Well, that was kind of a lame episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. There were some tense conversations and a fashion show, not to mention more Russell than I really wanted to see, but nothing of particular note happened. Other than Brandi’s Alaia cocktail dress, anyway. Alaia is always of note.

What looks like it will be really interesting is next week’s episode, so maybe Bravo thought we’d all still be in a food coma from Thanksgiving and unable to pay attention to anything complicated. Or maybe they simply thought that we’d all still be bleaching our brains in an attempt to forget last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, which is accurate.

We kicked off this week at Lisa’s house, as we often do, with Lisa racing home in a tizzy to find the still-not-fired wedding planner and the prototype of her daughter’s wedding invitations. No surprise, the box invite won, but in a slightly less garish white and baby pink instead of eye-searing fuchsia. Not that there’s anything wrong with eye-searing fuchsia, of course. It’s a favorite of mine.

The family also took a little side trip to the kitchen to visit a standard-issue (tattoo’d, “alt,” etc) Top Chef contestant mixing custom-infused vodka cocktails frozen with dry ice and then re-melted with champagne in individual cocktail glasses. I mean, every wedding needs a signature cocktail, right? Lisa seemed to think that all of the hoopla was too silly and complicated, but just like the crazy box invites, she would obviously be ponying up the money for as many as her daughter wanted. After all, to Lisa, a few overly complicated cocktails is just a drop in the bucket. Dry ice pink vodka for everyone!

While that was going on, Adrienne was at her house with a bunch of people who were supposed to sit there and listen to her think about all the things she likes about her shoes. She had a lineup in front of her, from Christian Louboutin to YSL, of some of the highest, most painful-looking stilettos to ever grace a Neiman Marcus shoes department. Adrienne does have very, err, specific taste. The people were there to listen to her because she’s designing a shoe line, but something tells me that Adrienne has a staff that comes by periodically to listen to her rhapsodize about the things in her closet.

We transitioned sharply to something far more serious – a therapy session with Taylor and Russell. Before I say anything else, I will say this: Reputable, conscientious mental healthcare professionals would never, in a million years, allow a session to be filmed for reality television. I’m not even sure I truly processed what either of them (or the therapist, for that matter) was actually saying because I was so distracted by the complete irresponsibility of it all, except for a bunch of silly therapy-speak about “doing the work” and dealing with anger and whatever else, and then Russell bailed early because he had a “meeting.” Whatever that means, in the context of his known “business ventures.”

So, let’s examine why a session like that would be filmed in the first place, shall we? Perhaps the therapist is bucking for some kind of Dr. Drew type stardom, and he saw his fameball clients as a perfect vehicle to get there? Perhaps Russell wanted to ensure that he looked like he was doing the right thing and trying to better himself and he wanted it on camera to further his own storyline? Perhaps Taylor wanted it filmed for similar reasons? Perhaps a combination of all three? That sounds most likely, doesn’t it? Everyone in that scene was loathsome and cynical in their own sad way.

Anyway, things quickly segued to Lisa and her family doing a tasting for all of the food that would be served. It all looked delicious; so delicious, in fact, that I briefly considered going out and finding a husband immediately just so I could go food-tasting (and more importantly, cake tasting). The presence of some cotton candy on the periphery naturally lead to a few minutes of Taylor jokes, even though she’s going to be invited to the wedding. (Presumably because Bravo required it.) Lisa’s impression was pretty decent, if not quite as good as her scratchy Kim voice.

Elsewhere, Kyle and Brandi got together to have a pedicure, despite the fact that the third person (Taylor?) who was supposed to moderate and make sure they didn’t attack each other was a no-show. They spent the time tentatively getting to know each other a little bit better like two real adults, and Brandi even offered to host a round of blowjob lessons from a porn star for everyone at her friend’s Malibu beach house. Oh, Brandi. She’s so tremendously misguided, but clearly well-intentioned and earnest and very much trying to make friends. Unfortunately, she just has no idea how exactly she should do that, which leads to the completely sincere offer of BJ lessons from a porn actress. As a side note, why are this week’s episodes of Real Housewives so penis-centric? Has someone on the production staff not gotten laid recently?

