Dear Millie,

I don’t even know where to start, but month four was quite a doozy! This month has tested me in ways I wasn’t prepared for and showed me how deep a parent’s love for their child is. Month four truly taught me what it must be like for all parents out there–we want to do anything to make sure our child is ok.

You’ve had some health problems this month, and it started out rather benign. We kicked off the month learning you have torticollis, which literally translates to twisted neck. The doctor thinks it may have started in utero with your positioning, and the physical therapist said a lot of babies have this now as there’s a huge push for the “back to sleep” movement, meaning having your baby sleep on their back. Your head was always wanting to turn to the right, and that ended up making your one tendon become tight and you favored turning your head to one side and not the other. The doctor wanted you to start physical therapy, and with a few simple stretches and repositioning your body when you fall asleep, we’ve already made great progress. You’re not a huge fan of physical therapy, but we ended up at a super kid-friendly PT spot, and you seem fairly intrigued by all of the kids in one room with you. I’m not a doctor or physical therapist, but to the other moms out there with little ones, I’d suggest being sure to change up your baby’s head position when they fall asleep. I’m sharing this in hopes of any other parent reading it may learn something from it and help their baby!

The next health problem is the one that has me and your dad a bit stressed. I now truly understand when a parent says they would do anything to take the pain away from their child, because Millie, I would do anything to not have this be happening to you. You’ve been having gastrointestinal issues, namely blood in your stool. I’ve gone back and forth about wanting to share this in your letter this month, but I always find that so many others have their own struggles and sharing always seems to help. Someday I hope this is a distant memory, but right now it’s been incredibly time-consuming and worrisome. Overall, no one would even realize you had anything going on! You’re so happy and don’t any other outward signs of distress. We have you at a gastroenterologist, who you quite like, even after he has to press on your belly. We are still in the middle of trying to figure out what’s happening with you, and that’s meant blood draws and stomach ultrasounds and more doctor visits. You keep smiling through it all, even when you had to fast before your abdominal ultrasound. (Which I was CERTAIN was wrong medical information, but it wasn’t).

There is a possibility this is all allergy-related, and we’ve tried to get you to take hypoallergenic formula. However, you are incredibly dramatic about the formula, and even if a drop touches your tongue, you spit it out. To be fair, you won’t take breastmilk out of the bottle either–in fact, you won’t take the bottle at all. We’ve tried different bottles, different people offering the bottle, me being in the house, me being out of the house, you being very hungry, you being slightly hungry–the end result is always the same. (If any of you moms had any luck with a bottle-hating baby, please do share below! I’m open to any and all suggestions.) I’ve completely changed my diet to remove all major allergens, so if it is allergy-related, I can help. It hasn’t seemed to make a difference so far, but I am trying everything and anything I can. I feel so bad that you have anything bothering you, and I would do anything to make it better for you baby girl.

But this month hasn’t just been doctors and tests, though there’s been tons of that. This month has also been lots of fun with you! You discovered your feet and continued to become obsessed with your hands. Kid, your hands are the coolest thing you’ve ever seen. Sometimes I catch you just intertwining your fingers and staring at your hands, other times you are sucking on your entire fist with massive quantities of drool going down your face and shirt, and lately you’ve really nailed sucking your thumb and do it often to soothe yourself to sleep. If it’s not your hands, it’s your feet or your ears. You were yanking on your ears so much I thought you had an ear infection so I took you to the doctor. Rookie mom move there–your ears were totally fine, you just think it’s amazing that you have these two things attached to either side of your head so you grab at them all day.

You’ve also started to like playing with toys, which I love watching. It doesn’t seem like much, but the transition into holding toys and really enjoying the texture and color of them is pretty cool to watch. You still smile all the time, especially for me; you love giving your mama smiles. Your version of laughing is squealing super loudly, and it’s left you with the nickname ‘Baby Bird’ from your dada and I. Sometimes the squeal starts off so delightful, but there’s this turn in your voice that lets me know we’re moving from happy squeal to sad squeal and while you haven’t done it often, you nailed your sad squeal as well. You love listening to music and immediately light up when Moana’s “How Far I’ll Go” comes on. For some reason, you seem to think I have a great voice and smile so big when I sing along to that song. But, unlike many American Idol contestants, I know I’m not making it to the big stage. Someday you’ll be embarrassed of my singing, but right now, you think I’m pretty good.

We took our first trip with you; it wasn’t long or far, just to the West Coast of Florida for a night. Your put your toes in the ocean and had lunch by the pool. We took you for walks on the beach and you loved watching the ocean water roll in and out of the Gulf of Mexico. You were such a good little traveler–slept the entire time in the car, both there and back (it was only about a two-hour drive, but that was pretty great to have you contently sleeping the whole way!).

Each month a bit more of you shines through and I fall more in love with everything about you on a daily basis. My love for you is something fierce, and I would do anything to take any pain away from you. I want you to have the best life, and mama is doing everything she can to take care of you and make the best choices for you. You have made me a mother, and I thank you for that daily. I love you, baby bird.

Love,

Mama

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • SeeJay

    The first pic of baby M in your lap is my favorite! ?

  • Sparky

    Sweetie!!!!

  • tbestes

    She is going to love reading these letters when she’s old enough. You’re doing great! Hang in there ;)

  • V

    I love the bow Millie! Please feel better Baby Bird! Absolutely adorable Megs.

