If you watched last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York and didn’t want to stab every last one of them in the face, except for Alex and maybe (inexplicably?) Kelly, 15 minutes in to the episode, then you’re a far more patient person than I am. Ladies, I’ve figured out why they hate us. Her name is Ramona Singer.

Not that she was the only problem last night. Not by a long shot. In fact, I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to recap what went on. When the episode was over, Megs and I sat in stunned silence, completely unable to think thoughts or feel feelings. Well, other than overwhelming shame and vicarious embarrassment, of course.

We started on the plane to Morocco with LuAnn trying to teach everyone how to say “darling” in Arabic and Jill wondering if “salaam” was a result of Arabs mis-hearing “shalom.” Jill Zarin: A woman who never took a linguistics class in college. Or maybe any class in college. Before we knew it, the plane had landed and the brunette contingent was off to the house, and despite the fact that the group contained Jill, Kelly and LuAnn, it was the relatively unembarrassing and sane half of the crew. Ladies, when you make Kelly “Satchels of Gold” Bensimon seem rational and even-keeled, it’s time to consider whether or not your continued existence is really doing humanity any great favors.

On the second shift flight came the blondes, although it was never addressed why all the ladies couldn’t have flown on one plane. Did the brunettes refuse to spent 15 hours trapped in the sky with the blondes? Is Alex going to defect at some point and leave Ramona and Sonja to drown in booze on their own? I feel like that has to happen sooner or later, unless the producers instructed her to stand her ground with the other blondes to extend the plot a bit further. For her part, Ramona continued to talk about Marrakech like it was similar to visiting downtown Baghdad, and she expressed fear that there wouldn’t be white sheets and pinot grigio.

Once on the ground and headed to the palatial, very fancy house that LuAnn had “chosen,” (more likely, Bravo chose it and appointed her the trip leader to give her a story line for the season), Ramona had some further complaints. For one, she doesn’t like dust, and it was everywhere. Like, why couldn’t they just clean up Morocco so it’s not dusty for Ramona? She called ahead and asked them to, why hadn’t it been done? What? Something about a desert? I don’t understand. She called ahead!

Another thing that Ramona didn’t like is that there were, like, poor people. Just out there, being seen, as though that were acceptable. Lord knows that a delicate flower like Ramona “Turtle Time” Singer can’t be exposed to such things. She’s from New York City, after all, where there are absolutely zero poor people. That guy who I saw on the six train last night, dancing a jig in the subway car for quarters? He was on his way back home to a meticulously restored pre-war townhouse on the Upper East Side, of course. He just likes to dance and sometimes people give him quarters for it, do you have a problem with that?

Things didn’t improve once the blondes arrived to the resort, but this time it was Sonja’s turn to make a complete ass of herself. You see, Sonja was sure that those shifty guys outside were going to steal her luggage out of the back of the van. Never mind that one of them was the driver and the other one was a hotel porter and that they had both been asked to stay with the luggage and they were being filmed by a huge camera crew that had taken over the entire property. Sonja was pretty sure that while they were having cocktails inside, her cashmere sweaters were being auctioned off to the highest bidder out in the driveway. When she went to bust up the operation she found…the two guys standing by a closed van, guarding the luggage as they had been asked to do. But still. Gotta keep an eye on The Help.

Back inside, some sort of riot had broken out over hangers. Cindy had some, and then she didn’t have them, and Ramona had lots. Cindy was very offended by the absence of her hangers and apparently didn’t realize that Ramona is a stone-cold crazyperson and you have to pick your battles with her, because she will out-crazy you every time. Instead of asking a member of the staff for additional hangers, Cindy went to retrieve hers from Ramona and later Sonja, who both denied taking them in the first place. Instead of leaving it at that, Cindy wanted to argue about it. All Ramona wanted to do was get back to untangling her jewelry and exasperatedly instructing the maid on how to unpack her suitcase. (That’s right, Ramona cannot be bothered to unpack her own bag of skanky, regionally inappropriate cocktail dresses.)

