Well, last night’s Real Housewives of New York Reunion was a shouty, ridiculous mess, just like we all knew it would be. It was so shouty and ridiculous, in fact, that it made Andy Cohen actually have a momentary meltdown and swear at all of our cast members, who still took several seconds to stop yelling at each other and realize that they were about to break Andy’s brain.

You guys asked for a recap, so here we are. But as you might imagine, it’s nearly impossibly to write a narrative recap of 90 minutes of non-narrative bitching and finger-pointing, so we’re doing this one in numbered points. Here’s what I found entertaining last night.

1. Alex fought with everyone this season. From her marriage equality fight with Sonja to her argument in the woods with Kelly to her restaurant confrontation with LuAnn, I can’t even keep track of who Alex likes and who she doesn’t from second to second. In fact, during the first 10 minutes of the reunion, Kelly went from saying that Alex was right to be upset with Sonja over the marriage march (or at least that seemed like what she was whispering?) to complaining that Alex makes her nervous and agitated. And since we’ve all learned since the beginning of the season that Kelly is the most stable and sane person on the cast (typing that still absolutely blows my mind), I guess we have to blame that on…Alex? I still can’t keep track.

2. I really like Sonja. She got very personal and seemed very forthright and honest about her financial situation, her divorce and her house. They brought up the comment that Kelly had made about Sonja’s house belonging to her husband (it apparently doesn’t) and it being unrenovated (Mr. Morgan isn’t paying for renovations), and for a few moments, Kelly reverted back to last season – she refused to admit that her comments had any kind of negative connotations and even denied saying some of the stuff we all saw her say directly to the camera. Also, she admitted that she lived in a house that was purchased by her ex-husband and that she didn’t actually pay for in any wya.

Sonja handled it all with relative grace and composure, even while LuAnn (OF ALL PEOPLE) was scoffing about her background and Cindy was saying that she was fake and arrogant. Sonja shut them all up and told them that she was the only one of all of them who doesn’t pick at the others’ lifestyles, homes or financial situations, and then everyone was silent for a sweet, beautiful moment. Why? Because she was RIGHT. I am on Team Sonja so hard right now that I can’t even accurately express to you how much I want to hold hands with her and run off into the sunset. Just me, her and Brian the Artist. (Side note: They broke up. Boo.) Also: “Sonja, has your vagina ever been rude to Kelly?” I MAY NEVER RECOVER FROM THAT, YOU GUYS. IN A GOOD WAY.

3. Where do we even start with the whole Jill/Ramona fight… The pinot (was it to drink or to donate?), the name calling (mostly at Alex – she was a bitch, an idiot), the cheating (is Mario or isn’t he?), the BETHENNY. Of all of it (and it’s all annoying), their constant need to haul Bethenny into their fights confuses me the most. She has clearly moved on and left these annoying harpies behind her, but Jill and Ramona are still clinging to Bethenny like they think hundred dollar bills might fall out of her metaphorical pockets. ENOUGH ALREADY. With all of it.

4. Andy’s meltdown. In that moment, Andy Cohen, our gay uncle in the basement, was my spirit animal. He did exactly what I’ve wanted to do during so many reunions – he told everyone to pipe the hell down! Later, it was discussed whether or not it’s ok for men to yell at women, and I think it’s perfectly fine for anyone to yell at anyone as long as they have just cause to do so. LuAnn and Jill probably think it’s terrible because they’ve given a hell of a lot of people a good reason to yell at them in their lives. Live on, Angry Uncle Andy!

5. Sonja and Ramona are the life of the party. Even when they’re super annoying. Because let’s face it – in our glory days, all of us took our turns being the super annoying girl at the party a few times. And if we were lucky, one of our super annoying girlfriends was right by our side, egging us on. It might be a bit embarrassing to hear about it the next day when you’re sober, there is nothing better in the moment than being That Girl – drunk, loud, and having the best time out of everyone at the party. “Ramonja” are those girls, and I would like to have a drink or seven with them.

