There is something so satisfying about seeing powerful, stylish women kick butt in both the public and private spheres. You know…those women who walk with their heads held high, toting around a level of grace and sophistication that seems to set them apart from everyone else… They may not always be the most famous people, they could be your teacher or a relative, but the way they carry themselves never fails to leave a lasting impression on you. Something about them seems so classic. Everything they do makes them come off as self-disciplined and charming in a way that feels long-lost. What is it exactly that gives those women that extra umph?
More often than not, it is because they’ve got good etiquette.
Certain things that used to be more commonplace have kinda…fallen out of style. Many people don’t care much for posh proper manners, believing them to be arbitrary old-school rules that have no place in our increasingly informal world, but lemme tell ya: Etiquette is and will always be relevant.
Graciousness ﹘ the ability to act or speak properly in social situations ﹘ is thought so highly of that it has become a bit of a high-priced commodity for a certain class of professional women signing up for special etiquette schools in hopes of elevating themselves to new heights.
Around the world, women are taking part in courses that teach them deportment, social graces, and the art of diplomatic courtesy needed to keep kickin’ ass on a larger, international scale.
It’s likely that many of our favorite female business professionals (Amal Clooney <3), diplomats, princesses, and first ladies have all participated in some form of soft-skill training. Deportment, table manners, and diplomatic courtesy are common lessons offered, but did you know that there are even etiquette rules surrounding your handbag?
After finding this out, I decided to poke around the internet for the most common rules of professional purse protocol:
Dignified Deportment
I mentioned in my last post that having good posture is the most elegant accessory of all. It helps you breathe better, makes you look slimmer and taller, and shows that you are a confident secure person who’s got it all under control. When it comes to carrying shoulder bags, formal rules demand that you grasp the center of the front strap while you are in motion. This is to keep your purse firmly in place instead of letting it swing around and signal to the world that you are in a rush.
Watch Your Back
Anyone who has been in a store during a Black Friday sale knows the displeasure of being hit with someone’s overstuffed tote. Of course, we brush it off because accidents happen, but it’s something that should definitely be avoided if possible. Handbag etiquette requires that bags be kept close to the body, especially large totes, as to not break into someone’s bubble. Infringing upon another’s personal space makes them uneasy and is in direct opposition to the purpose of common courtesy (to make others feel comfortable.)
Your purse is an extension of you so be mindful of others when carrying large tote bags. Keep it tucked squarely under your arm or hold it low whenever tight spaces are inevitable (crowds, airplane boarding line, etc.,) as to not crash into others and help lower your risk of being pickpocketed.
Prepare for Pleasantries
Take a lesson from her majesty, Queen Elizabeth, and hold your handle bags in your left hand/arm. This will leave your dominant hand free for handshakes, waves, and signature signing. Doing this keeps your bag from feeling too cumbersome and slowing you down during quick interactions. (I guess the opposite is true if you’re left-handed, but to be perfectly honest, I’m not sure because I didn’t see anything about it when researching for this post!)
Clean Up Your Act
NEVER place your clutch purse in your underarm. While tempting if you are approached for a handshake while also holding a glass of wine, it is still considered less-than hygienic to do so. Especially if it’s a warm day.
The line of thought is that your same clutch purse will probably go back into your hand or be set down at some point and you don’t want to transfer germs. Both the French Academie De Bernadac and British/American Beaumont Etiquette, suggest that you hold a clutch in front of you with both hands with your fingers facing downwards or in one hand by your side. It’s called a clutch for a reason. Clutch it in your hands.
All Dressed Up with Nowhere to Go
This is probably a big DUH, but your handbag is supposed to match the dress code of an event. Satchels and bags made of raffia aren’t ideal formal wear just as overly embellished bags shouldn’t be your go-to choice for professional work environments (but more power to you if you do it!)
When heading out for an evening dinner engagement you should place your bag on an empty chair instead of on the floor, tabletop, or the back of a chair where it can obstruct the server’s path. You can also buy a snazzy purse hook to hang your bag off the edge of the table or place it behind you in your chair when an extra one isn’t available.
No Peeking!
Etiquette coaches encourage ladies to use their purses to protect their modesty. It isn’t meant to be taken in that restrictive puritanical kind of way but has more to do with preventing wardrobe malfunctions.
