And so it was over. Our Real Housewives of Orange County rode off into the sunset last night, at least for this season, but not before Vicki got divorced, Alexis explained why women shouldn’t be president and Jeanna got a vodka cocktail right in the eye. I enjoyed that last part in particular.

It wasn’t a great finale, but it was pretty good, with plenty of drama and sides to take and conflicts to pick apart. So without further ado, let’s get right to it, shall we?

We started the episode with Vicki, who was out of the hospital after several days and had filed divorce papers on Donn a week prior. And…Vicki was having a party. She didn’t consider that she might be filing divorce papers and that surely everyone would hear about it when she planned the party, I guess, and she didn’t want to cancel. I’m sure everyone would have understood if she had, but instead she smeared some Preparation H under her eyes and powered through the party.

Next up was Tamra, who was getting ready for the festivities with Eddie and lamenting the fact that Jeanna won’t keep her nose out of the press and stop talking about her. She posited that because Simon can’t legally talk to the local paper, Jeanna was doing it for him, and damn if that didn’t sound like a good theory. Jeanna has shown time and again that she’s more than willing to support men who treat women like crap, not to mention the fact that she seems to have personally raised two such men, so why not help out a guy who wants to talk some very public smack about his ex, who he may have abused? That sounds right up her alley, not to mention that she seems fairly obsessed with Simon. Maybe she should marry him if he’s such a good guy.

At Gretchen’s house, Gretchen was in the middle of a change of heart. If you remember, she was absolutely sure that Vicki had faked the entire hospital visit last week in order to distract attention from Alexis’s fashion show, but she seems to think that spending a few days bleeding out of her ass somehow did wonders for Vicki’s personality. And Gretchen also visited her in the hospital on the first night, so there’s that, I guess. Whatever, I still don’t like her. It’s too late in the season to score points. Try again next year, babe. Ease up on the makeup trowel, too. And dump Slade. Then we’ll talk, Gretchen.

Elsewhere, some Bravo producer who clearly needs a raise decided it would be a great idea to ask Alexis what she though about Vicki getting a divorce. Naturally, she thinks that the problem with “liberal America” is that women can run for president and have lives and be businesswomen and do things other than pamper their man-toddler husbands and be treated like babies, which is why Vicki’s getting divorced. Literally, she said she wanted to be treated like a baby, and divorce happens because women are too independent and have too many thoughts.

I’m having lots and lots of thoughts right now, and all of them involve how much I wish a hole in the floor would have opened up and swallowed Alexis and all the women like her so that I never, ever have to hear that sort of backward, ignorant horseshit ever again. She also may or may not believe that she was literally made from her husband’s rib, which should prove once and for all that Alexis has never read the Bible and perhaps cannot read at all. Earth Jesus just tells her what it says. He’s like a Catholic priest back when Bibles were only written in Latin so that the laity couldn’t read them. Except it’s not that Alexis can’t read Latin, it’s just that she’s an illiterate, vapid piece of trash.

I weep for her daughters, who will surely have new breasts and lips installed as soon as they hit 18 so that they can better serve the greasy, unemployed grifters that they will eventually be charged with serving, just like mama did for daddy. It’s times like these that I wish I could use more profanity in these recaps, because I don’t feel like other words are accurately representing the amount of rage I felt while she was talking last night. I nearly had a blackout. I have no idea what happened in the show for at least five minutes afterward. It’s as if I were spellbound by Alexis’s absolute and complete stupidity.

Anyway, moving on. At some point after I recovered from my rage blackout, everyone started arriving to the party, at which Tamra planned to hit Jeanna with a cease-and-desist letter about making false statements to the press. I don’t think we’ve ever seen someone get served legal papers on the show before (except for last season’s eviction papers for Lynn, I suppose), and I always like firsts. Before any of that happened, though, Tamra hunkered down with Vicki in the bathroom while the party started filling up, talking about divorce and offering to grab Vicki’s boobs if it would keep her from crying. Say what you will about Tamra, but that’s a good friend right there.

