Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was one of those where I’m not sure if it was a boring episode or if I was simply in a curmudgeonly mood. There was certainly enough bickering and drama for it to have the patina of entertainment, but for some reason, I was just not about that life last night. All of the Real Housewives casts have problems with bringing up conflicts that the viewers are sick of hearing about, but perhaps because Orange County has been around for the longest, its conflicts feel particularly old. Still, we once again adjourned to Canada for an hour, where the ladies were not being polite, despite their environs.

1. Where exactly did Lauri come from? One of you guys brought this up last week, and it’s a good question – she’s back to stir the pot, but how did she get here? She hasn’t been around in seasons, and when she left, she did so voluntarily to create the Orange County Brady Bunch with her rich new husband. Did Bravo ask her back because they didn’t foresee enough drama among the existing cast members? Did she ask to come back because she missed the attention? Is she bored of her husband and her spoiled kids? All of the above? She’s certainly committed to causing problems, whatever the reason.

2. The Housewives are all about buzzwords. Alexis got “bullied.” The email from Lauri’s husband’s ex-mother-in-law (got that?) went “viral.” Someone get them off of Twitter.

3. Irony. That Gretchen might try to explain the finer points of irony and how it differs from hypocrisy sent a cold chill down my spine. I started to see stars. I became short of breath. Was that a panic attack, or is that what it feels like right before you die?

4. I no longer care about Gretchen’s dead fiancé and whether or not she cheated on him. The man is dead, can we not just let him be dead? Whatever Gretchen did, if anything (and probably something), she’s never going to admit to it, and the person she did it to isn’t here to be mad about it in any case. It’s not like Vicki’s trying to avenge him, after all. She just wants to divert attention from herself.

5. Gretchen’s biggest problem with Vicki is Tamra. I don’t think that Gretchen really has as much self-righteous interest in Vicki’s infidelity, beyond the fact that she’s irritated that her own keeps getting brought up, but she’s correctly identified Vicki as a potential weak link in her alliance with Tamra. If she loses that relationship, she’s essentially shut out of the cast and set to be pushed out on an ice floe with other past Housewives who no one wanted to film with. Which, to be fair, is probably something that Vicki also understands, so it makes sense that she’s trying to insert herself between Gretchen and Tamra. In that regard, I can support Vicki, if only because being rid of Gretchen means we’d be rid of Slade until he dumped her to form a meaningful relationship with Tamra and Eddie’s dog in order to garner some camera time.

6. The best way to stop reality TV stars from arguing is to give them a physically strenuous task. There was plenty of sniping and bickering and arguing and finger-pointing up until everyone got on snow mobiles (or snow machines, as my Alaskan friend from college would want me to call them), and then they were onto snowball fights and all manner of childlike frolicking. As someone from a warm climate, I can understand that reaction to snow.

7. Heather still really cares about the wording of Gretchen’s Malibu Country offer. She is the only one. Not just the only one on the cast, but the only one, period. In the known universe. She got asked to be on the show because you’re a Housewife just like Gretchen and Alexis, not because she’s a notable actress, and she needs to get over it.

8. In Canada, you can go vodka-tasting at -26 degrees celsius in an ice room. It was like the Canadian version of the walk-in beer cave at the Kroger supermarket in my college town, except I never got my tongue stuck to the side of the beer cave.

9. Terry sees a spark in Heather now that she’s acting again. That spark is the light in your eyes that probably flips back on when a grown woman gets to interact with other grown people on a semi-regular basis by way of a break from wrangling four young children. Parenting is a precious responsibility, of course, but I can’t imagine how psychologically straining it can be not to get more variation.

10. Oh god, Gretchen is recording a single next week. Oh god oh god oh god.

P.S. Please consider supporting our small, bag-loving team by clicking our links before shopping or checking out at your favorite online retailers like Amazon, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, or any of the listed partners on our shop page. We truly appreciate your support!

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • sara

    “… we’d be rid of Slade until he dumped her to form a meaningful
    relationship with Tamra and Eddie’s dog in order to garner some camera
    time.” So very true. Made me laugh out loud.

  • twirler

    9- It’s a little insulting to stay-at-home mothers that you can’t seem to fathom being happy without working. My mother stayed at home raising 3 children, and loved every minute of it. This does not mean you are automatically some housewife robot that cannot hold a conversation.

