Brace yourself, kids: Nicky Hilton's bag collection is about to make your head explode. You should probably ask friends and loved ones to move out of your immediate vicinity, lest they get any on them. If you don't heed that warning, well, it's not my fault. None of this is my fault. It's all Ms. Hilton's. I'm just a middle man. And I know what you're thinking: Nicky Hilton? YES, THAT WAS MY REACTION TOO. I share in your incredulity.
Now that you're all properly prepared like front-row attendees at a Gallagher show in the 70s, we can begin. Nicky Hilton has (and has been photographed with) basically every bag that's been popular since I first became aware of designer handbags circa 2002. Every It Bag from the Chloe Paddington to the Celine Luggage Tote is represented here, plus a lot of other beautiful bags along the way. If you don't believe me, I've got all the evidence you could ever need below.
We're going to start with Valentino, not only because Nicky loves the brand and carries it often, but because outfits like this one so well typify her California-girl look. Fancy bag (in this case, the Valentino VaVaVoom Shoulder Bag), uber-casual duds. A tank top, cut-offs and a to-die-for handbag are Nicky's de facto uniform. Buy the blush version of the bag through farfetch.com for $1,600.
Sometimes, a little skirt works as a variation on that uniform, this time with an enormous Valentino Grande Lock Shoulder Bag. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $2,095.
For evening, a much smaller Valentino Lock Shoulder Bag makes an appearance. Buy through farfetch.com for $1,545.
My favorite Nicky outfits are when she gets dressed up for events - she cleans up really well. This combination of a red dress and a leopard print Valentino VaVaVoom Shoulder Bag is great. Shop Valentino via Neiman Marcus.
Nicky also tends not to discriminate on bags based only on their ages - this Valentino Maison Tote hasn't been made in several seasons, but we spotted her carrying it recently. Shop Valentino via Neiman Marcus.
Here she is with the Valentino Maison Tote in black. Shop Valentino via Neiman Marcus.
And a third Valentino throwback, the Valentino Patent Bow Tote! Shop Valentino via Neiman Marcus.
In fact, let's talk about some more throwbacks; like I mentioned, Nicky Hilton's collection is like a trip down memory lane. I told you there'd be a Chloe Paddington Bag in here somewhere. Shop Chloe via Net-a-Porter.
If you weren't a Paddington girl back in the day, perhaps you preferred the Fendi Spy? Nicky had the ever-popular tan version. Shop Fendi via Neiman Marcus.
Nicky also had this super-aggressive multicolored logo Fendi Spy. Shop Fendi via Neiman Marcus.
Personally, I was a Marc Jacobs Stam girl. So was Nicky, sometimes. Pick up a Stam of your own for $1,395 via Neiman Marcus.
The Fendi B Bag was more of a beta-tier It Bag, but Nicky still had one. If I remember correctly, this color combination was particularly highly sought-after. Shop Fendi via Neiman Marcus.
The Louis Vuitton Cerises Speedy with the Louis Vuitton Multicolor Wallet and a Motorla RAZR cell phone - this photo perfectly captures a very particular moment in pop culture, doesn't it? (Also, looks like a Balenciaga Pouch she's buying at Kirna Zabete!)
Is that a Tom Ford-era Gucci Dragon Shoulder Bag on Nicky's arm? Sure looks like it. Those are collector's items now. Shop Gucci via Neiman Marcus.
Of course, no starlet from the era in which Nicky first became famous would be anything without her Balenciaga bags, and Nicky had plenty. This beautifully bright Balenciaga Twiggy Bag is a winner. Buy the black Twiggy for $1,335 via farfetch.com.
I remember wanting this exact Balenciaga City Bag in apple green SO BADLY in 2005. I still want one. This turquoise version, for $1,545 via Neiman Marcus, isn't a bad alternative.
Ditto for this magenta Balenciaga City Bag. Get this year's pink for $1,545 via Neiman Marcus.
This blue calf hair Balenciaga City Bag, on the other hand, hasn't aged quite as well. Shop Balenciaga via Neiman Marcus.
The legendary black-and-white-striped Balenciaga Damask Stripe City Bag? I'm straight back to lusting. Shop Balenciaga via Neiman Marcus.
I don't even remember this denim-and-leather Balenciaga City Bag ever being made, but apparently it was. Shop Balenciaga via Neiman Marcus.
This light blue Balenciaga City Bag works perfectly with a floaty little dress. This year's light blue is $1,545 via Neiman Marcus.
The Balenciaga Day Bag was always my personal favorite, and it looks like Nicky occasionally switches out her City bags for it as well. Pick up a brown Day bag for $1,495 via Barneys.
You can tell that this beige Balenciaga City Bag has been well-loved. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $1,545.
Perhaps Nicky's most-carried Balenciaga bag of all is this black City bag. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $1,545.
