I’ve spoken a little bit about my upbringing before in my 3+ years writing and working at PurseBlog, but if you haven’t read my prior posts I’ll give you a quick refresher! I grew up on Long Island, just a 45 minute train ride from NYC. From a very young age I loved everything about fashion from my clothes and accessories to the handbags that I dreamt of carrying. While I know I got my love for a unique sense of style from my grandmother I honestly cannot pinpoint where or when my obsession with designer handbags began.
I took inspiration from everywhere as a kid—from the shows I watched on TV to my older cousin and the fashion magazines I begged my mom to buy me from the drugstore. My mother didn’t carry designer bags, yet somehow I became obsessed with owning them. As a kid it might have come off as cute or ‘meant to be’ as everyone in my family wondered where on earth I got my sense of style and my taste level from.
However once I reached my teen years I’m sure it became annoying. I begged and begged for bags I knew my parents would never buy me, which at this point I’m incredibly appreciative of. I learned very quickly that I had to work/save for whatever it was that I wanted. Additionally, along the way I learned a lot of lessons. Sometimes I went and splurged when I had no business doing so, other times I impulse bought bags I ended up not really loving all that much, and being that it was my hard earned cash, the blow hurt more than had it been gifted to me.
I can name quite a few times where I purchased bags on a whim that I simply could not afford. Though there was a slight ‘high’ so to speak, when the damage set in I immediately would feel a sense of guilt. I knew that I was digging myself a hole that would take a bit of time to crawl out of and that was when the guilt would often set in. I would spiral into that hole and mentally beat myself up.
The guilt I felt could be attributed to many different factors, but one of the main ones was that I simply knew that I was raised better. Additionally, each time I wracked up credit card debt I felt like I was letting down not only myself, but my parents. I come from a middle class family and my parents both worked incredibly hard to provide me with everything I needed to grow and thrive—including a college education. Though I was not handed a ‘safety-net’ when I graduated, I entered the adult world debt-free. They set me up to succeed financially and every time I overspent I felt like I was failing them.
I can’t say that I have completely changed my ways—when you love fashion and designer bags it can often be a very slippery slope, but I have become a lot better at not spending outside of my means. Additionally, as I am fast approaching my 30’s I can no longer blame my behavior on being young. One of my goals for this year was to take my growth one step further and get better about saving for the future, not just my next big bag buy.
Though a lot of my handbag-loving guilt comes from a financial perspective, the guilt can come in many forms. Sometimes I also feel a sense of guilt for my spending even when I can afford the item(s) as so many others struggle to simply get by. I try to remind myself that regardless of if I spend a lot or not, I cannot save the world. I simply don’t have that much control. Rather I do my best with what I can control. I try my best to be kind to others, to give when and where I can and to live everyday with pure intentions. I remind myself that this habit is not hurting anyone, and feeling my best, which is what personal style grants me, allows me to act my best.
Do you ever experience handbag-loving guilt and if so how do you talk yourself off the ledge?
I can relate to your story in a big way. My family has never been fashion oriented and I am certainly the exception. I have loved everything fashion as long as I can remember. I have built up a very nice wardrobe with some really great pieces, quality over quantity. At times I do get so wrapped up in my obsession I let it get out of control. I have to rein myself in and my shopping has to be a couple very nice pieces per season. Yes, I do feel guilty that I have spent so much and I vow to be a smarter shopper in the future.
There is always room for growth! I’m doing my best to shop smarter as well.
1000% yes. For a few reasons:
1. Comparing my “should I spend $X to buy a purse I like” to people who are having trouble affording necessities.
2. Do I enjoy premier designer handbags for their beauty or is it also a social status thing done in vain?
3. Time. Time spent researching bags or finding a particular style on eBay, etc. Shouldn’t I be spending my time on other life giving things?
At the end of the day I think it comes down to balance. Living within your means, enjoying your passions (whether it’s designer bags or model cars or beanie babies), and maintaining perspective of your values and whether
overall you’re proportionally spending your time and money on endeavours aligned with those values. If you’re spending way more on purses with less (or not enough) on your true values then it’s worthwhile to re-examine.
I love your honesty!
No, not really and I’ll explain why. I could not afford designer bags until my children were grown and self supporting, which they are now. My money was spent on their nutritional, educational, athletic, etc. needs because this was a priority over my designer handbag needs. It came down to one or the other and the choice was easy to make. What I couldn’t give them they worked hard, saved and bought for themselves.