    • That’s not what I meant at all (or what I said). I’ve heard plenty of stay-at-home moms wish that they had more variation in their days and more regular contact with adults that didn’t revolve around kids and family. Wanting those things – or imagining that I’d want them, were I to stay at home and raise kids – does not insult anyone. Heather seems pretty clearly to want more variation, and I don’t know why anyone would begrudge her that.

    • alfex_silver

      Oh come on! And you know this for a fact how exactly? Even your mother who “loved every minute of it” i am sure also loved a break with adults evey now and then!

    • jane

      “every minute” . . . She didn’t want one single minute to herself or with a little help or waiting for your dad to get home to give her a break?

    • twirler

      Did I say my mother never got a chance to speak with adults? My point was she was able to raise us exclusively, and have a normal life full with adult conversation as well. She chose to not work over those 25 years (after graduating college and holding her own job), and still remains confident in that decision. Your post mentioned that a “light flips back on” simply by having the opportunity to work, which insinuates those who do not lack that spark.

      • NCGal

        OHFAHGAWDSAKES get a sense of humor (and a proper sense of proportion of indignation) and get over yourself already!

    • esquire

      and I can only imagine the spark that must turn on when you get to do something more intellectually stimulating than writing about expensive purses all day long!

  • francescadsch

    Dani…if you want to try out that work at home job that My Mom and I are doing MSG ME ASAP. She got me into it after i saw her first check $400 for just some part time data entry work. I make about $500 weekly and work 25 hours. Love being home with the kids. Check out the website. JOBK3. COM

  • winterpenny

    #8) Funniest scene of the season…I had to laugh when Tamara got her tongue stuck on the wall. That was hilarious!
    #5) Gretchen misjudged Tamara. She thought that she could reconcile with Tamara and then use the friction between Tamara and Vicki (& Brookes) to move into the #2 slot. Unfortunately, Tamara wants to have fun occassionally and Vicki certainly seems a lot more more fun that Gretchen and Slade. Then add to the fact that Tamara and Alexis have reconciled. Now Gretchen doesn’t even have a consolation friend anymore. No wonder Gretchen hates Lydia…Lydia was the catalyst for all the “goodness” this season.
    #10) Why would you put that in a promo…don’t you want viewers????

  • jane

    I’ve never hated Alexis but now she’s starting to grow on me. She seems like she’s calmed down a little. I have to admit, it was really annoying having the women complain about Alexis being too materialistic and a braggart . . . considering they’re the exact same one. Her husband continues to creep me the hell out, though, but I kind of felt they were picking on Alexis just to pick on Alexis. Heather is just too high and mighty for me. Terry could do better.

  • NCGal

    This episode showed me how totally self-absorbed, mentally unbalanced, and alcoholic Vicki is and how it has really gotten dramatically worse over the years. Her appearance has grown more and more unkempt, her hair over-processed and disheveled, her face puffy, her clothing choices all wrong for her age and body-type, her make-up wrong for all the cameras, except for the carefully crafted interview segments, her interactions have degraded to shrill shrieks, ridiculous emphatic one-liner declaratives that I usually hear from 20 somethings; their content immature and really cringe-worthy for a woman who wants to be respected and held up because of her age and (her self-reported delusional) station in life. She is 50 something and should know by now that respect starts with self-respect which is a by-product of service to others: consistent righteous, respectful, loving behavior toward others. You don’t get it by slapping the table and demanding it. Jesus this woman is so familiar on so many levels. She is the result of what happens when you buy into and believe the product=beauty party-line. She began with little or no real self-esteem and has hopped on that beauty-on-the-outside-train and has ridden it never looking back, never having worked on the true Vicki without all the bullsh**,lies, blame-laying, victim, and self-delusion. Her family (brother and mother) are both so toxic and unloving. Her mother is mean and vindictive, so of course Vicki plays that out in her marriages and in her relationships with her children. She has a son for God’s sake,who lives in the same zip code and will not tell her where he lives because she has such poor personal boundaries and has no respect for other’s personal space. She is what it looks like to live the unexamined life. Such a cautionary tale and am grateful for my box of rocks, thank-you-very-much! BTW would love to see a BRAVO series with Vicki and Teresa in a season of their own separate real psycho-therapy sessions with a real therapist (not a Bravo ersatz Dr. “V”-whatever psycho-doc), one who really holds their feet to the fire! That would be healthier sort of schadenfreude for this BRAVO viewer.

  • Jeloi

    # 5 and 10; lol!!!!

  • queencrone

    “….patina of entertainment,” Love this! Brilliant! :-)