Well, last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills wasn’t quite as good as last week’s, but with such a heavy emphasis on Kim, how could it have been? She is the wet blanket to end all wet blankets, and nearly half the episode was dedicated to her simmering insecurity and codependence on her children. If I wanted to hear about that, I’d watch Dr. Phil.

Still, though, we got a shirtless male model doing sit-ups, Adrienne’s general distaste for her husband and more of Camille Grammer than anyone ever wanted to have (Did you know she’s married to Kelsey Grammer? Because she would like to make sure that you know.), demonstrating again how incredibly loathsome and lacking in self-awareness she is. When you look at it from that angle, the episode was actually sort of great.

The episode started with Demi Moore Kyle packing for an Easter trip to Palm Springs with her family, which naturally included Kim and her kids. Kyle had also invited Lisa and her family, except they would be staying at a hotel down the street instead of in the Richards’ house. Kim and Kyle ended last week’s episode fighting, but in the grand tradition of sibling disagreements, they had at least nominally moved on and were prepared to spend the weekend together with non-family guests and a camera crew or two and behave themselves. As far as having actually moved on…well, we’ll talk about that in a minute.

Across town, Adrienne had lunch and arguments with her husband. Even ordering food was kind of an ordeal, what with Adrienne’s aversion to turkey and her husband’s endless questions about the contents of his chopped salad (apparently he hasn’t eaten enough of those to know that they all taste the same, no matter the contents). After the food arrived, the couple made plans to meet up for an evening without the kids on a trip to Vegas, even though Adrienne repeatedly told Paul that there was no reason for him to go on the trip with her in the first place.

Over in Lisa’s neck of the woods, she dropped by her neighborhood chocolatier (you have a neighborhood chocolatier too, right?) to pick up a pair of solid chocolate Louboutins that were actually sort of fantastic. Most chocolate objects tend to be kind of silly looking, but these were very shoe-like, down to their bright red soles. Also, they were probably delicious. Lisa also took the opportunity to order a giant chocolate rabbit for the Easter weekend, and for some reason, she thought it should wear a backpack. Sure! Why not. Rabbit with a backpack. That makes so much sense.

Before we knew it, it was time for the trip to Palm Springs. Kim the Wet Blanket didn’t really think Lisa should have been invited because it was a family trip, but Kim is clearly an awkward individual and seemingly had no idea that joining this show would force her to interact with people other than her sister and children. For their part, her kids didn’t really seem all that amused by her either, and I get the impression that Kim is trying to perform the part of a perfect mother for the cameras. I guess that’s the risk of casting an actress on a reality show – she’s too aware of her performance to actually act like a human being. Even her kids seemed baffled.

Things didn’t even let up when they all got to the vacation house, because Kyle had decided that she and Kim should make dinner for the dozen or so people who were going to show up for Easter. She and Kim headed to the grocery store, at which point they acted out their frustrations with each other by arguing over which salsa was Mexican enough and whether or not fake butter was appropriate. At some point, Kim lost the ability to have a conversation and just responded to everything with “Kim’s famous potatoes!” for the rest of the episode.

At the Grammer household, Camille was just so busy. She calls herself a producer, and it’s just so adorable that Kelsey lets her continue in that delusion. She just has all these meetings to deal with and ideas to think of and things to do (according to her), but you would think that her four nannies would create some free time for whatever it is that she does during the day. For the benefit of the cameras, she met with a writer/producer to discuss a show about a kid and her nanny, which seems like it’s not going to fly with Nickelodeon, and then she took credit for having Patricia Arquette cast on Medium.

I’m pretty sure that Camille didn’t discover Patricia Arquette, but based on how she told it, you really wouldn’t know that. Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed that whenever Camille mentions her husband, she almost always calls him by his full legal name? As if she feels the need to constantly remind us of exactly who he is? At some point, I’m pretty sure she’ll slip and call him Frasier.

Meanwhile, at Taylor’s house, her stylist came over to show her some mostly ugly but very expensive clothes (which she called “couture,” but which was definitely not couture, it was just expensive crap). With the exception of a spangly Donna Karan tank, I would have sent all of it (and the stylist it rode in on) straight back to Saks. When you have a venture capitalist husband footing your clothing bill, however, I suppose it doesn’t really matter if you have discerning taste or not. You can afford to buy it all and sort it out later.

