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I’m starting to question why I find the Rachel Zoe Project so amusing, even though I still absolutely do. Not only do all the episodes follow the same storyline, but so does every season, and we all know going in that it’ll all work out in the end. Perhaps maybe that makes the show somehow more charming, or perhaps there’s too much beautiful clothing to look at for me to care.

Last night, Rachel continued to be pregnant while Rodger went to Vegas and her assistants all had panic attacks making sure that the move to the new house went smoothly. New assistant Jeremiah slept on the floor. We learned about the difficulties of packing Balmain in plastic sheeting. The more things change, the more the Rachel Zoe Project stays the same.

We started with Rachel and Rodger, one of whom was happy, the other not so much. Rodger was getting ready to head to Vegas on a private jet and Rachel was ready to launch a baby out of her crotch at any moment, so you go ahead and guess which one was which. Thankfully, Rodger ran off to take shots in a plane with his besties pretty quickly, and I thought that maybe we’d be rid of him for the rest of the episode.

My hopes were quickly dashed on that front, however. While Rachel was at home burning herself on popcorn and complaining about hauling around a baby in her belly to Gay BFF Joey, Rodger and a bunch of other middle-aged men flew to Vegas to pretend that they weren’t middle-aged and hope that Rodger’s son would turn out straight. To his credit, Rodger brushed off whichever asshole friend said that and instead said that he didn’t care if his baby was masculine so long as he’s healthy. I hope the asshole friend who wanted to toast to masculinity ends up with a son who’s a total Muscle Mary – big and manly, but when he opens his mouth, his purse falls out. Perhaps it would teach him something about masculinity, but likely he’s so far gone that it would just drive him to drink. I’d be fine with either outcome.

Anyway, because Rodger’s friends are all dads with day jobs, their jaunt to Vegas wasn’t exactly the stuff The Hangover was made of. The next thing we knew, we were looking at a room strewn with takeout containers, which meant that they were all aware enough to get back to the hotel room and sit down to eat some food. One of them had a couple of poker chips in his pocket and Rodger still had possession of his cell phone, so all in all, I wasn’t particularly impressed with their partying skills. Try harder next time, fellas.

Meanwhile, Rachel was back home and buying out the entire inventory of Decades. I got kind of slack-jawed and awestruck at the haul that she brought home, so I may not remember all of it, but I know that it contained vintage chantilly lace Oscar de la Renta, a couple of vintage Chanel gowns and at least two giant vintage furs. Drool may or may not have leaked out of the corner of my mouth when it all was done. I probably need to start keeping a handkerchief around when I watch this show. Back in Vegas, Rodger was sending a concierge to Hermes to get Rachel a gift; little did he know that she had already bought her own. He did lie to her and say that he went and got it himself, so I guess it all evens out.

And then there was Jeremiah, Rachel’s nervous new assistant. Do you remember him? He was still traipsing through the furniture stores of Los Angeles, trying to figure out exactly how much shiny stuff it takes to fill a 7,000 square foot house. As it turns out, it takes a hell of a lot, and Jeremiah was growing more panicked and desperate by the hour. He was even going to drive to a warehouse and pick up a canopy bed by himself, which made me wonder if he realized that it would be too big to fit in the back of a Mercedes SUV. I mean, he knows that stuff doesn’t come in an IKEA flat pack, right? He doesn’t strike me as someone who should be legally permitted to operate a U-Haul.

The next thing on Rachel’s agenda was moving (actually, it was her lipstick commercial, but BLAH, BORING), and naturally she was terrified of letting the movers handle her vintage archive and couture pieces. I wouldn’t even let movers drive my (much mess expensive) wardrobe from my college town back to Atlanta and it all flew with me when I moved to New York, so if I were in her position, I’d probably be having a nervous breakdown. Add a baby to that equation, and I’m actually a bit impressed with Rachel’s composure. Maybe the pregnancy hormones are actually good for her? Or perhaps slugging Rodger while wearing statement rings is therapeutic. One or the other.

Everyone else was having Rachel’s panic attack for her, though. The brunette assistants were packing up the wardrobe (Balmain is totally hard to put in dry cleaning bags, y’all. Too many spikes.) while Jeremiah was curled up in the fetal position on one of the new hardwood floors, awaiting the arrival of furniture that was out taking a guided tour of Los Angeles and would probably never arrive. What had shown up, though, was a used (Jeremiah called it “vintage.” Is there such a thing as vintage when it comes to rugs?) Versace rug and an ultramodern, graphic white chaise lounge for a house that seemed like some casual, bone white furniture would have been slightly more reasonable. Joey showed up to survey the progress and seemed appropriately unimpressed.

The next day, after Jeremiah had slept on the floor and yelled at a delivery dispatcher, all of the drama was resolved as we always knew it would be. Rachel and Rodger showed up and seemed utterly blown away by the fact that Jeremiah had bought a bunch of white furniture and accessories and placed it in the appropriate rooms. Although the bedroom looked perfectly serviceable, the living room looks very basic and boring, and I’d venture a guess that we’ll see the decor change significantly over the next few episodes if we pay close attention.

The important thing, though, was that Rachel didn’t lose her mind of have her baby right there on the floor, so everything else that happened during this episode can be counted as a net win. But really, they could have cut off the episode after they showed the black lace de la Renta dress and I would have been a happy girl. How do you even have a show after such gorgeousness has been introduced? No one’s going to pay attention to anything else that’s said. Bravo might as well have played with lipstick commercial that Rachel recorded on a loop afterward, for all I cared. Show me more vintage Chanel, please.

