Well that was a letdown.

This season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has been incredible so far – dramatic, sad, contentious, sometimes a little bit scary. It made for great television, even if I felt a little guilty watching it from time to time, and we’ve all been trained to expect a season finale to take things over the top one final time. This one didn’t, though; for how good last week’s episode was, the finale was a bit of a snoozer.

Pandora’s wedding was kind of pretty, though. So..that’s something. The most interesting thing that happened the entire night was actually on Watch What Happens Live, wherein Brandi admitted to a week-long tryst with Gerard Butler because she still hasn’t learned to lie about things. Can we get Brandi her own show, please?

We started the episode in the middle of the preparations for Pandora’s wedding, which was going to be held in a tent set up on Lisa’s tennis court. And hey, I guess they saved some money on the venue? When looking to host a lavish wedding, it must be awfully convenient to have your own tennis court on which it can be held. How big is Lisa’s yard, anyway? You couldn’t even see the pool from where they were. Lisa’s backyard is Central Park, basically.

Despite the fact that the grounds and the house were buzzing with people and activity and workers preparing for the wedding, instead of getting her hair done and letting the people she paid do the unpleasant part of the prep, Lisa was standing in the foyer amid a pile of branches, arranging flowers herself. I don’t know if all the random shots we’ve seen of Lisa actually working this season are genuine or just a very savvy move by a woman who understands her own public image, but either way, snaps to Lisa. She’s either actually hardworking or tremendously self-aware, and neither of those are qualities one normally finds in reality television stars.

And now for something completely different, Adrienne accompanied Paul to the doctor to pull a Katie Couric and get a colonoscopy. I’ve never had one, but I hear that they’re not particularly pleasant, and I’d imagine that anything that requires you to talk about your impending enema on national television is humiliating on a pretty obvious level. Thankfully they didn’t give it to him while we watched, although we did see the tail end of his colonoscopy and then listen to him fart out the air afterward while under sedation and moaning “oh no” every time some came out. It was nice of him to be concerned about his farts, but, I mean, I don’t even know what to else say about that except that it made me want to seal up all of my holes forever. But get a colonoscopy, ladies! Colon health is important.

Back at Lisa’s house, the $9500 cake was arriving and Lisa was plotting the different ways that she could cover it with roses and Ken was pretending to drop it in order to amuse himself. So, you know, normal stuff. Over at Kyle’s house, she and Mauricio were arguing about whether or not Mauricio could wear a very, very dark blue Dolce & Gabbana suit to the black tie wedding, and personally, I was confused about why he doesn’t own a tux. Doesn’t his lifestyle mean that he goes to a fair number of formal events? Camille, for her part, was also over at her house getting ready for the wedding. Watching people get ready to go to things is really not all that interesting, and perhaps one of my biggest Real Housewives pet peeves. I don’t need to watch the same people get their hair curled every week.

At Lisa’s house once again, Kevin the wedding planner had finally arrived to calm some of Lisa’s concerns, and the event appeared to be coming together beautifully. Lisa even brought in a makeup artist that she had cloned not once but twice to help everyone get ready, which just goes to show you that life really is different for the rich. Cloning someone for your own convenience is very fancy. Oh, and speaking of fancy, Giggy got his very own custom tuxedo. Giggy now owns more tuxedos than Mauricio.

At that point, it was almost time for everything to start. Lisa was corseted within an inch of her life into a baby pink and silver sequined evening gown with a tiara and giant diamond earrings, all of which she said were picked out by her daughter. Normally I’d think that was BS, but Pandora seems to have the exact same taste as her mother, if not even a little more blingtastic, so it seemed utterly plausible. It seems as though Lisa’s MOB dress is a sticking point for some people, and I don’t really understand why.

Every time Lisa urged a little restraint during the planning process, Pandora was exactly the opposite – more pink, more sequins, more flowers! So if she approved of, or even asked for, Lisa’s ensemble, good for her. It’s her wedding. I can’t fathom why people get so bent out of shape about what other people do at their own weddings. Pandy’s dress was similarly over-the-top and really not my style, although I loved her veil trimmed in antique lace, but like I said, not my wedding, not my problem. Wear whatever you want. Have chimps escort your bridesmaids to the altar. It’s not my money you’re spending to do it, so I don’t care.

