Jimmy Choo Conti Snakeskin Shoulder Bag

Hey, Jimmy Choo. Listen and listen good. You’re trying too hard.

The Jimmy Choo Conti Snakeskin Shoulder Bag is…how to say this…a bit confusing. Also, it’s a bit gimmicky, and gimmicky and good design are, sadly, mutually exclusive.

One of the biggest rules of writing is “show, don’t tell,” and the folks at Choo violated a similar design rule in making this bag. Instead of creating something that is so painfully cool that it oozes “rock star” out of its little bag pores, they merely chose to slap an animal-print lighting bolt on a snakeskin bag that would have been gorgeous otherwise.

In doing so, they created a bag that screams, “Look at me, I’m so EDGY,” on the owner’s behalf, and that’s too obvious of a statement for any truly stylish person to want to make. In fact, the design almost comes off as insecure or self-conscious; it appears to be so nervous that other people won’t find it cool enough that its entire existence seems to be predicated on reminding people of that fact. Of course, when something has to broadcast how cool it is, the effect is totally lost. Buy through Net-a-Porter for $2095.