What are we supposed to call the four-week global parade of fabulousity that runs from New York Fashion Week to Paris Fashion Week? The only thing I’ve ever heard it called is “Fashion Month,” and that really doesn’t have much of a ring to it, despite the term’s obvious descriptive accuracy. It needs a new name. Get on that, commenters.
Anyway, whatever that twice-yearly span of time is, Rachel was in the thick of it yet gain for this episode of The Rachel Zoe Project. More gowns were scoped, more tiny disasters avoided and more tranny heels considered. Oh yeah, and Kate Hudson dropped by and was totally charming, and no one said anything about Taylor, and there was something with chicken legs that I’d rather we never spoke of again.
Remember how we were in New York last week? Well, scratch that, the gang went to Milan this week. Don’t get it twisted, though, it was still fashion week – it was just Milan Fashion Week. Our vagabond fashionistas were still in search of Oscar options for Cameron and Demi (at this point, we’re on a first-name basis with these people), and there are only, like, four dresses in all of Rachel Zoe industries. Fashion emergency! Literally.
Because so few dresses had already been pulled, a lot was riding on Milan to find additional Oscar dresses. Unfortunately, at least one of Rachel’s favorite looks had already been reserved for another stylist, which made the Italian trip that much more important. Rachel’s life is a series of little panic attacks, and Oscar season is doubly so, but you wouldn’t know it by the fact that Rachel zipped out of Italy to meet up with client Kate Hudson in London.
Kate had apparently called Rachel to London just to style her for and accompany her to the Burberry show, which seems like a great reason to charge a plane ticket to a celeb that has more money than god anyway. Rachel seems to have a bit of a girl crush on Kate, who seems totally worth of such affection – it was odd to see Kate Hudson Daughter Of Goldie Hawn drinking cappuccino and wearing a $35 yeti jacket and acting like a much more personable Hills girl.
Speaking of funny jackets, Rachel showed up to the Burberry show wearing a jacket that looked like the high-fashion equivalent of leafy camo. (If you’ve ever been in a Bass Pro Shop, you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve never been in a Bass Pro Shop, you’re a lucky person.) When Kate eventually emerged out of the black minivan (US arrivals are so much more chic) to go to the show in the rain, she was wearing a ultra mini sequined dress that I would generally not recommend for moments when you’ll need to exit a vehicle in front of photographers.
Burberry’s show was incredible, as anyone that followed last season’s shows surely remembered, and I would appreciate it if I could get a pair of those shirling boots FedExed over immediately. For research, of course. I’ll send them back when I’m done. Promise. Throw in the quilted leather motorcycle jacket while you’re at it. Research. It’s very important.
Back in the car after the show, Kate and Rachel were talking like two average girlfriends that had just had a few cocktails and seen a really good movie, and perhaps hidden a few of those cocktails in their handbags for the show. And then Kate sang some Stevie Nicks a cappella, and I’ve never really thought one way or another about Kate Hudson in the past, but I’d like her to be my new best friend. She’d fit right in. I get the impression that she’d fit in almost anywhere, she just has one of those personalities that we all wish we could have where nothing really bothers us and we actually do all the spontaneous things that we dream of. Naturally, being rich probably helps her be that person.
When they arrived back to Rachel’s hotel room, The Rodge was sacked out on the bed in a bathrobe, and the frequent incidence of bathrobes in this show makes me feel like I need to go buy a giant fluffy white one in order to accurately watch and write about these people. It would sort of be like Method acting, but instead, Method recapping. I can’t truly know them until I’ve sat for an hour in their bathrobes. Or something. Anyway, while they were all sitting around chit-chatting, Kate tried to convince Rachel to go with her to Rio, but Rachel does not wear bathing suits or go in the water or do anything fun, which unfortunately seems to be the result of negative body image issues. I bet Kate could convince her. She seems like she could convince anyone of anything.
After that bit of fun, Rachel jetted off to Milan to join Brad for the Italian shows. But wait, before the shows, we had to see the jewelry. The vintage jewelry, along with the vintage clothes and bags and hats. Vintage shopping seems so much more fun and triumphant than regular boutique shopping, particularly since someone like Rachel already knows what she’s going to see in a current-season boutique anyway. This show is full of all kinds of fashion porn, but the few minutes spent in the Milan vintage shop were easily my favorite. I wanted to crawl into that place and build a fort of wool ponchos under the racks and live there forever.
Once vintage shopping was done, Rachel went on to Alberta Ferretti and then to Missoni, where they saw a bag that was partially made out of the, uh, “leather” from chicken legs. I respect a bit of oddness, but the only reaction I had to chicken leg leather was something along the lines of, OMG WTF KILL IT WITH FIRE. Luckily, things quickly moved on to the gorgeous knits for which the company is known, and I would not be opposed to building a poncho tent in the Missoni showroom either, as long as they agreed to remove the chicken leg bags.
Unfortunately, The Rodge took the opportunity to connect the Missoni family business to the awkward topic of Rachel’s dubious future parenthood, and Rachel still seemed entirely uninterested in having children. Not all women want kids – I’m only 24, so my mind could change, but I’m not particularly smitten with the idea and I never have been. Rachel doesn’t seem like a person who would enjoy being a mom, and there’s no reason for her to feel bad about that. If kids were so important to The Rodge, why did he just now decide this, when his possibly-too-thin-to-be-fertile, 39-year old wife is having all kinds of career success?
But next it was on to meet up with Donatella Versace, and god knows you can’t talk about wholesome things like babies and families when in the presence of Donatella. I don’t generally like to comment on how people look, but, uh, Donatella sort of looks like a fabulous Italian muppet. And I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way – she’s such an outsized, odd character of her own making that you have to think she’s well aware of it, not to mention that a huge portion of her face is man-made anyway. Donatella didn’t seem entirely jazzed about Rachel or the repeated requests that she come to LA to visit, but they did the fake-y industry cheek kissing thing and then the show was fantastic and I feel like the entire fashion world sort of sustains itself on the energy of that kind of pretension.
As if the fashion shows haven’t been fabulous enough, Rachel then had to do a quick-change into a party look and go swill free booze and grope amazing jewels and handbags and socialize with Julianne Moore at a Bvlgari party. The Rodge was bitching the entire time that he and Rachel never get any sexytime, but Rachel seemed entirely disinterested in the prospect in favor of fretting over her shoes. Since the boots she was considering were more or less walking sex, I can see why she already felt fulfilled on that front.
It wasn’t all fun and games back at Camp Zoe, however. Remember that Marchesa dress from last week? When Rachel called back to LA to get an update, Ashley told her that the designer seemed to be sort of hedging on whether or not Rachel could have the dress, and they would’t tell her where it was or if it was available. Since no amount of bling and booze and The Rodge can distract Rachel from wanting Cameron (or whoever, I’ve lost count) to have a Marchesa moment, she was brought straight back to earth with the disheartening news.
Rachel had also lost a couple more Oscar dresses that she had been counting on, and back in the hotel in their bathrobes, The Rodge decided to pick a fight over it. He doesn’t seem to want Rachel to vent about anything ever, which is not really helpful, as a woman, when all you want to do is bitch. He also doesn’t seem to understand that it’s not possible to end business relationships with major designers over one broken promise, which you would think he had picked up by now. Everyone’s screwing everyone else in this business; all that matters at any particular moment is whether you’re pitching or catching, if you know what I mean.