I have a really vast handbag collection by this point. When we started PurseBlog over 12 years ago, I slowly started to build my bag closet, and while in the past couple years I’ve slowed down on my bag shopping and tried to make purchases that make more sense, I still own hundreds of bags. Not every single one is Chanel or Hermès—there are plenty of contemporary designers included—but it is quite the collection. And because people know what I do, they ask to borrow bags fairly often.
Sometimes I’ve said yes, only to have to ask for that specific bag back for weeks on end, reminding me that person will never get to use one of my bags again. Sometimes I just say no, as politely as possible, but is there really a polite way to tell someone you don’t feel like sharing? I have not had many people directly ask to borrow one of my nicest bags (I take that back—someone asked for one of my limited edition Bottega Veneta Knot Clutches, to which I said no), but I get asked here and there.
I contemplate about sharing a lot now that I have Millie. We are primed to teach our kids that they are supposed to share, but I’ve confided with some of my mom friends that while I do agree with sharing as a whole, I also don’t believe our kids always have to share their favorite toy either. What makes it different when I’m an adult and tell someone I don’t want to share my favorite bag than when a kid says they don’t want to share their favorite item? That’s a long conversation, I am sure some of you will have thoughts!
[sc_ic_ad1]But back to the bags. In college I used to share clothes with my roommates often, and typically it turned out well. I can’t think of many times that someone I shared with ruined an item I owned, and most of my clothes were not incredibly expensive, so it didn’t hurt me as much to share.
But designer handbags are different. We all know that, and our friends who ask to borrow know that, too. They cost a lot of money, many of them are thousands of dollars each, and do we want to get into the conversation of ‘if you ruin this bag, it’s on you to fix it’? I don’t want to, but I also don’t want to skip sharing entirely. There are a handful of friends who I know would replace a bag right away if something happened to it while they were using it, but there are many others with whom I don’t know what the outcome would be, and I always rather avoid making an issue with a friend that never even needed to be an issue. Sharing a bag falls into that category for me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m super crazy about my bags and I clearly know there are far more important things to life than a handbag, but I also prefer to avoid drama, and this is one of those situations that seems like it wouldn’t be drama, but could easily become drama.
What about you—do you share your designer bags with friends?
I don’t have any friends.
As a woman over forty…. alright, over fifty, lending clothing and bags just doesn’t come up in the conversation. No disrespect but this seems to be more of a school girl or sorority practice to me.
However, if I ever find myself in the ackward position of being asked, I believe that being over sixty, I am capable of diplomatically saying no.
Yes
hell to the no. i’m ok with friends fondling my bags but not out of my sight. i cringe when i see people putting their bags on the floor, public bathroom sinks, car floor, etc. i would sound like a crazy person if i had to give someone specific instructions on how to handle my bag. because i don’t like to share myself, i never ask to borrow people’s stuff. i also hate having to ask someone to return something. the only people i share my bags with are my mom and my sister, because i trust them to handle with care, and it’s usually for special occasions. and also because they stopped buying bags years ago when they saw that my bag buying was getting out of hand. my mom loves to scold me and then pick one out to take home lol
Bags are SO personal. Our keys, phones, medications, cleanliness products (menstruation, wipes, handsantizer), money, secrets…
And so many rules/taboos- If you put your purse on the floor, money will stop flowing in, no one is allowed to go into your bag with/without permission. Even if you needed lunch money, your brought your mom’s TO her bed to hand over $2.
PLUSSS for a nice bag, even when it is repaired, it won’t ever be the same. I don’t even like my younger sister borrowing my bag and I’m only 1.5 years older than her.
My dad has ALWAYS said- “don’t lend what you want back.” If you lend a person money, only lend what you can afford in case they don’t follow through. Ergo, don’t lend a bag if if comes back wrecked or unsatisfactory condition, you have to hound the person to return it, or you never get it back at all!
It honestly never even occurred to me that sharing bags is a thing. Except for dress bags. I’ll share a clutch with a friend or family member for a wedding or whatever because I know finding the right dress bag is such a pain.
I was about to write it. I am ok with sharing clutches for weddings and other events because I feel you can’t really do anything “wrong” to it and it’s sure to be back to you the next day. But I wouldn’t share a day bag with anyone (only my mom but I don’t remember her ever asking for it). I also can’t understand why would anyone ask for it. On the other hand giving to your siblings and friends a bag you don’t use anymore is a whole other story.