6. Kelly was the sane one this season. This has been the narrative of the entire show, and perhaps the most surprising thing to happen to Real Housewives ever, but she was maybe kind of crazy during most of the reunion? Her disdain for Alex (in fact, everyone’s disdain for Alex – it almost seemed like a coordinated effort to isolate her and perhaps have her removed from the show?) had taken a big jump since we last checked in, and Kelly had started to say crazy things again, like that Cosmo had named her the fifth nicest celebrity ever.

So while Kelly was mostly the voice of reason during the regular episodes, she seemed like perhaps she had forgotten to take her meds the morning of the reunion and had maybe skipped her appointment with her therapist the day before. She wasn’t fully off-the-rails Crazy Kelly from seasons past, but there were moments when it look like she could have reached that point, if only Bethenny had been there. Luckily for all of us (including Bethenny), she wasn’t, so Crazy Kelly remained mostly docile.

7. “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.” Sigh. Cindy. She didn’t say that word-for-word, but it was the basically the upshot of her spontaneous shouty rant, right? They reviewed a lot of rude stuff that the other wives had done to and said about Cindy toward the beginning of the season that I had completely forgotten about, and I was almost ready to give her a second chance, even after the ridiculousness with the phone call in Sonja’s kitchen. But then she stood up and stamped her little foot like a toddler having a tantrum and told Sonja and…Ramona? Alex? I’m not sure who she was pointing at…that they couldn’t tell her what to do.

And, I mean, thank you Captain Obvious. Yes, the blondes can’t physically force you to act like a reasonable human being. (Well, I wouldn’t put it past Ramona to physically force you after too many pinots. Or too few?) They can however, tell you when you’re being a jackass, which is not the same as telling you what to do. Grownups are supposed to inform other grownups when they’re acting like that. And I don’t care what anyone says! Taking a conference call at a friend’s breakfast is jackassery, even if producers told her it was ok. Of course producers told her it was ok, it made for lots of drama! The producers aren’t your friends, Cindy. They’re there to make you look like a feral hosebeast for all of our enjoyment. Keep that in mind when they’re telling you things.

8. Ramona and LuAnn? Oh, they still hate each other. This subject was broached at the end of the hour-and-a-half-long episode, so my attention was starting to wander to what color I would paint my nails after the reunion ended whether or not I had another Diet Coke in the fridge. As far as I could tell from all of the shouting that happened, though, Lulu is still upset that Ramona insulted her mothering skills and Ramona is still…Ramona. And like I said in the recap when this altercation first happened, on a factual level, I think Ramona is probably right. I think LuAnn probably teaches her kids to be haughty, condescending elitists with no sense of irony because that’s exactly what she is. When she bothers to show up on the weekends to do her cursory two days of parenting at all, that is.

But saying that to someone’s face on national television makes her look just as vile as LuAnn, and if Ramona takes the whole issue beyond the pale and actually makes me feel bad for Lulu, I will never forgive her for it. And don’t get me wrong, Ramona is vile too, just in a different and less bothersome (to me, at least) way than LuAnn. I’m sure that some other choice words were exchanged during that conversation, but I assure you that I have no idea what they were, for the reasons I mentioned above. Still, it seemed as though nothing was advanced beyond what we already saw and certainly nothing was solved, so I feel like I’m in the clear. Then again, when is anything ever solved on a Real Housewives reunion?

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Ashley

    “And like I said in the recap when this altercation first happened, on a factual level, I think Ramona is probably right. I think LuAnn probably teaches her kids to be haughty, condescending elitists with no sense of irony because that’s exactly what she is. When she bothers to show up on the weekends to do her cursory two days of parenting at all, that is. ”

    I absolutely agree, and I absolutely love Sonja. I also think that her and Romana have a lot of history together- Mario included- and they seem like genuine friends instead of fake reality show friends.

  • NJ

    Why does Cindy have such a chip on her shoulder? Why she turned on her own team burnette and told Luann not to tell her what to do either was quite comical. The look on Luann, Jill, and Kelly’s faces was priceless.

