Normally, I love a good Real Housewives dinner party fight, but on last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, the drama and strife just all seemed so…manufactured. The show is almost completely manufactured, of course, and generally I don’t mind it if that fact seems obvious here and there; that’s how our reality TV sausage is made. Last night, though, Tamra forgot to give Alexis the opportunity to be a bad guest before reading her the riot act for being one.

The entire episode was a build up to the fight, which we only saw the first portion of at the end of the episode. I still don’t understand why everyone was so heated, and I probably never will. Still, let’s have a recap.

1. Alexis got Vicky a mirror as a congrats-on-your-face-surgery present. I couldn’t even make that up. That is brilliant on a level that I am unable to attain. It’s so dumb that it loops on back around to brilliant.

2. Alexis mistook Vicky’s need to have an ally at Tamra’s party for Vicky wanting her actual friendship. “Aww, Vicky, you really wanted me there!” Sometimes I feel bad for Alexis. Not often, because generally I don’t find willful ignorance to be a sympathetic trait in grown women, but she’s been on this show for years and seemed generally touched to be invited to a party as a diversion. Or as a battering ram, depending on how craven you think Vicky is. In return, Alexis invited new-girl Lydia to be her diversion, except she forgot that no one hates Lydia yet, so it didn’t work out all that well.

3. Heather is a better substitute talk radio host than Alexis was a local news fitness bunny. Heather is a good reader, which is always an admirable quality in a Housewife. Side note: how did people get these entertainment-adjacent gigs before there was reality TV to propel them into a low-level spotlight?

4. “We don’t feel the need to put every nook and cranny of our house out for people to see.” Said Heather, as the show gave us the hundreth wide-angle shot of her home’s interior this season. Lydia and her husband, to their credit, shall not be extorted into giving anyone the cover of their magazine.

5. Tamra was so nervous about seeing Alexis that she had the nervous poops. It was like me before debate tournament finals in high school, except I wasn’t trying to simultaneously pick out a cocktail dress.

6. Heather, Tamra and Gretchen seemed deeply concerned about Alexis’ arrival at the party. I know Alexis is kind of annoying in general – I’m the first one to admit that – but she’s probably the least threatening person on the face of the planet, or at least on the face of whatever planet these women live on. She’s not rabid, and she’s not smart enough to be truly mean or conniving. On the other hand, Vicky, who is the genuinely crazy person that everyone should worry about, was somehow not a cause for concern. After eight seasons, Vicky knew exactly what hauling Alexis to the party would do: let her off the hook by giving the other women a target. It was like a zookeeper throwing a beef shank over the railing of the lion enclosure. Poor Beef Shank Alexis.

7. Lydia was the only one mature enough to try to make any pleasant conversation at Tamra’s party. When she finally gave up and let things fall silent, Vicky took up the mantel by reminding everyone that her insurance office was across the street and then declaring that she had a new baby. When Gretchen pointed out that it was kind of a funny way to say that her daughter had had a child, Vicky called her a stupid person, which Gretchen thankfully didn’t flip out about. Unfortunately, she and the other women seemed to be conserving their energy to chase Alexis around the room later.

8. Tamra, in her infinite maturity, announced at dinner that she didn’t actually want Alexis to come. And then it was off to the races about lawsuit threats and slander, as though we were watching Beverly Hills all over again, except without the veneer of interest that those problems had at the beginning of the Beverly Hills season. It frustrates me to have to take Alexis’ side, but we all know that Tamra can stand up for herself, so if she didn’t want Alexis at the party, she shouldn’t have told Vicky it was ok to invite her. I don’t think Alexis was bullied in Costa Rica and I think it’s silly that she keeps trying to cash in on that incident, but it’s genuinely mean to extend an invitation to someone and then proclaim at the event that you wish they hadn’t come, completely unprompted. Dinner hadn’t even been served yet. At the very least, Tamra should have given Alexis more of an opportunity to make an ass of herself before freaking out.