Once LuAnn showed up to save the day with additional hangers, it was time for the ladies to have lunch. Except the ladies didn’t want to have lunch. Alex wanted to lie down and recover from the hours of traveling, which seemed reasonable, while Sonja and Ramona wanted to, uh, “go for a drive.” They had apparently rubbed their last two brain cells together and used The Google to find a resort nearby where they could swill cocktails and busboys, but they didn’t want to tell anyone where they were going or invite the others to come along or even vaguely pretend like they were on a trip with a group with whom they were expected to socialize. Because, you know, that’s kind of their job. They’re getting a paycheck to hang out and drink cocktails with these other people, which it seems Sonja could sorely use (the paycheck, not the cocktails), but even then they couldn’t be arsed to actually do it.

While Ramona and Sonja were hitting on the hotel bar busboys elsewhere, the brunette contingent headed to a fabric store for reasons that weren’t clear and somehow, Jill ran into her best gay and acted like it was a surprise. She then mentioned that she actually invited him (I can’t remember his name at the moment…Greg? We’ll call him Greg.) because he has a house in Morocco, so it wasn’t really a surprise, but our housewives can be good actresses if they so choose. Apparently Greg hates Ramona too, which only makes me wonder – are there people who like Ramona? Other than Sonja, of course, who is too booze-addled to really form opinions.

After Sonja and Ramona rejoined the group in the evening, LuAnn introduced Morocco’s foremost designer, who would be making custom kaftans for the ladies. Except Ramona didn’t like that either. Ramona doesn’t like fabric. She wanted the Moroccan designer to make her the kaftan equivalent of an Herve Leger dress and didn’t understand why that was such an odd request, and as if on cue, Sonja interrupted to ask him to measure her boobs. Can’t someone march those two out into the desert and leave them there? And after this debacle, can the US government perhaps consider no longer issuing passports to Real Housewives? They don’t represent us well.

Oh, and I almost forgot – Ramona asked the designer to put a log on the fire. He’s brown, he must be The Help, right? Make a kaftan, maintain the fire, whatever. Maybe he can drive them around in one of those pedicabs too. At this point, I feel like I should go out on the street and start finding random people and apologizing to them. I’m not sure why. It just seems like the right thing to do, even if anyone who didn’t watch Real Housewives last night would be mightily confused. If you can think of another way to remedy the grievous wrongs done to human society by last night’s episode, please let me know.

Somehow, the designer managed to finish taking everyone’s measurements and leave without stabbing anyone, which was kind of a miracle, and the group headed to the souk for Brad’s birthday party. It was at a bed and breakfast instead of his house, which Jill seemed to think was some sort of scandal that we’d all care about, but I was too distracted by how the entire group seemed to think that they were going to be robbed in the middle of the souk by some sort of roving band of thieves. Never mind that there were seven of them and they were surrounded by a large camera and production crew who were filming their every move – they’re American ladies (and I do use the word “ladies” loosely) out after dark in a strange land! Surely some sort of peril would befall them! Sadly, none did.

Once they arrived at the party, things did not improve. Shocker, I know. Sonja was already drunk off her ass and flirting inappropriately with the seemingly terrified staff, and all Ramona could do was sit on the couch and shout for pinot grigio in hopes that someone might wheel her IV over so that she could hook herself up for the night. Someone offered chardonnay, and let me tell you, Ramona Singer does not drink chardonnay, and how dare anyone imply that she might be willing to do such a thing. For most of the party, I tried to focus on Cindy’s pretty patterned maxi dress and forget that anything else was happening. There was something with a snake that was too creepy and traumatic for words, I’m pretty sure. Let’s never speak of it again.

To end the evening, the ladies all consulted a fortune teller who was cloaked in an abaya and niqab, probably to protect her identity so that she wouldn’t be associated with these morons for the rest of her life. And for the most part, she was right on the money; she told Jill she had a big mouth, Sonja that she should stop looking for a man with money, and then dropped The Affair Bomb on Ramona. The fortune teller spoke in French and Kelly had to translate, and when she announced it, Sonja burst into tears. Probably because she was drunk, but also maybe because she knows it’s true? We’ll find out more details later, but when you think about it, it is kind of a miracle that anyone can remain married to Ramona for decades. I’m not sure that I’d be able to do it without a side piece either.

