I’m having trouble coming up with words to describe last night’s second installment of the Real Housewives of New York Reunion other than “shouty” and “annoying,” which probably gives you a pretty good indication of how things went, even if you didn’t watch the show yourself. And if you didn’t, mazel tov. You’re smarter than we are.
I didn’t hate this season of Real Housewives as much as some of you did, but the reunions have really worn me down. I couldn’t be more pleased that we’re only getting one episode of Housewives per week until the Beverly Hills ladies return in early September, because it’s starting to feel like Bravo’s beating a dead horse. We need a break, or at least I do.
1. Ramona was still sticking to her story about LuAnn’s video. If Ramona didn’t want to help LuAnn because she doesn’t like her, she should just say that. Especially now because her “logic” has been so thoroughly destroyed. NONE of us like LuAnn. We’d all understand!
2. Jill is still horrible. And that’s exactly how she should be. They showed some clips of her being snippy, catty, mean and generally talking behind people’s backs in every way possible, which more or less put to rest any argument Jill could make that she’s changed. She hasn’t! And she shouldn’t, because even though I kind of hate her half the time, the other half of the time, I think she’s hilarious. If Jill were suddenly nice and cuddly and always forthright to people about her feelings, she’d cease to be Jill. And you saw how much camera time Kelly didn’t get this season because she was sane…
3. We’re still not sure if Ramona is an alcoholic. The brunettes seemed sure that she had a problem, the blondes weren’t so sure. Might she be? Maybe. But I don’t think there was any absolute indication one way or the other from the footage that we all saw, and the way that the brunettes latched onto the idea so happily wreaked of collusion. (As did the way they went after Alex. Put a pin in that, we’re going to talk about it later.)
I think the discussion of Ramona’s on-camera drinking habits was fair, though. Not only is it something that fans have been wondering about for at least two season now, but if Ramona didn’t want anyone to get that idea, perhaps the first words out of her mouth every time someone pointed a camera at her shouldn’t have been “pinot grigio.” What wasn’t fair, though, was the fact that her initial reaction to questions about her drinking habits was to tell the world that Jill’s in Alcoholics Anonymous.
That little shitfit was bad for a couple of reasons. First, I don’t think Jill’s actually in AA. If she were, we would know it by now, and I don’t ever remember hearing any whispers about it at all. Second, IT’S AA. It’s anonymous, and outing someone who’s in AA and who hasn’t yet chosen to out themselves is just about the crappiest thing you can do. It was kneejerk defensiveness at its finest, and it actually made me more likely to believe that Ramona does have some sort of problem that she needs to address. Misdirection doesn’t work with me, missy.
4. We got a guided tour to LuAnn’s condescension and it was fabulous. The key to LuAnn’s meanness has always been her ability to deny that anything she says is meant in a mean way, but when it’s all played back-to-back like that, she fumbled for some sort of excuse as to why those things weren’t actually mean. But it’s classless to correct someone’s pronunciation in public, let alone all the other stuff she’s done.
LuAnn also didn’t seem to grasp why people might hold her to a different standard of behavior, and she actually said that she’s not trying to teach anyone anything about behavior. Did she forget that she wrote (“wrote”) that book about how everyone should act? Was it not intended to be instructive, and did she not hold herself out as an expert on proper behavior and etiquette? If you want to be a total hosebeast (y’all loved that word last week, so here it is again, just for you!), don’t also seek to profit by telling others what’s wrong with how they go about their daily lives. You can pick one or the other, but not both.
5. Everyone hates Simon. Although still, no one could produce any actual “mean tweets,” and Alex pointed out that if they had existed, someone would have seen them or found them by now. Which is true! And at this point, I don’t think that they ever actually existed, because Jill is good enough at this game to know that she should print stuff like that out when it happens so that she can refer to it later. But still, “watch out” is creepy as hell. I’ll give them that. Telling someone to “watch out,” particularly a man saying it to a woman, is not making Simon’s argument any better.
Of course, the elephant in the room when Alex’s defense of Simon is being picked on is that none of these women actually like each other but Ramona and Sonja. If you were surprised thatAlex doesn’t care if Simon calls Jill a c-u-next-Tuesday, you haven’t been paying attnetion. I doubt Jill would stop Bobby from saying the same thing. Wouldn’t you side with the dude you married over those people too? Even if he’s being kind of vulgar and annoying? I know I would. Hell, I’d side with my dentist over those women.
6. They’re not big fans of Alex either. I know that some of you are completely convinced that Alex is malevolent, and to be honest, I do not understand your reasoning. At all. Sure, she’s a little awkward at times and makes some frightening faces when she’s flustered, but the Brunette team seems to have gotten together before the reunion and decided to work together to make sure that she never finished a sentence, answered a question in full or otherwise had an opportunity to express herself in any kind of reasonable way. If they hate it so much when Alex gets red and anxiety-ridden, why don’t they lay off her and let her finish a thought?
Because they’re trying to push her off the show, that’s why. And maybe they’re just doing it to get rid of Simon, or maybe it’s because they’re the kind of people who always need a target. I’m not sure! But whatever the reason, all four of them decided to hate Alex simultaneously. And I’m sure the irrational Alex haters loved it, but based on the Twitter reaction, most people just found it tedious and mean. (I’m one of those people.)
7. Ramona spent some time reading Morocco’s Wikipedia entry. She had literacy statistics and everything, presumably to prove that she’s not the reason that everyone hates America. But she is! People like her are exactly the reason.
8. I’m sick of Kelly. For me, that was the big takeaway of the entire reunion fiasco. Kelly had garnered a lot of goodwill from most regular Housewives viewers during the season by making what was seemingly an about-face from Crazy Kelly on Crazy Island last season. And in a single reunion’s time, she squandered that goodwill and returned straight to the petty, nonsensical, mean-spirited bimbo she had been for the entirety of her time on the show thus far. She spent all that time and energy being even-keeled and reasonable, and then she ruined it for herself.