9. And then Tamra stuck her fingers and her ears and shouted LA LA LA LA LA, because she is an adult. Just to put the cherry on top of the whole ridiculous evening.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • winterpenny

    I can’t believe grown women behave that way…Tamara is just a b*#$! She has no redeeming qualities. Sorry! You are an adult and the hostess. If you didn’t want Alexis there, you could have told Vicky no very tactfully. Vicky was correct on one count…Gretchen is stupid. But of all the stuff that happened, the only thing that really bothered me was how the newest member of the group was the one making polite conversation. It is obvious that she was raised to have manners. I honestly don’t know anyone that I can’t be polite to for a few hours at a time (with maybe the exception of my brother!).
    If I were Bravo…I would cast Faye Resnick for the RHOC. As long as you have a bunch of women that nobody particularly likes (w/the exception of Lydia..she is too new to dislike), why not throw the most hated one of all in the mix!

    • Debbie

      Let the dogs fight the dogs? I like where you’re going with this lol

  • ninap_243

    Tamra and Gretchen disgust me.

  • Kate M

    I haven’t watched the whole thing yet, but Eddie telling Tamra not to forget to flush traumatized me. I’m guessing that must be a problem for her and her nervous stomach?

    • beacuz


  • jane

    It’s not always so obvious, but for some reason, on the OC it’s painfully clear when they’re ragging on someone else about traits that they clearly have. They rag on Alexis about things that they do constantly and more often. Heather’s become a bit of a bith this season, no?

  • KC

    LOL! All I have to say is that you nailed it. Unfortunately I now have to clean up after spitting coffee all over myself. Thanks, your blog was much funnier and entertaining than RHOC. It’s getting too painful to watch the snark anymore!

  • I’ve been “watching” RHOC since it started. I’m bored with the sniping and fighting and all the mean girl behavior that these women happily engage in before a television camera. I’m bored with them; really, bored with the whole franchise. It’s not fresh anymore and I’m annoyed that women behaving badly is rewarded by giving them spin off shows (thankfully no one from the OC has been given more of spotlight than they already have). The best thing about the RH is reading your and others’ hilarious recaps! Thanks for that – it’s better than having to watch them act like middle school girls. And no one is the least bit embarrassed.

  • moniqe

    I honestly found it disgusting. Gretchen was WAY ruder than she has ever been and it seems as if tamara is rubbing off on her. This did kind of sound like bullying to me only because alexis kept saying “lets not do this we can just talk another time” and blah blah I’m getting so tired of watching women in their 40s yell about stupid crap that doesn’t have any real grounds. You also can tell that in the teaser for next weeks episode Lydia turns on Alexis and says they weren’t mean or whatever. Sad to say that she will sell out her friend to be on reality show.

    also- gretchen is perpetually stuck in 2009 because her close and hair are hideous.

  • NCGal

    Vicky is stuck in her teens and her teenaged woundedness. So sad to see her try to heal herself by recreating her past, this time with her (in her delusional mind) positioned in a place of power. I think she’s a heavy drinker and has destructive addictive behaviors in most areas of her life: relationships, money, sex, alcohol, food. Plain as day.

  • FashionableLena

    There’s strength in numbers so I don’t know why Tamra, Heather, and Gretchen should have been fine. Maybe they feel guilty about ganging up on Alexis.
    I have been saying this since Alexis has been on the show. She’s harmless. No chance of a table flip.
    Being on the radio is a different animal than live television (or whatever Alexis was doing). But, my comments can be taken with a grain of salt because I truly detest Heather. Glad her house that she deemed last year to be too small isn’t in the magazine.
    Tamra is a child. She is emotionally immature, and I’m calling it now. Eddie and Tamra are not getting married. Living with her is going to show Eddie the real Tamra.
    Gretchen is like Lindsay Lohan’s character on Mean Girls. She’s with the cool clique now so her personality is changing for the worse.
    Vicky is the OG of the OC. She knows exactly what she’s doing, and I love it.
    Jury’s still out on Lydia. I like the way that she checked Heather and said that the Dubrows were not good enough.
    Prayers for Slade’s son.

  • jessica knowles

    Tamara is becoming a little too much for.

  • Jeloi

    Glad I missed it! Thanks for the update!

    • suz

      I missed it too, but I’ll bet this recap is better than the show…..and oh, so much more amusing….

  • jen

    LOLOLOL! Aww, shucks girl. I simply LIVE for your Housewives recaps. My night is made! xo