I’M BA-ACK! I’m minus two tonsils, five post-surgery pounds, and a week of my life, but I have returned triumphant to do one of my absolute favorite things: make fun of a truly horrific Versace bag.

It’s almost as though the universe placed the galacticly awful Versace Scream Shopper on Nordstrom‘s website to welcome me back to the land of the living – It’s been quite a while since Donatella & Co. have provided us with a bag so thoroughly worthy of ridicule. When pitched such a softball, I can only hope to hit it out of the park. Won’t you join me?

Can someone call Donatella and tell her that putting out crap like this is why her company is failing? Does she not realize that? How could it not be obvious? Am I taking crazy pills?

That a company could put out a bag made of mismatched patterned leather, acid yellow trim and baseball stitching and expect people to spend well north of three grand on it absolutely boggles the mind. The people that made this bag live on a different planet from the rest of us, and it’s not a place that I hope to visit. Ever. It probably smells like Axe body spray mixed with fake tan. I’d say that this bag looked like a Junior’s Department nightmare, but really, it might be uglier than that.

On the other hand…has ever a bag been so aptly named?

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