    I feel a little bad for Alex. I think she is probably actually a nice person but comes off like such a wannabe. They all have at one point ganged up on her and said really many things to her because she is the weak one who can’t defend herself and it just seems so happy to find a group with Ramona and Sonja who have each been rude to her at some point, as well. Yet she is always the forgiving and least confrontational one.

    Sonja became likable again last night after falling off the wagon a bit this season. I like that she seems like she can laugh at herself, while the other “ladies” take themselves too seriously and are such hyprocrites.

    I would NEVER argue that Kelly is sane. The fact that she argues that she’s nice because some magazine rated her as one of the nicest celebrities is so absurd. Does she even actually live in reality. I have no words —- except to say that I am so glad Sonja called her out. I mean to sit there and criticize Sonja’s life, home, and relationship with her ex when Kelly probably owes a great deal of her sucess and living standards to her husband is beyond the level of someone with absolutely no self awareness whatsoever. How can you deny saying something when they have it on tape that was played literally 30 seconds prior? Kelly really disturbs me.

    Jill is such a bully and so in love with drama. A wise woman once said, “Get a hobby!” She clearly needs one that involves not being obessed with someone who has moved on to bigger and better. And how exactly is Ramona to blame for your failed friendship with Bethanny?

    Luann is unreal. Yes, Ramona is wrong to call out her kids, but I believe she has mocked Alex’s kids in the past and thinks we don’t recognize when she gives digs to everyone under the sun.

    Ramona clearly needs some type of counseling. I think she is probably a little crazier than Kelly.

    Bravo, please get a new cast. I have a headache after watching the reunion. Poor Uncle Andy.

  • Ms. Z

    LuAnn kept asking Ramona what did she say about her marriage because of course LuAnn claims she has NEVER said anything negative to Ramona about her marriage but in the clip she asked Ramona “oh darling by the way, how is that marriage working out for you”, and the Countless LuAnn asked that right after the Morocco trip when the pseudo-psychic said Mario was cheating. Jill and LuAnn are clueless to what they do but they thrive on pointing out what others are doing wrong. I bet Jill wished she would have been nicer to Bethanny now…the Millionaire Bethanny, I LOVE IT, LOL! She got the last laugh on all of those ladies!!!! I hope Jill reads some of these comments so she knows America really thinks she SUCKS!

    • Yeah, one of the things that makes me really despise LuAnn is her constant passive-aggression. She clearly took a swipe at Ramona’s marriage in that clip and anyone who’s been watching the show for a while understood what that comment was meant to imply. But when she’s called on it, she insists there was no implication at all, which we all know is false. AHHH. She makes me so frustrated.

      • Reality Junkie

        LuAnn took a swipe for sure, but Ramona was asking for it. I am SO OVER her bragging about her perfect marriage, perfect daughter, her “trifecta”, if you will….to LuAnn, who suffered the public humiliation of a husband who left her for another woman and a teenage daughter who has some very public problems of her own. (Now of course I know that is the price a family pays when you agree to put minor children in the public eye. Another reason to love Sonja: she doesn’t do that to her kid).

        Ramona has attacked LuAnn and her parenting throughout the season and again on the reunion show, which I think is deplorable, So if you ask me, Ramona HAD IT COMING. And I truly hope for her sake that the beautiful Avery never screws up in front of the press.

        On another note, did anyone see Neil Patrick Harris on WWHL when he referred to Alex as the “Frankensteiny one”? OUCH! I don’t care for Alex but that was really harsh!

      • Personally, I prefer regular aggression to passive-aggression, which is why LuAnn bothers me more than Ramona. For me, at least Ramona seems to understand that she says awful things. I bet LuAnn would deny that a harsh word has ever escaped her lips.

      • Nancy

        She also made a huge swipe at Ramona’s parenting skills, saying something like, “It’s AMAZING she turned out as well as she has.” Ramona had had every right after two passive aggressive swipes to swing back full throttle.

