Although not a whole lot happened on last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (a half-hearted stripper class, a party with no alcohol, a faux-peacemaking between Brandi and Joyce), it was one of the more entertaining episodes of the season. Everyone was a bit looser than usual and joking around with each other, and that’s where the interesting nuggets (like another moment of Kyle impersonating Lisa) come out.

1. Kim calls her a vagina a “wiener.” Kyle can’t even say the word “vagina” out loud with a straight face. She has to do that shout-whisper thing that middle schoolers do while making the CAN YOU BELIEVE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT THIS eyes, just so we know how scandalized she is that something would cause her to talk about female genitalia in polite company. Despite all of this fear and loathing over the word “vagina,” the conversation happened while they were at the waxer to get Kyle’s hoo-ha de-haired.

2. Pole-dancing class is the center spot on Real Housewives Bingo. FINISH YOUR DRINK! Wait, that’s not how bingo works.

3. Pole dancing doesn’t seem that exotic when you ride the NYC subway every day. There are roving troops of high school boys who pole dance on the L train for tips. They’re quite good! Until they kick you in the face, anyway. That’s when you become a real New Yorker.

4. Don’t lick the pole, Carlton, you’re going to get an infection. Keeping your tongue off of foreign objects is, in general, a good lifehack.

5. Kathy Hilton got invited to Buckingham Palace. That wasn’t the point of Kim’s story, but it’s what I took away from it.

6. How do I hire a cheeseburger truck to park outside of my place of residence? Asking for a friend. (Does it require you to raise a child and make sure she successfully graduates from high school? That might be a dealbreaker.) (For my friend.)

7. Brandi is opposed to dick pics. You know, I didn’t expect that. I bet whoever sent her a portrait of his dong didn’t expect it either.

8. I get motion-sick if I scroll down my phone too fast sometimes, so I feel for Brandi. On the other hand, now I have a good pre-made excuse never to take a pole-dancing class. Brandi has performed a valuable service for me.

9. Can you imagine underprivileged kids dressed in Lisa’s clothes? I’m just seeing a room full of foster kids wearing frilly pink button-downs and cocktail dresses. Maybe Lisa could just give the maid a couple hundred bucks and send her to Uniqlo to pick up some stuff for the kids. That might be a little more practical.

10. Joyce thinks the anti-bullying campaign is about her.

11. Lisa’s not the the first person to fudge the truth to skip some frienemy’s kid’s life event. I’m sure Kim’s daughter is a lovely girl, and Kim can perhaps be lovely under particular circumstances, but why in the world would Lisa go? There is no reason. So Lisa did what every person who didn’t want to go to some coworker’s kid’s party has done since the beginning of time: she fudged the truth about her plans for the date and time of the party.

12. Ken has a point. Yes, we remember that Kim’s an alcoholic. We had our reminders at 15 minute intervals during this episode just like we always do. At a certain point, though, Kim’s just going to have to realize that her bad behavior during that period of her life has changed relationships, changed the way that people view her and changed the way that they treat her. No one’s required to show up to her stuff after years of her not showing up at theirs, and if they tell a little white lie to spare her feelings and avoid an argument about it, then that’s just another penalty of bad behavior that she can discuss with her therapist next week. Getting sober doesn’t absolve anyone of their bad behavior or magically repair anyone’s feelings about you.

13. Can Joyce and Brandi please stop talking to each other? The longer their conflict wears on, the more it feels like they were set up to start fighting by producers. I honestly have no idea how to started, despite the fact that it’s only been going on for a few episodes, and neither side is particularly sympathetic or compelling. Can we point them in different directions and be done with it?

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Barbara

    This is the most BORING season yet! All Carlton does is talk about sex and how hot her nanny is. She and her husband probably have something with the nanny. Those poor kids. Kim needs a chill pill and a manners pill. Lisa didn’t go but sent a gift, thank her for the gift instead of confront her for the lie. Did Kathy go? Wouldn’t that be more important than Lisa going? All Joyce does is smile and flip her hair. She doesn’t know what really bullying is if it hit her on the face. Brandi needs to go to a therapist ASAP, every party she goes to she is either a Debby downer, drunk or crying. When lisa was giving away her dresses I was thinking the same thing. I would have gone to Jessica Mclintock and purchased like 10 dresses.

  • Jeloi

    I thought it was interesting how Ken stated that he was taking up for his wife to Kim, but thought Joyce husband was wrong for taking up for her and should stay out of it when he was arguing with Brandi. I am so sick of Brandi and most of all Carlton. I hope they recast next season. I can’t wait for Lisa to get a taste of Brandi’s foul mouth and hateful comments. Because Lisa and Yolonda take up for Brandi and make excuses for her foul behavior. And now disgusting Carlton wants to jump on the boat too and protect Brandi and excuse her behavior. It seems Adrian was right!

  • steven wiser

    The Joyce and Brandi thing is stupid. I swear to spaghetti monster that B apologized then there was more angry blah blah blabbing happened and someone came over and Ms. Sanctimonious was all she refuses to apologize. I don’t know if that was bad editing or I had too much wine but I was like what just happened?!?!?! Joyce and Brandi are just two different people who will never agree because Joyce wants everyone to be pleasant and cordial even when bitchy. Like in House Bunny when the sorority girls wanted nothing to do with Anna Faris’ character so they kept brushing her off with a smile and a so glad to meet you. And B does not want to give a f:?k or worry about editing herself. Both are guilty of wanting to control the situation and being stupid. Joyce’s unawareness is awesome. I always love any wives first season because they are blissfully in the dark if how dumb they are. Brandi needs to find a way to get it together at least when the cameras are on. But I felt bad for her when I feel nausea it’s usually because I need to eat, but I have been wrong a time or two and it wasn’t pretty either.

  • Deborah

    I enjoy reading the comments maybe (but not really) more than the recap! I love me Housewives and want to always know what they’re wearing, what they’re carrying, and when their extensions and clip ins show. Plonk!