Christian Louboutin Lou Trash Bag, $895 via Neiman Marcus

Or, I suppose, already calling your bag “trash” is one way to set accurate expectations of what it will look like for your customers. That’s the optimistic take, I suppose.

Christian Louboutin has long been making “trash” shoes, which are traditional pumps or slingbacks made out of the patent-covered material that you see here. Because the shapes are classic and there’s not a great deal of surface area, I’ve always thought that the shoes worked, at least for a certain customer. The Christian Loboutin Lou Trash Bag, on the other hand? Not so much.

Louboutin’s company is known for its cheeky take on luxury goods, so I can see why it would want to translate the success of the Trash shoes to a Trash bag. The problem with this execution, though, is that even though the bag is relatively petite, the trash material is just one big, square piece. There’s nothing to break it up, so all you see is bits of string, what might be a shoelace, some gold foil and a torn piece of an envelope. Perhaps the material would work better as a trim so that it would be more difficult to identify its contents.

The scalloped leather edges, shiny gold chain and leopard haircalf strap also don’t do the design any favors. I’ve long been a fan of the idea that too much is never enough, particularly when it comes to accessories, but this bag is just too much. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $895.

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