Tamra then went down to the party to help spread the word that no one was to say anything about Donn when Vicki came down, and then the entire cast went up to get her. Peggy seemed to be one of the only ones who was genuinely concerned, which confirmed the feeling I’ve had all season that Peggy is a nice person, if perhaps a little dim and easily lead. Alexis, Gretchen and especially Jeanna seemed less than concerned, even if they expressed a certain level of concern that was expected of them by the cameras.

Speaking of Alexis, Peggy finally gathered up enough balls to call Alexis out on all the passive-aggressive comments that she’s been making all season. Calling someone out on passive-aggression is so tricky because it’s subtle by definition, and unless the people around you are perceptive and notice what’s going on, it’s easy for the caller-outer to look like the bad guy. But despite not being a brain trust of any type, Peggy did a fairly reasonable job cataloging the ways that Alexis has insulted, undermined and been rude to her since we were introduced back at the beginning of the season.

Instead of having the self-awareness to realize that she’s been catty and competitive, Alexis got defensive and flew off the handle about how it was unfair to say anything about her husband and that she’s never getting her boobs or lips done again because they’re already perfect, none of which had anything to do with the point that Pegatha was trying to make. Alexis also initially denied ever having said anything about Peggy’s lips, but later abandoned that defense, presumably because she remembered that the entire conversation had been filmed and would surely be shown during the scene and make her look like a liar. And that’s exactly what happened. If you needed any further evidence, all the shrieking that Alexis did when she called into Watch What Happens Live last night should prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that she’s a crazyperson who has been marauding under the guise of relative sanity all season.

Peggy then sauntered over to Jeanna to ignite the fire of the evening’s main event, and by doing so, she also became my favorite OC housewife. Apparently emboldened by her screaming match with Alexis, she asked Jeanna why she felt the need to stick her nose in Tamra’s business and speak to the press when it wasn’t her place to do so, and her gay sidekick asked Jeanna why she didn’t think that throwing an object at someone’s head constituted abuse. Jeanna squirmed and offered that perhaps Simon was just trying to toss it to her, and before they could press her further on Jeanna’s weak theory about why Simon wasn’t abusive, Tamra herself came over with her cease and desist letter.

You could tell that Tamra had been practicing for the moment and considering exactly what she would say, but just like any emotionally fraught exchange, it didn’t go exactly as planned. She threw the C&D at Jeanna when she wouldn’t take it, and they yelled at each other a little more, culminating in Jeanna threatening to throw Tamra in the pool and Tamra tossing the drink heard ’round the world. And although violence never solves anything, and I think that technically counts as violence, it seems as though Jeanna had done enough and caused enough harm to richly deserve at least a drink in her face. And Tamra had really good aim, too. RIGHT IN THE EYE.

Jeanna tried to throw a drink right back, but because everyone on this show looks exactly the same, Jeanna ended up hitting some other girl wearing a cocktail dress and curled blonde extensions. That girl was not amused, naturally, and she was the one who shoved Jeanna, which we’ve been seeing for months in the previews. Which actually made me sort of happy, because I can still be comfortably on Team Tamra in the whole debacle because she didn’t technically put her hands on anyone. Her doppelganger did.

She wasn’t the only bystander who stepped into the fracas, though. Jeanna’s gay sidekick stepped up to tell the doppelganger that her dress was overpriced and crappy, and after Jeanna and Tamra continued their screaming match in the driveway, he punctuated the exchange by lobbing an empty glass at Tamra in the gayest way possible. And I don’t mean that pejoratively – if you can imagine the most stereotypical way that a gay man could throw a glass, that’s what he did. He wasn’t even wearing a tight dress or heels, he didn’t have any excuse for a lack of coordination. (I mean, seriously, having that much fake hair on your head and huge platforms on your feet throws off your center of gravity. It was amazing that Tamra was so accurate with her cocktail.) And then Jeanna did the only thing that someone as awful as her could do in that situation: She called Tamra’s ex-husband to tattle on her.

And that put an end to a season that has been mostly quite entertaining and perhaps a bit brief for what we’ve become accustomed to, and I hope that trend continues. The average housewives crew simply doesn’t have the storylines to support a 16- or 18-episode season, and the length of Real Housewives of Orange County felt perfect to me. And in case you were wondering, I’ll be doing short(er) (still long by normal measures of sanity) recaps of both reunion installments, so I hope to see you guys back here next week.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Marta

    I must say that I am terribly disappointed that you did not mention that Cougar ex housewife wearing a long blond mermaid wig that was straight out of some Halloween express store. As I watched that train wreck I was looking forward to you poking fun.

