Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. Real Housewives of New York City? What? Didn’t that already end? No, no it didn’t, because Andy Cohen is personally trying to suck me into a whirring, spitting vortex of Housewifery that will likely leave me, well, in whatever sort of condition that Kelly Bensimon is currently in. Whatever you call that. That’s what he’s trying to give me.

The topics during this portion of the reunion were slightly less varied and scattered, so this recap is going to be Original Recipe instead of Extra Crispy. After the jump, we’ll try to figure out who the viewers hate more – Jill or Kelly? (Actually, that’s a lie, there’s no way we can figure that out. It would be like finding Jimmy Hoffa’s body or something.)

Part two of the reunion started back at the only place it really could – Jill and her many crimes against Bethenny. As it turns out, everyone has a different theory on why Jill’s apologizing now, and none of them contain the phrase “because she’s truly sorry”: Bethenny thinks that fan and press reaction gave Jill a wakeup call – she wants people to like her and she realized that people don’t when she acts like a total hag. Alex agrees – she thinks Jill’s only apologizing to Bethenny in hopes of redeeming herself to the public. Bethenny also thinks Jill might be apologizing because her storyline has suddenly become sympathetic and Jill doesn’t want to be seen as the girl being mean to the pregnant lady, which Jill more or less admitted. That’s an important lesson, kids: it’s ok to be mean to someone until they get married and have a baby. Then, and only then, it becomes totally inappropriate.

On the much-mentioned subject of jealousy, Jill thinks it’s ridiculous that people think she’s angry about Bethenny’s success, which prompted Ramona to remind everyone that Jill specifically asked her not to film so that Bethenny couldn’t “ride their coattails” to increased fame. Jill said that was a lie, but Alex apparently received the same request. Bethenny admits she asked people not to film with Kelly last season, although Bethenny and Kelly have never been friends so that seems a bit different. Not entirely different, but maybe a little. In any case, I totally believe that Jill didn’t want anyone to film with Bethenny. It makes sense, and LuAnn didn’t exactly deny that the same request had been made of her.

Andy finally asked Jill what her blow-up over Bethenny’s father was all about, and after a few moments I couldn’t even follow what was going on. Here’s what I actually DID pick up: Alex said that Jill knew there was a medical issue. Jill said she didn’t. Kelly tried to enter the conversation but eventually got distracted and went back to playing with her bracelet or picking at her nails or something. Even I don’t watch enough Real Housewives to follow what was going on during this part of the reunion.

Most of the first half of the reunion was overtaken by Jill being forced to admit things. Among them, Jill admited that she shouldn’t have kept the infamous Bethenny message and shouldn’t have played it for people. Bethenny says that Jill never contacted her privately to tell her that Bobby had cancer, choosing instead to blindside her on-camera and then blame her for not knowing sooner, and Jill also admitted that’s true. At a certain point, Bethenny actually stood up for Jill and the fact that she had taken enough snarky questions from viewers about her behavior, which was far more mature than I would have been, in that situation – I would have enjoyed watching her squirm. And I did, because I’m mean. During the “admitting” portion of the show Jill tried to escape again, but her skintight dress and sky-high Louboutins made it so hard to walk that she gave up and sat back down.

Then, finally, Jill got some relief and they brought out Sonja! And, I mean, there aren’t even words. I love Sonja, and she might be the best thing that ever happened to this show. They got straight to talking about her sex life and she declined to give her number of weekly encounters but said that she worries that Kelly isn’t having enough. Kelly, for her part, continued to be shocked that one-night stands are common and also continued to conflate no-strings sex with unprotected sex, and at this point, I’m not entirely sure why anyone continues to engage her in that sort of conversation at all. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her string together a sentence that made sense both on its own AND in the context of the conversation, and she did nothing to change that during this portion of the reunion. My hopes are not high for part three.

For her part, Sonja had a great sense of humor about herself (including the nasty comments that Jill made about her during the series) and took the somewhat rude questions from the viewers very well. She admitted being vain, cheap and a little lecherous, and I wouldn’t have guessed that there would be a way for me to love her more, but somehow, I do. For the few minutes where she was the center of attention, she managed to make the other six women look like a pack of braying, bleating donkeys.

