Have we had an episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills that actually took place in Beverly Hills yet? Most of the first episode featured Sacramento, then Palm Springs and now Las Vegas. Not that I’m complaining – these ladies travel so that we don’t have to. Where do you think they’ll head next? New York? Aspen? Hawaii?

Let’s not focus too much on the future, though, when we have the recent past to discuss. This week, the housewives all pretended to know who Jay-Z was and wandered out to Las Vegas to see him, but really, the episode was more about their relationships with their husbands (or complete lack thereof) than any fun weekend trip.

Our episode began with Camille and her more-than-adequately attractive friend Nick playing tennis on the court for which Frasier paid. Camille, never one to attract undue attention to herself or her body, played in a spaghetti-strap tank top and forwent the use of a sports bra. She also challenged Nick to play in only his jock strap (he didn’t take her up on the offer, unfortunately), mentioned over and over how hot he was, and then said that she likes to play lots of “sports” with him. I guess if I were married to someone as creeptastic as Kelsey Grammer seems to be, I’d probably screw around on him too. I just wouldn’t be stupid enough to joke about it on Real Housewives.

Adrienne, in her continuing bid to be my favorite of the Beverly Hills housewives, decided that she wanted to take the family to Vegas to see Jay-Z at the Palms. As much as I love my parents, and as much as they shuttled me around to punk shows in high school before I could drive myself, it would have been awesome to have a mom who would suggest a Jay-Z concert at a posh casino as a fun family trip. Even better if mom owns the casino.

Naturally, this wasn’t just a family trip, since Adrienne could afford to fly most of the city of Los Angeles to Vegas to see Jay-Z if she saw fit. Instead, everyone would be going! And we do mean everyone – wives, spouses, whoever. So far, Adrienne uses her money exactly how I would – flying my friends around for fun, boozy weekends at various and sundry concerts and sporting events. What use is the money if all you do is work? Although I must disagree with her choice to buy and wear sparkly hair extensions – that’s a bit ill-advised. We all have our moments of poor taste, though. I, for example, own UGG boots.

Over in Lisa’s neck of the woods, she was visiting one of the restaurants that she owns and reviewing menus and presentation with her chef in advance of dinner with the rest of the cast and their spouses. The food looked great, the booze looked great (Dom Perignon Rosé!), and when you’re a Beverly Hills housewife, why not get together for random catered dinners with ten or so of your closest friends? Even better if the dinners are served by a hot chef and Lisa’s half-unbuttoned gay houseboy/cater waiter.

Lisa is also in the running for my favorite housewife, because not only did she call out Taylor’s nerdy husband Russell for being incredibly average when Taylor had promised a linebacker, but she also doesn’t like all the phony air-kissing and schmoozing that goes on among the women. Later in the episode, when one of the other wives offered her some NARS Orgasm blush, she declined it because she had already had one that day. Lisa is really trying to usurp Adrienne in my mental housewife hierarchy, and she’s doing a commendable job with her campaign thus far.

Over dinner, Kim announced she was going to go on a date later in the evening and precisely no one cared. Then, Camille complained about missing Kelsey and the level of interest at the table reached new and exciting lows. Camille may be lonely, sure, but quasi-single life can’t be all that hard when you have a house manager and four nannies who work in shifts to make sure that you never actually have to interact with your children in any sort of mildly unpleasant or inconvenient way. Her attempts to commiserate with Kim’s actual singledom and lack of nannies rang a bit false, particularly since Camille still thought her husband was coming home at this point in the season.

After the dinner, the next order of business was packing for Vegas. When you’re a normal person, packing can be a little tricky – I always end up having to sit on my suitcase to get it to zip. But when you’re rich, a whole new dimension of difficulty comes into play. Which gold Louboutins do you take when you have ten gold Louboutins from which to choose? How many pairs of Dolce & Gabbana underoos does your husband need for a weekend trip? Those are the problems that I aspire to have one day.

Over at Kyle’s place, her shoe conundrums were more YSL-centric, and also, she had no idea who Jay-Z was. Those were problems for sure, consider the nature of the trip, but they were far more fun-looking problems than Taylor’s; her husband expects her to pack his suitcase, and he also wanted to skip out on half of the trip. I really hope he has a lot of money, because he’s a total drag and not particularly attractive in any way. Lisa’s husband may be older than he is, but I find him way more attractive. He’s kind of Richard Bransonesque, right?