If Nicky ever gets tired of her black City, she can always give her Balenciaga Giant Work Bag some love. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $2,045.
If she needs even more space, this black Balenciaga Giant Brief Tote should work nicely. Shop Balenciaga via Neiman Marcus.
Between carrying all those Balenciagas, Nicky did occasionally find some time to carry this gorg Gucci Striped Bowler. Shop Gucci via Neiman Marcus.
Sometimes Nicky carries smaller brands as well - she was a big fan of this Genevieve Jones Tree Bucket Bag.
This Linea Pelle Alex Zipper Tote also fits Nicky's style perfectly without breaking the bank.
The Alexander Wang Rocco Satchel is a favorite of celebs and regular folks alike. Buy through ShopBop for $895.
Another great, relatively affordable find from Nicky's collection is the Diane von Furstenberg 440 Tote, which she carried to the DVF show at New York fashion Week. Buy through ShopBop for $545.
Nicky also carried this Rebecca Minkoff Alaina Mini Bag to the designer's show at New York Fashion Week. Shop Rebecca Minkoff via ShopBop.
This Rebecca Minkoff Oversized Leopard Covet Bag fulfills Nicky's penchant for leopard print. Shop Rebecca Minkoff via ShopBop.
Let's further explore the whole "leopard bag" thing for a minute. Not only does Nicky have one from Rebecca Minkoff (plus the Valentino we showed you earlier), but she's also got an Alexander Wang Diego Bucket Bag in leopard. Buy an orange version for $850 via Nordstrom.
Rounding out Nicky's animal-print collection is this super-covetable Louis Vuitton Leopard Speedy, which we spotlighted a few months ago.
Sometimes the love for leopard bleeds into other parts of Nicky's wardrobe; this gorgeous Hermes Kelly makes a perfect accent.
In fact, I like Nicky's Kelly so much that I think we should look at it again.
Where there's a Kelly, there's usually also an Hermes Birkin.
Nicky rounds out her collection of black Hermes bags with an Hermes Medor Clutch, often her choice for evening events.
In some ways, Nicky's lineup of black Proenza Schouler bags mirrors her Hermes choices. This Proenza Schouler PS1 Pouchette takes the Medor's spot. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $895.
I think it's arguable that the Proenza Schouler PS11 is the Kelly of the Proenza lineup. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $1,950.
Without a doubt, the Proenza Schouler PS1 is the brand's Birkin (so far, at least.) Buy through Neiman Marcus for $1,695.
Nicky also has a purple Proenza Schouler PS1, just for good measure. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $1,995.
We've already looked at Nicky's love for the It Bags of yore, but based on her Proenza collection and this Celine Luggage Tote, it looks like her penchant for sought-after bags hasn't changed a bit.
Nicky also has that bag's little sister, the Celine Nano Luggage Tote.
One of the most beautiful bags in Nicky's collection is her black-on-black Celine Trapeze Satchel.
I'm always so perplexed by the Burberry Studded Satchel - I don't remember exactly when it came out and I scarcely remember it being talked about when it was in stores, but nearly every famous woman in the country seems to have one in her closet somewhere. Shop Burberry via Nordstrom.
I do remember the debut of this Louis Vuitton Murakami MOCA Neverfull, though - it was a limited edition piece and is now a collector's item.
Nicky's Louis Vuitton Carryall Bag is a little more common, but still lust-worthy for Vuitton fans. It's a great travel piece. Buy through Louis Vuitton for $1,580.
When traveling, though, Nicky often turns to Goyard. This white Goyard St. Louis Tote is emblazoned with her initials.
I can't tell exactly, but I'm guessing that a Goyard Croisiere Duffel is Nicky's travel companion in this photo.
Nicky also uses Goyard for everyday wear, like this smaller version of the Goyard St. Louis Tote.
I question the personalization color of this Goyard Vendome Satchel, but I like the bag nonetheless.
There's mounting evidence that Nicky really likes her monogrammed Goyard bags, like this Goyard Fidji Hobo in blue.
Nicky might have a thing for French handbags in general; from Goyard, to Hermes, to Balenciaga, to this Dior Lady Dior Bag, the French are well-represented in her collection.
Of course, we've saved some of the best French bags for last. Nicky's love for Chanel extends back to her party days and this white Chanel Classic Flap.
Naturally, Nicky has the black version of the Chanel Classic Flap as well.
For evenings, his small textile version of the Chanel Classic Flap is a nice choice.
This chain-trimmed Chanel Quilted Bowler is a nice change-up from flap bags.
Nicky's been using her Chanel Grand Shopping Tote in black for years.
Nicky has been using this red Chanel Flap Bag for just as long - the variation in quilt size and flap shape from the Classic Flap is a nice touch that makes the bag unique.