I’ll share with my family, but it would be case-by-case for my friends. Family is the most important thing in life, but while I couldn’t imagine my life without my friends, I know some of them too well to trust them to take care of my bags the way I do LOL.
I cannot fathom the need to borrow a designer/expensive bag because the primary function can be fulfilled by something cheaper so it’s really the social value of something expensive. When it comes down to that, I don’t think I am friends with someone who feels the need to pretend to have something they don’t. There’s hardly a need to take a bag for a test drive (like a car) – an honest review will suffice.
I’m not comfortable sharing my designer handbags. Non-designer, maybe…but honestly no one has asked me (thank God) and prevented an awkward situation.
I don’t mind sharing mine at all. And I don’t think too many of my friends do either. If I get a bag I don’t use a lot I give it to my sister. Then She has a bag that she may like, and I get to have less clutter! I don’t have any rules about where to put my bags or how to store them or anything like that. For me, they are meant to be used and shared.
With my boyfriend yes. Other friends… only if they have designer bags as well that they would let me borrow. They’d also have to be a close friend. I feel like someone that owns designer bags is more likely to be cautious with my bag as opposed to someone that’s a “I don’t get it, it’s just a bag” type of person.
I’d be much more comfortable knowing that if something happened to my bag they’d replace it or give me one of theirs. That’s the only kind of friend I’d do it with. Someone that values it like I do and is responsible enough to own up to something if they happened to ruin it. I’d do the same if it happened to a bag they let me borrow!
A firm no. I’ve only loaned my bags to my mother but that’s because I know she will take good care of them and return them as soon as her social function is over.
Designer bags are very expensive and for us working women who pay out of our own pockets not something that we buy easily or often.
I give the handbags I don’t use anymore to my friends (if they like it of course!:)) because bags are meant to be used, not hoarded:))….and that also frees some space in my bag closet!
No. I do give away handbags to family when I’ve had my fill of them. Until then, not even they can borrow them.
I’m a teacher, and, at least for me, sharing is a sticky subject. I don’t make my students share their things. Why should they? Besides, the last thing that I need in my is a parent irate over crayons. Trust me, it happens.
Luckily I’ve never had anyone ask to borrow any of my bags and I’d probably say no unless it was my mother. I’m always giving my mother my unwanted bags (less expensive ones). I also would never ask anyone if I could borrow theirs either!
I give bags that I no longer want to close friends and family members who have admired them. I also let my very close friends and my sister who I trust a lot to take care of my stuff borrow them when they ask. Nothing has ever happened and the people who I have let borrow my things are people who I know will care for them better than I do.
A big fat no for me! I shared one of my beloved Miu Miu’s once with both my sister and friend ( they both love the bag), on both occasions, when returned, it just didn’t look right anymore. Though this may be psychological lol. The thought of someone having put my bag on the floor or staining it is also a big problem for me. And like you said, if something happens, that conversation about fixing/replacement will be a really awkward one, though it WILL be had! It’s just easier to refrain for me.
I do give out my handbags that I’ve become bored of or don’t like anymore. The recipients are also always very lucky (mostly my sister), as all my bags are in excellent condition.
As for me, I’m fine with lending my sibling (who also has a few luxury goods herself) my bags since we both know how to take care of our things. I won’t let my friends borrow my stuff unless I know they can return it/pay for repairs if it were damaged.
Hell, NO!
No, never!
I have trust issues so no LMFAO. One time my mom almost ruined my new LV Tuirelies and I almost had a heart attack cuz that’s 3k down the drain.
Nope – yet to be fair, nobody has ever asked.
I’ve offered to lend and have i.e.: an interview-bag that never came back and a travel bag that came back from Italy with delicious treats inside. I only lend if i’m OK never seeing it again.
I’ve given away dozens of mid and higher-mid tier bags, and will continue to do this when those bags are not getting the love from me.
Most of my friends aren’t bag-crazy, and they either don’t know that I am, or they know very well that i am. In both cases, they don’t ask — because they don’t know there’s anything to ask for, or they know and and love my crazy so well that asking would never cross their minds.
Depends on the bag. If it’s something I’ve used a lot or is made of more durable material (coated canvas, saffiano, pebbled leather) then I don’t mind it. But if it’s still in pristine condition or made of delicate material (lambskin) then that’s a no.
No way
Absolutely not.
I can’t imagine any of my friends asking to borrow one of my bags.
