Last night was the day we’ve all been waiting for during this season of The Rachel Zoe Project – it was baby day! A new Zoe-Berman was brought into the world, and although we (mercifully) did not see what happened in the delivery room, we did see the before part and the after part. Skyler, as we all know by now, is adorable. As if anyone ever had any doubts.
The baby wasn’t the only thing that happened, though. There was a giant diamond ring, the brief return of Jeremiah and a cameo by Molly Sims, for whom Joey had to fly to New York. Really, though, all anyone cares about is the baby. And maybe the diamond ring. (I definitely care about the ring.)
We started with Joey and Mandanna in the office, gossiping about Jeremiah’s firing and how he’s just too talented to stand around steaming clothes all day. Aren’t half of the people working in fashion overqualified for the entry-level jobs that they can actually get? Isn’t that just part of working in the industry? Does Jeremiah really not shower? He looks like he showers. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that he looks like he smells good.
Before I could dwell on that thought too long, Rodger showed up to tell everyone to not talk to Rachel about work no matter what. No emails, no questions, no nothing. Gotta release Baby Zoe-Berman before any more business can be conducted at Rachel Zoe Inc. As if Rachel will allow them to exclude her…
Elsewhere, Mandanna and Jeremiah got together so that she could tell Jeremiah that he got fired for being too good at things. I’ve only been let go from a job one time, and although I was laid off in the middle of the financial collapse instead of being fired, the HR people who did it preceded the news by telling me that I headed up the only program in the company that had actually increased both its revenue and profits during my time there. And then I got laid off! That was fun, and this scene sort of reminded me of that experience. Anyway, this isn’t about me. It’s about Jeremiah, and Mandanna was kind of bitchy to him even though she was right that his solution to the problem (launch Rachel Zoe Home!) was ridiculous.
Back at the house, Rachel, Joey and a couple of the anonymous brunettes were in the closet discussing exactly what Rachel could get away with in the delivery room. Jewelry? Stilettos? A hair and makeup touch-up before she’s wheeled into Labor & Delivery? I actually have no idea what they let you have. None of my longtime friends have had kids yet (which, knowing them, is for the best), and I certainly haven’t, so all I know is that they made me take my nail polish off when I got my tonsils out. I’m guessing that delivering a baby is different, right?
Before Rachel gave birth, she did have to deal with one more business call. Molly Sims had an event to attend in New York and needed styling services, and although Rachel was obviously in no condition to attend to them, Joey is not pregnant and will not be pregnant any time soon. That meant he would be heading to New York to style Molly, and since he’s never styled someone on his own, this should be a blast. He did manage to pull an entire clothing rack full of dresses at Starworks, which I suppose is the first step on the road to victory.
While that was going on, Rodger called Rachel with what he thought was a very bright idea: He had hired a videographer to memorialize the birth of their child! Naturally, Rachel was having nothing to do with it, and I don’t blame her for a single moment. That is a very stressful, serious moment, and I can’t imagine being comfortable having a stranger with a camera in my face the entire time. Never mind if the camera stayed above the waist; why have that person there giving you anxiety if you can avoid it? Isn’t there already enough to think about while shooting a kid out of your vagina?
Rodger’s next idea, on the other hand, was much better – a push present! I don’t personally believe in requiring a present just for giving birth, and I would never, ever demand one (it’s also doubtful whether or not I’ll actually have a kid), but it seems like an oddly appropriate gesture between Rodger and Rachel. He sat down with Neil Lane himself to pick something out, and he looked at some diamond rings and bracelets first before settling on ten amazing karats of diamond cocktail ring. Hell, Rachel makes all the money. If she’s always wanted it, get it for her. And he did. Rodger, I take back everything bad I’ve ever said about you.
Back at work, Mandanna and Joey were picking out looks for Molly Sims, whom Joey would then fly to New York and style. When Joey said he was going to overnight the looks to New York, Mandanna pointed out to him that it was perhaps not the most reliable way to do things, and it suddenly occurred to Joey that he’s not actually a stylist. Once in New York, Joey’s equally gay little brother showed up and told him that he didn’t like any of the dresses, and truthfully, I didn’t love most of them either. Is it too late to hire Jeremiah back?
Thankfully, Molly and Joey are friendly, but that didn’t mean that Molly didn’t ixnay 95% of the stuff that he brought, most of it on sight. She did love the fully beaded Rachel Roy frock that Joey had paraded around the studio earlier, though, and that was all that mattered. All that has to work is one dress. Personally, I would have preferred it a tad shorter and with slightly more tailored sleeves, but overall it was not a disaster. I love anything shiny.
And then, suddenly, we switched to a home video of Rachel in the bathroom right after her water broke in the middle of the night. Egads! It’s about to be Babytown, Population: Rachel and Rodger. I wouldn’t have blamed Rachel for smacking him in the head with her giant Perrier bottle for filming her, but she left any and all violence for after the camera was turned off. I hope she did swat him, though. I really don’t like being filmed, and perhaps I’m projecting that on this situation.
Anyway, baby time. While Rach and Rodg were at the hospital, her army of assistants sprang into action to get the nursery ready before the new baby came home. You see, apparently they’re superstitious about not organizing the nursery until the baby comes, but that seems like a really inconvenient superstition to have. Unless you have a bunch of employees to run around and do it for you while you’re at the hospital, anyway, which Rachel just so happened to have. The gang even called Jeremiah, who had ordered all of the nursery furniture, to come back and help get everything together. Naturally, Rachel’s kid’s wardrobe was already in place even if the crib wasn’t, and he had a nicer leather jacket than I do.
Before we knew it, the tiny baby was being strapped in to the back of the Range Rover and the whole family was headed home for the first time. By now, we all know that they named him Skyler, and the videos of him sleeping and yawning and just being a baby in general made my ovaries twitch. I felt them twitch. It happened. Hopefully we’ll get to see more of him on next week’s season finale!
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