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Marc Jacobs Python Patchwork Stam

Why ruin a good thing? Marc, you had people liking your Stam. People were buying it and wearing it. Even some of the ‘why-are-they-even-celebs’ celebs were sporting it. And then you had to go and ruin it. You had to decide to make it hideous and repulsive. You had to make me look at it and laugh then cringe then throw up a little in my mouth. This is the Marc Jacobs Python Patchwork Stam which is fugly done-up with frosty metallic blue python. The golden hardware paired with the blue python spells out capital Tacky. And the price, it is not even free. Oh no, it is going to set you back $4000 at Saks. This is a total joke, right :?:

Fendi Neon Buckle Wallet

Oh the 80’s. A time of neon colors, MC Hammer pants, leg warmers, big hair, Rubik’s Cubes, and fingerless gloves. Sure it is fun to dress up for a party (key words here are dress up and party) in neon, but to carry it on a day to day basis is a fashion don’t. I really want to meet with Fendi and ask what in the hell is going on with the latest designs. They are laughable to say the least. After the fug that was the Spy, there are now three neon metallic wallets. The Fendi Neon Buckle Wallet is available in the primary colors, red, yellow/orange, and blue, in Zucca print metallic neon coated leather. Why was this done? Somebody help Fendi, ASAP. There is a club nearby that has 80’s night, and a wallet like this would be the perfect accessory for that one night, but other than that I can not imagine pulling this fugly thing out of my handbag. I would turn red with embarrassment and wish to melt away. $395 at eLuxury available in blue, yellow/orange, and red.

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Fendi White Crossword Bag It has been made clear that I am not a fan of the Fendi Crossword Bag. But about 5% of me can understand this white version of the bag being liked by a limited number of people. The country club going, golf playing, IZOD wearing, tennis skirt loving people may find a liking to this bag. The Fendi White Crossword Bag is clean but is still cheaply made and fugly in my opinion. I find the patent leather and mesh to look 100% poorly made. The weave of the materials would make the bag look more like a beach tote, which at least then I could give it a little more credit. But in my own mind I can still see some tennis and/or golf clad woman out there wearing it and pulling it off. I will still laugh when I see it, knowing that my stereotype was right. And I will laugh even more knowing that they paid a ridiculous price for this so-called designer bag.

Buy through Net-A-Porter for $1560.

biba patent clutch

Correct me if I am wrong but typically a new designer wants to be noticed by their first bag in a good way. Why on Earth would anyone send out one of its first bags with a huge and hideous oversized B on the front? Welcome to the fug that is the Biba Patent B Clutch. A shade of brown that resembles and infants dirty diaper, this camel patent leather looks fug and the B metal detailing is even worse. Does Biba think they are so big they can do this? You have not proven yourself to be able to fling your initials everywhere, and now I can not even take you seriously. I just do not like this bag, not one bit. If your name starts with a B, at least the clutch will look personalized, but if you ask me the B merely stands for downright “BAD”. Via Neiman Marcus for $550.

fendi large sequin spy bag1

If you are looking for me, find me hiding in a dark closet in the ends of the Earth behind my ex-beloved Fendi Spy. I should not be embarrassed to own a stunning Honey Spy, but now Fendi is just looking to be dragged into the open and stoned (with soft gummy bears or something, I am not that morbid). These bags are atrocious, the kind that makes you look and laugh out loud and then ponder what the hell is going on at the house of Fendi. This is not stylish, this is a mockery of handbags. The Fendi Large Sequin Spy Bag has silver/gold/brown paillettes and sequins spewed all over the front to resemble either Xerxes face or some sort of monstrous bell-tower dweller. The cluster mess just makes me cringe. If you buy this, people will be able to hear you click-clack-ringing from miles away. I am just at a loss of words. How about Fendi resigns. We are really just waiting for something decent, no more orange metallic fug or over sequin awful hideousness. Help us out please, stop anyone from buying this ghastly piece for an absurd price; Neiman Marcus for $4890.

My own rendition below!