Back in the desert, where no one can hear you scream, everyone was screaming anyway. It’s hard enough to cook for a regular family, but cooking for three families and one very authoritative dog proved too much for Kyle and Kim, who were bickering with each other over potatoes and forcing Lisa to play referee while Kim insulted her for being too rich under her breath. An argument over fake butter and organic cheese lead into a fight over which sister was skinnier, and Lisa looked entirely bewildered by the whole spectacle. Kim might as well tattoo the word “insecure” on her forehead, because that’s the only way that it would be more clear.

In Las Vegas, Paul had managed to sneak into the cargo hold of the family’s private plane to monitor Adrienne’s photo shoot with what promised to be a hot and sexy male model, but surprisingly, the couple managed to have cocktails with friends and be mostly civil (and at times downright sweet) with each other, even after a couple of beverages. Not only was this a marked improvement over the Kim/Kyle scene, but also over the couple’s previous interaction in this episode. I think I want to be Adrienne when I grow up.

In stark contrast of my adoration for Adrienne, we have Camille, who would like to remind you that she’s married to Kelsey Grammer. At a furniture store in Los Angeles, Camille met with her favorite interior designer to pick out stuff for the New York apartment at which she’ll stay while she visits Kelsey. She made sure to point out that she had just flown the designer in for the afternoon and that the family actually owned seven or eight houses (that seemed to be an estimate), and also that she has a staff, all of whom will uproot their lives and move to New York with her to visit Kelsey. But mostly, they’ll be at the Hamptons house. But sometimes in the city. And maybe she’ll get a wild hair and want to fly to the Aspen house or one of the places on Hawaii, because why else would she have mentioned them? I couldn’t imagine any other explanation.

As it turns out, no one managed to murder anyone overnight in Palm Springs, and the next day, Lisa presented the group with the enormous chocolate rabbit, which everyone immediately dismembered. Kim hacked away at it with a rather large knife at one point, and I’m not sure who exactly made the executive decision to allow Kim to wield such a sharp object, but someone probably should have stopped her. Again, amazingly, no one ended up bleeding, but I feel like it’s only a matter of time before Kim loses her marbles and cuts someone.

Back in Vegas, the male model that we had been promised actually showed up, and he gave us all the pleasure of doing a bunch of shirtless sit-ups. He had a sexy voice and a nice ass, and Adrienne’s husband stopped in and made him promise to be nice and make sure his pants were pulled up. (Oh, honey, don’t listen to him.) Adrienne pointed out that he deals with half-naked women all the time at work, which is true, and the photos actually came out quite nicely. I will leave the Photoshop speculation to our lovely commenters.

By that time, everyone had made it back to Beverly Hills from Palm Springs and the Richards sisters and their kids got together to celebrate the birthday of…one of the children. I guess she was Kim’s, and she was 20, so good for her. Kim and Kyle, naturally, took the opportunity to get into a fight. One of Kim’s daughters had asked to go to Houston to stay with her dad for the summer, and Kim was obviously totally against it, for reasons that weren’t entirely rational (hint: no one will put up with her except her children, so she can’t start losing them now, even if they’re adults). Kim wanted Kyle to agree with her over the issue, but like a reasonable person, she thought it was fine for Kim’s (grown) daughter to go visit her dad for a few months.

After Kyle dared to disagree with her, Kim complained that Kyle gets into her family issues too often, completely ignoring the fact that she had cornered Kyle and asked her to become involved in her daughter’s desire to move to Texas just a few minutes prior. When Kyle brought it up during mani-pedis, Kim shot her a death stare and again complained that her sister doesn’t have her back, but I wasn’t aware that having a sibling meant you always had to agree with her on everything. Kim brought her into the issue, and if all she wanted was someone to agree with her, she should probably hire a manservant like Camille. If only someone had managed to leave Kim on the side of the road on the way back from the desert…

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • PhotoGirl

    “… in the desert where no one can hear you scream.” HA! Perfect.

    I actually fell asleep during this episode (blame it on the NyQuil I’ve been taking) but not before I admired Kyle’s blue Birkin and the hot male model’s nice ass. Oh, and I also heard Adrienne’s husband tell the model to be a good “boy” but my cold medication-induced stupor seems to have turned off my moral outrage button — for the next 24 hours, anyway.

    I hope this show doesn’t turn into “All About Kim,” because if it does, I’m going to have to find something else to watch. She and Camille have already got on my last damn nerve and considering that we’re only two episodes in and that I was pretty well sedated last night, this does not bode well for the future.

  • qudz104

    okay, i feel like im the only one gawking at the fact that the sisters dropped like 600 bucks on grocery for a weekend. And it didnt even look like a gourmet place, it was a negular supermarket! Anyway i think that ive had enough of kim and camille, and its only been 2 episodes. And taylor got like what, 5 min? Not that it matters since something about her reminds me of kelly from rhwony. Oh, and i loved kyles tan and blue birkins! And for SURE my fav hw is adrienne, without a doubt.

