Reality television is a fickle beast – some weeks, I’m ready to rip my eyes out from sheer boredom as the Kardashians repeatedly trip over themselves trying to create a decent plotline. But other weeks, 3 particularly juicy ones fall right out of the sky. In this week’s episode, Lamar Odom got released from the Dallas Mavericks, which meant the not-so-triumphant return of Khloe and Lamar to L.A., and the set of “Kardashians.”

To start, Khloe desperately tried to avoid getting roped into family drama so she could focus on her husband’s career woes, but to no avail. Early in the episode, Khloe and Lamar joined Kris and Bruce for lunch. Bruce and Lamar shared a big ol’ man hug and then talked shop about their athletic careers. It’s sweet that Bruce and Lamar get along so well, and why wouldn’t they, as fellow pro athletes? Bruce gave Lamar a pretty boss prep talk about overcoming failure. And what was even more amazing was that everyone let him finish it. It was a big moment for Bruce, especially since Bruce had been feeling so alienated from Baby Jenners Kylie and Kendall, because they don’t actually speak when their phones are on, like most overly entitled teens.

The situation was so dire that Bruce was excited to have an opportunity to pump his daughter’s tire just so he could spend some time with her. Realizing that this was his golden moment, Bruce promptly put Kendallylie’s car in the shop – real clever, Bruce. Now he gets to chauffeur the girls around and ask them questions about prom! Strangely enough, Kendall didn’t expect to get asked to prom. Probably because she is model hot, not super outgoing, and incredibly aloof – the unapproachable hot girl trifecta. Bruce assured her that if he was not her father, and in high school, he would totally ask his teen daughter to prom, which is so sweet and creepy at the same time.

Several days later, it’s clear that Bruce is holding the car hostage to spend time with the girls. Of course, Kendallyie don’t know anything about getting a car serviced, so they only catch on to this factoid after they call to check in on their car, which was ready for pick-up two days prior. Armed with this knowledge, they interrogated their father about the car situation and caught him in a straight-up lie. He was a little surprised that they took the initiative to call the car repair shop, and frankly, so was I! Don’t they have assistants for that?

Bruce finally fessed up that he just wants to spend time with them, because they’re growing up, and his 33 consecutive years of parenting are quickly coming to a close. Kendall and Kylie tell him that are totally down for hanging out whenver, but dad only ever asks them if they want to go to the movies – and, prepare to be shocked – Kendall and Kylie HATE the movies. Movies bore them, because they require more investment than text messaging. I don’t even want to know what they think about books.

Meanwhile, in Lamar and Khloe-land, Khloe could not be convinced to go to NYC with the fam to baptize Scott’s new restaurant in Kardashian publicity. (Oh btw, Scott opened a restaurant in NYC. Four months in, it has only four Yelp reviews, and a 2.5 star rating. I know, I’m just as surprised as you are.) Way too much screen time was devoted to family members calling Khloe out for not being right back into the Kardashian game. Kim couldn’t convince her to go to NYC, even when she literally wrapped herself around Khloe’s leg, Kris Jenner couldn’t convince her, and when Kim and Kourtney tag teamed Khloe to scorn her for being more Odom than Kardashian, she finally delivered a much deserved verbal smackdown – “Kim, your system hasn’t really worked and Kourtney, well you and your boyfriend don’t even sleep in the same room anymore. So, I have to do what’s best for me and my marriage.”

Hard truths, y’all. Khloe IS all about Lamar’s career, which is respectable, even though she does use it as a non-stop excuse NOT to Kardashian it up (but who wouldn’t, at this point?). Khloe was getting really stressed out by the family in this episode, because nobody understood her unique situation – which was that a) she is basically Lamar’s mini-manager (if not his actual manager) and b) she clearly no longer wants to be on the show, because she just can’t buy into her family’s whole “fake pain for pay” schtick any more. Proof positive that Khloe Kardashian is the smartest Kardashian of all.

(I have to devote a little text love here to Khloe’s amazing home office! Her phone is bedazzled, she has a cool chevron executive chair, and she always has totally bananas floral arrangements – it’s very swanky.)