I also don’t feel guilty because for the past 40 years my employment has been assisting, providing services and caring for people in need. I also volunteer and make charitable contributions. I will frequently, but discretely buy meals for elderly people in restaurants or pay the balance of someone’s grocery bill. I evolved into the person I am now after receiving a great kindness, as a teen, that changed my life.
However, the other side of me loves designer bags and I feel I was born with this love, which is contrary to the poverty stricken environment I was raised. I can now buy designer bags because I’ve worked my entire life to get to this point. Do I deserve them, no. Do I or wear them to work, no. Do I wear them for attention, no. Do I like and wear them because of their beauty, yes. In fact, the way that I carry them is so matter of fact that my adult daughter said no one knows they are designer and just assumes they are fake; of course, she knows because she shares my love of bags.
Very well thought out and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and background with us!
I’m not embarrassed but proud I saved and funded my bags. I think we can appreciate the bags and their cost and also do our part for other people. I donate my clothes, I give to certain charities, I volunteer my time. But I also remember I work hard for my home, car, my kids education, etc.
Agree! Well said and I try to do the same however sometimes a bit of guilt does set in before I ground myself a bit. Can’t help how I feel sometimes but can do my best to remember I do work hard for what I have as you said 🙂
I wouldn’t say I’m guilty or embarrassed about my love for designer bags and RTW. However, I do feel that my life would be a lot easier without my obsession with designer items and fashion overall. I just wish I was that person that didn’t feel so self conscious about the way they looked and presented themselves.
Oh. the horror of being the only member of the family with a sense of style and penchant for designer handbags. It must be so lonely at holiday gatherings. “What do you do for a living?” “I write stories about overpriced purses”
Based on your comment I’m going to take an educated guess that you are a Right Wing supporter. It only makes sense.
Why so mean?
NEVER. I work hard for my money. My kids are taken care of and turned out to be amazing young men. My husband and I have a very active social life now that they are older. I’m at the point in my life in which I can finally treat myself after sacrificing for my children. I would do it again in a heartbeat. No doubts about it.
As far as family goes, they know all to well about my I don’t care what you think attitude. I’ve pretty much told them (nicely and diplomatically) stop chastising me. I’m in my 40s and not one of their children.
Well said!
I think this might be a little overstated. GUILTY for LIKING designer bags? Ummmm. NO. Do I feel GUILTY for liking nice cars or nice homes or nice hotel rooms? NO. “Guilt” is completely self-indulgent and a choice one makes by placing others in control of their feelings about themselves, which is psychological fragility. This isn’t murdering your neighbor or sleeping with your best friend’s husband. Now, do I feel shameful for buying a thousand of them? When clearly there would be better uses for that money? Ok maybe. But GUILTY for LIKING? Geez, seriously?
No.
Why should I?
Nope, I worked for every designer bag (or designer anything for that matter) I own, I have zero debt, all is taken care of. Some people love books, hikes, I love fashion and as we only live once, might as well indulge and have fun with it!
Not really. I work and pay for my bags, some are entry brands and some are more expensive designer bags. I enjoy changing my handbag everyday with my outfits, it’s a source of pleasure for me.
There is no guilt involved when I’m not hurting myself or others.
I love this post – so well written and so relatable! My obsession is designer shoes though! I’ve gotten better about as I approach my 30s as well but still find myself almost hitting the “place order” button more than I should be!
I think women spend way too much time thinking about things like this. Do you think men think twice about feeling guilty collecting statement cars they put 500 miles on in a good year? Nah. If you buy what you like without compromising your current and future security you can relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Maybe men should?
Great piece! I can completely relate. My mom had an affinity for bags but she was also very practical so I’m not sure where my love for designer goods came from. I learned a hard lesson with finances in my early 20s. Working in fashion, I felt I was under a lot of pressure to keep up appearances to the point where I was in massive debt. It took me years to rebuild my credit. Now, I’m a lot more careful — doing research and really asking myself how much I’ll be using the bag in question and usually let at least a couple of weeks go by; if I’m still thinking about a bag, I’ll buy it. I try not to let anyone shame me because I splurged on myself. I work hard and I should be able to spend my money on whatever I want. If it’s not hurting you or others, don’t let anyone turn your indulgence into a vice.
