Now that the Brandi-versus-Adrienne kerfuffle seems to be more or less resolved (for the show’s purposes, at least), what are we to do with Real Housewives of Beverly Hills now? Bravo’s answer to that seems to be, “Why, go to Paris, of course,” but it seemed to be an entirely arbitrary decision on the part of the cast, based only on the fact that Yolanda was headed there and Lisa was going to be in St. Tropez, which is in the same country as Paris. So, you know, no real storyline there either.

To remedy that, producers have decided at this late date to try and convince all of us that Taylor is an alcoholic instead of a lightweight with a lot of problems who has a couple too many glasses of wine from time to time. That’s the kind of narrative arc that takes more than an episode and a half to develop (as Bravo should well know, since it’s already done the Housewife-as-alcoholic thing on this same show), so I’ve got a proposition: Why don’t we just let Lisa take up the balance of the season by giving us tours of her house, its grounds, and the homes of her friends? Think about it and get back to me, Bravo.

1. Kim and Kyle are just so concerned about Taylor. Based on Taylor’s blog post from last week, the whole running-off-to-Beaver Creek episode wasn’t nearly as bad as it was edited to look, and Kyle knew very well that Taylor didn’t yet know that she had taken Kennedy with her. Kyle never lets the facts get in the way of camera time, though, so she and Kim scheduled an impromptu drive-by intervention for a problem that Taylor may or may not actually have.

2. Lisa has swans. Because of course she does. We were fools to think she might not have swans.

3. Based on the packing scene, Bravo may know our feelings about Lisa’s closet. She could have pulled diaphanous floral maxi dresses and bright Burberry trenches out of her closet for a full 44 minutes and I’d have been happy as a little jealous clam.

4. Bravo showed us two scenes of Taylor’s over-the-top drunkenness over two seasons to prove to us that she’s an alcoholic. Based on that, we should probably haul me off to the drunk tank too, and I don’t even have lawsuits and a kid and a dead husband to drink away. Kim’s concern did seem very genuine and emotional, while Kyle, on the other hand…well, she really just sat there and admired her handywork. I’m willing to believe that Taylor uses alcohol as a crutch from time to time to take her mind off things, but I think there’s a pretty wide gap between her and Kim.

5. Yolanda and Mohamed divorced because he cheated. I think we all knew that, more or less, but it was interesting to hear Yolanda say it out loud. It gives context to Yolanda’s constant talk of how to keep a man interested – I’m sure that if you’ve been through that in the past, you want to feel like you’re doing everything in your power, whether it’s actually helpful or not, to make sure it doesn’t ever happen to you again. Slowly, she’s growing on me.

6. “I’m too old for him and he’s too old for me.” She gets flustered and inarticulate when attacked, but Brandi is pretty clever, you guys.

7. Ken has a 21-year-old grandkid. He had his son from a previous marriage when he was 19 (or 21, depending who you ask), which kind of blew me away. Everyone in that particular scene looked quite well-preserved, particularly Ken’s son. Good aging jeans in that family. Or a good plastic surgeon with a light touch. Or both.

8. Watching Brandi unfold out of a cab was kind of entertaining. My dad once described seeing Yao Ming extend himself out of a taxi in Atlanta during the NBA All-Star Game weekend, and I imagine it looked something like Brandi getting out of the van. The legs, they just went on forever. Everyone else was hopping down to the ground, she just stepped out. Brandi’s legs might be as long as my entire person.

9. When your stepson is rich, you get to go from St. Tropez to Paris in a helicopter. I would one day like to take a helicopter from New York City to the Hamptons, if only so that if anyone ever asks me what the douchiest thing I’ve ever done is, I’ll know right away.

10. Was Kim drunk? Sometimes it’s hard to tell if Kim has maybe fallen off the wagon; Sober Kim is still pretty strange and doesn’t enunciate all that well, probably because of her prescription anti-anxiety meds that I’m sure she’s still taking. We only saw a couple minutes of Kim acting flight, which is hardly a record even post-rehab, and then 15 seconds of ominous, if vague, footage from the upcoming episode. We also saw Kyle look on in genuine shock and confusion as Giggy arrived in the hotel room ahead of Lisa and Ken, who were merely down the hall and not, say, trapped in a well with Giggy playing the part of Lassie, so perhaps jet lag just isn’t friendly to those girls.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • NCGal

    Kim has relapsed, that is clear. The only kind soul on that show…nay the only one with half a soul on that show is Lisa. I agree, Amanda, let’s just look through all of her stuff for the rest of the season. Brandi is an opportunist and acts like a nit-wit ass, Kyle is manipulative, Yolanda is a gold-digger, and Taylor is 100% opportunistic; and yes, she has a big-time drinking problem.