Now, let’s turn our attention to the most disturbing, ridiculous plot line of the entire season: some idiot parents paid Scott to make a guest appearance at their daughter’s “Sweet 16” party. Which means that some 16-year-old out there who is forming ideas about men based on Scott Disick, who is a grown, unmarried baby daddy of two who still adjusts himself in public, and on camera. Sad times.

The whole family was on red alert because everyone was scared of this situation’s very real disaster potential. Rob decided to tag along to keep a watchful eye on Scott. On the night-of, Scott and Rob got “warmed up” by crashing a bachelorette party BEFORE they crash a Sweet 16. This Sweet 16 was not exactly the kind of ridiculous extravaganza one sees on MTV’s My Super Sweet 16, which was refreshing, in a way. This b-day girl did not seem at all embarrassed when her parents busted out a slideshow full of baby pics, and she didn’t receive a suped-up Lexus SUV as a b-day gift. This was a reserved and far more conservative affair, which terrified Rob all the more. Rob insisted on having a code word for Scott to keep him from constantly venturing into inappropriate territory, which was impossible because, bless ‘im, Scott can’t be anyone but himself. A toned-down Scott Disick is just not what you pay for. Scott Disick will ask your underage daughter if she’s ready to get her drink on, no matter how many times someone is standing behind him screaming “RED EAGLE.” That’s just who he is.

Even so, Scott did have yet another major epiphany in this episode. Daughters are not at all like sons. They require their fathers to be sensitive, attentive, and compassionate; all things that require less binge drinking on Scott’s part. “There’s a lot of things I need to change about myself to be a great father, especially to a daughter.” says Scott. “I want to work on those things now.” Awww. What everyone expected to end with an arrest for public indecency ended with a moment of genuine personal growth instead. I’m sorry, what show is this again?

A few more random observations on this ep:

EVERYONE is rocking glittery eyeshadow on this episode. I need some.

“I can’t believe he’s seen this whole thing through from beginning to end.” – Kris on Scott’s restaurant.

After it was announced that Scott Disick was getting paid to go to some girl’s birthday party, I decided that I couldn’t make it through this episode sober and forced my husband to make me a cocktail.

Khloe has an in-home assistant who has appeared twice in this season of Kardashians – and she’s always barefoot or in loungewear or rocking a random hair clip that is not actually holding any hair. This shouldn’t irk me. But it does.

The birthday girl’s baby sis is an adorable 11 year old who designs her own clothes. Let us bask in this adorableness for a moment.

Yozen Frogurt, Kendall and Kylie’s fave fro-yo shop, has been on this show twice this season – what did that cost them, exactly?

The talking head Kim with crazy ballet bun and denim jacket is like a crazy 1980’s Audrey Hepburn. I love it. I love all Kim’s buns.

This Khloe/Scott’s NYC restaurant opening drama is getting (unnecessarily) stretched into a 2 parter, so check back tomorrow for my musings on the conclusion!

ALSO – Kourtney Kardashian finally dropped that baby yesterday morning! Congrats Kourtney – we’re really looking forward to you not being pregnant next season! Welcome to the world, little Penelope Scotland Disick! Here’s your silver spoon.

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Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Camila

    Great review, but I don’t see what’s wrong with Scott being a father and not being married.

    • Solid point Camila – and to his credit, Scott WANTS to get married to Kourtney, so it’s not like he’s having babies willy nilly – though I have to point out that having two kids with a chick that refuses to marry you is kind of a questionable call. Also, I’m just mad that I can’t legitimately call him “Mr. Kourtney Kardashian.”

      • Camila

        I agree, but it’s thier choice. Either way, if Kourtney didn’t let him go before, she won’t now.

  • Oo0alisa0oo

    Let’s all remember that this is “reality” tv. Scott and kourtney actually have a good relationship. He creates the drama and that persona for the tv show. (inside scoop- from someone that knows them)

  • Fan

    Please recap RHONY!!