To paraphrase F. Scott Fitzgerald: the rich are different from you and me. And if they're super rich, they're different from even garden-variety wealthy people. For instance, have you ever considered spending five grand on a fork? Did you even know that was possible? What a time to be alive.
Because Moda Operandi serves a customer base unlike any other on the Internet (people who pre-order four-figure silk blouses six months in advance might have considered the aforementioned fork), the site's gift guide is like the traditional Neiman Marcus Christmas Book on steroids. When you and all your friends don't need another Sephora gift card, it's the place to turn. (It also features some lovely pieces within reach for mere mortals, but let's focus on the task at hand, okay?)
Asprey 167 Crocodile Bag with 18k Gold and Cognac Diamond Hardware
$114,000 via Moda Operandi
If you ever wondered what happens when you're so mind-bendingly rich that you've bought all the Birkins you could possibly want and need a new direction to go in, now you know.
Baccarat Zenith Nervous Chandelier
$218,700 via Moda Operandi
Presumably, this chandelier is called the "nervous" because that's how the contractors on ladders feel while trying to install a light fixture worth nearly a quarter million dollars.
Buccellati Baroque Pearl and Diamond Necklace
$185,000 via Moda Operandi
Once you've got this, all you need are jeans and a t-shirt and you're out the door in a flash in the mornings.
Cartier 14k Gold Art Deco Cigarette Box
$16,000 via Moda Operandi
If you've go 16 grand for a tiny vice box, I hope you have a more interesting and glamorous vice to fill it with than Marlboro Lights.
Cedes Milano Mother of Pearl Lighter Holder
$371 via Moda Operandi
On the other hand, I hope the people who buy this use it exclusively to cradle the cheap Bic they had their assistants fetch from the bodega they won't deign to go to themselves.
Dome Carbon Fiber Fork with 18k Rose Gold and Diamonds
$4,800 via Moda Operandi
I never thought I'd say this, but: I have no idea what you're supposed to do with this fork?
Hansa Toys Ride-On Brontosaurus
$1,034 via Moda Operandi
This is just something to distract the little dear while your scientist minions work on genetically engineering an actual dinosaur for her to ride to school.
Happy Plugs Made-to-Order 18k Gold Earbuds
$14,500 via Moda Operandi
My usual test of earbuds is whether or not they effectively block out subway mariachis, but I guess that's not really a concern for people with $14,500 headphones.
Pologeorgis Velvet-Lined Mink Blanket
$15,000 via Moda Operandi
Does this blanket also get you access to some kind of super-premium Netflix service so you can have an extremely luxurious burrito blanket situation on a Sunday afternoon?
Rusting Red Car in Kuau by Jean-Michel Basquiat
$5,000,000 via Moda Operandi
I'll take two.
Simon Treakle Silver-Plated Lighthouse Cocktail Shaker
$10,800 via Moda Operandi
If you use this thing to make a gin cocktail on an actual yacht, you level up to become some kind of ultra-blue blood.
Steve Aoki Custom Playlist and Las Vegas Meet-and-Greet
$150,000 via Moda Operandi
I have two fun facts for you:
1. Steve Aoki's dad founded Benihana.
2. Spotify will make you a customized playlist every week for like ten bucks a month. (Gold-plated iPod not included, as it is with this package.)