Jimmy Choo Whipstitched Fur Crossbody, $1336 via Neiman Marcus

When I discovered the Jimmy Choo Whipstitched Fur Crossbody on Neiman Marcus’s sale page (naturally) last night, my brain flooded with innumerable questions. Why had I never seen this bag before? Surely it had been around for a while if it’s now on the sale page? I trawl Neiman Marcus for things to write about nearly every day, how did I miss it? Did it go directly to the sale page, do not pass go, do not collect $200? Might this be the most heinously awful crime against humanity that I’ve ever seen from a major handbag brand, or is it too hilarious to really be bad?

I’m not even sure I know where to start. The bag apparently comes with its very own (attached!) bed of raccoon tails so that no matter where you place it, it’s sure to act as an extremely expensive Swiffer and attract all the loose dust in a twelve-inch radius. Not to mention that while you’re walking, that giant wad of fur is going to be dangling from your hip the entire time.

And then there’s the strap! It looks like the kind of thick, fancy rope that you’d find at an upholstery shop frequented by the Real Housewives of New Jersey. No, actually, this is what it reminds me of (if you don’t know where this is headed, skip to around 3:30):

If the whipstitched reptile-and-leather bag had been on a normal strap, it would have been a perfectly passable crossbody option, but with half a dozen tassles and yards of rope and pounds of fur, it’s hard to remember that there’s even a bag there. I could imagine this bag looking the part in a Russian-themed Vogue editorial, but beyond that, I hope that no one plans to actual purchase or carry it. Buy through Neiman Marcus for $1336 (was $1995).

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  • rose60610

    I looked it up on the NM website. It measures 6″x6″ so maybe it would appeal to that lady in my writing class who always brings her microscopic two pound dog. It’d make a great pouch for the little yipper.

  • Rasheedah

    Your title of this post is hilarious. I can’t even see someone who is very hippie chic/bohemian carrying that thing.

  • roberto

    i actually like it, not as a bag but it would be perfect for an editorial or as decoration in some arabian or russian inspired costume party but NEVER AS A BAG.

  • Karen

    Definitely wtf worthy!! lol! love Jimmy Choo, but this looks like my curtain drapes!

  • Jamie

    LOL!!!! Before I saw your title I said out loud, what the F is that!!! Seriously! What were they they thinking???

  • suz

    WTF is probably why you/we haven’t seen it anywhere….WTF?

  • Chris

    Hahahahah. This photo made me laugh. It’s alive. I swear, it – whatever IT is – is alive.

    • nappy

      i definitely agree! it looks like a cousin it went ahead to Jimmy Choo, accessorized itself and went to a halloween party as a Jimmy Choo Handbag! wrong season to release this bag Jimmy,,, should’ve released this haloween… hahahaha

  • Janis

    The bottom part looks like the beard of a miniature schnauzer!

  • Sosti

    Really Jimmy Chio?? This looks like roAdkill…..

  • susan

    This is for sure one of those bags that I go “REALLY” I can’t believe how ugly this is

  • Joyce

    Seriously too ridiculous for words.

  • Kat

    Goodness me. I half expect it to walk away on its own!

    http://dontaskmetosmile.wordpress.com

  • JenG

    The person who created the design for this bag should be fired. This is the ugliest bag I’ve ever seen!

  • Monpetitsecret

    Looks like a dead animal. Best option if your landlord don’t allow dogs.

    • Sil

      lol yes, and it could serve as revenge too! i bet they would get scared of it!

  • Tiffany H.

    That is just awful! Jimmy Choo ought to be ashamed of themselves.

  • Shannon

    WTF is right! It looks like an ugly curtain and a shaggy rug had a baby.

  • J Umm
  • mochababe73

    I think that the head buyer that approved the purchase of this bag should be fired. You would have to pay me $1300 to take this off their hands.

  • Angela

    I can see this as the winner of the WTF Hall of Fame in the future. Hands down.

  • Lizzy

    Disaster.

  • Dana

    *facepalm*

  • Rashida

    Seems like some companies will put out anything to sell. This is horrible and Neiman’s oughta be ashamed for trying to sel some crap like that!

  • elizabeth

    That bag is just wrong.

  • bisbee

    Dreadful!

  • A Few Goody Gumdrops

    Putting it on sale is too kind! There must be a chic dumpster for fugly’s!

  • Alexandra Davidoff

    As I look at this monstrosity all I can think of is the poor animal who’s fur was pulled off it’s body just to hang off someone’s shoulder in a way that is neither stylish nor beautiful. I am not a PETA supporter, and I see nothing wrong with using the fur of animals we eat the meat of, but this horrible excuse of a bag makes me think some animals are better left alive than manipulated into this kind of ugliness.

  • Elyse Greenberg

    Ew. That is the only word that accurately describes this monstrosity.

  • erinleighstevie

    Wow this really is a WTF bag. And to think of the poor little racoonsters that suffered in order to make something hideous like this.

  • Blaine

    Yeah, with sleeked-down and austerity wardrobe, I would totally own this. Vui Znaiyu? I rather love it, actually.

  • Alice

    I’m not sure I would wear this even if you paid me. For $10 no. For $100 maybe. For $1000 ok I’ll wear it then throw it into the trash and go buy myself a real bag.

    • Alexandra Davidoff

      Wow, you really must NEED the money if you were to agree to wearing this monstrosity even for an hour!

  • Mae

    This is a definite WTF bag of the day!

  • Antonia

    Ugly bag! I love the title of this post! :)

  • Katia

    I am a risk taker at fashion! But even for me this is a wtf moment :P

  • monica

    a truly WTF moment just now..

  • Anita

    I can’t believe anyone would pay good money for this monstrosity.

  • Laura

    That thing looks like “The Monster Book of Monsters” from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban…for real.

  • Nadia

    Ew ew ew! What was Jimmy Choo thinking?!?!?!?

  • Mari

    Jimmy Choo is so weird. How do you make fantastic shoes but constantly miss the mark with handbags? He should seriosly stick to what he does best.

  • Sil

    that should be the name of that bag, the WTF bag!
    i don’t even know what to say, it’s just so ugly, and way way way over the top, that i can’t believe it’s real
    maybe jimmy choo is trying to see if they could really sell anything at all, as long as it has their name? or maybe it was a dare? i don’t even know what to think 0.0

  • Jennie

    Who would even wear this monstrosity?

  • 19yearslater

    It doesn’t look useable and it’s hideous. Definite miss, Jimmy Choo.

  • bonniesgirl

    Too scary!!!

  • Dana

    i thought by now jimmy choo would realize that they should stick to shoes and leave purse making to those who do it well!

  • Sakyie

    I’m not sure what to say about this. What the eff were they thinking?!

  • Niclaire

    Thanks for giving that type information.That information is so helpful to us.Will be visit again on your website.

  • FillerAve

    This is exactly what I imagine a sheep that got tangled in a curtain tassel would look like.

  • Sunny

    It looks like brushed and dyed yak hair. UGH

  • kathryn

    …..it looks like roadkill :(

    • Alexandra Davidoff

      Agree 100%

  • rysch

    when they’re bad, they are REALLY bad. ugly bad.

  • jen

    It’s as if the designers at Jimmy Choo only had access to a furniture store aka Project Runway challenge

  • Laura

    this is disgusting. like the jimmy choo for ugg. GROSS

  • Snowvixens

    Maybe its a one off for tamara Mellon. You know it might be a so english type thing.

  • romir

    great work of creativity!!!!!!!

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