I hate to break it to my wonderful coworkers here at PurseBlog, but I think that I want to work at People’s Revolution. As long as I get paid more than Tandrew, that is. That’s an important stipulation, write that one down. Although it seems like his job is open…

This week’s episode of Kell on Earth was filled with more of the strangely fascinating fashion minutiae that everyone has come to know and love, plus an Addams Family dinner party, a Versace chair, jaunty little hats, Ava in her mom’s sparkly heels, and lots more office-wide wingman action in an attempt to get a member of the staff laid. When have Megs and Vlad ever done that for me, huh?!?! That’s what I call a job with perks.

But wait…weren’t the police supposed to be called last night? Didn’t we see a panicking Kelly and an NYPD cruiser in the previews all week? I’m suddenly feeling a bit cheated, and no explanation is forthcoming from the People’s Rev team on why the footage was cut (I asked them on Twitter and actually felt like a reporter for a second.)

Back to the task at hand: our episode started with the saga of Tandrew. Remember him? He’s…well, he’s tan. He was the one presented with a bottle of lube last week, right before Kelly and Andrew crashed his blind date. He has a lisp and Britney Spears lyrics tattooed on the insides of his wrists, and he’s bucking for the title of Gayest Gay Ever. Well, at least Gayest Gay on Kell on Earth, and since the other Andrew regularly wears skirts, that’s sort of an accomplishment.

Anyway, Tandrew is unhappy. He’s from sunny, optimistic California, where his orange color is more widely accepted and he’s allowed to give everyone blonde highlights, not just Skinner. When he was hired and promised his piddling little salary (he said $15k, right? I made more than that when I worked at Best Buy in college), they told him that he would be able to return to his golden homeland to stock up on his favorite self-tanner, which is banned in New York (or, you know, he was there to go to a wedding. Whatever).

But really, it went much further than that. Tandrew hates his job because Robyn talks to him like he’s a moron (which, in fairness, he might be) and he doesn’t get paid enough to sit and listen to it, plus now they don’t want him to go to California, even though his trip had already been approved. In response, he did what we’ve all wanted to do once or twice in our lives: he went on vacation and never came back. He just…stayed. He called the office and quit, so I guess he can think of the bottle of organic lube from last week as a parting gift.

With yet another member of the group gone and still no new hires, things were getting a little tense around the office. What better way to solve this problem than a group walk around the neighborhood, which never means just walking when Kelly Cutrone is with you. She likes to talk to random passersby and attempt to procure dates for her staff, and this time Robyn was the one that needed a good man. Instead of letting Kelly pick, as she should have, Robyn flagged down a slightly homeless-looking dude with an accent that “made books.” Or was an artist. Or something. Thankfully he went back to Seattle eventually, or else Robyn might have married him by now.

Kelly Cutrone doesn’t give up easily when it comes to finding dates and/or quasi-anonymous hookups for her employees, however, so she was back to pounding the pavement (or, rather, pounding the glasses of wine) almost immediately, hitting on a waiter while having drinks with Emily and Robyn. I must say that I’d be happy to have Kelly hit on guys for me any time – she always manages to get results. The waiter’s number was procured, text messages were sent, the rest is a secret.

I can’t decide if Kelly’s flirtatious abilities will be awesome or embarrassing by the time her daughter Ava is old enough to date, but it looks like she’s done a good job raising an awesome daughter so far. Not only did Ava delight the entire office by tottering around in a pair of her mom’s heels (a trick that we all tried when we were kids, just with far less fabulous shoes), but she lectured her grandmother about how superior Target is to Wal-Mart. It took me until I was approximately 12 to figure that out, so she’s way ahead of the game.

The real star of this show, however, was Andrew. We finally got to learn a little bit more about the goth/glam/gay assistant, including his fashion loves (Rick Owens, Givenchy, McQueen), living arrangements (ultra-fab apartment next to his parents, complete with a great view of the city and a signature-print Versace chair), and his social preferences (lots of black-clad fashion girls). He is easily my favorite person on this entire show, and his decision to throw an Addams Family-themed dinner party, complete with headless roses and superfierce zebra chairs only continued to convince me that he and I are straight girl/gay guy soul mates. Come to me, Andrew. I’ll sneak into the milliner’s workshop and steal you as many silly little hats as your heart desires.

Skinner obviously doesn’t realize how much she should appreciate his awesomeness, because she was two hours late to his dinner party, which started at nine. She blamed work, but on a Friday night that excuse seemed a little weak. Andrew shouldn’t have held dinner for her, but she should have definitely called to say she wasn’t going to make it on time.

