49 posts tagged with Real Housewives of New Jersey
The Many Bags of Bravolebrities

Finally, after a million bazillion episodes, Real Housewives of New Jersey is over. Over for now, anyway! Apparently Bravo thinks that the drama between cast members is so juicy right now that they’ve fast-tracked the next season, so we’ll be rejoining our guidettes much sooner than we might have expected.

Before we start speculating about next season, though, we have to tie up this one. Last night’s second installment of the reunion was anticlimactic compared to the first one, butI suppose that the revelations about Caroline and Dina’s relationship were interesting enough to sustain most of it. Still, I’m glad that we get to move on to Atlanta in November. (more…)

Last night’s first installment of the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion was a wall-to-wall Teresa bash-a-thon, and I couldn’t have loved it more. Some seasons of this show have a cast member that’s so badly in need of a public lashing that it’s disappointing when the reunion is less than that, and Teresa is one of those people. Thankfully, the reunion didn’t disappoint.

By the end of the hour, Andy Cohen seemed as exasperated with Teresa’s dim-witted double-speak as Caroline was, and the little gremlins inside of my chest where my heart is supposed to be cheered when he got snippy with her. If you were expecting Teresa to admit any kind of fault or give any sort of mea culpa, even a small one, though, you ended up disappointed. In the grand tradition of reunion recaps, let’s go over what we learned. (more…)

In the most recent seasons of Real Housewives, it seems as though producers have either purposefully tried to end things on a happy note or there simply wasn’t enough drama among the cast members to manufacture a final blowup. Thankfully for all of us who enjoy trashy television, last night’s season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey was downright hostile. And I kind of liked it?

Normally I’m so sick of discussing the same problems over and over that I hate the thought of tuning in to see the reunion, but with the group poised to turn on Teresa en masse, I can’t wait to see what happens when they’re all forced to be in the same room together. Except for Jacqueline, that is, because she isn’t in the reunion clips that I’ve seen. If memory serves, this is the first time that a cast member has no-showed a reunion, so you know that something juicy is going on. Anyway, before we get to that stuff, we have to talk about what actually happened last night. (more…)

You guys, I’m a little disappointed in last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, even though it was fairly entertaining. I really wanted to see some part of the bar brawl that lead to the lawsuit that’s currently pending against Teresa, but Bravo pretended like it didn’t happen at all and just showed them eating hibachi instead.

I know that Bravo probably couldn’t show the footage because of the ongoing legal drama, but I was hopeful that they’d be as tasteless as ever and do it anyway. My hopes were dashed, so let’s talk about what actually did happen instead. Because, I mean, we have to talk about something. (more…)

Because of Fashion Week shenanigans, I didn’t get to see or recap last week’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey. Naturally, that meant I had to watch that episode prior to recapping this one, and it was literally so stupid that it gave me a nose bleed. That’s new, as-yet-unexplored depths of stupidity, in case you’re keeping score at home.

Was last night’s episode even worse? Maybe. Our Housewives took flight for a few days in the Dominican Republic, and we all know what happens when those broads cross international borders. (Hint: Nothing good.) In fact, I’d say that the only good thing that came out of last night was the knowledge that the airline lost one of Teresa’s suitcases. Little by little, the universe is trying to weed her tacky clothing out. (more…)

You guys, I forgot yesterday was Sunday. I forgot it was any day that normal people have off, because the endless parade of Fashion Week means that I’ve worked nine days straight and will work at least three more before I get a day off. Them’s the breaks. Not only did I not write a recap of last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey, but I forgot it existed. And maybe it’s better that way?

At any rate, you guys still deserve a place to talk about it if you see fit, so that’s what we have right here. I’m going to make every effort to watch the episode on DVR tonight and add my thoughts in the comments when I do, but until then, feel free to discuss whatever it was that happened last night. I’ll try to do better for the Beverly Hills housewives tonight. Really, I will. I’m not saying the end result will be better, but I’ll at least remember that the show’s on. Swears.

I need a coffee the size of my head. (more…)

As I mentioned earlier today, Megs and I are firmly planted in a Pennsylvania hotel room and we’re not coming back to New York City until all of the subways are running again. It’s actually been a nice break from the hectic city pace, but there’s one very clear downside: The hotel doesn’t have Bravo. Also, I forgot my laptop charger in my haste to escape from New York, so I have to make this quick.

Andy promised that last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey would be great, but sadly, I have no idea if that turned out to be true or not. I do know that watching the VMAs makes me feel absolutely ancient at all of 25 years old, because the hotel did happen to have MTV and I didn’t know who half of the people on it were. Anyway, feel free to discuss Real Housewives, the VMAs or how bloated you are from eating all of your storm supplies in the comments. (more…)

Teresa really wanted to be the most annoying person on Real Housewives of New Jersey last night, didn’t she? It would seem to me that pursuing that title when Ashley is around would be all for naught, but Teresa went after it with a single-mindedness and ferocity that is generally reserved for cage fighters and Washington lobbyists.

At the very end, though, Ashley fought back against Teresa’s advances and managed to get herself kicked out of her house by her stepdad, which takes a particular sort of skill since he seems to be far more tolerant of her uselessness than her mother is. Let’s hope she stays kicked out next week. (more…)

They should have just called last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey “In Which Everyone Watching at Home Tries to Set Ashley on Fire with Their Minds” and been done with it. Because that’s pretty much what happened, right? Ashley came, she acted like the inveterate brat we all knew she is and we all fumed.

Some other stuff happened, sure. Melissa tried to sing again, and surprise, it didn’t go very well. Kathy and Rich talked about the possibility of having a talk with their kids on an uncomfortable subject. Teresa’s brood acted like we expect them to act. But the real story? That was the Lauritas. (more…)

I’m just putting this out there: If I had my way, this entire Real Housewives of New Jersey recap would be 2000 words on why Milania is going to grow up to be a hobo-killing sociopath. I think my theory is a strong one, and I also think that exploring it further might be a more entertaining option that going over what happened on last night’s episode.

The problem is that our cast members didn’t actually do much last night, they just talked about doing things, or alternately, things that people have done in the past that no one has any footage of. I can’t do much with that except try and think of new ways to explain how stupid Ashley is. And guess what, I’m out of new ways. There are no more words for “vapid” in the English language. I’m going to have to start with Spanish words, I guess. Ashley es estupida. (more…)

You guys, I’m kind of irritated that last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey even happened. First of all, the Manzos are too functional and nice and happy to be degrading themselves on reality TV. Second, Teresa and Melissa are making me start to go cross-eyed, and I’m no longer certain that I can tell one from the other.

Ashley also made an appearance with more of her super-annoying whining about her stepdad and how he’s trying to buy her love, even though she has yet to explain why she didn’t decline the new car he bought her if she’s so opposed to him buying her things. It was exasperation and boredom all around last night, and that’s no way to celebrate the tiny baby Jesus’s birthday. (more…)

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