Finally, after a million bazillion episodes, Real Housewives of New Jersey is over. Over for now, anyway! Apparently Bravo thinks that the drama between cast members is so juicy right now that they’ve fast-tracked the next season, so we’ll be rejoining our guidettes much sooner than we might have expected.

Before we start speculating about next season, though, we have to tie up this one. Last night’s second installment of the reunion was anticlimactic compared to the first one, butI suppose that the revelations about Caroline and Dina’s relationship were interesting enough to sustain most of it. Still, I’m glad that we get to move on to Atlanta in November.

1. The title quote is from last week. Still, I thought it was apt.

2. Everyone on this show is in heat. BIG, EXASPERATED SIGH. I refuse to dignify the Housewives’ bedroom habits by writing about them.

3. Caroline and Dina are feuding. Caroline said that she doesn’t know why, but that was a lie. When Andy continued to press, Caroline said that “someone” had been feeding Dina false information about her, but that she didn’t want to say who. After more pressing from Andy, she admitted that it was Teresa. Naturally, Teresa denied it, and at this point, who knows what’s going on? There’s probably some third side of the story that we’re not hearing, somewhere in between Teresa and Caroline’s version of what happened. At this point, I’m not even sure that I care.

4. Jacqueline wasn’t there, but we still talked about Ashley. The upshot of the entire thing seemed to be that Ashley is still a giant asshole. Raise your hand if you’re shocked.

5. Teresa’s hair looked nice. I think I forgot to say this last week, but Teresa’s Cher Hair was impressive. Whatever she had done to it, I’d like to sign up to have it done to mine too. This is the only time that I’ll ever be jealous of something concerning Teresa’s grooming or style choices, I assure you.

6. Teresa thinks Kathy’s a bad cousin. Mostly because Kathy rescued Adriana from the giant scrum of fighting at the christening? Or because she dared to mention Adriana was unattended at a later date? I’m not sure. Save my baby all you want, but don’t you dare ever mention to me that I left her by herself while I helped incite a riot at a religious event!

7. Having a bunch of family members cast on this show becomes problematic after a certain point. It makes for a lot of drama when things remain on the surface level, but about 45 minutes into last night’s fracas, everyone starting shouting about Christmas and Christmas Eve and who spends holidays where and how long they’ve done it and why Teresa was “devastated,” and you know what? After about 10 seconds, it was like being at your in-laws’ house while they all descended into a drunken fight about stuff that happened a decade before you ever came around. Which is to say, of course, that it was tedious and gave me second-hand anxiety, neither of which I want from a reality TV show.

8. We’ve completely lost the plot. About an hour in, I suddenly realized that I had no idea what anyone was talking about anymore. Andy was teaching Teresa about how we conjugate verbs in English, there was some disagreement over who Juicy Joe had called “raccoon eyes,” it was baffling.

9. Melissa actually came with a list of quotes that she wanted to ask Teresa about. FINALLY SOMEONE DID THEIR HOMEWORK.

10. Teresa regrets nothing. Except saying that Melissa poisons her brother’s head, which doesn’t seem nearly as bad as saying that she married Nonjuicy for money. Hilariously, Teresa first thought that Andy was asking her to list the things that Melissa should regret saying, which either demonstrates how dim-witted or narcissistic she is, depending on how you look at it.

11. Also, Juicy Joe has never done anything wrong in his entire life. It’s ok for him to say the six letter f-word, it’s ok for him to get stinking drunk in public and yell and insult people and chip his tooth, it’s ok for him to send threatening text messages to anyone as long as he doesn’t mean it later. It’s all ok! No accountability for anyone! Anyone whose last name is Giudice, at least. Everyone else must answer for their sins, particularly those committed against Teresa, real or imaginary.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • J Umm

    same argument different year

  • Susan

    I loved Andy’s reaction while Teresa was trying to justify the use of the f****t word.

  • Glenda

    I was thinking there towards the end, when Teresa would Not. Quit. Interrupting. and talking over everyone else that the other three women were showing huge restraint in not landing a good solid slap across Teresa’s face . . . although if Caroline had been sitting next to Teresa, that probably would’ve happened.

    I thought Kathy and Melissa were generally calm and rational throughout both parts of the reunion, which I found both brilliant and amazing (given the circumstances, especially for Kathy, being seated next to all that craziness and denial).

    Did you watch “Watch What Happens Live” afterwards? Mark Consuelos did a great impression of Joe G.

