real housewives

You know what my favorite part of this episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was? That it ended early enough for me to watch the end of the Ole Miss/South Carolina football game.

Oh, and that it contained a segment in which Kim correctly used the word “supersede” in a sentence. That was fantastic. You couldn’t even see her eyes following the cue cards.

Other than that? Boo, I’m bored. But I’m recapping it anyway. It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it.

First, we get Kim at her friend Cori’s house, complaining about Big Poppa and his “betrayal” of her. I’m not sure what level of betrayal would be unacceptable in a mistress-married man relationship, but whatever happened, it was a deal-breaker for her. Not for him, though, since he apparently is still sending her on vacations to the Bahamas, funding her jewelry habit, and Kim says he’s getting a divorce.

I’ve Googled a bit, and I can’t find any indication that that’s actually true. He and his wife (who is also named Kim) were on an episode of Cribs with their teenage kids not too long ago, and they were at least putting on the ‘happy family’ act for the cameras at that point. Is Kim delusional, is Big Poppa lying to her, all of the above? That’s a question for the ages right there. And we didn’t get any answers during this episode. Personally, I doubt we ever will. Lee Najjar has enough money to not answer questions. With all that money, maybe he can buy Kim a bikini top that fits, because the one she was wearing by Cori’s pool was holding on by sheer force of will alone.

Speaking of delusional Housewifery, somewhere in Midtown, Sheree was plotting to have her “independence party” at Door 44, that club that I warned you about last week. The club must be really hard up for publicity, because even the woman in charge of renting it out appeared on camera to talk about the space. My guess would be that they let her use it for free in exchange for getting their name and logo on the show as many times as possible, and I guess it worked, since I’m talking about it now.

What was even better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) than the party itself was the enormous headshot/painting that Sheree had commissioned of herself in order to unveil at her party. The level of pure narcissism that emanates from that woman actually makes me a little dizzy, but the stank faces that Nene and Kandi both had when it was unveiled were priceless. I will say one nice thing, though: the fabulous gay that does her hair does a good job with her weave. And the amount of fringe he was wearing at her party was…impressive.

But before we go to the party, we have to talk about pocketbooks. And not the variety that we normally discuss here: the vagina variety. Apparently it’s a cute little colloquialism! Who knew?

Kandi and Lisa both had sections to perform in a production called The Pocketbook Monologues, which is like a black-centric version of The Vagina Monologues. Lisa had a really boring part about meeting a dude in prison (my mom had a friend that met her husband in the psych ward, so…no judgment), but Kandi’s section about an HIV-positive prostitute that had been molested by her stepfather as a child was intense. And she killed it, no sarcasm. She even had real tears! I really like Kandi, which makes it unfortunate that she likes Kim and That Triflin’ Fiance so much.

I really like Nene too, but she acted like kind of an a-hole at Sheree’s party. The entire thing was kind of lame, sure, but so are all the parties that these people throw. That’s never stopped them before. And for some reason, Nene decided to have a royal fit over whether or not she was going to be on “Tardy for the Party.” Of course, Kim decided in last week’s episode that she wasn’t going to be, which is obviously kind of opportunistic and catty, but what does anyone expect from her? And not being on a crappy novelty song is hardly a big deal – it was Nene, after all, that was helping host the Emmy red carpet last weekend and that has a book out that a few people have actually bought.

Nene is so obviously winning this show, much like Bethenny is winning Real Housewives of New York, that I really wish she had been gracious about the whole thing. If she had, it would have made it that much more obvious what a joke the whole song is anyway, and she would have looked like an adult. But no, she had to call Kim a “monster” and then freak out on Kandi, who appeared to be acting fairly diplomatically about the whole thing. She had an empty bottle in her hand, so I’ll go ahead and blame it on the alcohol.

Plus, Nene appears to be coming to my neck of the woods to find her real daddy pretty soon. I would pass out from sheer awesome if they did an Athens episode. So, ya know, watch this space. I’ll have someone take a picture of my motionless body on the ground if that happens.

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  • Handbag Lover

    Great recap! This was a good one last night (to me anyway) but Nene head has gotten way too big. She had very little style last year (other than the same cream Prada bag) now you are hosting the Emmy’s Red Carpet, give me a break!
    Sheree is too much, her stylist is too much and for her to always talk about doing something classy why was there a stripper at the independence party? Kandi, is my girl and now that the marriage is over between her and AJ he has come out to say what he actually does for a living and that Kandi is taking care of his twin daughters. Hmmm, wonder why? Where are their mother? Why can’t he do it?
    Lisa can’t take direction very well and i see she doesn’t like to be told what to do. She did okay on stage but Kandi nailed her part! All in all I think it was good last night lots of drama.

    • Heh, as far as the stripper at her ‘independence party’ goes…those were some big biceps…methinks he had something hidden in his pocketbook…

      • Handbag Lover

        lol… exactly

  • Michael St. James

    “Boo, I’m bored.” LMAO!!!

  • RP Jones

    I agree the show was pretty boring, Nene is a drama queen, Sheree is a man, and Kandi didn’t know what she was getting into when she came on the show…

  • otter

    Sheree did a better job of hiring some help to get the horse face under control in her giant picture. She also had a good tuck game going last night.

  • erica

    Sheree was called a Queen and Nefretiti (spelling?)
    OMG, that almost made me hurl

  • Amanda R

    That football game was great! I was so proud of South Carolina!

  • Jean

    Can we say gold digger….KIM?!! My kids go to private school and someday they want to go to college. It’s called a prostitute when you exchange money for sex!!! And can she give her kids anymore crap to eat? Big Poppa is going to have to pay for the fat camp and the lipo for those girls also!

  • PhotoGirl

    Great recap, as usual! I was tardy for the party and missed the swimming pool scene. Now I’m glad. Kim? Bikini? Bwahahaha!

    NeNe acted a hot mess. So many insecurities, so little time. Dreadful.

  • Madmorg

    The Atlanta housewives are my least favorite. The drama is childish, boring and cheap. I’m not sure which housewife I like the least as they’re all, except Kandi, shallow and nasty. I just can’t stand their ill-fitting clothes…come on…not all of us want to see your fake boobs…and tacky parties…

  • Pursegirl99

    One error in the recap, saw the MTV episode where kims Big Popa was featured as well but I watched about 2 years ago and it was a rerun back then!

    • I thought the Teen Cribs thing was a fairly recent addition…if not, then God, I’m old.

  • Shelia

    ok, help me out on this one. Is it me or does Sheree looks like a man in her former life? She is cute but it seems that she has to convince herself of such by commission a 6′ portrait of herself. I think that is such a lack of class. With those laugh lines around her mouth, clearly show that “black does crack”. Out of all of the women on this show, Lisa is the classiest! She is not trying to prove or convince anyone of who she is, she just exhibits it naturally. Ne-Ne is so ghetto! So what, if Kim doesn’t want you on the track and Kandi is friends with Kim, what bizness is it of yours? She is not Kandi’s friend so she is not protecting her from Kim by warning her of what a “monster” Kim is. I think that she is jealous that maybe the track may sell and she won’t get any proceeds. Hell, let Kim work for once, maybe it will teach her some morals.

  • Sher

    Kandi is talented in many ways. She was able to make a hit out of Tardy for the Party with other professional’s help. I find Kim entertaining, but clearly, she can’t sing and she knows it. Kandi was great in the Monologues.
    I love your take every week Amanda.