Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (4)

The thing I like best about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is that instead of spending the entire season getting to the real drama that we all want to see, they dive right in and make no bones about it.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (2)

We’re ba-ack! Well, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills are back, anyway, and that means that we’re back to recapping the show after taking a knee for a little bit. We missed last week while we were still getting back up and running after the hurricane, but fret not, my cable is back in (mostly) good working order and I’m back from my extended Housewives hiatus.

Real-Housewives-of-Beverly-Hills

Well! We’re still sorting things out after Hurricane Sandy around here (and truthfully, I missed the entire thing and am still sorting myself out from an extremely fortuitously timed vacation), so we unfortunately can’t recap Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this week.

Real Housewives of Miami (5)

Last week I complained that Real Housewives of Miami was all talk and no action, but last night, we got the action. Karent and Adriana, Alexia and Karent, Lea and Marysol, Joanna and Romain, Elaine and Mama Elsa. Everyone had a bone to pick with everyone else, and it was resplendent.

Real Housewives of Miami (1)

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Miami was one of those where Bravo’s editors gave us all the foreplay and none of the action. Everyone was talking about the same ol’ conflicts they’ve been talking about (and not making any progress on) since the beginning of the season, and it looks as though none of them are going to come to a head until next week.

Real Housewives of Miami (3)

Has ever a cheating confrontation been as flat and unemotional as the one between Joanna and Romain on last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Miami? Not that I can think of, but admittedly, there are probably some cheating confrontations that I’ve missed over the years.

Real Housewives of Miami (4)

The upshot of last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Miami was this: Joanna and Marta shouldn’t be living together, Ana should sign her divorce papers and get it over with and no one should pick a fight with a drag queen at a night club.

Real Housewives of Miami (4)

Originally, I intended to extend my recapping hiatus to the November premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but I saw last week’s premiere of Real Housewives of Miami and actually…enjoyed it? Even giggled a few times? So now I’m back from my reality TV vacation to make fun of our new Miami cast, which includes both a few holdovers from last season (Mama Elsa!) and a few new arrivals (Joanna Krupa, perfect human).

Kim getting a shot

Even though we’ve all been embroiled in a tumultuous love-hate relationship with the Kardashians since mid-May, the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians still managed to sneak up on us. But it’s September and all your favorite shows are returning to the airwaves this week, so it’s time to say goodbye to fluffy summer filler.

Kourt demands more babies

Finally. A totally frivolous episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians! No manufactured-for-the-cameras drama, no triflin’ cat fights, no desperate grabs for screen time, just some good old fashioned Kardashian ridiculousness, with boob jobs and dick jokes galore! It was a return to the Kardashians we all know and love.

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