I supposed we have two more weeks of Moroccan Madness left to go, and I’m unsure how I feel about it. On the one hand, that was fairly compelling television. On the other hand, I’m not sure I can take that many weeks of horrific embarrassment. At least we get to see LuAnn fly off a camel next Thursday.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • MelanieDahling

    I only saw the second half of the show so I have to watch it again to truly absorb the whole debacle in (and theres 3 weeks of this apparently). But this was the first time in 3 years I think that Jill didnt look TOTALLY aborrent to me. Strange, as I hate her.

  • pg1908

    I always had a theory that Ramona and her husband were swingers…I guess the fortune teller dashed that one.

  • SuzieQ

    Love your recaps, but today’s wasca little too mean-spirited. One thing that bugged me was your comment that Ramona’s dresses were skanky- they were not, and regionally inappropriate (?)- what does that even mean? Yes, her clothes ( cough, white shorts! ) are not even CLOSE to age appropriate, and for an Arabic country, her clothes were not modest enough. But, she’s clearly having a mid-life crisis, so I’m cutting herva little slack.
    On a different note, Jill and her flying monkeys are showing their true colors these past two episodes. Total bitches.

    • I just can’t watch an offensive, jingoistic train wreck and be all sunshine and rainbows about it. It was abhorrent and embarrassing, and if anything, this post probably doesn’t even describe how horrified I was for the entire episode. Megs and I watched it together, and when we were done, we didn’t even know what to say to each other about it. I’m surprised I even wrote a recap.

      And I don’t think it’s at all obvious that Ramona is having some sort of crisis – some people are just nasty, awful people. Their entire lives. She didn’t seem the slightest bit embarrassed by her behavior when they interviewed her on WWHL and said she wouldn’t have acted differently or done anything differently. She was wall-to-wall offensive and entitled for the entire show, as was Sonja.

      “Regionally inappropriate” means inappropriate for the local culture. And since we didn’t see much of the clothing she brought, I described it based on what the other housewives said about how inappropriate they were during the show.

      • Rweda

        Absolutely right Megan, I am from near Morroco (libya) and the clothes she brought were inconsiderate to the culture, nonetheless, the morrocan people remained gracious towards her

      • Ashley

        All the other recaps I read about this show (and there are alot- I don’t watch because I only have basic cable but I love reading the recaps) said the same thing about Ramona- and her clothes!

    • Kjon

      SuzieQ – Once again as a fellow reader/ weekly commenter, I completely disagree with what you’re saying down to every last word.
      Calling dresses that are inappropriate for Ramona’s age and environs “skanky” is mean-spirited in what way exactly? I mean, comparative to calling Jill & Co “flying monkeys” and “total bitches”.
      I don’t mean to act like Amanda needs a guard dog or anything but I really don’t see your side at all.

      • Thanks doll, I do appreciate the support and kindness.

      • Lorie

        I’m no expert, but isn’t this style of writing considered to be satire? If so, then Amanda is just doing what satire does – points out the ridiculous and makes fun of it.

  • NCGal

    Makes COMPLETE sense; no wonder Ramona is so freakin’ insecure and why she’s so abusive to everyone: she’s alcoholic, comes from crazy, and now we find out her husband is a rat-bastard! I thought as much whenever Ramona and Avery were together, I would see Avery cringe and roll up like a potato-bug. She could someohow contain the charade of “happy family.” NOW it makes sense. Poor Ramona, needs help.

  • HW addict

    Your recap is so right on! i laughed out loud the entire time i was reading it. i love your conclusion! Please keep them coming!

    Thanks!

  • Vividtexas

    ” At this point, I feel like I should go out on the street and start finding random people and apologizing to them. I’m not sure why. It just seems like the right thing to do…” Amanda, you took the words right out of my mouth (ok, head…but you get my drift….) Totally cringe-worthy!

  • Mirna

    This episode was just weird! Everyone acted crazy. And by the way Habibi means “my love” in Arabic so Luanne has no clue what she’s talking about with her “darling” crap.