    • zabka

      $600 for a weekend for god-knows-how-many-people is not that much….there are at least 5 kids there

  • hoeing4mahLouisV

    Was Camille really married to Kelsey Grammer? Which Kelsey Grammer were you referring to?
    Clearly not the person from “Fraiser” ,nor the upn’s now defunct “Girlfriends”… series?, Or the actor who currently has a show on Broadway? I refuse to be pulled in a goat rodeo with Camille. And, what the hell are you talking about Amanda? Clearly Kim Cattrel(sp) hasn’t been airbrushed. She looks just like she did when she starred in Police Academy.

  • Ping

    Amanda, you are on target! I m glad i was not the only one who thought this was a downer in comparison to the premiere episode. I ended up doing my nails while glancing at the TV. I like Lisa and Adrienne the most (although I can’t stand watching Paul for some reason, i had the same aversion when he was on DR 90201…Adrienne was a brunette then and didn’t have that much done yet)….I like Lisa’s sense of humor (very English)….As for Camille, who is surprised that Kelsey Grammer has traded her for another younger blonde? (as judge judy says beauty is skin deep, stupid is forever ..or some thing like that and by the way, she is hardly that beautiful!!!!) I actually found her offensive b/c in the first episode, she asked her daughter “how is your brother?” and then asked the nanny the same. She doesn’t work and can’t be bothered to see how her 6 year old is??? As for Kim, why is always the wacko having so many children….I can even deal with wackos, but she is a boring one. Kyle should have just smacked her like Cher in moonstruck and tell her to snap out of it.
    Taylor is another boring one and clothes are so so..i can’t watch her face either, those lips are like big fish lips:((( so scary!!!! I hope next wk improves or they need to cancel this or bring some real beverly hills housewives!!!

  • Linda

    I don’t think Camille and Kelsey are married any longer. A few months ago he announced their breakup on TV.

    • They’re currently in the process of getting divorced, but have not finalized yet. During these early episodes, they were still together, as Camille so conveniently reminds us at every chance she gets.

  • Ellen

    Oh, I had such high hopes for this franchise, and they are rapidly being dashed! They have all the keys to a successful formula, and why they can’t manage to create a show worth watching is beyond me. I know what the are missing: THE BITCH!! There really isn’t one. Mostly they are too self-absorbed and well, rich, to need to compete with eachother. Maybe Danielle or NeNe will move to Beverly Hills to spice it up. Hey, Andy Cohen, that’s a great idea! I might give this one more week…

    • luvsagreatdeal

      LOL …can you imagine!!

  • reneeo

    Thank you! I, too, was wondering what the heck they bought at that grocery store that made the bill over $500. Maybe they had a $200 bottle of wine. Seriously, you can’t buy that much “salza” in one trip!

    • I was trying to decide whether that number was ridiculous or not, and I did some math. Kyle and Kim both have 3-4 kids apiece, right? So for the sake of averages, let’s say seven kids. Then Kyle and Kim themselves, plus Kyle’s husband. Then Lisa and her husband, plus their daughter and his boyfriend. Altogether, that’s 14 people. They were drinking during some of the scenes, so if you assume they got some beer and a couple of bottles of wine for dinner, plus factor in that neither of them seems to know what the hell to do in the kitchen or how much of anything to buy, I can see how they got to that number. So it’s ridiculous, but not outside of the realm of what I would expect from them, I suppose.

  • suz

    Oh no…here we go again….yawn! Maybe this franchise has just plain worn itself out. Lisa and Adrienne might save the day…but, the rest of them! Yikes! Camille is starting have a Michaele delusional vibe that could get pretty creepy……and Kim…what a vapid, pathetic mess. I’ll keep watching to see if they can pull this out of its apparent nosedive. And, as long as you keep writing recaps, I’ll keep reading.

  • gpc

    Taylor (her face) scares me. If she is so worried about her husband leaving her for a younger model, then the best piece of advice I could give her is stop with the injections, etc… She looks like the famous puppet “Madame”!

    • hoeing4mahLouisVs

      I think Barbara Walters looks like the Madame. Taylor looks like Angelina Jolie as the fish in Shark-Tale.

      • Z

        Nail on the head, LOL!!!!!!!

  • Alyson

    PLEASE can someone ID Camille Grammer’s big sequinned tote that she was carrying in the home decor boutique where she met her decorator?
    I am in love with it.

    This show has some seriously great bags!