Bravo showed the walk down the aisle and the vows and Lisa crying a little bit during her one-on-one interview, and although the entire thing was just a tad boring for the amount of drama that we’re used to from this show, it was all very, very sweet and obviously heartfelt. Like I said, the wedding wasn’t my personal style (although weddings never are – WHERE’S THE BLACK?), but it seemed to reflect Pandora quite well and it was a beautifully realized event. Crazy Kevin the Wedding Planner might have earned his keep after all. If anything good can actually come out of a reality show, it’s that Pandora and her husband will have a lot of beautiful footage of their wedding to look back on.

And then, suddenly and in a complete non sequitur, we were at Kyle’s house where a private chef was preparing appetizers and everyone (except Kim, who was absent once again, big surprise) was getting together to see Taylor. Since we last checked in with her, Russell had killed himself and an undisclosed amount of time had passed since his death. Taylor arrived with her daughter and everyone made small talk and looked at pictures from Pandora’s wedding and generally didn’t discuss the big, awkward elephant in the room. Since the episode’s previews built this gathering up as some kind of Come to Jesus moment for Taylor, what actually transpired was utterly disappointing.

There were some oblique mentions to how Kennedy was doing and how Taylor considers the cast members of her family, but that quickly transitioned to looking at iPhone pictures of Camille’s boyfriend’s abs (good for her) and the little “where they are now” blurbs that are customary at the end of every season finale. Adrienne gave everyone a pair is free shoes. For what an entertaining season we’ve had so far, the finale was incredibly dry, particularly compared to last week’s barn-burner of an episode. It’s nice to end on a positive note, of course, but even this morning, I still feel like last week should have been the finale. Pandora’s wedding was nice, but it seemed like it didn’t have anything to do with the season we’ve had thus far. I’ll see you guys in a week for the reunion!

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Love this blog

    Cloning comment is hilarious! Weddings not my style-where’s the black? I love it! Ok, I have to say that I want to be more accepting of Lisa’s MOB look, but seriously? The dress was perfectly fine, but the long hair with the tiara was prom gone bad. And, I wanted to see Ken in a lovable light and feel the love in the toasts he and Lisa offered, but they were SO self-serving. I’m not jumping ship. RHOBH remains my favorite. Did anyone else feel like Kyle was much more likable with Kim out of the episode? And Taylor looked incredibly healthy.

  • A Reader

    Seems ridiculous to me that people want to get bent out of shape about Lisa’s MOB outfit ( I thought she looked great,) but don’t give a damn about the fact that this show was partly responsible for a man’s death. The gods must be crazy…

    • Love this blog

      I’m not sure how you jump from a light-hearted discussion about Lisa’s outfit to not caring about the harmful effects of this kind of “entertainment” on the lives of those involved. I’d be happy to discuss that in a forum other than this where the tone is set by those of us who landed here by Googling “designer handbags.” I think most of us read this (and watch the show) as a guilty pleasure. 

    • John

      The show is not responsible for Russell’s death. He is responsible for his death. He made his choices in life and ultimately couldn’t live with those choices.

    • Nancy

      I hear ‘ya.  A human being is dead.

    • Anonymous

      It’s worth noting that Russell’s business partner also killed himself, so although I do agree that a suicide puts everything else that happens in these shows in perspective, I’d also wager that Russell had plenty going on in his business and professional lives, separate from the influence of the show, to make him a very desperate man.

      • Love this blog

        I agree that his troubles were complex which is usually the case in a person who commits suicide. It’s human nature to want to pinpoint a cause and label it, but it’s more complicated than that.

  • sheebeest

    Did you-all note that Adrianne, who is so proud of her shoe line, couldn’t even walk across the street in them? Why would anyone want to buy & wear shoes so uncomfortable that they dis-able you? What’s next, ancient foot binding?
    Not to pick on the woman, but I think SHE should be asked to leave the show. Be honest – take away the big fancy mansion, sports franchise and casino – do any of you find her interesting, relevant or entertaining?* She had her face turned to her lap during the wedding speeches, checking her cell phone, probably. She seems like a nice enough, but entertaining…no way.

    (*rhetorical question)

    • Jess

      I agree. Adrienne is bor-ing! Paul is much more entertaining and losing him would be the only reason I would miss her.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed. Adrienne seems perfectly fine, but she’s not particularly entertaining other than being stupendously rich and having a funny husband.