  • FallonLatrece

    OMG this episode was embarrassing from the start. I wanted to turn as soon as Ramona started talking about dust, and poor people. How sad for her, and she didn’t even get it when she was on WWHL. I did start to think that maybe Ramona is an alcoholic. Her and Sonya were just to much to take last night. Ramona’s clothes were inappropriate, and it doesn’t take a genius to know that there is a cultural difference. I’m surprised you didn’t mention the lunch conversation when all the ladies were talking about Sonya’s 1900s townhouse that hasn’t been renovated.

    Love you recap, and I sat through the entire episode thinking “what is Amanda going to say about this”

    • CeeDee

      Fallon I’m so with you on that one!!! Ramona is a disgrace & an alcoholic – just like Kim from RHoBH. She’s such a liability this season I’m surprised more people aren’t taking her to AAA meetings. Sonya is an entitled ass whose now broke and -as you pointed out correctly- can’t sustain her lifestyle anymore. Jill came off pretty well all things considered, she’s a bitch but it seemed warranted this ep. Is it me or is she better this season? Cindy/Kelly/LuAnn were fine. I could go for a cocktail with them but Kelly would need to okay it with her handlers/doctor.
      As per, the best behaved, most normal & downright down to earth of the group was Alex. She is allowed a passport.

  • Kate M

    Great recap…I didn’t think anyone could fully capture the horror of this episode in so few words. It truly is no wonder why the world thinks we’re all ill-mannered morons. Who knew that Ramona could out-prima donna LuAnn? 600 thread-count white sheets, hand weights, “help” unpacking…yikes!

  • PhotoGirl

    Where does one even begin?
    When you go out to make your random apologies, I’ll come with you. You don’t have to be white to be mortified. I’m not, but as an American, I wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and hide. You are dead on as far as why they hate us goes: Ramona and Sonja. Exhibits A and B. And did you hear Ramona call the riad (villa) a “jihad?” Lord have mercy!
    Ramona’s clothes were completely inappropriate and if she’d bothered to do a moment’s research, she would have known that. I had a friend like that. (“Had” being the operative word.) She wore very short shorts to The Vatican. And when she was denied admission, as we knew she would be, we left her to fend for herself in Rome while we took the tour.
    The stereotype of the Ugly American didn’t just spring, full grown, from some non-American’s head. Sadly, people like Ramona and Sonja are on tour everywhere. Let’s just hope the price of airline tickets keeps more of them at home this year.
    I’m finding Kelly more sympathetic with every episode. She, at least, seems to have learned something from the previous season.
    I loved Cindy’s dress, too. Any ideas as to who designed it?

  • Ziz

    Last nights’ episode appalled me. I’m moroccan, and you cannot believe how badly i wanted to punch Ramona and Sonja in the face. The way they made fun of my country really hurt me. I knew that they weren’t the brightest of bulbs, but there is a limit to how stupid a person can be.

    • c.c.

      Listen, I’m from NJ. I reached outrage fatigue a long time ago about the way we’re portrayed by the these idiot shows. Don’t let it bother you. It didn’t make the country look bad, it just made the dim bulb housewives look even worse. And I didn’t think that was possible.

    • Lisa in Oregon

      Ziz – I’d like to apologize for their behavior. It was horrible and disrespectful. Please don’t think all Americans are this insensitive and ignorant.

  • amw

    I think Ramona’s behavior on WWHL stems from the fact that every time she’s been on as a guest since the end of last season, the callers and commenters have been self proclaimed members of “Team Ramona.” I think she feels that unlike Jill, the public is on her side and therefore no apologies are necessary. She’s wrong, however, if she thinks the goodwill she gained from being on Bethany’s side last season will carry her for much longer if she keeps this up. Bethany even said on a WWHL after show that she was no longer speaking to Ramona. Enough is enough.

  • Lisa

    Great recap as always. Reading your recaps is more fun than watching the show!

    What do you all think…was the card reader paid by Bravo to say those things to continue building the “plot”?

  • adrienne z

    darn job – wish i was retired or a stayathome mom. have to work missed everything.