      • teakay218

        Luann called into WWHL earlier in the season and brought up the psychic’s prediction again to Ramona. I think that psychic was a set up – cooked up by Jill and Luann. Jill’s good friend, Brad, shows up at the Morroccan fabric store, invites them to a party that night, and expressed his dislike of Ramona. That night, a “psychic” shows up and states that Mario is cheating — at least, that was the way it was interpreted by Luann until Kelly corrected her.

        BTW, I wish one of these women (Ramona) would simply ask Luann “What do you mean by that”?

      • Ms. Z

        And by the way did I mention, JILL SUCKS!!!!!

  • Ruthie

    If ANYone treated me like these “ladies”–and I use the term loosely)–treat each other, you wouldn’t find ME socializing with them. My head was spinning after the reunion. They should have handed Uncle Andy a megaphone for THIS show.

    I keep watching hoping SOMEone will put each of them in their place. Andy sort of did that with Kelly when he told her she wasn’t a peacemaker, but he was too nice about it. I also wish Andy could pull up clips every time one of them says they didn’t say or do something, but I guess that’s not feasible. That would stop them in their tracks! But, may not…

  • Jess

    It was so clearly obvious that Jill came up with a game plan ahead of time to alienate Alex and try to discredit everything she said. So sad. Alex can maintain a logical train of thought, which cannot be said for really anyone else on the show. NPH was ridiculous in his comments, especially since he doesn’t watch the show! Andy should have had an actual fan of the show on to comment. And yes, Countess, you really did mean to imply Mario was cheating when you made that comment. We aren’t idiots.

    • teakay218

      I totally agree about Jill’s game plan. Both Kelly’s and Jill’s bravoblog imply that Alex will be gone after this season.

  • mkat

    “They’re there to make you look like a feral hosebeast for all of our enjoyment.” Too funny, Amanda — you are a gem!

    • Emily

      The hosebeast comment also had me dying of laughter.

  • Karen

    I have to say I love that Sonja called Kelly out. She is mean and talks about people. Even though she says she would never do that.

    One of my favorite moments was when Kelly said she needed to be the peacemaker and Andy told her she wasn’t.

  • mirna

    I really dont like the Brunette team! They’re all very annoying and whats up with Jill talking to Alex like that? She’s so classless! I use to like her but she’s really gotten a lot worse. Alex needs to leave the show. She doesnt seem like she can take much more. Her face looked like it was on fire and she was breathing all heavy! LOL Kelly is still nuts but its been covered up and now slowly coming back out in little pieces. Luann I can’t stand! I wanna slap her and Jill! I didnt like Sonja or Ramona before but after this season I’ve had a change of heart. Cindy needs to get the boot! She’s been nothing but boring all season and her teeth annoy the crap out of me!

  • mirna

    One more thing…Why are they even friends when they just cant stand eachother and they’re all jealous??

    • deejah

      Because Bravo is paying them money to be friends.

  • Bagolicious

    Maybe we can take up a collection and send them all to group therapy. Maybe it’ll be cheaper by the dozen…throw in some of the husbands/boyfriends/ babydaddys,too. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. If they represent “high class”, then give me “low class”.

  • Reality Junkie

    “Personally, I prefer regular aggression to passive-aggression…at least Ramona seems to understand that she says awful things….”

    Darn you Amanda, just when I’m sure I despise someone, you give me pause. Your perspective truly intrigues me! That’s what I love about your comments and recaps!

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  • adrienne c

    great recap! You hit everything spot on!

  • Chicky

    I think “feral hosebeast” is my new favorite descriptor. I shall steal it! LOL

  • Jennimer

    Kelly drives me around the bend. She can’t proclaim how nice she is when she simply…isn’t. She’s amazingly normal this season, especially when compared to the last one, whch frankly I find to be a huge relief. (I felt guilty watching her fall apart on Scary Island. It all felt too real and too sad.)

    But what’s with the Cosmo claim? I understand people have searched for that reference to no avail. And since she’s said that RHoNY has given her a public profile when she had none, when would Cosmo have ever cared about her OR called her a “celebrity?”