  • mochababe73

    Read Dina’s blog. She has basically said that Teresa had nothing to do with the rift between her, Caroline, and Jacqueline.
    I still didn’t like the reunion. Even Andy was irritating. Teresa is no saint, but they all just ganged up on her. Melissa pulling out a phone and reading all of the ugly stuff that Teresa had said to her was very juvenile.
    Kathy is passive-agressive. LuAnn could take some lessons from her.
    With all due respect, Caroline doesn’t need any help destroying her relationship with Dina. She can do that all by herself with her sanctimonious, know-it-all, condescending attitude. Maybe that’s why her radio show was cancelled. I’m surprised that her daughter still has anything to do with her after basically calling her fat and ugly.
    As far as Caroline’s children go, they are all living off of relatives. She gave her daughter money to help her open her “store” inside the Chateau which she admitted to on Twitter. The boys are working for Uncle Chris.
    As far as JJ goes, he is who he is. Like my mom used to say, “You can’t raise grown folks. They have to want to change on their own.” I take anything he does with a grain of salt.
    I have not bought into any of Melissa’s innocent act at all this entire season.
    What really irritated me the most is that the show was all about finding fault with Teresa. Nobody addressed the ugly things that NJJ texted. No one said anything about the ugly things that Kathy, Caroline, and Melissa said about Teresa behind her back. And, finally, Teresa just needs to apologize to Kathy and Meliss and let the past GO!
    Now, bring on the hotter messes than NJ. Time for the ATL!

    • Christine

      I have to admit, i agree with you on almost everything. For some reason, I was beginning to think that I was missing part of the story or were people just already on the “I hate Theresa” train like all the other cast members.

      Caroline CONSTANTLY tells people to mind their own business because it’s personal. Clearly on the reunion, she did not practice what she preached. She was all into Teresa’s daughters song and how as a mother she shouldn’t have let that happen… minding someone’s business much?
      – And Caroline saying she would never call her daughter pretty(or did she say beautiful?) if she needed to lose weight. How nice of you mother. I’m not pretty because I’m fat.

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m not on the Teresa train. Teresa NEEDS to stop thinking the world revolves around her! stop bringing up stuff that’s been resolved.

      I vote for a whole new cast! No more family members.

    • Stephanie

      Couldn’t agree with you more. When Caroline said she wouldn’t tell someone they were beautiful if they were fat I think I threw up a little in my mouth. I have a daughter who I think is gorgeous whether she is fat or skinny. Mama Manzo is not as perfect as she wants people to think. Also wasn’t her hubby Al a rather large man for years before he lost a hundred pounds? Did she tell him he was ugly and fat until he lost weight. The funniest part when she made the fat comment was the look on Kathy’s face. Maybe she’s not as loyal as Caroline wants her to be cause Kathy looked pissed.
      I said it last week and I’ll say it again Teresa is the shallow idiot that she was in the first season and if they are just now seeing it then I have to question Caroline and Jacqueline’s intelligence. You hate her now but you have know for years what a barbarian she is, Enough said.
      Also Caroline is a hypocrite. She shed some crocodile tears and said that Teresa ruined her relationship with Dina and tried to destroy her family. Dina is now even blogging that Teresa is not the reason she has problems with C & J. Rewind to part one of the reunion when Caroline told the world that Teresa never wanted to make up with her brother, called him an a-hole,etc. Am I wrong in thinking that Caroline did the VERY SAME THING she later accused Teresa of doing. Oh and then she puts that she was sorry for doing it in her bravo blog. Crocodile tears and fake apologies. Caroline wanted to be petty and vindictive so she needs to own it.
      All in all I’m glad this horrible season is over. NJ needs a New York shake up in the worst way. In their reunion the past 3 years it has been one cast member ganged up on by the rest. Danielle in season 1 and 2 then Teresa now. If Teresa leaves who has the target on her back? My money is Jacqueline cause I think Caroline still holds a grudge from the punch she took from her years ago.
      PS As always love your recaps Amanda. Your tougher than I am to watch these episodes over and over.

    • Purse Mommy

      I agree with you mochababe. Theresa is the target but she is the same person she was in season one. I think they are a little pissed because the broke ass Giudice’s have really had a fall from grace.

  • Ms. Z

    So maybe Danielle wasn’t as crazy as everyone assumed. Her hatred for Teresa has seemingly spread to the other ladies…oh who am I kidding, Danielle is definitely a whack-job, lol! I do wish Caroline would stop acting as if she is the DON of this clan. It actually makes Teresa not look so bad. Oh there I go again, that’s not completely true!!!! Is the apparatus ready to shoot Ashley into the sun yet? Although she wasn’t on the reunion show I can’t let that fantasy go.

  • Ruthie

    If everyone was “ganging up” on Teresa it’s because she deserved it. As far as I can tell, she’s a blatant liar. I’m going to start calling her “The Mouth”.

    • JenG

      I have never liked Teresa. RHONJ was all about ganging up on Danielle. Now Danielle is gone and it’s Teresa turn.