  • Handbag Lover

    Good recap Amanda. This show is good but this episode was boring. I love the shopping but I am ready for some action!

    Keep up the good work! :)

  • Matthew

    It took me nearly two episodes to figure it out, but Camille has a striking resemblance to Monica Potter, an actress from Parenthood.

    The only difference is that I like Monica’s character better.

  • gpc

    I had to post another comment after having to tape this episode in order to actually watch it tonight. Now I know who is buying all of those gaudy, over-priced Valentino handbags (that, btw, are constantly featured in this blog) – the RHBH’s, single-handedly.

    • Hey, I stand behind my general admiration for Valentino’s willingness to make a ridiculous bag :-)

  • Alyson

    I had no idea that Camille’s bag was THIS bag. And when I saw the price I nearly died. But thank you anyway for giving me the information.

  • Alyson

    I would like to add that this show has firmly cemented my notion to never have anti-aging plastic surgery. I never like to say never, but what I have seen on RHBH has made me take a solemn vow. Especially when I saw the lady who was married to Bruce Jenner- who in the world do these ladies think they’re kidding?

    • Ivanna

      Lol, I completely agree, Taylor`s face is scary to look at, when her friend Jenners ex-wife appeared on screen, I literally screamed out loud ‘stop with the plastic surgey’ the mind boggles that people would pay money to look like that. I would like to know though what Kyle uses on her hair

  • S

    I like Kyle but I think that she is a bit passive aggressive with her sister. If you disagree with something your sister is going to do with her children, sure tell her. But not in front of the kids. I think she needs to tell her sister, “I disagree and I don’t want to disagree with you in front of your kids so leave me out of it.” And I don’t think Kim seems like a terrible mom. She may be too attached to her kids, but there are terrible moms in the housewife franchise and I don’t know that Kim has shown us anything that terrible just yet (sleeping with married men, making a sex tape, cursing/yelling inf front of her kids). However something about Kim is just sad. She has everything, but it seems she’s one of those tragically insecure people. Kyle doesn’t help the situation by saying unflattering things about her sister in her interviews. Kyle is the charming one, but I think they are equally catty and passive aggressive.

    And Amanda I love reading your recaps because I love your style of writing. I have been looking to agree with you on someone and I found her – Adrienne. I love how hard working she is and she just seems normal (no cattiness). I hope that doesn’t mean she won’t be in the show for long!

    • I don’t necessarily disagree that Kim is probably a better-than-average mother by Real Housewives standards, and she certainly seems to care, which is half the battle. I just think that her attempts to be the perfect mother for the benefit of the cameras are fairly transparent, which doesn’t do much to make her likable.

      She might be overcompensating because of her failed marriage, but from what they said in the show, it seems like she’s had kids with three different men, so this could be something of a pattern for her. Not that a couple different baby daddies over the course of a couple of decades is necessarily an indicator of anything, but reality TV has a way of making a person’s neuroses all the more apparent.

  • Bagolicious

    This program is so boring. And where did they get these people? From the very beginning of the show, I thought that most of them seemed like a bunch of L.A./B.H. transplants.

    I have gotten a lot of scream-out-loud laughs out of the Atlanta group though. LOL!

  • Sonya

    I think this show is funny sometimes, I must say Adrienne is the best!!! Overall this is a perfect example that MONEY can’t buy love, class, integrity and happiness. Having a bunch of stuff is just that, STUFF!!! Stuff can’t hold you when your lonley, sad and pathetic and lonley also has nothing to do with having a spouse, it’s from within and most of them clearly show all the signs of self loathing.

    But hey, I’ll take all those handbags and shoes!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!

  • Jo Marie

    Having a co-dependant, narcissistic sister most certainly requires constant agreement and undying ego bolstering to maintain a relationship. It would behoove one to examine said relationship most particularly if one’s own issues of “CONTROL” start to interfere with other valuable relationships. That said, I liked Kim’s homage to Fatal Attraction in her approach to the bunny. Sorry to say I haven’t yet managed to watch this episode in it’s entirety. There was a moment of irresistible, self preserving, flight that occurred last night when John Lennon’s old flame was introduced. The repulsion I felt was visceral. All earlier attempts simply resulted in falling asleep.

  • Lorie

    You just know that Kim is going to go spiraling out of control. It’s coming.

  • Ellen

    Camille’s comments about her “work” are so ridiculous. It seems to be something that her husband is feeding her so that she doesn’t bother him. (ipad)

  • helen

    I usually like pink, but those shoes – eh… (ipad)

  • Jen

    That male model is pretty delicious. (ipad)