This has nothing to do with handbags, admittedly, but it is an urgent fashion message that I feel needs to reach the public as quickly as possible. Ladies and gentlemen, jumpsuits are not your friend. Oh, the fashion magazines want you to believe that they are. They want you to think “hey, one piece outfit, that’s so easy!” But it’s not easy, dear readers. It’s heinous. It will take your midsection and turn it into a lumpy sack of cottage cheese. Think you’re immune? You’re not.
A jumpsuit will find the area you hate most on your body and practically paint a target on it. It’s like a “look at me!” sign for your love handles, saddle bags, or tummy pooch. Do you have the audacity to have a top bigger than your bottom or a bottom bigger than your top? Well the jumpsuit says that they’re now the same size, despite whatever conventional reality says! Why? Because they now both have to be covered by a single garment! And it’s not just the catwalk, ladies – I have seen these in regular mall stores, beckoning the clueless masses to cross over to the dark side and dress in a waist-eating, belly-fat-hugging jumpsuit. Do your future self a favor. Don’t ever be in a position to be photographed in one of these, because the pictures will haunt you forever, and you’ll embarrass your children. Just say “no!” to these unflattering monstrosities, and remember:
Friends don’t let friends wear jumpsuits.
Picture courtesy of Net-A-Porter