Once the plane touched down in Vegas, Adrienne took the whole crew for a tour of the famous Hardwood Suite at the Palms. If you remember Real World: Las Vegas, then you’ve seen the Hardwood Suite before, which has an actual court in it, as well as most of the set of your average high-production-value rap video. Every couple was given their own individual suite, of course, and Taylor and her annoying husband immediately set about having a very stilted conversation about how great it’ll be to have a weekend to themselves.

Really. It’ll be great. If Taylor says it enough times, and smiles hard enough (and when she smiles really hard, it’s a little scary, so people just kind of agree with her to make her stop), she can totally make it come true. Magical thinking! Didn’t Joan Didion write a book about that? Joan Didion is never wrong, even if Taylor almost certainly doesn’t know who Joan Didion is. The scene was narrated by Taylor saying that she had really hoped to marry for love instead of marrying to get to a certain place in life, and it seemed as though she should have followed that up with, “But that didn’t really work out, now did it?”

On the other hand, having a hotel room to herself just made Kim feel all the more alone and sad. I don’t have a boyfriend or husband, and perhaps it’s because I’m younger, but I think having a hotel room to yourself is more or less the greatest thing ever. Privacy! The remote all to yourself! Someone comes in the morning to clean up your mess! It sounds like living by yourself, except way better, and I loved living by myself when I had the pleasure of doing so.

Kim didn’t have to throw herself a pity party for too long, though, because it was soon time for dinner. Except, wait, things just got more depressing when everyone sat down to eat. Adrienne’s and Kyle’s husbands both told really sweet stories about the early part of their relationships and Kim looked a little bummed, but then Camille told a story about Kelsey and made everyone else feel better about themselves. Kelsey’s agent set them up! Taylor’s story wasn’t any more uplifting – she had to chase her husband down for months before he relented. Both of those stories make me sad, but who knows, perhaps they gave Kim some hope – there are people in relationships who are far worse off than she is as a single person.

The night didn’t stop there, though. In Vegas, you’re legally required to dance and drink after you eat, so that’s exactly what the group did. Camille shook everything she had and Adrienne’s husband actually stuck some money in her clothes, which didn’t seem to bother Adrienne at all. She clearly has few insecurities about her marriage, which is kind of refreshing and rare on reality television. Camille continued to twerk it all over the dance floor in order to gain maximum attention from both the cameras and everyone else’s husbands, and what do you know, it worked! On other seasons of Real Housewives, her actions would have resulted in fist fights and screaming matches. This time, all her ass-shaking got her was a healthy dose of side-eye from the rest of the cast. Elsewhere on the dance floor, Taylor’s husband danced like the awkward, balding, middle-aged white guy that he is. Everything about that relationship is awkward and disheartening.

At the pool the next day, all of the ladies were decked out in Birkins and YSL Tributes to sit in the cabana and get absolutely no sun. Pretty soon, the Patron shots started coming and Camille accused everyone of trying to get her to drink while she was holding a tequila shot that she herself had enthusiastically ordered moments before. She sipped her shot (I hate when people sip their shots) and soon wanted to talk about her breasts in great detail, right after complaining that women are too catty and not any fun. Not if you’re always talking about your tits, honey.

Before we knew it, dinner was served yet again. Everyone sat around drinking and boozing, and suddenly, Nick the tennis player showed up to “keep Camille company.” Camille speculated that Kelsey had sent him to keep an eye on her, but as Adrienne astutely noted, I’m not sure that would be the guy I’d send to make sure any woman remained chaste and well-behaved. Suddenly, though, we were all distracted from that issue by the blowjob that Taylor seemed to be giving to a giant wad of cotton candy that had miraculously appeared on the table. Not to be crude, but I guess we now know why her husband bought her those lips.

At the Jay-Z show, things were equally ridiculous. Middle-aged Californian white women are perhaps not Jay-Z’s target audience (or at least they weren’t back when Jay-Z had something relevant to say), and although all the women expressed confusion over why they were at the concert during their cut-in interviews, they seemed to be having a great time during the footage from the show itself. Afterward, Camille skipped out on the party while the rest of the group went back to the owner’s suite (except for maybe Nick…did anyone see where Nick went?), and the wives started making harmless jokes about their husbands wearing high heels.