Fendi Forever Mirror Leather Bag

Friday fug is brought to you by Fendi today. Ferociously fugly in every sense of the word, this orange Zucchino-embossed mirror leather bag would stop traffic, cause a pile up, and make quite a few people wish they never saw this. This is the Fendi Forever Mirror Leather Bag, which will forever be fugly in our books. As if the orange mirror shine was not enough, there is gold hardware. I could find this bag on Canal Street with even the makers shunning it. Everything about it is totally a no go in our books, so please please, never buy it and don’t let anyone you care for carry it. Don’t go there at Bergdorf Goodman for $800.

fendi b mix large tote

Oh no they did not! The House of Fendi is king and queen of hit or miss. Not to mention the fact that many of the ‘hit’ bags are not even liked by all of the handbag lovers out there. So what is this atrocity. Fendi is all about the F’s and the F’s come together to make a fugly handbag. Slight colors of the rainbow, the awful F’s are strewn about as if we want to see them there. So Fendi, your Fendi B. Mix Large Tote is such a non-masterpiece and such a miss that I feel sorry for you. I am sorry that people must walk by your store and see this bag and know that your name is on it. I am sorry that people will laugh and point. I am sorry that people will walk into your store for about 5 seconds then leave after seeing an entire line of fugly bags. Yuck. So is this for you? Tell me no. Between the leather, cheap looking coated linen, and logo’s all over the place, I would definitely rather pass. Especially because this bag is not free, it costs money. Fugilicious via Saks for $1070.

Michael Kors Leopard Print Satchel Simply put, this handbag is cheap and heinous. You would figure that any designer attempted to integrate leopard print into a handbag would do it carefully and with conviction, knowing that an animal print bag is truly hit or miss. Michael Kors got lazy with this bag, and put a few minutes into designing this sloppily done Michael Kors Leopard Print Satchel. I am aware that leopard print is leopard print, but I assure you that there is such thing as a tastefully done print. Even worse, this is satin with patent leather trim. Satin? Are you kidding me? A shiny material paired with a shiny leather makes for a bag that hurts my eyes. The handles are also patent leather, but awfully braided in a way that your eyes must look at it but really wish they never did. And even worse, there are braided patent ties that are threaded through metal grommets on the sides. It is like he could not just finish with the handles, he had to finish it up with a sure fire miss. Not a nice way to start your Monday, but I promise to bring something good to look at later today. Via eLuxury for $348.

Marc Jacobs Mariah Metallic Bag Recently I have been learning that purple hues are great on a blond haired blue eyed gal like me, just not on the eyes no matter what any magazine says. But is a plum metallic bag a good idea on me? Marc, it is like you start to do better and then it all goes downhill again.

Take this Marc Jacobs Mariah Metallic Bag which introduces undeniably tacky to unfortunately ornate in a sick sort of way. There is plum metallic leather along with really gold chain link handles and hardware. Not brushed gold, shiny nasty gold. To give this bag a little boost, I must admit that I have not seen it in person so it may be a tad better, but I highly doubt it. I’m trying hard to like it, but this bag is the equivalent of metallic purple shadow on my eyes (with with my sometimes darker circles would amount to a train wreck).

Yikes at Net A Porter for $1575.

Mulberry Studded Hobo Bag

The studinator is in da house. You think you are cool, WRONG. You are not cool unless you rock out the studs. It is totally ‘in’ to be totally punk rocker. We have been seeing studs thrown about here and there, but only one other time like this. Upon first glance, I ‘knew’ who the designer of this bag was. But I was totally wrong. This is not a Marc Jacobs studded bag, this is the Mulberry Studded Hobo Bag which gives a new meaning to stud detailing. I get it, I get that studs are so BAMF (BAMF is the new cool kid acronym, I am sure you can figure it out :wink: ). But this studding is scary if you ask me. The tassel on the side, which hangs down incredibly low and stands out incredibly much, is lined with chunky gold studs. Literally, the tassel looks like a war weapon the Spartans would use. I would not mind seeing a Spartan, in his Spartan attire, carrying the tassel, but other than that, it is really just scary. The materials are all right, cream patent leather, gold hardware, suede lining, but the overall product is all wrong. Good luck getting through a security check point with this sucker. I am tagging this bag a fug bag, but it is not necessarily fugly, it is downright scary. Studs gone wrong via NAP for $1595.

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