  • Michelle

    Hi Megs thanks for sharing your post. About the head thing, I’m not sure but I’ve always been told to get baby to sleep in different positions to balance shape of head but maybe for neck purposes too, so back and both sides and we use a sleep positioned for that, safety first has it. As for the blood in stool, I feel for you as I have same issue and went to many doctors. Possible allergy especially a protein milk allergy. I was exclusively breastfeeding then. I eliminated egg, chicken, nuts, all dairy including cheese, butter, gassy veggies, sour fruits likes sttawberry, oramge, pineapple to some extent for many months. Cos sometimes it takes a while for the allergy to manifest in stool. Doc said was making the intestines inflamed. Apart from that, baby had anal fissures from too many stools because of the bloody stool. Gastro Pedia had baby like this too, which comforted me a bit. He’s eating solids now but bit underweight and height wise he has some catching up. He’s better now. I even put some leaves on his tummy Which seemed to help since he would not sleep and must have been in pain and discomfort. Try to keep at your elimination diet and slowly introduce food when she’s better.

  • Michelle

    Try wholly hydrolyzed formula if you do formula like nutramigen or neonates. I just tried the former and doesn’t taste good. Apparently all of them don’t. Normally they say the kids outgrow this say around 1 year old as their body develops so we need to hang in there. I was going crazy to be honest and still quite same now with weight and all even if this is our third, it still is same:) our ba it’s struggled with bottle as they wanted direct feeding so we tried all brands of nipped and.bottles and pacifiers just to find out if it’s that. By the way Piegon brand has smallest shape and has one wherr baby makes the call.about amount of flow. Not completely successful as some babies cave eventually because of hunger while some do not cave at all so I brought baby with me literally everywhere possible and if I could not, then left baby behind. That’s not a great scenario but no choice but to roll with it there. Eventually, baby liked straw better as was sitting up so didn’t really do bottle for that baby. Hope it all works out and you can message me no problem:)

  • debbie

    I also have an 11/21/16 baby and we just had our four month shots today.

    I love these posts – and thank you so much for sharing the good stuff and the tougher stuff! Hopefully, you’ll help some other momma’s out with similar issues, and maybe get some good advice in the comments. I am sure everything will be okay, but I know how hard it can be to see your little one suffer. But, overall, she looks like a beautiful, happy, and very loved baby!

  • C

    What a sweet, intelligent face. Thanks for sharing the ups and the downs Meg, I hope the issues work themselves out asap!

  • Yoshi1296

    Aww she is sooo cute!!!

  • sev2108

    What a lucky girl she is to have you as her mom. Both my girls saw pediatric GIs. For different issues but they were great. And they do outgrow most of it by a year old. Every month we see improvements with my four month old. As for the bottles, I heard the como tomo’s a hit with the “only like the boob” crowd.

    Also, good for you for learning the words to Moana now. My three year old broke up with Elsa for Moana. Thank god. ?

  • Mai Lowe

    What a great post Megs – she will love reading these one day :). Love that they are saved forever. I’m so sorry to hear things have been so stressful, I can only imagine how it must feel for you. My first was also sick a lot, pretty much throughout his entire first year of life. Even before he started daycare at 5 months! It’s so stressful when you feel like something is wrong w them and they can’t tell you all about it. Best of luck and you are doing such an amazing job!!! I also want to tell you that my second son also completely refused the bottle, which was incredibly stressful for us as he, like my first, was due to go to daycare beginning at around 5-6 months when I had to go back to work. He took the bottle no problem for his first two months and then just completely refused all of sudden for the 3 months leading up to his daycare start. We also tried like 10 bottles and so many different positions and people and situations and nothing worked. Finally the day came when he had to be at daycare for 8 hours and no Mama boob in sight. He basically ate nothing for an entire month during the day and started waking up again at night to eat more frequently even though had had been sleeping through the night since he was 4 months old. Then after we tried our umpteenth bottle we found the Como Tomo bottles which look like a little boob. He wld finally after a few days of trying that agree to drink an ounce or two at a time. Then it would go up to 3 oz. and finally by the end he was guzzling those bottles. I weaned him at 12 months but I had enough freezer stash for him to continue drinking a bottle even though he didn’t really “need” to anymore. And by the end I cld hand him the bottle, he wld hold it himself and i cld just sit next to him while he enjoyed my milk via Como tomo boob bottle :). I feel that he was basically forced into taking the bottle. That said, if I didn’t have to send him to daycare it prob wld have never worked and i wld have just nursed him for every meal for a year. But if you have to, it does get better!!! Best of luck and hope this story helps!

  • Kim

    My daughter had some gi problems when she was born. She had a rare problem that was corrected with surgery when she was a month old. I also had complications that prevented me from breast feeding. We were told to use a special formula called premade Nutramigen. The bottle we used was Advent. This was a combination that worked for us. Unfortunately, the formula is an arm and a leg. But, it’s so worth it!!!!

    Best of luck!
    Kim

  • Fiona

    Dear Megs
    she is absolutely gorgeous!Thanks for this post, took me way back to my son’s first( second and third!) Christmas when he had convulsions and we had to go to the hospital.Today he is a strong, healthy, beautiful guy.Kids gives us big frights when they are small…All the best for you and your beautiful family!