Russell was not amused by any silly implication that he might secretly wear high heels, and upon hearing those remarks, he promptly marched Taylor straight out of the party in the most awkward and obviously controlling way possible. If you have a husband who gets self-serious over something stupid like a joke about men wearing heels, then you should probably check your underwear drawer for missing items after you’ve been out of the house for a few hours. He’s over-compensating for something, and Russell has the lingerie look to him. Remember, ladies – when you marry for money, you’ll earn every penny of it.

When everyone came back from Vegas, Kyle took her daughter shopping and wanted to gossip about Camille. Apparently Camille took exception with the number of questions that Kyle had asked about her upcoming vacation to Hawaii, and she also claims that Kyle made a snide remark about no one caring about Camille without Kelsey around. Kyle admitted asking the questions, which she says were misinterpreted (probably because Camille goes into any interaction with a woman already thinking that said woman is out to get her), but she denied saying anything of the sort about Kelsey.

Since the comment Camille claimed to have heard didn’t fit anywhere in the context of what she and Kyle were talking about, I’m going to have to choose believe Kyle on this one, and Lisa agrees with me, despite being friends with the offended party. Also, Camille is far more annoying than basically anyone else on this show (and, let’s face it, most people on the face of the planet), so I’ll side against her whenever given half an opportunity. Perhaps I’ll start feeling more sympathy when Kelsey dumps her, but it looks as though that Nick guy is just waiting for his shot. Or maybe he’s already had it.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • K.K

    Oh my gosh, the only exciting thing about last nights episode was Camille’s stripper moves….come ladies, we need some drama here!

  • Lisa in Oregon

    Camille oh Camille. The lack of self-awareness is legendary. She complains that she is a not a girl’s girl because “they are so catty” yet she breaks all the Girl Code rules by flirting with their husbands, pole dancing when there is not a pole in sight and then leading a cheerleader cheer about her boobs. Really? She complains she doesn’t get enough “me time” and is always taking care of everyone else, yet she has four nannies on the clock and a house manager. (She may have more staff that we just haven’t been introduced to yet.) I didn’t buy for a second that Nick showed up to keep her company. She produced this little charade herself. She thought she would one-up the other ladies by having a much younger and more handsome date for the night.

    I went into this show feeling sorry for her because her husband left her for another woman while away at work. Boy have I changed my mind! I know don’t see how Kelsey could have lasted 13 years with this broad. Yes, he could have handled the situation much better by divorcing or separating from her first, and then dating. I think that was a bit chicken s**t. But do I feel sorry for her? NO WAY!!!! I now see why he wanted out…

    • S

      But I think it says a lot about Kelsey for marrying a woman that is so superficial and yet insecure like Camille.

  • S

    I loved this line -“when you marry for money, you’ll earn every penny of it.” Taylor’s marriage seems really sad and all Kim needs to do to not feel sorry for herself is take a look at Taylor’s relationship. Also I wanted to point out that I’m pretty sure that Kim wasn’t the one that brought up her blind date – it was Kyle.
    I’m not a fan of people like Camille, but I think Kyle might have said that comment she denied saying. However, I think Kyle was probably trying to be funny. I think Lisa was trying to point out to Camille that Kyle wouldn’t say anything to her with ill intentions, but didn’t doubt that Kyle said it.

    • I think Kyle might have said something like “Oh, Kelsey’s not going?” and Camille took it as more nefarious and loaded than it may have been intended. Since they were going to Hawaii on a family vacation, not a press junket or work trip, I just don’t think that Camille’s relative lack of fame would have come up in the conversation, on a logical level. But perhaps I should stop trying to apply logic to Real Housewives, because it’s never gotten me anything but a headache in the past.

  • gpc

    All I have to say is that if the ladies are worried about having to compete with the likes of Camille, they are setting the bar way LOW for themselves and frankly, it only proves how extremely insecure they all are.