    …I think that Luann nailed it on WWHL, when she explained Kelly by saying she’s 12 years old. I happened to catch her (Kelly) on Nate Berkus and she kept saying things were “awesome” and “ginormous.” She can’t articulate her thoughts to save her life, although she’s not flat-out stupid. She’s just permanently 12, and we all know that’s an awkward age.

    I agree with you, Amanda – I much prefer straight-up aggressive to passive-aggressive, and Kelly’s all about the latter. I remember when she was asked about Bethany’s success, and she couldn’t say anything positive; she had to keep saying “Yay for the franchise!” Don’t label yourself as ‘nice’ when you can’t even come up with a polite quote for the public.

    And her constant refusal to admit that Bethany is anything but a “cook” because “no one I know has ever hired her” grated, too.

    …AND while I’m on a roll, it kills me that she slights Sonja for ‘living in her husband’s house,’ when she lives in HER husband’s apartment, and she never admits to the hypocrisy.

    I guess this is just my long-winded way of saying Kelly makes no sense and aggravates the hell out of me, and I’d love to see her gone. She can be fascinating to watch, like a train wreck, but she’s an idiot.

    • Z

      Bra-vo (insert pun), lol! Well said!!

  • mochababe73

    “Jackassery” has got to be the FUNNIEST thing that I have heard this year. Love it.
    I don’t even know why Cindy is on the show. To me, she is even more unlikable than Camille from the BH. She’s on the show, but acts like she can’t be bothered with any of the women or her own daughters. I can’t stand her attitude.
    Jill and Lu Ann started off as one of my favorite housewives. Now, I can’t stand looking at the sight of them. I can’t even find the words to say how disgusted I have been with their behavior for the last two seasons.
    I still love Alex and Simon. They’re different and weird, and I love it.
    I have always liked Sonja. She looks like a fun person to be around and is enjoying life.
    Kelly is still crazy. When she hears something that she doesn’t like, she cuts them off. Alex pointed it out, and of course, Kelly doesn’t listen.
    The show wouldn’t be a show with out the Ramona Coaster. I say let’s all toss up a glass and take the ride with her. Is Mario cheating? Maybe. Maybe not. But it’s not Jill’s business, and she shouldn’t be spreading those kinds of rumors around the UES.
    Again, I repeat, get rid of Crazy Kelly and Too-Busy-for-her-own-Daughters Cindy. Go back to the original cast minus Bethenny. I think that Ciny was supposed to be the new “Bethenny”, but she’s not witty, funny, or as sharp-tongued as Bethenny. She’s just an arrogant jackass. That’s not witty or fun.

  • deejah

    I think everybody should tweet @BravoAndy “Its time to replace the RHNY cast.”

    I’m sick of all of them. Sonja is the only who I can still stand. This past season I’ve maybe seen 2 episodes, and read the recaps on here.

  • audeen

    Your recaps of the Real Housewives are always brilliant and entertaining. I haven’t heard the word ‘hosebeast’ in awhile, but I’m glad you’re bringing it back. Love it. Thanks for the laugh!

  • Sue Blaney

    THank you so much for this re-cap!!!! Dead on…love Uncle Andy :>

  • Manuela

    Amanda, thanks so much for the recaps as well! Especially a reunion recap; you passed the OC reunion over for the most part when I was salivating to see what you’d say about that assorted ‘jackassery’ there, particularly the jackassery that was Alexis. But bygones are bygones…on to NY!

    I completely agree with you that LuAnn has zero sense of irony or self-awareness and is at the top of my list of most deplorable housewives ever…Danielle was there, but at least she had (has) a genuine, complicated set of mental disorders to blame her crazy on. With LuAnn it’s all self-imposed and outwardly inflicted. Gross.