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  • bisbee

    That black lace dress was to die for. I like Rachel pregnant…the hormones do seem to mellow her out just a smidge, and of course, the extra pounds make her look a bit more healthy than usual.

  • PhotoGirl

    “One of them had a couple of poker chips in his pocket and Rodger still had possession of his cell phone, so all in all, I wasn’t particularly impressed with their partying skills. Try harder next time, fellas.”

    Bwahahaha! So glad there were no cell phones to be lost when I was in college…

    I still love Rachel and her madcap fashion adventures. Still can’t stand her husband, but since I don’t have to sleep with him, it’s all good.

    I thought Jeremiah did a good job with the house. I liked the things he chose.

    Pregnancy does seem to agree with Rachel. I’m sad she didn’t have a girl, but maybe her son will turn out to be gay. It would probably be too stressful for a child to be her daughter, anyway. Win-win. And Rodger and his idiot friends will just have to deal with it.

  • erica

    You’re so right! That house was a tad boring. It looked like Rachel’s old condo which was…white. So big congrats for Jerimiah for basically giving Rach what she already had? That white stuff looked natural in condo, but a bit forced in a more traditional home like that.

    A Hermes charm? I did some research and found out that it costs maybe 400ish dollars. Let’s do the math Private Jet for Rodger + Hermes Charm for Rachel = Shopping Spree at Decades, sounds about right

    Glad to see Rachel cooking on this episode. Popcorn.

    I finally realized just how hot Bizzaro Brad is in this episode. A dirty, tired man who has been working hard is quite a turn on.

    • He really is pretty hot. I can’t blame Rachel for wanting to have him around, even if he is gay and she’s married.

  • fallonlatrece

    OMG I don’t think I want to imagine what it would be like if Rachael had a girl. The poor thing would never be able to dress herself. Aside from having the ultimate closet in the world, I don’t know if I would want that.

    I maybe in the minority but I like Roger. He always seemed to balance Rachael out, back before her pregnancy days. They seem to have a good/understanding relationship. The woman must work every waking minute.

    • Jess

      I love Rodg! He’s my favorite part of the show. He’s got his head on straight and tries to keep Rachel grounded, which has to be nearly impossible.

  • ninjaninja

    I hate this show, but like you, I watch it for the amazing clothing and accessories.

  • Samantha

    I am more interesting in seeing what Rachel and Rodger act like after the birth of their son. Anyone know if any of that will be covered this season or do we have hibernate until next season?

  • Samantha

    interesting = interested

  • suz

    I was impressed by Jeremiah’s pulling that house together to Rachel’s satisfaction in such an almost undoable time frame. I’m already sick of Joey….and, although I have been thinking Rodger has been teetering toward becoming the least interesting person in Rachel’s gay posse, he redeemed himself with his wiley conceirge move. Rachel really does seem to have mellowed with the pregnancy and to have gained some semblance of a sense of humor. Alas, one never knows if it’s editing or reality. But, the fashion will keep me coming back.

  • Musette

    Yes, Amanda, there are such things as vintage rugs. Vintage Persians from the Deco era, costing high five figures, Peking Chinese that are worth more than the average house, Indian (American and sub continent) that would bring you to tears…

    Like handbags, there’s new and there’s used…and there’s vintage.


  • Maryann

    “Launch a baby out of her crotch” I am dying laughing!!

    I just started watching this show. Caught a marathon not too long ago. I’m still trying to figure Rodger out. He’s seems a bit on the gay side (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) It’s the short necklace that he wears – the one that hits in the notch of his neck. I’ve never seen a man wear one like that. Could be because I don’t get out much these days. My jury is still out on him.

    Pregnancy does look good on Rachel. She looks normal instead of scary thin. I love her taste and seeing her vast amounts of, well, everything.

    BFF Joey is a little much. I LOVE gay men but he would really get on my nerves after a bit.

    Amanda, I love your recaps. You are a scream!

  • bir

    personally rodger not so bad, i mean the comment over the masculinity issue i think he managed to turn that into a good comment. i cant say i loooove the new guys sense of style, he simply shoved the few pieces of furniture into the middle of that massive room and being that they were all white i actually thought he could have done more. joey on the other hand is soooo funny and i think he keeps rachel fun and light and since he is the only one i know from other seasons im glad hes there. and the clothes well they should have a show of their own i actually would enjoy episode after episode of rachel simply pulling things from her archive and modeling them !! well thats my take ……… best.

  • bir

    ooo yes and i too love the recaps i think i watch the show only to read the recaps later …..thanks !!!

  • Lisa

    Good read. I don’t relate to Rachel’s style but I find this show entertaining and love her passion. A drawer full of sunglasses gives me a panic attack, “which pair should I wear?” Too much of anything makes the pieces you love less special and they don’t get the wear time they should.

    I do want the Stella “blanket” I would treat it special by wearing the crap out of it ever fall day!

  • Jessica

    I am so obsessed with this show. I used to find Rachel really annoying, but now I absolutely love her.

  • Blaine

    I love Rachel, I love that she has made her passion into her job, even if her job seems to revolve around frivolous s*** in this economy – she reminds me of my prom queen big sister who would always give me the stink eye as I climbed the trees, scaled fences & came home covered in mud.

    I still don’t know what Rodger does other than spell his name funny and complain about Rachel.

  • steppk-st louis

    Im finding That all RZ asst start talking like her Brad did and now joey. not the furniture guy so far.. but the the other 2. They have the monotone whinny sarcastic jiber jabs. NOw for SNL to do a skit and will the real rz stand up, they all will i’m sure!

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