Real Housewives of New Jersey: The Last Supper

As much as I loved Tuesday’s season finale of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, you totally missed out if you stopped there and didn’t watch what Bravo lovingly referred to as the “Last Supper.” It was the “director’s cut” of the now-infamous dinner fiasco, and it featured some extra footage and lots of extra commentary from the housewives, and perhaps more importantly, from their kids. The whole thing left me absolutely giddy and gleeful for no reason that I can think of, but it was a huge mess of fun and surreality that is perhaps unequaled in the annals of trashy reality television. Even by Rock of Love Bus, and if you’ve seen that show, then you know just how god-awful this fight would have to be to top it. Oh, and it was. Since we’ve already done the rundown of the story, let’s talk about what new things we’ve learned from this special in an oh-so-convenient list format.

1. They were all stinking drunk. I can’t believe I didn’t notice this before, but perhaps it was just creative editing on the part of the show’s producers. But they were certainly all wasted, except for maybe Danielle, but ESPECIALLY Teresa. They had cocktails before dinner and then lots of wine during, and the way that they were all giggling and keening about and whooping and clapping at every joke says it all. I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. I went to a Top 10 Party School (Top 5 in a good year. Go Dawgs!), I’ve seen some slap-happy drunks in my life. Suddenly, it makes so much sense that Teresa flew off the handle and couldn’t really make complete sentences; we all have a friend that’s like that when she gets drunk. Maybe yours has never had occasion to flip a table, but who knows what the future holds.

2. Not everyone knows how to lie. But some people do. Namely, Caroline. Which is weird, because baby sister Dina has no idea whatsoever. As I touched on last time, if you’re going to lie, you have to live your lie. It has to become your personal truth. You cannot waiver, you cannot stumble, and if you think you might, you shouldn’t do anything that you need to lie about in the first place. Caroline was on top of her lie – that she was the one in charge of showing the book around town. She never changed her story. Dina, on the other hand, was all over the place – she had nothing to do with it, then she had everything to do with it, but she never actually held the book all by herself, which is a distinction that is not only ridiculous but also completely irrelevant. If you’re going to create your own personal reality and sell it to others, you have to channel OJ Simpson – even after you’re acquitted, you vow to find the real killer. If you’re not prepared to do that, then maybe work on owning up to your crappy behavior instead.

3. All of the kids need their own show. Easily the best part of this entire special was getting to hear all of the commentary on the events by the Housewives’ kids. They’ve been woefully excluded from much of the show thus far, and their awareness of their parents’ ridiculous behavior is at a level of maturity way beyond that of those who bore them. Particularly Caroline’s kids – say what you want about her, but she’s obviously been a responsible mother that commands a lot of respect from her children and has taught them how to act in awkward social situations. They’ve done her well – they all managed to act like reasonable adults on a reality TV show when the real adults were acting like kids. And reasonable adults, let alone young ones, are something rarely seen in this format. Danielle and Dina’s kids seemed to be more amused by the whole situation than anything, which perhaps also demonstrates the personality traits that they’ve either learned or inherited from their mothers. Even so, all the teenagers, who are supposed to be at the most melodramatic points in their lives, seemed to think the whole situation was blown out of proportion. Maybe the kids are alright after all.

4. “We all flip a table or two in our lives.” Danielle’s older daughter said this and it struck me as kind of a universal truth, at least metaphorically. We all have our moments. I choked out a dude on a public sidewalk on New Year’s Eve because he made a snide comment at my friend. I was sober, it was just one of those moments. Sometimes the perfect storm gathers, and we get pissed off, and the anger bubbles over into a tableau of insanity for all the world to see. Luckily, I’m not on a reality show (and also luckily, the cops didn’t see me). Teresa happened to be on one when she had one of her moments, and I like her better for it. No matter how old we get or how rich we marry, we’re all still the same. And by that, I mean we’re all secretly nuts.

5. I would like someone to get me Christopher Manzo’s number, if possible. I’m more serious than I want to be with this one – the kid is adorable and hilarious. Lord knows I love a sarcastic jerk, and he sorta looks like a guy I used to be totally in love with, in a weird way, and I don’t care if he is 25% younger than I am. I’ll be a cougar at 23. Except then Caroline would be breathing down my neck and I’m not sure I’d pass muster to enter the Manzo clan. But everyone talks about Albie, and he’s cute, but he’s also in grad school and I’ve never done well dating grad students. He also doesn’t seem to have the sense of humor of his brother, and all a girl really wants to do is laugh, right? …Right? Well, whatever. If you guys don’t hear from me again, it’s because Caroline read this, flew to Georgia and knifed me. Check the car trunks.

So that’s it for this week, but it looks like we have plenty of Real Housewives zaniness to go – a two-part reunion and a show of outtakes are coming up, starting next week. And you best believe I’ll be back for those if I don’t get whacked first. Seriously, the car trunks. Check them.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Otter

    My favorite part was when Danielle went into the bar and had drinks with her mortal enemies. Awesome!!!! She threw open the lion’s den, tickled the beasts with a chainsaw and then partied on down. Love this ho! Loved her for scooting on over to Terresa’s big goomba hubby and enjoying more booze time after the good times with table flipping. Ha ha. Teresa is an @ss. Even her own husband dismisses her as a silly wind-up toy. Now come on Teresa, pay attention, we all know that you love to play the fool. Silly monkey.

  • weaslgrl

    I have to confess that I watch them in part so that I can feel morally superior, so perhaps that doesn’t make me much better than they are. But, still, OMG what appalling human beings — it was like watching an episode of Jerry Springer. All that money and no self-awareness or impulse control. Ultimately, just sad.


    i’m bored with new jersey! not enough drama. the only good part was “the last supper” and bravo has been milking it since the preview special. i’m just waiting for atlanta!

  • tadpolenyc

    nope, wasted or not, i still despite theresa. :)

  • PhotoGirl

    Six hours of my life that I’ll never get back. I’m so ashamed. Seriously.

  • Engaged19Times

    First, I must admit that this episode (along with the follow-up episode) was my only ray of sunshine in a very rainy week in NYC. Second, of all the recaps/commentaries I’ve read about the RHofNJ, this is the best and is totally spot on! Well done. And last but not least, I (heart) Chris, too… I will totally finance his stripper/car wash enterprise if it means I’ve got a chance!

  • beacuz

    Well….did anyone notice the handbag that Danielle carried going into the restaurant? It is an evening bag, the size of which that book would have had to be folded to fit inside. Where the heck did that book materialize from. Also, on the Bravo blogs, someone mentioned that the reason we are only hearing one side of the Dina/Danielle feud is because Dina did not want it exposed on TV that she and her husband (who did not appear on the show at all, not even a phone call) are separated and that he lives somewhere else. This is why they said that she hated Danielle, because Danielle knew the truth and Dina did not want to appear to be a golddigger, when we all already saw that fiasco on “VH1’s Big Fat Wedding” her husband did not seem endearing at all…in fact he acted like a jerk on the video i saw…..even admitted to cheating on her for an entire year when they were just dating and he laughed…she married him anyway – I may be wrong, but Caroline probably told her she should stick with him so that she can have the “good life”. Now if this is true, then a lot of the mess we all saw and Dina’s severe nervousness all makes sense.

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  • Matthew

    The best part was when they showed Caroline laughing hysterically when Teresa went crazy. Every time they showed Teresa screaming, “…19 husbands…!!!” I lost it. Every time. And then to see Caroline lose it just put me over the edge.

    I couldn’t contain myself. I cried from laughter. I’m not ashamed to admit it.

    Comedy, I tell ya. Comedy.