    • In my mind, Teresa earned all of that confrontation in spades. I can’t understand how anyone tolerates her anymore. She’s awful. Even relative to the rest of the cast, she’s awful. Dim-witted, entitled, self-righteous, narcissistic. Ugh. I really can’t stand her. And I was on Team Teresa at the beginning of the season! As things progressed, though, I think it was self-evident that she’s perpetuating a lot of her own family problems.

      • Reality Junkie

        You summed it up prefectly. Teresa deserves all that is raining down on her. I was still (kind of) on her side as the season began and, looking back, it’s a real lesson in the fact that there are three sides to every story. You never really know for sure.

        What bothers me most (there is so much that bothers me about this people) now is, I am conflicted between really disliking Teresa or just feeling sorry for the pathetic little moron that she is.

      • Reality Junkie

        I meant “these” people, not “this” people. How awful….to write like Teresa!

  • Lorie

    Good lord, my head exploded about half-way through. Bring on Nene and the ATL crew! I’m ready for a different kind of crazy.

    PS. Caroline sounds like my MOM – “If I can’t tell her (Lauren) that she needs to lose weight, then who can?” Um, pretty sure that Lauren can figure that out on her own without Mommy’s “help”. Blech.

    • I really hated that too. I generally like Caroline, even though I got a little sick of her last night, but the part about her daughter’s weight was really gross and unnecessary.

      • Purse Mommy

        It was gross because she is as gross as Theresa.

      • She’s not a saint, but no one on that show is as gross as Teresa.

        I miss Jacqueline already.

  • suz

    Thanks all. I forgot to DVR and now I feel like I don’t have to watch. Onward to the next hot mess…….

  • Carla

    Caroline really has the weight thing backward. When you are heavy, the one thing you need is your mom in your corner telling you that you are beautiful. Not beautiful in spite of the weight, not beautiful on the inside, just plain beautiful.

    • The self-righteousness of the recently thin is really something. My body type is not dissimilar to Lauren Manzo’s, and it has been for my entire life, and it’s usually the people who just lost all the weight that want to lord it over everyone who hasn’t done the same.

      • LZ

        Especially when they have not lost it ‘naturally’. when you lose it by having surgery it’s very easy but when you are then encouraging your child to work out more and eat less it seems quite hypocritical.

    • Manuela

      Well said, Carla!

  • Emily

    On a side, but somewhat related, note, does anyone here follow thefauxmilaniag? Too funny. I am glad someone realized that Milania is the real star of the show.

  • Matthew

    I gasped when Caroline made that comment about her daughter’s weight, but I’m going on the assumption that it just didn’t come out the way she intended. I think she meant to say she would be upfront and honest about her daughter needing to lose weight, if only for health reasons and self-esteem. What she said was something completely different. But I know from watching how sad Caroline was when Lauren told her she would never feel pretty that Caroline doesn’t think Lauren is ugly, no matter what she weighs. She just misspoke.

    Teresa, on the other hand, deserved everything she got from all parties. I couldn’t stand her in the first two seasons, but she was overshadowed by Danielle. Now the spotlight got to shine on her and boy did her warts materialize. What a piece of work.

    • bisbee

      I don’t know about that…I think Caroline is very good about turning on the tears. I don’t doubt that she loves her children, but she seems to be more forgiving where her sons are concerned. Lauren knows she is heavier than she wants to be – she really doesn’t need her mother to tell her that. She NEEDS her mother to be her champion! Caroline needs to look at herself in the mirror before she speaks so poorly of her daughter.

      Everyone always says they like Caroline the best, she’s the best mother of all of the Houswives, they wish she was their mother, etc.. I think it’s a facade…she can turn on the sweet when she wants, but don’t cross her! There’s a nasty bitch in there just waiting to pounce!

      • stephanie

        I could not agree more!

  • jomarie

    I think Lauren is beautiful. I admire her.

    • Ruthie

      I do, too. She seems like a real sweetheart.

    • suz

      I agree. She seems like a smart, ambitious and nice person…..perhaps the most pulled together of the whols lot.

  • S

    I agree with everything that Mochababe said. No one is saying Teresa is a saint, but I wish everyone was equally confronted on the show. I think they are all equally gross. Something about Melissa is a little more gross than the rest. She seems the least real.

  • Stella Kodi

    Ok I totally love this recap…I gave up watching this season because I couldn’t keep up with who’s feuding with who…everytime I managed to switch it on it was some fight that seemed redundant. But honestly, nobody on that show is close to being associated with innocent, maybe Jacq is on her way there but Melissa, I don’t know. Let’s just say Theresa met her match in a sister in-law.
    The Njs don’t really do it for me…right now I’m liking the BHills and excited that the ATL ladies are coming along soon.