I don’t feel guilty for having the purses or buying them, but I do get shamed for having them from girlfriends.
My husband is successful and buys me 1 for Christmas and he loves it! When he goes overseas he always brings me (and the kids) something small. I myself am a stay at home mom and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My husband was brought up with a stay at home mom and he loved it.
I wish my “friends” would just be happy for me instead of being jealous.
Needless to say, they are not my friends anymore! Which is okay with me.
I know what you mean. Anytime I go out, I evaluate who I will be around. If I think the crowd will be judgmental or they are coworkers, I bring a contemporary brand. I don’t want to hear sassy remarks. If I’m solo or with my parents, I feel comfortable wearing designer.
Exactly!! I never feel guilty about my bags. It amazes me the balls that people have making comments about them. I, too, have had ‘friends’ make snide remarks. It’s none of their business what we spend our money on ?
I couldn’t have said it better. This happened to me, too. Why in the hell (sorry, PB) does anyone feel they have the right to make remarks re: the bag or whatever someone else carries!
Don’t feel guilty about liking designer bags, but sometimes feel guilty for buying too many! 🙂
We come from very similar families, Kaitlin! I live 25 mins north of Boston and while no women in my family own designer bags, I have fallen absolutely head over heels for them. I feel bad about purchasing designer bags because while I am putting money into my savings, I could be putting even more into my savings if I didn’t love LV or Hermes. And you know, millennials this and that…
I justify my purchases by knowing that I work very hard for what I have. Every bag I’ve purchased is with my own money. Most of my big $$ bags are second-hand – smaller purchases are what I actually go into a boutique for! Really great article, thank you for sharing.
Yes! I agree with your sentiments completely. We do work hard and at the end of the day we only get one life and it’s up to us to live how we please and do what makes us happy! There’s definitely a balance and I think that comes with age and experience 🙂
The only bag I was ever gifted was my Louis Vuitton Speedy 25 which I was given for my high school graduation. I begged and begged and settled on the bag versus a big celebratory party like my siblings were given. Though between tent rental and catering the amount spent would have been the same, the purchase was still a big deal for my parents. My mother never spent that much on one single item and to this day I hold that bag so close to my heart because of it.
That is such a wonderful, meaningful gift!
Why was my comment deleted as spam, because I used the word ‘work’ in it??
Yes, because at the end of the day. there’s an elitism factor that I can’t be entirely proud of. I buy designer bags that I think are beautiful. Some of them are easily recognizable, others less so. Either way, it is impossible to completely separate the design of the bag from the brand, and I’d be lying to myself if I said that the social status conveyed by a designer brand isn’t part of the appeal.
A compassionate and generous person, who occasionally treats herself with nice bags, doesn’t have to feel guilty. I am that person 🙂
Yes! Totally. I can’t help but think that $2,000 of whatever could feed a lot of people or help a lot of animals in shelters. I don’t feel like I want a bag to show off socially but I love a well made bag. I spend way too much time researching my next bag. But mostly, even if I can afford one and even if I worked hard for years, I feel like I should be donating the money. I don’t know how people with the million dollar Hermes collections (you know who I mean), can live with themselves. I think about the kids who only get to eat at school, the hard workers fretting about paying their rent, the old people who can’t afford heat or meds. I can’t help myself. Guilty!
Totally not. I think the bag obsession for those of us crazy for bags is kind of like men and collector cars. I don’t necessarily buy every bag I love, but I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE looking at them, thinking about them, reading about them, seeing one in person. When I see a vintage Chanel, it is no different than when my man sees a vintage Corvette and freaks out. If collecting cars is a hobby, so is collecting bags. #justsaying
I like your perspective. No one would make a rude remark to a man who is oogling over a vintage car, expensive watch, or motorcycle. I love bags. They are wearable art to me. I don’t have many designer pieces but I love looking at them.
I was on the subway with a coworker and I saw a girl wearing a beautiful Chanel in a seasonal color. I was admiring it and told him details. He was shocked women know the history of a bag just like men know about sneakers or cars. They aren’t just ‘bags’ to me lol
I was just like you!!! Came from a very hardworking blue collar family and when I was a teen fell in love with designer and name brand things!!!! I have been an avid reader of Vogue,Bazaar and Elle since I was 12. I have been obsessed with bags especially. As I have grown older I now am able to buy staple bags that I know will stand the test of time. Thank God for Evay and pro authenticator