  • Samantha

    In my eyes Camille is to RHOBH what Danielle was to RHONJ. I am having a hard time stomaching her(*baby barf*). If Kyle did make that comment I would definitely own up to being the proud owner of it, because it’s true. Camille brought it on herself, she is the one constantly reminding people who Kelsey is and that he’s her husband. I see why Kelsey wasn’t too sad to leave her for the year to work in NYC – I bet he popped a bottle of bubbly on the plane ride there just te celebrate having a break from her :p

  • Handbag Lover

    Adrienne is my favorite on the show also. I like how cool she is and how she handles her business. The cotton candy scene when Tracy was eating was XXX. Homegirl got skills, that pay the bills, because she did not even mess up her lip gloss. WOW. lol

    Kyle is annoying me and instead of her worrying about Camille, she should have checked her husband. Adrienne is very secure because her husband was out of order as well but she handled it like a pro! Camille just likes, sorry loves, attention and the chile has mad problems.

  • Lorie

    When the show began, I barely cared that Camille was married to Kelsey Grammer – except that it was sort of funny how she always calls him both names. Then I heard about the divorce and had a fleeting thought of “oh poor thing”. But after seeing her in action last night, I can’t imagine who would want either of them. Kelsey needs to come out of the closet already, and she is beyond words ridiculous. I would have loved to have Bethany on that trip. Let Camille shake her boobs at Jason, and Bethany would have pulverized her in two seconds flat which is probably what she needs. I really have no sympathy for her at all.

    Taylor, on the other hand, is such a pitiful thing. She has some of the worst plastic surgery ever AND that lame, controlling husband. Seriously, Taylor, honey, you need a Nick in your life asap and a hobby that doesn’t include surgery.

    One of these days, Kim is going to slap Kyle into the next county. It’s coming.

    Adrienne is a fav, but we don’t see much about her personally. It’s just her taking people on trips and her creepy husband (sorry, he gives me the willies).

    Lisa is my absolute favorite housewife EVER! And Jiggy is my second favorite (sorry Grandma Wrinkles).

    Another brilliant re-cap Amanda! Love it!

    • Lorie

      Taylor made me want to throw up with the cotton candy. That was just nasty.

    • Jiggy needs his own show, and I need my own Jiggy.

  • Ruthie

    I agree with Samantha about Camille. She’s always complaining because she doesn’t want to live in Kelsey’s shadow yet SHE’s the one that keeps bringing his name up! She definitely CRAVES attention.

  • NANCY

    Thanks again for your hilarious yet insightful blogs. I love, too, that your readers who comment here actually have intelligence, a sense of humor and maturity… unlike bravotv readers whose main comments, straight from high school are:
    1) “she’s just JEALOUS of you!” (Please women, grow up and stop thinking of half the human race as the enemy – just because someone disagrees with you does not make them “jealous”.)
    2) “YOU SHOULD be more/ do this / stop doing this….” Who decided that we viewers are to be judge and jury of these people? Stop “SHOULD-ing” on these poor Housewives!
    3) Horrendous spelling and general signs of illiteracy – “caddy” (for catty), walla (for voila), and worse, the “texters” who abbreviate everything….#!@!!!

    Keep up the good work! I look forward to your blog as much as the RH shows.
    PS I love you but I really don’t get the purse thing – I love my $128.00 three-year-old Fossil (no pun intended) from the outlet. (Maybe I’m just a man’s woman like Camille! :-)

  • c.c.

    I’m surprised but I’m sort of enjoying this show more than I thought I would.

    I like most of the housewives. Even the ones I’m not too thrilled about aren’t all that offensive. Maybe I’d dislike Camille more if she wasn’t married to such an absolute egotistical shit. I sort of feel sorry for her. What a loser he is.

    I like how they enjoy their money, have fun and at least make an effort to get along. Classy.

    I could live without the sisters, but the rest are pretty fun to watch.

  • Ellz

    Another great recap Amanda and I totally agree that Adrienne and Lisa are the coolest out of all of the RHBH ladies, and maybe even the entire Housewives collection!! I love that Adrienne loves to treat her friends and she’s not just doing it to show off her wealth. That is a person who truly has earned her money and doesn’t let it negatively affect her. That’s what it looks like in the show anyway. Who knows, maybe every night she rolls around naked in hundred dollar bills and then throws them away.

    Nancy-I hear you on the less expensive bags. However, I live vicariously through this site and all of the beautiful bags that I would buy in an instant if I could. Well, most of them anyway.

    • c.c.

      Adrienne grew up extremely wealthy. Not that she she doesn’t work hard, she may. But I do agree with you regarding Adrienne and Lisa. I like them both. Also like Adrienne’s relationship with hubby. I though he was gross and toady, but he’s growing on me.