When I worked in marketing, there were nights that I was there late, sure. I get the idea that Skinner makes it a habit, however, and I’m not sure that she’s getting a good return on her time investment. The predicament that she’s in is exactly why you should always be careful of setting high expectations about your work ethic and willingness to become married to your job – if you do it for a little while to get in good with the boss, he or she is going to expect it all the time, and pretty soon you’ve screwed yourself royally and can’t get out of work before midnight on a Friday. Low expectations are your friends, ladies, and don’t ever let a career counselor tell you otherwise.

Really, all you have to do is be awesome and find other ways to ingratiate yourself (bring lattes, tell her she has pretty hair, it really depends on the boss), and before long you’ll be getting out early to throw catered dinner parties from your city-view apartment in which everyone will sit on zebra chairs that you then gift to your favorite blogger because of all the good life advice she gave you back in the day. And also, the Versace chair. That’s just how it happens. I don’t make the rules.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • lisa

    another brilliant recap!

  • stephanie

    ^ I second, Lisa– Great read :) xx

  • Milana

    Did you find out anything about the police footage??? I was wondering the same thing!!

    • I asked Brian over at Gawker if he knew what the deal was (he recaps the show too) and he said he hadn’t realized it. Hopefully he’ll find out and let me know. I’ve asked a few other people and they didn’t know either.

  • bisbee

    I haven’t watched this yet (except for the first few minutes)…but I can’t resist reading your recaps!

  • Jane

    Thanks for the recap. I am in love with Andrew as well. I just want to be a fly in that office so I could sit and listen to him. I love his style, his brilliant personality and his work ethic. You have to be able to work hard and put the work down at some point or you are no good to you or anyone else. Kelly seems to be able to do both and we have seen her many times try to tell Skinner this, but she won’t listen. I think it will take a nervous breakdown or a really good case of mono to stop her. If I worked there I would want to be near Kelly and Andrew all the time.

  • Toni

    I’m having a difficult time bonding to this show. I liked it originally, but of late, everything seems forced. As for Andrew? meh….not my cup of earl grey, his voice irritates the hell outta me. And speaking of irritating voices, glad Tandrew booked to California. Couldn’t take much more of him. As far as Kelly’s date procurement services go, stick to PR. She’s just way too old and kinda creepy when she’s on the prowl for dates.

  • Kate B.

    Does anyone know the back story on Andrew? Is he just another rich kid?

    • PhotoGirl

      Apparently. Trust fund kid or something icky like that.

      • Hey, not his fault. At least he’s working, and at a fairly menial job at that.

      • PhotoGirl

        I hear you, Amanda, but it is my feeling that he could use a little humility to go with all that money. I think that cleaning toilets is menial (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and that being Kelly Cutrone’s assistant and having the doors of New York opened to you is something more. In any event, we can probably agree that it makes for good TV.

      • In fairness, they were probably already open. But I agree with your comment further down the thread – Emily and Robyn are horrendous and Ava is my hero. I would totally have kids if I could get some sort of guarantee that they’d be like Ava.

  • Tiffany

    Andrew M. is awesome! I also love Kelly! The other two more important people I don’t really like..etc Emily and Robyn! I would totally go to the Addams Family themed party! Would so dance the Mamushka! LOL! I do have to check out the designer Rick Owens…and is that a Hermes cuff that Andrew wears? I can’t blame the other Andrew for quitting! Seems like they are under alot of pressure and understaffed! I know how that goes…Skinner is cool too, hope she can get de-stressed..I love the show! Viva Kelly Cutrone!

  • beppolina

    You can follow Andrew – and Skinner, too — on Twitter. http://twitter.com/AJMUKAMAL

  • PhotoGirl

    Nice recap.

    Things I decided after watching the last episode:

    I adore Ava.

    Emily and Robyn? Meh. . . not so much. I, too, have worked in places where bullying and intimidation were management styles and I did exactly what Tandrew did. Good on him! Emily and Robyn seem mean-spirited, snobby, and petty. So tiresome.

    I can’t understand why Kelly doesn’t hire a competent office manager.

    I get that Stefanie Skinner is ambitious and has a great work ethic, but enough, already! I would like to see her get some concealer and a life. In that order. And any self-respecting Midwestern girl would have known to call her host if she was going to be late (two hours??? are you serious??) for dinner.

    I like Andrew M a lot less now that I know that he’s a spoiled rich kid.

  • Selène

    Does anybody know how to get or where to watch this show if you’re living outside of the US?
    I’ve searched the internet but only succeeded in finding the first 2 episodes and I’m craving for this show..

    Thanks in advance!

  • Jocelyn

    I don’t watch but: Tag for Linea Pelle (fb)

  • Joy

    i dont get it?? lol sorry :/