project runway vampire bride

What has Lifetime done with Nina Garcia and Michael Kors, and who are these people that are sitting in their chairs?!?! Do we as viewers need to come up with a ransom to get them back? Do we need to pass around the collection plate?

Anyway. You know how, in every other episode of Project Runway for the past five seasons, someone gets dinged for being “too costume-y?” Well, they’ve now completely given up and decided to let the designers just make actual costumes. For movies, because they film in Los Angeles now, remember? REMEMBER? Because they can’t stop talking about it, and I wish they would.

Despite my irritation, this wasn’t a bad challenge. It was particularly interesting because genres were assigned instead of everyone just getting to pick, which meant that not everyone could do “Old Hollywood Glamour” (and, interestingly, several of the people that got the chance to do it totally crapped the bed, so to speak). But it wasn’t one of those people that got sent home – no, no, it was someone that actually had a bit of potential.

So the designers and Tim met up with Mister Clean…er, uh, I mean Collier Strong…at a Hollywood backlot and out came the Velvet Bag o’ Choices. Designers were chosen randomly to pick their genre – sci fi, action/adventure, film noir, period piece, and Western were the choices. No one wanted Western, obviously, but Epperson and Shirin ended up with it because they were chosen last. Logan and Carol Hannah took action/adventure, Ra’mon and Nicolas (who looks like a giant pile of mashed potatoes) chose sci fi, Christopher and Gordana took period piece, and Irina and Althea took film noir.

We’re at that magic point in the season where no one totally sucks anymore. Well, that’s a lie. Nicolas sucks on a variety of levels: as a designer, as a human being, as a chooser of haircuts. But most everyone else is capable of winning a challenge on any given day, and that’s when things really get interesting. The wheat has been separated from the chaff, personalities start clashing, brilliant things start showing up on the runway. And we saw some brilliant things on Thursday night! Too bad none of them won.

The top three were Christopher’s Victorian vampire bride, Epperson’s frontier woman, and Nicolas’s ice queen. Cue the song: One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just don’t belong…. And it’s Nicolas’s. Annoying, lumpy, smack-talking Nicolas. His ice queen was ice queen-y, sure! In much the same way that Ra’mon’s reptile alien was alien-y, but more on that later.

It was shiny and white and looked much the same as his Tranny Sea Hooker outfit did from a couple episodes back that he almost lost for, but with more shininess and makeup, and he didn’t almost lose for this one. In fact, he won, which was almost enough for my brain to liquefy and leak out of my ears in a mind-melting combination of rage and despair. For you see, dear readers, the winner gets immunity. Potato Face is here for at least another two episodes. Gag me with a spoon. Why is it always the ones with the least talent that can’t shut their mouths about everyone else?

I would have been happy with either Epperson or Christopher winning – they both put a great deal of thought into their stories and garments, and they were far more complicated and intricate than the shiny, white spandex that Nicolas created. There were ruffles and bustles and belts, oh my! But they didn’t use makeup as much as Potato Face did, and remember Mister Clean from the beginning of the episode? He wants his moment in the makeup sun!

Which leaves us, of course, with the bottom three. Ra’mon, Gordana, and Louise. Gordana made a perfectly acceptable flapper dress, which was the problem – it was perfectly acceptable. She’s a talented tailor, but I’m beginning to doubt her ability to design. Project Runway requires a sense of flourish – the vision to know that the judges want you to drip liquid sugar down your model’s hair in order to win the challenge. She’d never attempt a bustle, and maybe not even a ball gown, and that’s not going to win her the competition. But it didn’t lose her the challenge.

It was down to Ra’mon and Louise in the end. Ra’mon had designed an alien costume for a movie that had a bit of a porn-y plot, and the judges thought it was too B-movie. Louise had chosen film noir, which you would think would play to her aesthetic, but she made a totally uninspired black dress without a definitive era and very little storyline behind it. And when you’re supposed to make something over-the-top, why make a black dress with a limp little belt?

But she didn’t go home, Ra’mon did, which I don’t entirely agree with. Sure, his costume was a little silly, but if there’s a genre that embraces the B-movie look, it’s sci fi. The classic costumes in that genre are all a little campy and odd, and his little reptilian cocktail number probably wasn’t the best he could have done, but it was appropriate for the genre and had a story behind it that fit the garment. Louise, on the other hand, had the rich source material of film noir and the advantage of picking a genre that already fit her aesthetic, and she crapped the proverbial bed.

I like Louise, but we aren’t in the part of the season where being pleasantly safe is going to keep anyone safe anymore. Just ask Gordana! Ra’mon was kind of raw and unfocused, but he had talent and a good bit of chutzpah, and he was far more intriguing than Louise. I hope she does something in the coming weeks to deserve her salvation.

And guess what we have next week – a partner challenge! Oh, goody. These are always the ones with the best fights, and if the color of Gordana’s hands in the preview are any indication, they’re going to be dying their own fabrics. And if Gordana’s face in the preview is any indication, she might dunk Stank Face Irina into a tub of it, head first. And hold her down.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • BeBe

    I completely agree…Nicolas sucks on so many levels there are too many to count. Yes, when Johhny lied that was horrific, but to call him out like a first grade tattle teller was really pathetic to watch!!

    The amazing makeup job was what won the contest for Nicolas. I think he will progress farther in the competition but I don’t think Nicolas has the talent to be in the final at Bryant Park!!!!
    Christopher or Epperson won that challenge hands down!!!

  • emily*

    I loveedddddddd Ra’mon.
    I have lost faith in Project Runway this season.
    I was able to look past little miss I only make leggings Lohan being a judge, but when Nicolas wins for recreating the Ice Queen from Narnia’s dress and sending home adorable Ra’mon is when I draw the line.
    Auf Wiedersehen Project Runway.

  • Cristina

    Michael Kors is back this week!

  • hannah

    michael kors is coming back this week and making someone cry!!!!! aahh how i have missed him!!!

  • rysch

    How’s a white night gown with embellishments won over that vampire bride dress is beyond me! Can’t they see the skill and talent Christopher got to create that gown in a day??

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  • The Girl in Grey

    I really wanted Christopher or Epperson to win, but of course the judges didn’t agree. /:

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