Last night, the Real Housewives of Atlanta took Los Angeles!

Well, sort of.

Lisa and Nene went to LA to attend Lisa’s grandmother’s 90th birthday party, which was actually cute and adorable and kind of refreshing when compared to the rest of a reality show that’s based on people that aren’t actually friends going to parties that they’re not actually paying to throw and talking about things that they don’t actually do.

And the other ones did some other things, all of which were more like the second part of the previous sentence than the first. Kim teetered into a recording studio to milk Kandi for all she’s worth and Sheree continued on her Use Your Delusion Tour ’09 by requesting to ride around in Maybachs while dripping in Tiffany jewelry and thinking that there are competent runway models living in Atlanta (hint: there aren’t).

We continue our dissections of these ladies’ adventures in profanity after the jump.

Before we venture out to California (who knew that Lisa was reppin’ Inglewood?), let’s check in with the others, shall we? Rest assured, they’re not doing anything particularly important.

Kandi, after talking to Kim for what looked like all of 15 minutes, not only invited her to the studio but then wrote a song about her. Well, it’s not really a song about Kim, it’s about her PERCEPTION of Kim, which is an important distinction because it’s more or less diametrically opposed to Kim’s actual personality and behavior. It’s called “I Fly Above,” and it’s meant to tell everyone that Kim and Kandi are too good for your drama!

For someone that’s had such a good career in such a soul-sucking, back-stabbing industry, Kandi’s lack of insight into the people that she surrounds herself with is uncanny. First she’s got That Trifflin’ Fiance, who has six kids by four baby mamas, and who won’t sit down with her mother to assuage her fears about his trifflin’ nature. Not that I think there’s anything he could say to make six kids and four baby mamas sound like it was a good decision. And now, she has latched on to Kim (or, more accurately, Kim has latched on to her), who will suck the life out of anyone with any perceived money and connections until they’re laying on the ground pale, lifeless, and without their cash.

Kim manages to ask Kandi to produce a song for her, one which she refuses to sing on the spot. Don’t worry, though! Kim will get her a copy of it “later.” And she does, over dinner (the restaurant that they go to, Stoney River, is actually pretty decent – I have a couple friends in Athens that are willing to drive to Atlanta just to eat there), wherein she also manages to complain about Nene going to LA with Lisa because, like, they’re not even friends! Ladies, I have a friend like this. She’s insecure, and it makes her crazy to see people in our group of friends make friends with each other because SHE always wants to be the one that’s invited to do everything. Somehow, people having other friends makes her feel like she’s less important. It gets old quick, and it just makes Kim look like a brat. For a moment it seems like Kandi sort of understands that she’s bonkers, but then somehow manages to convince herself that it’s not Kim’s fault, it’s just group drama in general. So what’s the over-under on Kandi realizing that she totally hates Kim? Two episodes?

And then, Sheree. Poor, deluded Sheree. Mercedes-Benz and Tiffany have already decided to sponsor some kind of party in Atlanta, and the organizers apparently thought it a good idea to ask Sheree if she would like to debut her line as part of the festivities. She wasted no time in assuming that that mean the party was going to be FOR her and ALL ABOUT her, so she had some guy who was apparently her ‘representative’ requesting that she be driven to and from the party in a Maybach and Tiffany provide jewels for her to wear for the event. Nevermind that the Maybach probably costs more than her new house. These party planners didn’t seem to be drinkin’ Sheree’s kool-aid, however. Good for them! But she’s going to get them like a fish for it next week. Gosh darnit, she wants her diamonds! She deserves ’em! In her own weird reality, that is.

An now, California, here we come. Or here Nene and Lisa come. Not me, I’m still in Georgia. As we mentioned, it was Lisa’s grandma’s 90th birthday and they trekked out to the left coast to say hi and possibly undertake the unfortunate task of visiting her brother’s grave for the first time since his death. And the whole thing was adorable and genuine and awesome, and entirely unlike the Real Housewives juggernaut in general. Lisa’s parents seem like they’re great – normal, friendly, smart people. Her dad is Chinese and her mom is from the West Indies (and Nene was three feet taller than both of them, meaning that she’s approximately eight feet tall), and they talked briefly and realistically about growing up as a mixed family in a black neighborhood. Nene and Lisa kept their sunglasses on inside the house, for reason that were never entirely clear.

And they went to the birthday party and there were a bunch of normal people (and they were Asian! Which surprised Nene!), having a normal birthday party, and looking decidedly non-crazy when compared to the likes of Kim and Sheree back home. It was charming, and I mean that in a totally non-sarcastic way. I have no sarcasm for these folks, they seemed wonderful. Lisa and her family went to her brother’s grave afterward and real emotions were had, perhaps for the first time in Real Housewives history (except for maybe that time that Lori quit the OC Housewives because her son got arrested for possession of smack. Again). And it was all very normal, and very unlike this show usually is, in a very good way.