Nope. I don’t share and my friends know not to ask. My mum might be an exception to the rule – she has the same interest in bags and SLG so she knows the prices I’ve paid for each item and the relationship I have with my bags. I can be sure she’d treat the bags accordingly. Surprisingly enough, she doesn’t ask to borrow mine and I don’t ask to borrow hers.
You’re right this is such a touchy topic. I’ve only shared with my mom and sister – but even with them (and this may make me sound like a selfish person) I’m careful as to which ones I lend out. My chanel bags are off limits because they never take care of them the way I would! Last time I lent my sister one of my Gucci bags it came back with a scratch. It was only around 2700 but then I’m self conscious about wearing it around like that.
Short answer: No. Long answer: Hell no.
For a wedding or special occasion, sure. Just a one night thing. It’s usually more impromptu, I’ll see a friend’s outfit and say wear my [this] with it. Or they’ll do vice versa. Especially if we’re traveling together. but for everyday life that’d be weird wouldn’t it?
The short answer is no. I have worked hard to create a collection of bags that I love and are investments. I’ve only had a handful of friends ask to borrow and I am honest that I’m just not comfortable lending. Much like money. I have one friend who I have offered her to try a bag or two out that she’s interested in purchasing, but she is the exception. I know exactly how she would treat my bags, but she never takes me up on it :-)…
I didn’t even like lending books to my friends because I would fear them cracking the spine. There’s no way I’d lend my expensive bags to them. Nope. The only person I’d let borrow a bag is my mom.
Nope! My husband got all of them for me so they are very special to me.
No, same goes for clothes & shoes, I feel like it’s too personal.
No. I don’t share bags and I don’t borrow bags. I think we all have a personal attachment to our bags that we collect, and while I know I take extremely good care of what I have, my sister (for one) is careless and throws her bags around, puts them on the floor, doesn’t consider weather (rain on my Hermes?! HELL NO!!!) It would kill me to get a bag back that was damaged as a result of someone being careless. Also, I don’t want to have to chase someone down to get it back either…
I lent my bag to my sister in law who turned out to be a coke-mule for an infamous drug cartel outta Bolivia or some God forsaken toilet of a country, long story short I lent it to her year before last and I’m using it going through O’Hare terminal waiting to get on my flight to Los Angeles and ahead of me they flag this guy who turned out to have something like 2 kilos of uncut China red heroin in his ginormous butthole so right away their on high alert. At first it was just an inconvenience but then as my purse went through the scanner thing the German Shepherd started barking at me and my bag, after inspection they found the entire lining filled with uncut cocaine and I spent 4 days in county jail until I was bailed out and then another 30k in legal fees to show it was my dumb ass brothers third world cunt wifes not mine! So no, never again. I did learn to play dominos and was part of this cool lesbian gang called the “El Vaginaters” but jail and lending bags are forever over with.
This ranks among the all time greatest comments ever to be submitted on PurseBlog. I wanted to feature it as a PSA of sorts, but Megs wouldn’t allow it.
It’d make a great movie! What a fun script could be written
This ranks among the all time greatest comments ever to be submitted on PurseBlog. I wanted to feature it as a PSA of sorts, but Megs wouldn’t allow it.
I never in my life had a friend ask me this (or vice versa).
I’d first ask them “why” since I’m pretty nosy. And then I would almost certainly decline.
Without any sarcasm, I can assure them that whatever purse they already have is fine.
I’ve legit loaned out jewelry with less angst that I feel about someone borrowing one of my purses. Not sure what Freud would tell me about myself lol!
sharing ie kids n toys scenario: when together sharing means both parties enjoy in it together, enhancing a moment by shared use or appreciation
To hand off for separate unsupervised use is not sharing; it’s a loan. A loaner. A freebie in a sense.
And the irony of life is that it’s those closest to one, friends and especially family, who are at greatest risk of misuse, whether due to false sense of security aka immunity or due to passive aggressive misuse (even unconsciously)
Who damages stuff of mine when visiting? My dear sisters. I’d just as soon give an item away as expect it back it same condition.
Love this post Megs. I certainly don’t have hundreds of bags like you (Green wirh envy) but I do have a sizable collection of both designer bags & others brands but I don’t share my bags. Truth be told, I haven’t been asked & probably wouldnt if I was asked. Must be growing up without a sister!
I don’t. Too much drama that many follow. I’m ok with having a nice coffee with them and have them pat or try on my bags just for fun though.