Some people read tea leaves, I read handbags. Trust me, my readings are way more accurate than your average beverage-based guesses, and today, in celebration of National Handbag Day, I’m here to share them with you. Fashion, of course, is an outward expression of how we see ourselves, and perhaps more importantly, how we want others to see us. Different goals beget different handbag purchases, and after nearly five years writing about handbags and the people who buy them, a few, uh, trends have emerged. Below, a tongue-in-cheek look about what your daily handbag of choice reveals about your personality.
Hermes Birkin
$64,500 via Moda Operandi
Your assistant is terrified of you.
Celine Luggage Tote
You’re starting to feel self-conscious that your bag might be played out, but you’re a ride or die kind of chick.
Balenciaga Motorcycle Bag
$1,895 via Matches
You long for the halcyon days of 2005 and smooshy leather and no one ever knows what you’re talking about when you say that.
Celine Cabas Tote
You’ve erected a small shrine to Miranda Kerr in your coat closet.
Chanel Flap Bag
Under 35: You still watch The Hills on Netflix sometimes if no one else is home.
Over 35: You don’t know exactly who Lauren Conrad is, but you’re vaguely annoyed with her.
Proenza Schouler PS1
$1,695 via Proenza Schouler
After two years working in fashion, you splurged on your PS1 and a pair of Rag & Bone booties.
Bottega Veneta Knot Clutch
$1,495 via Neiman Marcus
You have a driver.
Charlotte Olympia Pandora Clutch
$854 via Matches
You have a sense of humor, a super cute iPhone case and a driver.
Tonya Hawkes Clutch
$938 via farfetch.com
You are the Man Repeller.
Prada Saffiano Luxe Tote
$2,100 via Neiman Marcus
You want to ball, but your employer frowns on balling, so you ball quietly.
A Zara Bag That Everyone Has Seen But No One Can Place
$229 via Zara
You just know that this is the year that your style blog is going to take off.
Alexander Wang Rocco Bag
$925 via ShopBop
You worry that the weight of your chicness may be affecting your longterm orthopedic health.
Givenchy Antigona
$2,125 via Net-a-Porter
There is so much black in your wardrobe that it is nearly impossible to find the exact black tank top that you’re looking for.
Stella McCartney Falabella Bag
$1,195 via Neiman Marcus
We get it, you’re vegan.
Louis Vuitton Speedy
$875 via Louis Vuitton
You’re super excited to have your first designer bag.
Rebecca Minkoff MAC Clutch
$295 via ShopBop
You’re the person in your group of friends who starts the brunch-planning email chain.
LOL hysterical …loved this
Love the Prada Saffiano description… My regular bag is an old Mulberry Mitzy hobo – what does that say about me?
At what point in your life, you spent a not-insignificant amount of time looking for a pair of riding boots in exactly the right shade of brown.
That would be cognac… the exact shade of cognac, thankyouverymuch (it was a full 2 years and while the shade is perfect- everything else is a little off. Search CONTINUES into year 3– with a bonus search for a belt in same shade.)
That would be cognac… the exact shade of cognac, thankyouverymuch (it was a full 2 years and while the shade is perfect- everything else is a little off. Search CONTINUES into year 3– with a bonus search for a belt in same shade.)
Fair enough! 😉
The ones for the Speedy and Chanel flap are spot on!
I already have a Balenciaga moto bag and a RM mini MAC and plan on purchasing a Prada later this year. Does that make me a confused individual?!!
My sister from another mister!
god i love this
omg this is amazing
This is hilarious hahaha, I especially loved the LV and Alexander Wang one!
lol this post is spot on and hilarious. What if you qualify for more than one of these things?
Now THAT’S the writing of the Amanda that I remember! Very funny. I have several of these bags. Should I seek treatment for multiple personality disorder?
I’m carrying my Alexander Wang Rockie today, I’m assuming this means I am chic and also seriously care about my orthopedic health 🙂 Loved this post Amanda, so funny!
Ha, that is so spot on it’s not funny! I had no idea I was that transparent!!!!
So funny – and so true! I am The Prada.
So funny – and so true! I am The Prada.
The quip about Miranda Kerr and the Man Repeller SLAYED me.
the Prada Saffiano description is the TRUTH! balling ever so quietly from my cubicle
The man repeller was spot on…
Is it wrong that I saw it and thought “Oooo, I like it!”?