Then they met up with a fabulous, part-Chinese gay guy on their hotel’s rooftop and told him that he should come to Atlanta and meet Dwight. And then they drank copiously, because all of these women drink like fish, even the good ones.

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  • Handbag Lover

    Very funny recap. I love your blog, Sheree needs help and prayer and one can truly see that she is selfish and about herself. Poor thang! She is looking for her next come up. She states she so into fashion but Kim is more on point sometimes then her in my view.
    Nene is cool but she is a bit much this season with her mouth. Kim’s style is hot but she causes a lot of drama. She loves to “throw the rock and hide her hands”. Lisa this was a nice home warming; she is okay just a little dry this season to me. Kandi is alright, she just doesn’t show good judge in character.

  • otter

    The Nene we all love was back on last night. Thank goodness. She even let a “bam” out while at the pool. Nene is reality tv A list. Loved watching her interact with the server at Luxe. Too funny!

    OK, Sheree is an arrogant, twisted fool. I LOVED her demands at the fashion show planning meeting. I am only hoping that she is simmering like a volcano and she will blow up next week because the event planners have not met her demands. I was thrilled to watch the flashback from her meeting with the meeting planner “top” (ha ha — you respect my top!!!) when she says “who gonna check me boo.” LOVE when that trashy side comes flying out. I hope that Nene can catch the essence of that trick during the alter-ego picture party next week. Sheree the Horse is reality tv e list. She needs to stop trying to pull the Jada Pinkett-Smith look – she is failing.

    Kandi is dull. She needs to get her air time cut back.


  • rysch

    Yep, I also fail to see the point of Lisa and Nene wearing their sunglasses while talking to Lisa’s parents. Inside. *scratching my head*

  • Seejayluvsbags

    I’ve been a fan of PurseBlog for awhile, really enjoy the posts….you recap is HILARIOUSLY accurate! Sheree is such a waste of reality space, Nene is gross, Lisa is a bore, Kandi shouldn’t be on the show & Kim is beginning to look like a high-class hooker….but I feel sorry for her for reasons I’m not sure why…

  • PhotoGirl

    NeNe, I love you, girl, but for the love of heaven, “put a brawr on!”

  • erica

    I love that you include this show on your blog. So funny and i love me some dwight.

  • erica

    hey, why not blog about the handbags these ladies carry with the recaps? Or create a whole section for Housewives’ bags because there are so many!! Many of the bags are pretty flashy (ie tacky) but some are nice. Did you see when Kim “hit” her designer with a python Nancy Gonzalez. Oh my heart hurts.

    I always notice their bags. On this episode I think Nene carried some kind of Gucci satchel with studs.

  • Al

    I was with you until you dismissed the unlikelihood of legit fashion models in the ATL. I’ve known plenty while living here. It’s really Sheree’s fault that her casting bombed. She should have went with more “reputable” agencies, i.e. Click or Elite.

    Other than that funny review. And I second the notion to also discuss the Housewives handbags, although, I’m never blown away by any of their styles.

  • At this point, we’ve already seen a lot of the bags that the ladies are carrying. The only new one I noticed was Nene’s Gucci. Sheree has carried Balenciaga, YSL, and Chloe, Kim has had Nancy Gonzalez and LV, Lisa has had Chanel, and I believe Kandi had some LV. Several of the housewives have carried that Chanel color-changing sequin tote from a few seasons ago. If there’s any bag that you see that you don’t recognize, let me know in the comments and I’ll usually be able to identify it. Although I still can’t figure out what the black bag that Nene keeps carrying is.

  • d_deleon

    This is my first time reading your post and I love it. Too funny and so true. Lisa has to be one of my favorites. Her LV bag when she was standing at the hotel check-in counter…Loved it!!

  • Michael St. James

    This season is sooo boring!


  • Shannydiva

    Does anyone know what sunglasses Lisa was wearing during this episode?

  • qabalah

    Certainly. And I have faced it. We can communicate on this theme.

  • Laura

    i see Kandi as a sweet little cherub juxtaposed between trashy Kim, out-there Nene, stuckup Sheree and self-rightous Lisa. Nene is my favorite though. i did think she was more genuine last season, she’s over the top now and too self-aware.

  • charm

    Hi…i’m dying to know what’s the brand of the black bag that nene was toting when she and lisa went to l.a? i’m baffled. i really like it.hope you could answer my question.thanks!

  • valerie

    On the episode from this past week Lisa is wearing a larger black bag on the way to the photographers studio… what is it? It is beautiful!

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