Speaking of admissions, LuAnn admitted being a little scared of Bethenny and her “biting” remarks, and Bethenny admitted that she says mean things sometimes but tries to apologize when she should, which seems true enough. Taking a page from Sonja’s book, LuAnn said that she thought it was funny when Bethenny called her a dumb drag queen, which I somehow doubt, but I’ll give her a little credit for at least lying about being upset. I mean, even if you are upset about something trivial like that, at least you shouldn’t cop to it.

Anyway, back to serious things, namely Kelly’s meltdown. The montage of Kelly’s greatest hits was kind of epic – the encounter with the glass door, satchels of gold, cartwheels, zip it, Don King, making out with the tongue, the nasty face she made when Bethenny told her to go to bed…it was all there. Kelly continued to use the term “systematic bullying” to describe what happened to her, which is probably offensive to anyone that has actually been bullied, not to mention also probably not a real term. We’ve all seen that footage a thousand times, and I don’t think that there’s anything in there to support the claim that she was being targeted for any kind of harassment. In fact, her continual badgering of Bethenny over her career was a lot closer to bullying than anything that we saw from any of the other housewives. If I told that to her, I bet her response would be something along the lines of, “That’s not true. Thank you. I appreciate that.” *Insert blank stare here*

Ultimately, Bethenny chimed in to stop the madness and was completely right – it’s futile to talk about Kelly’s meltdown and accusations like they’re eventually going to make any kind of sense, because they’re not. Kelly needs a new therapist or a new agent or SOMETHING, but she just keeps digging a hole for herself that’s got to be getting a little deep at this point. It’s pretty clear that Kelly has managed to coast by for most of her life on her looks and affluence, and now that none of that is helping her, we all get to see that her social skills haven’t progressed beyond the point in her life when she realized she was hot. She apparently felt no need to develop a personality beyond that, which is why even Andy Cohen, of all people, had to call her an outright liar last night.

What Kelly seems to do is simply change her perception of reality when the objective version doesn’t suit her narrative, and she even managed to deny saying something about bullying that she had just finished explaining mere seconds before – even Jill broke ranks for a moment and told her that didn’t make any sense. She eventually got sick of everyone being logical (logic hurts poor Kelly’s empty head) and stormed off, but it appears as though she returns at some point – she’s in the teaser clips for the third segment of the reunion. What’s also in them is Ramona getting in Jill’s face, which I find much more interesting.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • NCGal

    Great recap, Amanda. I too am w-e-a-r-y of these women. I do not think ANY of them have anything really significant to offer the planet other than a little Twinkies-for-the brain entertainment for us mere plebes. I loved Bethanny during the season, but am seeing a different side to her vis-a-vis her own spin-off, watching her on freakin’ EVERYTHING it seems, and most interestingly, what others who have known her in other contexts report about her: the say she is pretty superficial, arrogant and abrasive and when the cameras are off, not all that funny or pleasant to be around. Omerosa was on Behar last night and called her disingenuous and a twit and I am starting to see that, too. I saw a glimpse of it when, on the Reunion #2 show, Kelly was prattling on about being “systemically bullied” by Bethanny (it was so pathetic to watch her ape these well-rehearsed lines) and Bethanny chose to interrupt her and snark about whether or not this was a medical condition. Really unnecessary and showed a side to Bethanny that I believe really does dig all the “victim” attention she is getting.

  • BLynnT

    NCGal, though I think you are probably right about Bethenny, I chose not to delve farther into thinking about the personalities of these women. Thinking too much about these women does make my head hurt. With that said, I (inexplicably) love this show and find it so entertaining (and refreshing to know that I don’t have to spend time fighting with people I’m clearly not friends with to make money).

    Amanda, fabulous recap, as always. I agreed with everything you said, especially about Sonja. I really love her. She’s crazy, yes. But she’s honest, and she’s funny, and I think that’s the best you can ask for with any of the RH’s. I’m glad they brought her into the mix.

  • Kim

    I haven’t had the chance to see the show (hope to get a rerun sometime), but as I was reading your review, I thought, “I don’t get it, why is she posting last weeks show?” Eventually, when you mentioned Sonja, I understood that it was indeed the second installment, but it sure reads like it’s just more of the same. No that that’s a bad thing – any exposure I can get to this train wreck I’m delighted to receive, but I can’t help but think that there might be other events Andy Cohen could have touched on.

