We took a couple weeks off from your regularly scheduled Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps to do the whole Christmas-New Year’s-Polar Vortex thing, but now we’re back with more observations about everyone’s favorite overprivileged Southern California nutcases (and Lisa).

1. I didn’t see the last two episodes, but it seems like everything has continued apace. Brandi and Joyce still hate each other. Lisa, at least nominally, wants everyone to get along. I still can’t stand how Brandi pronounces “bullying.” Joyce compared her struggles with Brandi calling her by the wrong name to Jesus dying on the cross. The more things change, the more they stay the same!

2. Can someone translate Kim for me? What was all that nonsense about her giant bed and sleeping in a crate and sleeping on her mom? Also, I feel bad for her dog and his fruitless efforts to figure out what she’s asking him to do.

3. Golfing is harder than it looks. An ex-boyfriend took me to a driving range once, and only then did I realize that it’s pretty hard to hit the ball instead of hitting the ground. Kyle and Joyce actually did okay, but I’d say that Joyce’s omnipresent Birkin and her distracting cleavage were probably indicators that she had other things on her mind.

4. Joyce thinks Brandi is single because she’s mean. It’s not bullying as long as you say it behind someone’s back!

5. It’s cute that Yolanda thinks Brandi might change or improve. Yolanda! So blonde and pretty and hopeful. She had a sit-down with Brandi to remind her that it would be good if she swore less and calmed down a little bit and maybe didn’t freak out as often. It’s good that Yolanda had that meeting, because obviously no one had ever thought to suggest those things to Brandi before. Now everything about Brandi’s personality is fixed.

6. Getting a tattoo doesn’t hurt that much. It just doesn’t! It burns a little, and getting the lines straightened up stings, but it’s just not that bad. Take a couple of ibuprofens an hour before and grit your teeth. Stiff upper lip, Carlton! Be British about it!

7. Carlton’s commitment to looking like she stepped out of an Ed Hardy ad is impressive. Where does she even buy those clothes anymore? The sandblasted flare jeans? The T-shirts that have been split and then stitched back up, corset-style?

8. Bravo found Brandi’s one black friend! They found her and they brought her in to imply that Brandi isn’t a racist by her very presence (Brandi can’t be racist! She has a black friend!), and also to explain to Brandi that perhaps it was dumb to make a racist joke in front of people (and also cameras). And then, as quickly as she appeared, Brandi’s Black Friend was whisked away once again. This time, to teach Kyle’s daughters to model. Multipurpose!

9. Jamie Lee Curtis is such a random Real Housewives guest star. Her look of bare toleration while Kyle was doing her soliloquy about how much she admires her was perhaps my favorite part of the episode. But, but, Jamie Lee was there because Kyle and Mauricio gave a bunch of money to a children’s hospital, so that’s nice.

10. In the grand tradition of Real Housewives, Joyce doesn’t know all the big words. Chastise. Reprimand. Probably others too. It’s good that she’s very pretty. You only need one talent, folks.

Handbag count: One Chanel Flap Bag, one Hermes Birkin, one Dolce & Gabbana Miss Sicily in Lisa Pink.

P.S. Please consider supporting our small, bag-loving team by clicking our links before shopping or checking out at your favorite online retailers like Amazon, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, or any of the listed partners on our shop page. We truly appreciate your support!

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Guest

    Joyce pegged Brandi perfectly: 1st she insults you, then when you confront her about it she goes on a F-bomb tirade and if the person continues to call her out she cries and tries to paint herself as a victim. I am really sick of Brandi this season.

  • Tinker’s Realm!

    I am really over Brandi & how low class she is-The group is barely bumping along the bottom and then along comes Brandi to take them all into the gutter! I also found it outrageous that Joyce invites them all to a wonderful retreat/chef in hand & then shares her Movie Debut and they all were so rude I nearly turned the TV off! Get a Grip Bravo-We like the show when it has some real content not this trash!

  • Cheryl

    No commentary on Joyce’s Zoolander walk down the 5 foot runway? priceless. Did she think she was in Milan? Also, worst golfing outfits ever.

  • Ellengro

    Brandi needs to invest in some therapy. She is clearly depressed and lashing out at whomever she deems weak enough to take her crap. Notice she doesn’t even try to mess with Lisa or Yolanda! I felt so sorry for Kyle’s daughter who was forced to model (because Kyle’s mother forced her-and look how great she turned out!) Ugh.

  • atelieross.tumblr.com

    brandi isnt a racist for saying what everyone knows, or should know about black women. When your weave gets wet it naps up and there goes upwards of $100.00 in salon work. Any non black person with black friends knows that when you wet hair thats been permed its ruined, the hair goes back to being curly and the work thats been done is completely reversed. She was simply implying that Hoicies hair was a weave and if it got wet it would get nappy :) just a bit of shade…

    • Tinker’s Realm!

      I disagree Many White Women & Women in General do not want to Jmp into the Pool and ruin hair/makeup that they just spent a few hours on especially when they have a dinner planned for the evening. It was presumptious of Brandi to assume she did not get in the water becasue of her Race. I also think it was the height of Rudeness that Yolonda seemed to be the Authority on how Joyce should run her “Casual Pool Party” by continually throwing out there that she was the “Hostess” even after Joyce said”Feel Free to Sit where you like” that was her low key entertaining style and perfect for such a low key girls weekend!

    • Guest

      Don’t feed the troll

      • Deborah

        . . . this!

    • Seejayluvsbags

      That is ridiculous since not all black women wear weave. More importantly, weave wearing has stretched over to all races and a GOOD weave can get wet regardless.

    • Ebun

      This is the dumbest sh*t I have ever read in my life as a weave-wearing, permed-hair black woman. As someone who swims regularly, never has my weave or permed natural hair “nap up” due to swimming. Now, if you’re argument had been ‘straightened curly hair reverts back to its natural state once wet (something that happens to ALL women)’ I would have understood, but no, you decided to spew your ignorance all over this lovely website based on assumptions you made about the few black friends you have. Please educate yourself before speaking on a public forum and stop making general assumptions/statements based on stereotypes. Thanks & bye.

    • AshleyG

      hmm… your comment is ignorant. Also, I’d venture to say that Brandi’s comment was less about Joyce’s hair and more about the stereotype that black people don’t know how to swim. Though she very well could be alluding to black women’s hair issues- for example: not wanting to get it wet in a pool, or not wanting to exercise and sweat it out… As the token black person at every job I’ve ever had in my lovely state of Mississippi, I’ve heard it all. Regardless, however she meant it, her little joke was racist and honestly, just not funny.

      Brandi is pathetic. She’s the female equivalent of a man-child and is clearly jealous of Joyce who just happens to be the new, younger (if she’s older than Brandi, you certainly can’t tell!) and hotter, ACTUAL housewife on the block.

  • David

    Why is kim still on the show, she’s a washed up child actor/nobody and all shes contributed this season is a misbehaving dog and a child graduating…. Yawn! They need to get rid of some housewives and bring in new ones…

    • Tinker’s Realm!

      I agree about Kim but think they just dont want to kick a girl when she is down so will give her a few more seasons to stabilize before they let her go!

    • SandiG

      Yes unfortunately sober Kim is still a hot mess!