The man repeller was spot on…
OMG, The LV descrpition is so spot-on! Love it!!
truth
This is flipping hilarious.
Love your insights!
The birkin description reminded me of the movie “The Proposal”…Sandra’s character carried one!
This is hilarious and true.
HIlarious! I have a traditional looking Kate Spade from 2 years ago…any thoughts??
I have a “first generation” Kate Spade — from the days when there really was a Kate Spade running the company. Perhaps I’m your mother.
Great minds think alike!
I have both the Rockie and the RM MAC. I may not start that brunch e-mail chain, but being chic is definitely more important than my orthopedic health.
LOL… esp. the Speedy and the RM Mac Clutch!
Who is this “handbag reading expert”? The introduction is so arrogant. Actually, the whole article is. What a joke.
Hi, my name is Amanda, I work here.
Hahahaha!!!!
Hahaha, this was funny. I’m 25 and still carry my Alexander McQueen Patent Trim Large Novak, which – I suppose – says that I find a good thing and take care of it forever. God, that Givenchy Antigona… I just need to start saving again.
I love cross body bags, I have the Dior, Hermes , and Chanel. What does that say about me?
You are rich 😛
Haha the louis speedy was my 1st bag too!!
This is a hilarious article, but the Celine Luggage Tote is kind of an obvious fake, so that’s kind of weird.
Au contraire, that’s an old stock image from the Celine site. In the early days of the Luggage Tote, Celine made them both with and without curved piping, depending on the color and size.
Amanda you’re just on the ball today!
I remember the piped vs. non-piped days very clearly because the Luggage Tote I wanted (the red one in the picture) didn’t have piping and I was very upset by that at the time.
lol I have a few of these bags by the one that get me was the LV speedy! That was indeed my first designer bag!!! Hahaha
This post made my week! You were right about the speedy being a girl’s first. That was me 20 years ago and now with my Rocco, I can assure you I’ve found ways to carry it so as not to cripple myself… but bad back– be damned!
I carry Chloe Paraty, what does that say about me?
Actually Speedy was the bag after I had Prada, Givenchy and other designer bags 🙂
The Givenchy description is brilliant! Were you talking about me?!!! :))
And me, definitely! 🙂
I have the Rocco, and I would give my first born for that Givenchy. Not only did you predict me, you predicted my future :)!
Oh! But I love gray too. Kidding about the first born thing…No I’m not.
What would a Saint Laurent Sac du Jour say about you?
What would a Saint Laurent Sac du Jour say about you?
that you cannot afford a birkin 😉
hiLARious! what would you say about a Chanel quilted BOY bag?
OK, former English major here … . the Prada description, do you mean bawling? Or is “balling” some slang term I’m not familiar with? Sorry to be picky, just try to understand. I LOVED the rest of the article!
“Balling” is indeed a slang term – it means outwardly showing your success in flashy ways.
“Ballin” yeah urban slang like “big baller shot caller” Balling just means you really got it going on!!
“Ballin” yeah urban slang like “big baller shot caller” Balling just means you really got it going on!!
OK, former English major here … . the Prada description, do you mean bawling? Or is “balling” some slang term I’m not familiar with? Sorry to be picky, just try to understand. I LOVED the rest of the article!
OMG! I have several high end designer bags, but my LV Speedy in both monogram and damier ebene are my usual go to bags, I am almost ashamed to say!!! They still make me “super excited”! Love this post! 🙂
i wear a croc black birkin, and im a 19 year man, what does that say about me ?
That your bag is fake.
I wanne play the game!
What does a Chloe Paraty say about me?
Hilarious!!
Why are a lot of people against the price of SMc bags because they are not leather…i have 2 and they are gorgeous and receive compliments every time i carry mine….people purchase plastic Chanel boy bags for much more ??? I also have 2 Chanel bags and would say the SMc are just as nice
The chanel one didn’t make sense.
I havea prada saffiano but don’t get the meaning of balling 🙁
What does my Valentino Nuage say about me? Just curious…
The LV one! Don’t hate me, but it’s true!
The description about the Louis Vuitton Speedy is so true! Literally almost everyone has that bag. It’s like a disease. It’s everywhere!