  • tati

    roflolmao!

  • Melissa H.

    I agree with Lorie – Lisa is my favorite of all the housewives series (sorry, bethenny, but you have gone on to a better place with fewer crazies) and I am usually laughing out loud to my tv during most of her interview segments. Adrienne is at the top too but those glittery hair extensions are too awful to ignore. Last episode they just looked like clear strands (I was completely distracted by them during the turkey chili conference of 2010) which may or may not be better than the glitter ones; jury’s out.
    Thanks for the wonderful recaps, Amanda! You usually get me to laugh out loud too!

  • arlene

    Love your recap. I agree with Melissa. Lisa is my favorite of all the housewives. I also think she and her husband make a great couple. She was great on ‘watch what happens ‘with her adorable dog. I think I want one of those dogs!!

  • dB

    Amanda I really love reading your recaps! I laugh soo much and out loud too! Anyways, I agree with your comments (that’s why I laugh). Camille is out for herself, seems like she knew her marriage was over already – prob. explains her crazy behavior (atleast I hope so)! Adrianne is a classy lady, and I love her! Lisa is also a riot! They are both real — don;t seem to be ‘acting’ to get attention. Don’t know if I like Kyle, seems kinda strange to me, Kim is just sad and lonely — needs to get a life of her own and stop living her life through her kids….

  • kemilia

    Excellent recap! Thank you so much for doing these.

    I’m not taken with these Housewives, I guess my TV heart belongs to the NYC ladies but this is still an enjoyable watch. Camille is awful though.

    And I shrieked when I saw that giant bowl of cotton candy! Every year I drag myself to our town’s little carnival just to get my yearly cotton candy fix. If I ever win the lotto, I will definitely get me one of those giant bowls of cotton candy. And that’s another reason while I will continue to watch these Ladies–to get tips on what to spend money on, though I will pass on the giant chocolate bunny.

  • hfxshopgirl

    lisa and jiggy need their own show! they are the new bethenny and cookie

  • Jennifer

    I like Lisa & Kyle the most -both seem ‘real’. Adrienne is fine although something about her bugs me. Probably the hair…LOL! Kim IS sad & needy, but in a more normal way (being single & lonely) & at least she seems interested in her kids. Taylor & Camille…..no words. Taylors lips make me absolutly nuts; I just want to stick a pin in them & Camille is the most annoying person ever. She might be ok if she never opened her mouth, but even her voice is annoying. To me, Kyle & Lisa are the best. They neither one hold back & are definitely the prettiest.

  • Amy

    This ep was funny yet sad. I would like to suspect Taylor’s hubby just got turned on by the cotton candy and ran away with her.. but that was not the case, and its very sad that he just skips out on the event while he is suppose to be with the group
    Camille, will probably pose for playboy by the end of the season, of have the option next season. I love Lisa, she isnt afraid to voice her opinion about any of the wives during the interviews on camera. love her. lol
    Adrienne i like her, lets face it without her, half of the events on the show wouldn’t take place. She is catering to everyone, basketball games, now Vegas,.. where will Adrienne take the girls next?

  • jamiez

    Yay! Adrienne & Lisa are my favorites too! I don’t think Kyle/Kim are putting on airs or anything but I can’t get a pulse off Kim. She LOOKS and ACTS really depressed. So unhappy. I think Kyle has the CUTEST little curly-headed toddler!!! That kid is adorable and likely the most interesting thing about Kyle.

    I find Camille deplorable and can only wonder if Kelsey was hip to her foolmess before the divorce. I think 85% of her behavior is tacky.

  • Babs

    Camille is repulsive. I do not think she is attractive…what has she done to her face?? And, she acts so self-entitled it’s ridiculous.

  • mw

    that was a hilarious post! and very accurate!!!

  • Ellen

    Good recap. I agree that Camille is in the wrong and made no sense when she tried to argue against Kyle. Kyle was out of line with what she said and how she said it, but Camille does appear to be crazy. Also, Lisa is definitely my favorite. I like Adrienne but my first impression was negative because she looks somewhat plastic. (ipad)

  • helen

    I’d drown if someone pushed me in the pool. lol (ipad)

  • Jen

    That crazy ass Camille! (ipad)

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