  • suz

    Great and spot-on recap! Morocco didn’t work for “Sex and the City.” How totally unimaginative for Bravo to try for a re-do. After watching last night’s show (or at least the 15 minute fast forward version) I feel like I had a cataclysmic shift. The brunettes…..even Jill were so much more likable than those awful, awful and embarrassing blondes. Coming soon…..Alex as a brunette (she’s no fool). Ramona has set a new bar for odious, delusional and obnoxious. And we can only hope Sonja finds some underwear soon. She’s beginning to make Britanny look like a class ace. Hopefully most Moroccans won’t see this insult to their culture and country.

    • suz

      ….class act…..

  • Har

    Oh dear heavens, that was beyond horrible. I am appalled that Bravo apparently considers this, as well as others of their “reality” offerings, entertainment that reflects well on their network. Seemingly, there are people who think Ramona and Sonja are hilarious. I find them crude, ill-mannered, ignoramuses. I am truly offended by these antics, have chosen not to watch the other reality shows for similar reasons, and won’t be watching this one further.

  • Bagolicious

    Ziz: I agree. I was also appalled. It just left me speechless. I’m American and was on vacation in Marrakesh in 1983; female, 28 and solo. The people were great and really just took me under their wings. The same went for Tunisia the previous summer , as well as other places in Africa more recently.

    I remember that at the hotel where I stayed in Marrakesh, two of the waiters came to work early to serve me breakfast because I had a very early morning flight to France. I told them not to worry and that I’d just eat on the plane. But, they insisted. I was the only person in a big dining room eating breakfast at around 6:00AM. There had been continuous acts of kindness during my whole stay and not only by the staff, but by others around Marrakesh.

    For that group of Housewife morons to be outright insulting of a culture and its people is just intolerable. In nearly 40 years of traveling around the world, I have heard the “ugly American” comments more than I have needed to, although “ugly” doesn’t only come in “American”. I’ve seen and overheard plenty of “ugliness” from non-Americans. And their was a lot of “ugliness” from another nationality that stayed at the same hotel as I in Marrakesh. The waiters would comment to me , as we would watch them clap their hands and shout for the waiters to serve them.

    Don’t these women realize that when they leave the U.S. and go to another country that they are representing their country, whether they want to or not? By their egregious behavior, it will just make things more difficult for other Americans.

    As for their clothes, many of them indeed had inappropriate clothing. But, they obviously could have cared less, because we all know that when one has money that one doesn’t have to play by the rules. And one doesn’t have to do any pre- trip research before one leaves home.

    Ramona’s nasty, “poor” comments were just sickening and especially when she had bragged about growing up “poor”, but having made it.

    The only”sane” one in this episode seemed to be Alex and especially when she was appalled by the comments made in the van on their way to their riad. For them to make such inappropriate comments, in the van with the driver, was just the last straw.

    I think LuAnn should sing a new song, “Money can’t buy you manners”.

    • JenG

      As horrible as Ramona and Sonya behavior was while driving to their riad, I pray to God that LuAnn never sing again I honestly felt bad for the driver.

  • LatteLover

    I couldn’t believe the train wreck of an episode this was. It did make for very entertaining (and equally mortifying) television. But as someone from Middle Eastern descent, I was pretty shocked at some of the comments from these ladies. You would assume people from as diverse an area as NYC, from seemingly “high status” backgrounds would be a bit more versed in culture and decorum, especially when visiting a foreign country. I guess what was really the most appalling was how they treated the hotel staff, and the caftan designer (which I’m sure sells these gorgeous pieces for thousands!). They really were not gracious at all. I can only wonder if they really understand when watching back these episodes that they are not representing themselves well. Mainly Ms. Sonja and Ramona. Please, act your age ladies. This was an absolute disgrace! I also hope this is the end of the “ya habibi”s, it ain’t cute!

  • Manuela

    What in the hell happened to RHONY?! After this mess, relace them all or shut it down like RHODC (which I liked a lot and was sad to see go)… I’m about done with this mess.

    Fantastic recap as always, Amanda. Thanks for doin’ your thing, even when you must be throwing up in your mouth a little as you do it.

  • LatteLover

    Did anyone else notice when Ramona said that “sonja was trying to tell a funny antidote”? That tickled me to no end.