      • Allison

        I disagree, I think they are absolutely fabulous!! So funny, their bickering keeps me entertained… maybe I’m the only one :)

      • Jamiesmcd

        True, she is not the most entertaining (I love Paul, though), but I think that you need her calm “voice of reason” to keep the crazy personalities from killing each other. She is always the one to diffuse the hostile situations. And, she doesn’t seem to take things as seriously or personally as the other women. Except for the shoe thing, which I think may have been a  staged dramatic theme brought on by the producers…

      • Steph

        Compared to the other Housewives she may seem boring, but when you look at it from a normal person standpoint, she’s actually the “realest” housewife on this show – she acts her age and doesn’t seem to have a lot of time for petty drama.  Adrienne is one of my favorite housewives for this reason.  All of these adult women parade around on TV acting like people we used to see on Laguna Beach!  Adrienne is a breath of fresh air!

    • tata

      oh no… really??? i love adrianne. and i love seeing the dynamics of her relationship with paul and all the fabulous spa parties and fashion show she hosts. i do think she is fabulous! Bev Hills is the only show from the Real Housewives series where I wouldn’t want to see anyone go… even including crazy kim and taylor. i don’t love them but they add so much drama to the show that i can’t imagine a show without them. oh but dana-pam can go… she’s what i call boring and annoying.

    • SeattleMatthew

      I actually quite like Adrienne. She’s one of the more down-to-earth housewives, and that includes all the franchises. She and Paul are adorable and completely normal. I like watching them. It’s nice to see that despite their differences in terms of wealth, they’re still regular people at the end of the day. Farts and all. Haha.

      • sheebeest

        I myself am very “down to earth” and “normal”, yet I doubt anyone would want to sit and watch my (fabulous) life on tv!  :-) 

  • Jess

    I agree, Amanda. They should have shown Pandora’s wedding last week and the Sur opening this week. I loved WWHL with Lisa and Brandi. Me thinks they are fairly friendly now and that Lisa and Kyle aren’t so close anymore. Not that I blame Lisa at all. If my BFF had said the things Kyle did about Lisa behind her back, she’d have been shown the door. And anyone who has ever doubted anything Brandi has said about her divorce, etc., needs to rethink the situation because obviously she can’t lie! Damn, if I hadn’t already been envious of her, finding out she’s gotten lucky with Gerard Butler would have certainly sealed the deal! Pun intended.

    • John

      Hopefully Brandi won’t drop Lisa for a fake reality friend to get more attention on a tv show.

  • Sherinethomas

    I love my share of pink, but I too thought the decor for the wedding was a little cheesy. I think Lisa works hard AND she’s incredibly self-aware. I think she knew what she was doing when she seemed to be arranging flowers, showing the expansion of her bar, deciding to befriend Taylor, etc. Dont get me wrong, I think she has a good heart, but I think she’s smart enough to know what her actions are being perceived as by the public.

  • Anonymous

    I thought it was ok.  Just ok.  From the internets, it looks like the apps at Kyle’s house were about 5 weeks after his death. 

    And not sure if y’all saw this…Lisa in an ’80s video.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAAnF9EMfk8   What an interesting life she’s led.  And how many girls these days have bio mom and bio dad married to each other at their wedding?  Too few, sadly. 

    • sheebeest

      thanks for sharing this! I had no idea Lisa was in this old video which i used to watch on MTV when it actually was Music VIDEO tv!

  • Nancy

    I’m really liking this new font.

    If you never want to have sex with your SO, ask them to give you an enema.  I mean, really?  You’d rather your wife than a nurse?

  • beadebumme

    Was Brandi at the wedding?

    • SeattleMatthew

      No. They talked about it on WWHL after the show and mentioned that Brandi wasn’t there.

  • ellenbakes

    Thanks, Amanda. Now I don’t have to watch the episode that I DVR’d. I’ll bet money that your recap was 10x more entertaining. I’m done with Atlanta too. But, buckle up because here come those crazy ladies from O.C.!

  • Hilary

    Pandora’s dress looked like she was pooping flowers and whoever edited the ‘where they are now’ updates had the most unflattering freeze frames of the ladies’ faces possible. Just sayin’