Over at Adrienne’s house, preparations were underway for a fashion show that would feature her shoe line…or just one pair of shoes from her line? I’m not entirely sure. The preparations for the event were exactly like every pre-party scene we’ve ever watched in this entire show, so I used that time to contemplate the circumstances under which I’d consider changing my name if I were to get married. The only time I’d ever do it is if the new last name sounded GREAT with my first name, which may be a little shallow, but I’m comfortable with that. I’m comfortable participating in patriarchy for purely aesthetic reasons, I suppose.

Anyway, that has nothing to do with the party. By the time I clued back in, everyone was headed to the fashion show, and while Taylor, Russell, Kyle and Mario were in the limo, they all talked about the impending awkward meeting with Camille and how awful it would be. Once the whole crew arrived, we got a different tense confrontation – Lisa and Adrienne. I still don’t entirely understand why Adrienne was hurt over where Pandora’s bachelorette party would be held, particularly when you consider that the owner of the hosting casino is also a family friend. Someone’s feelings were going to be hurt either way, and you’d think that Adrienne would have a thicker skin as a business woman. They more or less patched things up, though, despite the fact that there was some sort of lingering dispute over wine distribution. Rich people problems!

Before things got started, Camille and Taylor ran into each other outside of the bathroom in what was easily one of the most uncomfortable moments of the season thus far. Camille very clearly wanted to politely exit the conversation and return to the party, but Taylor kept trying to engage her, finally saying that they’d talk later as Camille tried to round the corner. “Later” being next week, I’m assuming, unless Camille can find some kind of way to get out of it. And if she does, I can’t blame her – Taylor sucks all the air out of the room, and she’s always the victim in her own mind, no matter what anyone else’s side of the story is. I wouldn’t want to have a “sitdown” with her under any circumstances.

The episode finally moved on to the actual fashion show, which was a bit…anti-climactic. The clothes were fine, of course, but we were supposed to be there to see a pair of Adrienne’s new shoes, and almost all of the dresses were long and flowing, thereby obscuring all shoes from view. Adrienne then set the shoes up on a little display afterward and everyone said nice things, but mostly they just made my ankles sore by merely existing. Adrienne only likes one kind of shoe, and that’s a stiletto with a huge platform that can also be used as a weapon in a time of panic, which would perhaps be interesting if we hadn’t all known it all along. Anyway, I was distracted from the entire thing by Brandi, who was wearing yet another gorgeous Alaia cocktail dress. Does she have some kind of Alaia hookup or something? Those dresses are expensive enough to make even Lisa choke.

Things ended there, but not before we saw the most crazypants preview of the season. This week’s episode may have been kind of a yawn, but next week promises to make up for it with the kind of screaming, crying meltdown that we generally only see in New Jersey.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Laura

    I would still do anything to be Lisa’s permanent houseguest. I would gladly take Cedric’s spot in her compound. :)

    • Reality Junkie

      @Laura, I think you are in good company there!

      • Laura

        The amount of pink that she has in her wardrobe makes us kindred spirits, I think!

  • Reality Junkie

    I agree that this was a pretty dull episode. Two things that seemed worthy of commentary that you didn’t mention, though….Kyle’s green dress at the fashion show. It looked as though she suddenly had breast implants. And the giant furniture outside Adreinne’s home on the same night! What’s up with that? Is that a common decorative style at these types of events? I’ve never seen it and thought it was strange looking.

  • shallowgal

    I found myself wondering how tall Kyle is … she looked too short for that dress.
    I also don’t know why I can’t remember that these shows are all about various women pushing various products …. who knew that Adrienne dreamed about designing a shoe since she was a youngster? / rolleyes on that one, right?