    • Dawn

      YES! I thought I was the only one that noticed that! I turned to my husband and said, did she say antidote??? LOL

      • suz

        Idiots….all! luann has a tendency to start sentences with “Her and him……..followed by a verb…….such a class act. It makes me cringe everytime she does it.

  • Jazz

    I was cringing the entire episode. Why on the bravotv blog- they justified asking the Kaftan designer to put a log in the fire b/c HE WAS A MAN. SMH. Ramona- google is your friend. Learn about culture

  • SuzieQ

    Ok, ok, I re watched the episode. Maybe I was being a little too generous. I was more than a little hungover, so I was doling out slack left and right. Ramona’s behavior and her clothing were out of this world crazy and wrong. I was so mortified the second time around watching ALL of the ladies’ behavior. I do, however, stand by my comments about Jill and her flying monkeys. As always, love this blog & the comments. It is better than watching the show. Guess I was just a little sentimental, blame it on the alcohol…

    • Hey, it happens to the very best of us! No worries :)

    • I feel you on the hangover, girlfriend. I was right there with you on Thursday.

  • Melissa

    Cringe worthy episode with a spot on recap Amanda. In the midst of feeling pure embarrassment, did anyone else notice the velvet necklace stands while Ramona was unpacking. I feel like Ramona’s product placement efforts have officially surpassed obnoxious and ventured into omg-just-stop-it-now.

    • Yeah, those were terrible, plus she was wearing a t-shirt with the giant logo of her jewelry brand on the airplane. I didn’t mind it so much with Skinnygirl because it seemed like it was truly a part of Bethenny’s everyday life and a real business, but Ramona just seems like she’s shilling for something that’s not even a legit product. Just ugly jewelry that she wants to make a quick buck on.

  • Engr mom

    This year I’ve been pretty bad, for some reason I’m not able to find time to watch any of these hw, occasionally I would catch a rerun. From reading your recap maybe it’s a good things. I’m first generation American and being able to speak more than one language and growing up with mix culture I’ve noticed that people appreciate when you take time to learn their culture and even couple phrases of their language they will warm up to you right away because you take time to know them. I just wish people not just American respect other culture when they travel and go places. Anyway Amanda I think you have a competition at least on nj, somehow j Moore was able to be a guess blog for bravo. I find his take as refreshing as yours.

    • Haha, well Jay Mohr is a professional comedian and significantly more rich and famous than I am, so it would be sad if his recaps weren’t at least as good as mine!

      • c.c.

        Jay doesn’t hold a candle to you. But he is funny.

    • Ashleyg

      OMG- I Just checked out Jay’s blog and it is pretty freakin hilarious- I’d say he and Amanda are pretty tit for tat- especially since Amanda is not even a professional comedian. That actually says TONS for you Amanda because you make us all literally LOL!

  • kemilia

    Great Recap as always.

    Is it just me or does Romana’s necklace have a 69 on it?

    Either way, I love watching this disaster.

  • adrienne z

    crazy – they’re all crazy

  • Willbuy

    Totally agree with your recap. Can’t stand Ramona. I think she needs an intervention at AA. Or else she ‘s trying to become the bethenny of Pinot grigio. I would never buy her Pinot no matter how good cause I find her so offensive. She was even worse on Watch what happens live.

    • c.c.

      Shockingly she is even worse on WWHL. And this is where they usually clean up their act.

  • Carla

    “If you can think of another way to remedy the grievous wrongs done to human society by last night’s episode, please let me know.”

    In days gone by it would be accomplished by delivering their heads on a stick to the wronged party.

  • Ashleyg

    Late watching this episode, late to this post, but ohmeeegeez! I know they say money doesn’t buy class but Lord, could it have at least rented some for this trip!?! Horrible, horrible, horrible! Even after reading this detail-for-detail recap, I STILL had to turn from the tv. Cringed the entire episode! :(

  • RIMATWORK

    Is it me or does Ramonas’s jewelry line looks just like the stuff the street vendors sell on the corner of 34th and Broadway for $1/pc.

  • Babs

    It means friend. Habebe means my friend!

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