it’s a “privilege” to spend MY money on their product. The Hermes game gives me major ick, but I do find it fascinating, and this was an interesting article.
Kim there’s people that are dying
I love bags, have many, they have cost a lot but I think we have to ask ourselves what we are as a human race when a small bag is worth $65k when a large portion of the world is starving. A few years ago I thought it was absurd that the owner of LVMH was one of the richest people in the world, for generating what value, after all he didn’t create a vaccine eradicating cancer. I appreciate this is a view into the world of Hermes’ and I don’t begrudge the writer’s fortune, good for you and you seem to have a lovely husband, but I’m staring to feel grossed out by the whole “luxury” game. It’s passé!
I find extremely ironic and perplexing that people spend X amount on H store just to “be offered” a dream bag… it’s intellectually insulting to say the least. You finally get to buy a bag that other people chooses… so you have that much money AND investment in the store, but you need to conform with what is offered. Seriously off putting and actually has the total opposite effect on me. If I am investing that amount of money, of course I want to buy what I want. Lately interested in Dior again, after many years of Chanel exclusivity.
I have a love for all things fashion but I will never purchase a Hermes bag. I refuse to play this BS game when there are so many other brands with beautiful bags that appreciate my business and respect my time and money. I always laugh at their BS illusion because you can buy a Birkin on eBay.
I think it’s OK to decline a bag as long as your SA is confident that you are not wasting their time and are going to return and purchase a bag at some point. This is a big purchase, sometimes as much as a car. You wouldn’t buy any car a salesman offered you if it wasn’t the right car for you. And there would be no hard feelings.
Wonderful article and very accurate in my personal experience as well!
If someone has the funds to be a $65k bag, then go for it. That is not so much the issue for me. I find the Hermes buying process rather comical. You have buy a bunch of scarfs and accessories (that you probaby don’t need or use) for a year or two and hope that someday the SA you have had to “build a relationship with” OFFERS you the opportunity to spend your money ($15k++) on a bag. And you cannot say I want this color Birkin, in this size, with this hardware. Or even look at an assortment of 15 bags in a secret showroom with the option to pick the one you like. Basically you are offered whatever they happen to have, most likely the famous orange one (if it is your first one).
Even this article says that the SAs have no control over the iventory. So they cannot order you a specific bag. It sounds like they get what they get and then have to find a buyer for it. Unless you are a famous celebrity of course. I have a feeling there is a hierachy amoung the SAs. Probably pertaining to tenure or sales numbers, that they get the better bags to “offer”.
An article like this exists to show others that it is ok to turn down a bag you don’t want, without feeling pressured to buy and without fear of never being “offered” a chance to spend your money again. As I said, comical, but in a sad sort of way.
Remember that Hermes bags of any kind are coveted. It is human nature that people want something that is not easily attainable and Hermes deliberately is into “scarce” production. With this in mind, SAs are not keen on having buyers who plan to turn around and sell on the black market, so in turning down an offered bag as the OP stated, that actually gives the customer credibility as a serious buyer/collector. I have done the same as well and finally got what I wanted after other turn downs.
What a mortifyingly tone deaf article. The admin doubling down in the comments further demonstrates the absolutely appalling levels of oblivious privilege and ignorance. That such an article was ever published in the first place…just astonishing.
Why are you even on this blog then? What do you expect when this is about a world of luxury that only privileged get to indulge in?
This is a forum, not CNN. It’s meant for information and opinion about a very niche topic. If you’re not into that topic, don’t read it. Indeed there are MANY problems in the world right now with egregious wealth disparity, and if that is a concern of yours, probably PurseBlog isn’t something you wanna read.
65K bag?!
Imagine the margins!! What a great business model, right??
Hermes is one of the world’s greatest grifters.
Have to applaud the writer for the effective shock effect, though!
Gee, it’s almost like it would just be easier to make those bags available to someone who actually wants to buy them. I love absurdity, but Hermes takes absurdity too far even for me.
I enjoyed reading the article; interesting to read how the “other world” lives, but honestly, I thought the pictured bag was quite unattractive and I wouldn’t have purchased it for $1600 let alone $65,000.
In fairness, the image is merely an abstract illustration of the bag I included to break up the text with visuals.
The Kelly Elan with ostrich feathers is a breathtaking bag, and while I have the disposable funds to purchase it, I wouldn’t because I think it’s a frivolous purchase. Like the author, I think about the purchasing alternatives including buying a car, a 4 year college education for my grandchild, a nice down payment on a house, etc.
I also imagine they’ll never worry about the declined bag sitting sadly collecting dust in the stock room anyway…
That feather ostrich whatever is so fucking ugly . I cant . Let’s spend 65k on the most nastiest smallest fucking pos lol I really can’t with these people. If you truly think that’s a good looking bag then your delusional.
I buy my Hermes bags via resellers (brand new – double the price, but what color, size, and when etc I want
The elan~ <3
My oh my… I love Hermes. I am fine with their perfumes and beauty products, love love love the lipstick collections, maybe one or two scarfs or a tie for my hard working husband. But the bag? Not really.. some of them are heavier than my pet. So if I have one in my closet, I might give it away since gave me arthritis. Overall this is just capitalist game. And I believe you can actually put the money into other future investments so yeah we never know what the future holds.
Thank you for sharing., some people might put you down how they perceived your story but I guess you are just need a really close friend to talk all about it and treat her champagne and talk about make a business with that money. If you already had one well..
Go holidaying with your family, create memories and at last I wish you all the best.
I found this article super informative. I don’t buy H bags (any longer) but good to know you can turn one down if it’s not your thing. I would have guessed the opposite to be true.
All I’m thinking is….okay so let’s say I own this bag because I did not decline where will I carry this without me fearing for my life or just getting it dirty lol