  • webaj

    Amanda…don’t forget that Mohamed’s (Yolanda’s ex) swans also appeared in the episode. In addition to everything else, apparently you aren’t really, really rich unless you have swans. I don’t think the Canadian geese that blanket my neighborhood count.

    I vote for a whole show about Lisa, Ken, their homes. their wardrobes, their dogs, and their relatives. I am sure the whole “how the 45 year old son ended up with the 61 year old wife” is worth a few seasons alone.

  • Laura

    “Good aging jeans…” That’s hilarious, it literally made me lol. Great recap as usual Amanda.

  • suz

    Brandi wins (again) with her headline quote . Now…..does anyone else think it would be hilarious if there was a sock puppet reenactment of the RHOBH. I’m laughing just imagining it.

  • Reality Junkie

    I have not been able to comment lately because of DISQUS! But I’m still reading, Amanda! I can’t believe I’m saying it, but Taylor is starting to grow on me…just a little. Kyle, on the other hand, is a despicable person, and her exploitation of the “Kennedy situation”- which she admitted in her own blog was misrepresented- is further evidence of that fact.

    • RJ – what issues are you having with Disqus? You should be able to log in or post as guest here without many problems?

      • reality junkie

        I can only post from my phone….not from my desktop or laptop computers. They won’t even allow me to see comments….it just continually says it’s loading Disqus

  • Reality Junkie

    Agreed, of all the incredibly over-the-top estates we have seen on this show, Villa Rosa is the one I would love to see in a virtual tour. Unlike the Maloof and Hadid mansions, Lisa’s glass, mirrors, water features and lush foliage somehow still seem cozy, warm and inviting. More please, Bravo. On the other hand, I love you Lisa, but cannot sit through a single episode of “Vanderpump Rules”. Does anyone else dislike those people as much as I do? Or is it just me?

    • Jeloi

      you’re not by yourself, the show is terrible

    • suz

      yes…they are awful!!!

    • LuvelyJubley

      It reminds me of that awful show Bravo had for a single season last year, with those empty-headed 20-somethings from Dallas. It stunk, and so does ‘Vanderpump Rules’.

  • Jeloi

    Thanks for the recap Amanda, I can’t wait to see Lisa on DWTS. I wonder if Giggy will be attending?

  • I am another vote for a show completely about Lisa and Ken and Lisa’s closet and Giggy. I want to live with them, they seem like so much fun! And I love that they don’t take themselves too seriously.

  • winterpenny

    I wonder if Kyle regrets aligning herself with the Maloof’s. She is watching Brandi pal around with Lisa and Yolanda, and she is stuck with Adrienne and Faye. Not much of a choice there.
    You know you have hit rock bottom, when Kim is doing your intervention…LOL. That being said, this was a fake drama and who can blame Taylor for having a rough time and maybe over-indulging now and again…she did go through a lot.
    I’m still loving Yolanda. I like her directness. She laid it right out there with Taylor and Taylor wilted. (I’m glad she is growing on you!)
    I thought the same thing when Kyle looked perplexed to see Giggy. I could understand her laughing because it was hilarious when he walked in the room by himself, but they all knew Lisa was coming. Kyle loves the attention!
    I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when Adrienne found out Lisa will be on DWTS. I haven’t watched the show before, but I may have to now!

    • Reality Junkie

      Kyle has made a lot of bad choices that I bet she does regret. She has really shown her true colors in my opinion- she’s a camera-hogging narcissist who threw her own sister under the bus repeatedly, and foolishly sided with Adrienne over Lisa. I see a lot of similarities between the Kyle/Lisa “breakup” and what happened when Jill Zarin got a little too jealous of Bethenny Frankel’s success, which overshadowed her own popularity… we all know how that turned out! Karma is indeed a bitch, Kyle. Have fun with your Turbo Tax commercials, sweetie! These are grown women with PR agents who should definitely know better.

  • Alena

    I want to be first in line when /if Ken’s clone is available!

  • jomarie

    Not everyone attempts sobriety with a 12 step program. The steps begin in humility and are very strict with honest self reflection. Many search for an “easier, gentler way and the results were nill”. This is where I see Kim. Tayler has not admitted she “is powerless over alcohol and that her life has become unmanageable” . Though it looks that way to me, “I do not have the right to say that you are an alcoholic”.

  • Lana

    The show makes me so happy to be me. I love my friends, family and environment. These people have no firm foundation.