Jimmy Choo Whipstitched Fur Crossbody, $1336 via Neiman Marcus

When I discovered the Jimmy Choo Whipstitched Fur Crossbody on Neiman Marcus’s sale page (naturally) last night, my brain flooded with innumerable questions. Why had I never seen this bag before? Surely it had been around for a while if it’s now on the sale page? I trawl Neiman Marcus for things to write about nearly every day, how did I miss it? Did it go directly to the sale page, do not pass go, do not collect $200? Might this be the most heinously awful crime against humanity that I’ve ever seen from a major handbag brand, or is it too hilarious to really be bad?

I’m not even sure I know where to start. The bag apparently comes with its very own (attached!) bed of raccoon tails so that no matter where you place it, it’s sure to act as an extremely expensive Swiffer and attract all the loose dust in a twelve-inch radius. Not to mention that while you’re walking, that giant wad of fur is going to be dangling from your hip the entire time.

And then there’s the strap! It looks like the kind of thick, fancy rope that you’d find at an upholstery shop frequented by the Real Housewives of New Jersey. No, actually, this is what it reminds me of (if you don’t know where this is headed, skip to around 3:30):

If the whipstitched reptile-and-leather bag had been on a normal strap, it would have been a perfectly passable crossbody option, but with half a dozen tassles and yards of rope and pounds of fur, it’s hard to remember that there’s even a bag there. I could imagine this bag looking the part in a Russian-themed Vogue editorial, but beyond that, I hope that no one plans to actual purchase or carry it. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $1336 (was $1995).

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rose60610
rose60610
11 years ago

I looked it up on the NM website. It measures 6″x6″ so maybe it would appeal to that lady in my writing class who always brings her microscopic two pound dog. It’d make a great pouch for the little yipper.

Rasheedah
Rasheedah
11 years ago

Your title of this post is hilarious. I can’t even see someone who is very hippie chic/bohemian carrying that thing.

roberto
roberto
11 years ago

i actually like it, not as a bag but it would be perfect for an editorial or as decoration in some arabian or russian inspired costume party but NEVER AS A BAG.

Karen
Karen
11 years ago

Definitely wtf worthy!! lol! love Jimmy Choo, but this looks like my curtain drapes!

Jamie
Jamie
11 years ago

LOL!!!! Before I saw your title I said out loud, what the F is that!!! Seriously! What were they they thinking???

suz
suz
11 years ago

WTF is probably why you/we haven’t seen it anywhere….WTF?

Chris
Chris
11 years ago

Hahahahah. This photo made me laugh. It’s alive. I swear, it – whatever IT is – is alive.

nappy
nappy
11 years ago
Reply to  Chris

i definitely agree! it looks like a cousin it went ahead to Jimmy Choo, accessorized itself and went to a halloween party as a Jimmy Choo Handbag! wrong season to release this bag Jimmy,,, should’ve released this haloween… hahahaha

Janis
Janis
11 years ago

The bottom part looks like the beard of a miniature schnauzer!

Sosti
Sosti
11 years ago

Really Jimmy Chio?? This looks like roAdkill…..

susan
susan
11 years ago

This is for sure one of those bags that I go “REALLY” I can’t believe how ugly this is

GG Pastel