  • monica

    The ‘therapist’ in the episode is actually the Medical Director of the largest child protective agency in the country (Los Angeles County). I was distraught to see him comprimising his professional ethics for a guest appearance on the show…plus did you notice he doesn’t wear socks….he always appears in puclic with suits and no socks with loafers..so 80’s

  • Deb

    I thought that Adrienne looked great – maybe a few tweeks from Paul and without all that makeup, she looked softer and more natural.

  • Mirna

    That therapy session was so weird. I now think Taylor is lying about the abuse. She doesnt act like a battered women when she’s with Russell. If your marriage is so bad and you’re so abused and unhappy why try so hard to make it work and start dating a new guy just months after your husband committed suicide? If she really was so broken by him it would take her much longer to bring a new man in her life. I think she took us all for a ride. She needs to go!

    • adrienne z

      I got the impression from the therapy sessions AND the limo ride with Russell that TAYLOR is the only one with the anger management issues. She is always SO over-emotional in almost every situation we’ve seen her in, why would it be any different if she was in a debate of any kind with her husband? He seems to be more of the gentler soul and so soft-spoken -I can’t even picture him flying into any kind of rage…. but we’ve all seen Taylor fly off of every handle she’s ever been on.

      • jomarie

        I don’t think Russel had any idea that he’s been characterized as a batterer. He seemed to be under the impression that they were discussing Taylor’s behavior. The kind of raging she does is considered abuse too. In the limo he referred to a comment made by Camile that was patently untrue. I wonder what it was that Taylor told him she had said. Many episodes ago when Kyle and Taylor where in the Colorado hot tub, Taylor mentioned resentment. I believe she was talking about Russel’s unravelling finances. I fear that Russel has become the fatal victim of the one truly pernicious personality in the group.

  • Chellie

    What I noticed about Kyle’s green dress was that it was I’ll-fitted. She was tugging at it in every scene. She did the same thing with the dress she wore to the charity event she hosted. She needs to wear clothes that fit her and that she feels look good – so that we don’t have to watch her adjust and tug all night. It distracts us from watching her flip and adjust her hair all night.

    • Reality Junkie

      @Chellie-YES! She was pulling and tugging at that dress all night! And normally she is just smoothing out her hair. So annoying! I want to reach through the television and say “Stop playing with that damn hair already”!!!!

    • jomarie

      I doubt that Kyle owns most of the clothes she is filmed in. Alterations are frowned on when the garment is only loaned.

  • Mirna

    ^^lol and can she get a haircut?

  • Beachgrl

    So, I really am wondering, who walks around their kitchen for a food tasting carring their purse? Why did Lisa carry it around with her from one room to another?
    I simply cannot watch creepy dead people on this show anymore!

  • Pinkfeet

    Kyle needed to wear some spanx with her green dress, the color was great for her, the top looked good, but the bottom half need some spanx. And the handbag? Too big for the event.

    We ALL know she has a billion Chanel bags; she can start leaving them at home and use some clutches by someone else, smaller, user friendly and not wildly swingy from her shoulder.

    Taylor: did she mention it enough it was ADDRIENNES day, not hers, and was not confronting Camille? But it ending up being Taylors day anyway right? Yes, of course it was Taylor.

    I see a lot of comments on “creepy dead people” or it’s creepy to watch Russell on TV he’s dead…and I find it disrespectful & slightly childish, honestly. I never liked him myself but .. does no one watch old movies where people are now dead? do you stop watching them? is Bravo suppose to wash Russell under the floor and pretend he didn’t exist ? ( Ala E! )

    I’d rather they address his life than not show it.

    • Nancy from SB

      I agree with you regarding the tasteless “dead person” comments. I didn’t realize children were commenting on this blog – no one is “creepy” simply because they are no longer on the planet – no matter how they left!

  • suz

    But my question is…..are we seeing anything resembling “reality”? I couldn’t help thinking Bravo might be trying to avoid a huge lawsuit from his family and/or viewer criticism by portraying him in a most benign manner. It’s all pretty unsavory. Watching an old movie is very, very different than watching seemingly scripted “reality” with the known outcome being suicide. That said, Taylor needs to get out of the public eye and into some serious therapy.

