We write about very expensive things with great regularity around here, so, to a certain extent, we're all desensitized when it comes to expensive consumer goods. It's hard to shock us, but when we started hunting for items to include in our annual gift guide series, it became clear that retailers have really upped the ante when it comes to gifts so expensive that they make you go cross-eyed.
There's a long tradition of retailers pulling out all the stops in their gift selections as a marketing device to situate themselves as the most exclusive destination to buy less expensive (but still fabulous) things. The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book is the most and beloved of these tactics, but in the age of the Internet and of ever-expanding online luxury retail, now everyone's got to keep up.
From our research, it seems like Moda Operandi has all its extravagant competitors beat by a mile; it's the only site that has a selection of gifts that cost in excess of a million dollars, in addition to tons more in the five- and six-figure range. Moda's entire gift guide has to be seen to be believed, and we've pulled the best pieces from it, in addition to other online retailers, for your perusal below.
Asprey Large Money Bank Sterling Silver Safe
$22,800 via Moda Operandi
If you've already got a ton of cool stuff, maybe you want an extremely cool stuff-holder.
Blanc Château BMW 328 Premium Collector Childrens Car
$21,300 via Moda Operandi
If your winter compound in Gstaad is too large for your little one to efficiently walk room to room, he can tool around in this thing.
Hermès Homerun Baseball Glove
$14,100 via Hermès
Your kid will get made fun of for using this glove at Little League, but he'll have the last laugh when all the other kids eventually have student loans.
Cedes Milano Toothpaste Squeezer
$205 via Moda Operandi
This is the least expensive gift on this list, but it's the most maddeningly specific. Squeezing toothpaste out of the tube with your fingers is for plebes.
Chanel Alligator Boy Bag
$28,000 via Chanel Boutiques
I have no joke about this bag. It's gorgeous and I want it.
Gold Genie 24k Gold iPhone 6
$4,500 via Moda Operandi
This is the perfect gift for a person who found out that the gold iPhone 6 is just gold in color, not in actual fabrication, and felt deeply disappointed.
Hermès Le Flaneur d'Hermès Bicycle
$11,300 via Hermès
Don't buy this bike unless you plan to swan around the streets of Paris on it like you're in an adorable French indie film.
Jean Michel-Basquiat--Untited (Everybody's Two Cents)
$2.9 million via Moda Operandi
Basquiat is one of modern art's most elusive figures. Although this piece is final sale, your local Christie's location would probably be interested in it, on the off chance that it doesn't work in the hallway of your guest house or wherever.
Kimberly McDonald 18k Multistone Rose Gold Earrings
$46,900 via Net-a-Porter
Ideally, these earrings would be nestled in a box alongside two tickets to Fiji.
Lalique Gold Leaf Rayons Vase
$50,000 via Bergdorf Goodman
I am prepared to admit that I have no idea how a non-antique vase could cost $50,000, even with gold leaf.
Hermès Himalayan Crocodile Birkin
$115,000 via Moda Operandi
If you have already bought literally every other handbag on Earth, then this rarity will be your crowning achievement.
Linley Highclere Jewelry Box
$93,000 via Moda Operandi
If you are nobility and also a fan of noted nobility cautionary tale Downton Abbey, then this is the box in which you should be storing all of your jewels. I hope you have a male heir to inherit them.
Ralph Lauren Large Grandon Humidor
$2,100 via Neiman Marcus
"Expensive boxes in which to store your other expensive possessions" is a popular holiday gifting theme among the superwealthy.
Hermès Samarcande Leather and Wood Chess Set
$20,700 via Hermès
How many of these have been bought by people who don't know how to play chess, do you think? I'd go with "many."
Ray Geary Unattainable Rolex Resin Sculptire
$4,000 via Moda Operandi
"I got you a Rolex for Christmas!"
"There's a catch."
"The Rolex is inside of an impermeable resin cube."
The Row Alligator Backpack
$42,045 via farfetch.com
Apparently this thing got more expensive while we were occupied elsewhere. (Maybe since I started writing this?)
Vanity Fair Oscar Experience
$425,000 via Neiman Marcus
If I may be frank for a moment: I thought this would cost more.
Vintage Cartier Wood, Gold and Sapphire Card Holder
$34,376 via Moda Operandi
You can use this to hold cards, as suggested, or you can use it to hold crisp, fresh-from-the-bank $100 bills. The choice is yours.
Vintage Victorian Diamond Necklace
$4.1 million via Moda Operandi
Take a moment and let us know when you're ready to proceed.
VistaJet Challenger 350 Jet Experience
$220,500 via Moda Operandi
This package gives you 15 hours of flight time in a private jet, but it won't take you to Hawaii. Now that I know that, Hawaii is the only place I want to go.