    Now, really…is Ramona actually a drunk or was she trying desperately to get the ‘Ramona’ pinot on camera at every opportunity–a la Bethenny–by drinking in on camera at all hours of the day? I’m inclined to think that Ramona took Bethenny’s marketing idea and ran with it to the extent it made her look like a drunk. Ramona should have noticed that B. only drank her own drink at night and in natural situations; not at noon when a La Croix would have done just as well.

    Loved Kelly in the episodes, but the crazy came blazing through in the reunion. She’s better after she has time to plan.

    Frustrated with Sonja in the episodes but loved her again in the reunion. She was so honest and truthful that what she said about her finantial situation even rendered me silent.

  • adrienne c

    I wonder if kelly has ever been tested for IQ or emotional maturity. I don’t think she’s at the same level as her chronological years.
    I can’t stand the fact that she’s mentally challenged, filthy rich, and a prominent character on a reality show. The three just don’t seem to mix for me…..

    • adrienne c

      She’s an OxyMoron with heavy emphasis on MORON!

  • suz

    Flipped this on last night. All I can say is……what an utterly awful, awful group of women….each for her own specific narcissistic personality issues…..maybe with the possible exception of Sonja, who, although embarrassingly silly and stupid at times, does appear to be nice. The rest…..so disgusting, It may take me a few days to sneak up on the second half of the reunion…..and then, depending….maybe never again. (oh, I know, I always say that, but these recaps always lure me back.) I guess, after the reunion show part 1, I find Cindy to be the most loathsome. There is never one second when she is not a totally obnoxious creep and never in an amusing way. Did I read somewhere, she is not invited back?

  • Lorie

    “feral hosebeast”

    BEST two words ever!

  • bolor

    one who is talking about class,one who isn’t classless (two faced Luann)

  • bolor

    one who is talking about class,one who
    classless (two faced Luann)

  • adrienne c

    watching RHNJ Christmas Extravaganza. This is pretty damn disgusting. I can’t even afford shampoo at this point……

  • Selene

    Cindy actually comes off to me as the most authentic person on the show. She is the least pretentious and definitely the most sane. Sure she’s a bit rough on the edges but come on now, who hasn’t taken a phone call in front of their friends while eating? It’s not a huge deal. She has a business to run, and has made it clear that everything that deals with Sonja or conflict with the girls is a waste of time.

    Sonja is the one I truly dislike in the show. She is too fake and pretends to be stuck in a lifestly she wasn’t even BORN with. She was a mere hostess in a restaurant and got married to money for a decade, not half her life! The only reason I believe that she cannot take jabs at other women is that she has nothing to brag anymore except the name dropping, and her expensive tastes she can no longer afford.

    As for the other women: Alex, I find her annoying and trying too hard to be assertive but always massively fails. She interferes without any good reason and I think it’s a plot to buy her more airtime. Ramona takes a bunch of low blows and pretends they aren’t laced with any malice. She sounds bitter and unhappy to me. Kelly is always extremely incoherent and she needs to lay off whatever she is taking. LuAnn is harsh and quite controlling. I don’t think she’s too bad of a parent because the footage does show her daughter geniunely caring towards her.

    Lastly, Jill is actually not that bad this season. She’s loud and gets in everyone’s business but at least her comments and criticism are pretty spot on.

    • Nancy from SB

      “…..but come on now, who hasn’t taken a phone call in front of their friends while eating? It’s not a huge deal.”

      Not me, not ever. It’s rude, rude, rude and just because it has become commonplace does not make it less rude. Baring life or death issues, there is NO good reason to answer your phone at the dinner table.

      Good manners are about making OTHERS feel comfortable and honored.

  • kemilia

    Great recap, as always. I just got done watching Part 1 and geez, Andy looked like he had reached his limit with these women (but they are darn good for Bravo).

    I just cannot stand Cindy and Sonja is my fave for this season. Kelly seems to still be “satchels of gold” Kelly and yes, you hit the LuAnn passive/aggressive thing right on the nose. Jill’s hair looked really good on her too, but the big brooch thing on her neck–not so much.

    And will I watch next season (assuming they sign again)–Most Definitely! And yes I read somewhere that Cindy would not be returning (yay).