  • suz

    Oh yes…..and Kyle’s dress was gawd awful.

  • Matthew

    I will say that at least Adrienne handled her hurt feelings with Lisa maturely and appropriately. We can debate whether or not she should have been hurt, but at least she went straight to the source and politely pointed out her feelings to Lisa directly.

    I can appreciate that.

    • Adrienne Z

      I don’t think we see the entire picture. There must be more to this story since Adrienne’s feelings were “hurt”. Doesn’t she realize that perhaps if an old friend of Lisa’s offered their Planet Hollywood/casino/hotel to Lisa first, Lisa can’t very well say – “No, I have to wait for Adrienne to offer…”. It would be an insult!
      It just doesn’t make sense. Maybe Adrienne feels foolish for not offering first?

      • Jamie

        I think Adrienne’s feelings were hurt because the bachelorette party is going to be on the show and the Palms will not get the publicity. From that standpoint, I can see why that might hurt her feelings. However, I think that Lisa was not intending to have the party/trip to Vegas part of the show – her daughter talked her into going on the trip (and Producers probably suggested as well).

      • jomarie

        Adrienne never offered. It didn’t occur to her. When she realized that Lisa’s presence would ensure filming (promotion), she criticised her for not begging a favor that she, Adrienne, would be able to graciously grant while reaping the valuble publicity.

  • Emily

    When Brandi mentioned her BJ party, I immediately thought of the scene from Old School with Andy Dick. Oh, how entertaining a recreation of that would be with the Beverly Hill housewives. It would be even better with the Atlanta housewives.

    I agree with you, Amanda, on Brandi; I think she is genuinely trying to become friends with these women. She just seems to have a different personality than the other ladies and, as such, is not meshing well with the rest of them. As Camille said, Brandi tells it like it is and can be funny sometimes. She seems much more fun-loving and spirited than the rest of the women. I am sure many people would disagree with me, but I think that her BJ party could be fun. However, it would not go over well with these women.

    Also, did not miss Kim one bit during this episode. I did not even realize she was not on it until now.

    • jomarie

      Brandi is of a later generation. It is the reason for all of the conflict.

  • Blaine

    Sooo… on feminism and changing one’s last name – I have never once, in all the ten years I’ve been filing divorces, seen a feminist ever require that her children have HER last name. Instead, I file divorces for “Ann Smith vs. Jeffrey Jones and all the little Joneses” with Ann Smith hanging out there like a dangling participle, completely separate from the little Joneses that she brought into this world.

    MY position is, best last name wins. Period.

    • Purse Mommy

      I agree best last name wins and that goes for the kids too. My daughter went to school with a kid with the last name stanky. It wasn’t spelled that way just pronounced that way. WE wouldn’t be stankies

  • Pinkfeet

    I believe Taylor had Bravo re-edit the season after Russell died, so no, we are not seeing the real thing.. at least on Russell and Taylor’s marriage..do you blame her?

    I would request a re-edit as well, they probably would have anyway even if she hadn’t requested it since they never show him in the best light as his personality is not very outgoing and he tends to keep to himself and on camera it usually is shown negative.

    Not sure if Bravo gives these reality shows “lines” or scripts like E! does ( Kardashians etc) ..does anyone know? I know they plan get togethers, make them women go out on vacations, parties etc together but actual scrips to read and follow each week? Not sure… if so.. they need to re-write Kim totally.

    recast her actually. ;)

  • DebDoes

    I’m starting bets now that Taylor is short lived on this show…she doesn’t fit the Bev Hills HW group now…neither does Kim, so I’m guessing she’s gone also. Now, it will be seen whether Brandi takes one of their places. Lisa? caaattttyyyyy……she and Adrienne may not be friends (only neighbors) after this season. Kyle needs to stop doing the splits everywhere and cut her stripper hair.

  • Shirley J

    love it lol