    • Yeah, they could have skipped the entire first installment and just skipped to this one – nothing happened in part one that wasn’t talked about in a more detailed and entertaining manner in part two.

  • Melissa

    Thanks for the recap, Amanda!
    I agree, Sonja is the best! Jill is mean but at least apologized profusely (whether she sincerely meant it or not, only she knows). Luann is being much more gracious than last year’s reunion. I wish Alex would stay out of Bethenny/Jill drama. Ramona is about to go off and seriously entertain us! Bethenny..well, I am Team Bethenny (if we’re picking sides here). I mean, she’s funny, sure, bitingly funny, self-deprecating too and of course she loves the attention – they all do if they’re on a reality show. But she seems much more logical and reacts in a much more normal way to things, in my opinion. I do wish she had stayed quiet during Kelly’s Systematic Bullying PSA, but I’m sure it was difficult to listen to.
    What I liked most about Kelly’s behavior beyond her general psychotic and incomprehensible moments: when Andy said “I’m sorry, Kelly, but that’s not true. I appreciate what you’re saying, but that’s not true”. She responded with Andy’s own words: “Yes Andy, It is true but I appreciate what you’re saying.” Even Andy looked like he couldn’t understand/believe what just happened.
    Also, I wish the producers would go on record as to what they witnessed. Kelly accused them of having an intervention w/ Bethenny the first night to stop her from bullying Kelly. Ummm, I am 100% certain that didnt’ happen and I wasn’t even there. It only happened in her reconstruction of fantasy events. Can they speak up and say which events are true and which aren’t?

  • tasha

    I found this article on the internet about kelly and her “logic” about parenting. This was before this season came around and Kelly told Bethanny to shut up in the press.

    • Calley

      OMG I just spilled coffee all over myself laughing so hard. I don’t know how I missed that when it first came out. Even the person interviewing her doesn’t understand what she is talking about.

    • Joanna

      Oh Tasha, you rock for posting this article. Gummy Bears and lollipop land Kelly is what will get me back for the next season. Amanda is spot on with the behavior and personality ‘glitches’ Bravo found GOLD with Kelly.

    • Relli

      I really like that the writer put in the copy that he was confused by her. As we all are sir.

    • suz

      ……thanks for posting this…….trainwreck in Kellyland.

  • Camille

    You nailed it once again! Great recap! Jill is only apologizing now (again and again and again) because she a) is doing damage control from the way she came across all season & b) desperately wants to be back on good terms w/Bethenny now that B has her own show, a new baby, great press, lots of attention, etc. etc.

    Love Sonja! “Well, I’m a little bit vain…” love it!! She’s a breath of fresh air and hope we see her next season.

    Kelly: I must admit I’m morbidly fascinated by her. I know it’s wrong. I really do, but I am obsessed with her craziness. It is so disturbing, yet so maddening. The drinking game for Part 2 was take a shot everytime she said “systematic bullying” only when she says it (again and again and again) it sounded like all one word. Spend much time memorizing your speech Kelly??? I wish the ladies had let her ramble on, she’ll keep rambling til she proves their point. I LOVED it when after rambling on about the systematicbullying, Andy says “So you’re glad to use this as a platform to help children (paraphrasing here) and Kelly looks confused and says “No” and then Jill nudges her and whispers “Yes, you just said that.” OMG I cracked up! She just said that and then 2 SECONDS later can’t recall what she just said!! She’s so dazed and confuzzed.

    I wonder if she will become a liability to Bravo tho. I mean she is lying (yet again) and saying they forced her to go on this trip. I wonder if Andy and the other honchos realize her crazy lies and fantasies could be a liability for them if she starts making crazy stuff up about Bravo and not just the other housewives.

    Sorry this was so long. I love your recaps and can’t wait for Thursday night!

  • bf

    Great recap! I too am amazed how these women behave, but it’s like a wreck, you know you shouldn’t look but you can’t help yourself.

    Sonja is absolutely wonderful!!!!!! I would love to hang out with this lady. She is a ton of fun and has no problem being honest about who she is.