Princess Diana liked to use her clutch to cover her décolletage when stepping out of cars, while the current Queen Letizia of Spain likes to place her bag on her lap to cover the little gap that forms when sitting in a dress. You can also set it in front of an exposed thigh to divert wandering eyes if your short skirt rides up.
All in all, finding these tips made me realize that many of us could probably stand to remember a few of these rules (I will definitely be more mindful of how I carry a clutch.) And even though most of them seem like common sense, I’m sure we would be surprised by how often we might actually be breaking them without noticing. Hopefully, putting these into practice can help us feel a bit more confident in tricky social situations and a little more sophisticated in our own personal presentation.
Great article! Left handed people are supposed to carry their bags on their left as well as the right side of the body is used for greeting people with a handshake or cheek kiss (in the pre-COVID days).
I think that old adage of “Manners maketh man” remains constant. I love the informality of our society in terms of the freedoms we have to express ourselves with our clothing, our hair, and our creativity in general, but with that freedom sometimes I feel we forget the niceties of good manners. “Please” and “Thank You” are far less common than they should be and “I’m Sorry” is practically archaic. I have often wondered if our use of manners starts with the rituals of dressing up and the humble handbag. I have noticed that when people take the time to dress in an elegant manner, they often mirror that by acting in a more elegant manner. Curious thought. Has anyone else noticed this? Thanks for another interesting article!
What’s the brand of the bag for the main photo? It’s cute!
It is the Giambattista Valli Tasche Bag!
I had the same question, thank you!
Thank you!
Giambattista Valli.
Thanks!
I love this article, it’s so interesting. We spend a small fortune on bags, it’s nice to know the proper way to carry them. Thank you.
I read that “Royalty” hold a clutch with both hands when they don’t want to shake hands with anyone. (Look at pictures of Kate and Meghan) they have done it frequently in public situations.
I look at Mrs. Clooney’s Dior Bar Bag and sigh every time… It was sooo good!
I always really liked those lesser known Dior totes too. Wish I had actually purchased one!
I don’t get the bit about holding a clutch with an underarm. It makes sense if it is a hot day and you don’t want to get sweat on it, but with regard to germs, it doesn’t make sense. Your underarm isn’t more germy or vulnerable to germs than your hands. I actually think it would be worse to get germs on your hands because you will then touch things like your face or mouth or other people.
Yes, everyone’s hands carry germs unless just washed. So you are either shaking hands with a person who has germy hands or with a person who has germy hands PLUS handled a bag that sits in her armpit.
I think most people sort of tuck their bag next to their body resting on their inner elbow and it’s not actually reaching the armpit.
Great article!
I get annoyed when I get hit with someone carrying an oversized tote. Not enough to be rude to someone, but I’m certain that my facial expressions belie the truth.
I gave up trying to find a bag hanger. I’ve yet to find one that actually works.
A large tote comes in useful when you are a woman trying to board the plane and the hoard of aggressive businessmen tries to push their way past you… back when we used to travel, that is. 🙁
Or when someone is wearing a big backpack and turns and hits you with it. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened when I was seated on a plane. People need to be mindful. Of course this was Pre-COVID when I used to travel freely.
One of the pros Covid brought to our lives in my opinion. We no longer need to be sorry for not shaking someone’s hand.
So what do you do when you have a clutch and holding a drink when someone is trying to shake your hand and there isn’t a place to put the drink down? Awkward moment waiting to happen. I guess just say “sorry” and hope they understand.
Question I had as well.
This is why I love clutches with wrist straps or chains tucked inside (like many Judith Leiber bags).
Actual elegant women with manners are not trying to ” kick butt” or “kickin’ ass” as you suppose. No woman puts their clutch in their arm pit, and the germs photobia is eye-rolling.
I thought this was an article for other people how to treat people with designer bags like not to touch or make rude comments haha.
I often move my tote or bag on my shoulder, in front of my body to avoid hitting someone with it. I wonder if that’s proper etiquette. This often happens to me in my busy metropolitan city (pre COVID of course).
Anyone know the name of the third black clutch bag? It’s super cute.
I always knew about the one where you don’t put your bag on the table or floor. It can make it difficult sometimes, to find a spot! Also, ‘No Peeking’!
this is good!!!!