    Kelly….gee what a mess. Her children must be mortified that their mom is such a nut job! It’s no wonder her daughter chose to write notes only during the pancake making episode, she figured her mom would just make up the conversation in her Kelly Land Fantasy World so why bother having a real conversation!

    Can’t wait for Thursday when “RENEWED RAMONA” goes off on Jill. It’s gonna be a popcorn and diet coke night!!!

    • NELLY

      For sure… more like a CRACKERS & WINE night!!!

      • bf

        You are right!!!! Yummy…..crackers and wine!!!!!!!! Sounds like a lot more fun than popcorn and diet coke!!!!

  • Lisa in Oregon

    Oh Kelly. Poor little Kelly…do you realize that we can SEE you?

    • Paty

      … and HEAR you?

  • hannah

    wow you made more sense out of all the jumbo than i ever could, thank you!!! and you are spot on 100% especially about Jill and Kelly!! you are so right – Kelly has gotten by on her looks and has never formed a personality becuse she never had to! she KILLED me with her camera photographing everyone on their trip to St-wherever, honey just because you were married to a famous photographer doesnt mean you are one!!

  • amy

    I agree I cant watch a three part reunion of these chicks. The season was juicy with gossip and cat fights. But I’m ready to move on and watch the new D.C. ladies. I even skipped it to watch Pretty Little Liars lol

  • Empress

    “I would have enjoyed watching her squirm. And I did, because I’m mean.” – OMG AMANDA!!! (I think we’re related). I like Sonja because she is what I thought RH was going to be about… She’s almost like a real life Lily van der Woodsen, except likeable. As for Kelly, I really do not like her, but a part of me just feels pity (and maybe a tinge of jealously because how can someone soooo stupid be sooo rich?). It’s almost sad to watch her… Thank you for another fabulous recap!!!

  • Sher77

    I heard that Kelly used to work for Elle Magazine and then was married to the famous fashion photographer. It seems she has been able to make a living modeling and I’m sure she got a divorse settlement with the children. She said she had a breakthrough not a breakdown. Wow!! That says it all.

    • JenG

      I know Kelly is divorce so why do she still use Bensimon? LuAnn is divorced as well and she still want to be called the Countess? They need to move on!

  • JenG

    Thanks for the recap Amanda! I was asleep when they were on.

  • Lorie

    The thing that I love about Sonja is that she doesn’t pretend to be fabulous. She just is, and she has an actual heart. Rock on Sonja!

  • aidan

    i love sonja! she is a great addition to the cast. and she is gorgeous! i hate kelly. she is insane and needs H E L P. her and danielle from RHNJ could be BFFs :)

  • S

    I agree with NCgal about Bethany. Can’t wait for Part 3.

  • S

    And Andy did try to defend Kelly and even told Ramona that she is yelling at Kelly which might make her appear as a bully. Bethany too was yelling at Kelly while she was speaking. I don’t understand why they don’t let Kelly speak. I’m sure Kelly will look silly on her own. When they speak/yell over her, they look like bullies yelling at a girl who obviously has trouble defending herself. Kelly needs to get off the show. She is no match to any of those ladies.

    • Well, Kelly was accusing them of some pretty heinous things, and if her version of events was factually untrue (as it appears to be), then I’m sure it’s really frustrating to listen to someone get an open forum to lie about you. Ramona and Bethenny have strong personalities, I can’t blame them for interrupting her. She needs to be put out to pasture.

      • Kim

        Exactly. If you let a crazy person ramble on without trying to correct them or lead them to a sentence that makes sense, then their crazy ramble will be taken as truth!

  • Matthew

    “That’s not true. Thank you. I appreciate that.” *Insert blank stare here*

    It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. Ick.

    • Kim

      She’s soooo passive-aggressive.

  • Matthew

    Even Luann told Kelly that she acted inappropriately on Scary Island.

    Now that’s saying something.

  • Lorie

    OMG. Just watched the third installment. My head is about to burst into flames! I will be eagerly anticipating commentary from tonight’s show.

  • Paty

    I thought that Kelly going on and on raising awareness on systematic bullying was hilarious! What on earth is this woman talking about? Next thing you know she’ll have a charity for it or something… MASB… “Models Against Systematic Bullying”. :D