    • Wait, which one?

      • Ashley


    • SuzieQ

      What in the world was Quinn thinking with that wig? I remember her saying that she has a slutty alter ego, Roxie, but seriously? She looked so desperate in that cracked-out version of a Kim Zolciak wig. THAT’S who she’s trying to emulate, really?

      • When someone calls you a cracked-out version of Kim Zolciak, it’s time to reconsider every life decision you’ve ever made.

    • ninjaninja

      It was the only think I could focus on!

    • Misty

      I was wondering about that wig, too. Maybe she lost her hair to some medical catastrophe?

  • Marta

    I can’t think of her name she was only on the show for one season and she dated 2 guys, one was ery young and the other a super creepy golf pro.

  • Marta

    Quinn Fry!!!!!

  • bb

    That wig was awful!!!!!!

  • I watch Housewives on a livestream on my computer and have to flip back and forth between taking notes for the recap and livetweeting, so sometimes I miss visual things if they happen quickly! I didn’t even know that she made an appearance last night.

  • Ashley

    I hate Jeanna. HATE HER! She is the most horrible, infuriating person, and I can’t stand it when she’s on screen. She is so, so awful. She is the worst kind of person- a total wet-rag who lets herself be abused but then moans and groans about it, while raising people to be abusive. I like she likes it.

    • suz

      I caught about 30 seconds of Jeanna on some weight loss reality show, and she was awful…even worse than on RHW….whiny, lazy, unpleasant, and it looked like no one liked her in that crowd either. (Oh goodness…..I need to get a life.)

    • Kjon

      Agreed. Did you see the way her pocket gay* acted at the party? He literally poured a drink down blue dress girl’s back, which is just wrong. Then he smashed glass in Vicki’s driveway?! Albeit he looked like a limp-wristed idiot while doing it but still! That’s not cool and neither is Jeana crying to Simon on the phone before the cameras had a chance to escape. Desperate much?

      • Kjon

        Shoot I forgot to contextualize the *: I mean no harm against gays, just this particular one.

  • Maryann

    It was the ex-housewife Quinn that had the hideous blonde wig! OMG!!
    I, too, was dying to read what Amanda had to say about that!

    I loved seeing Jeanna get the drink thrown in her face. It was the highlight of the season for me! She was so deserving.

    Could Earth Jesus be any fuglier? He grosses me out so badly. I can’t imagine having to touch him. He makes my skin crawl just looking at him.

    Sorry to see these girls go, but I will be looking forward to the reunion and Amanda’s recaps!

  • F

    Let’s hope that hole in the floor will also swallow up Earth Jesus and his male ilk.

    Did anyone else find the plastic autumnal oak leaf decorating somewhat tacky?

    Peggy was in full breastal mode last night. It was to unnotice those boobs. Did she really need a fur coat? Or did it just go with the animal print dress?

    When all the housewives are gathered together it is amazing to me that they all have the same hair color. Is there some special plumbing in OC where all you need to do is turn a nozzle and out it spews?

  • Webaj

    Did anyone else notice that, when Alexis was commenting on her perfect boobs and lips, she turned into Theresa from RHONY? She love, love, loved them….mwah, mwah, mwah…just the way Theresa talks about her girls….her real girls, as in daughers.

  • adrienne z

    i hope they show a rerun soon, I missed the whole thing. Had to work.

    • Kjon

      I hope you recorded WWHL, it was epic!

      • adrienne z

        I LOVE WWHL! Andy is awesome! Don’t have a recorder, but will wait for every rerun! Thanks!

  • Kitty

    I for the first time watched Andy’s What What Happens with Peggy and Sean Avery, the wild, hockey player, there to chat. Best part was…

    Andy: “Sean which Housewife (he meant OC but didn’t clarify) would you like to (figuratively) hit in the face with a hockey stick?”

    Sean: “Ramona.”

    Not one for violence, but I cracked up sadly.

    • I LOVED Sean Avery last night. He was so douchey and awkward in such a funny way. They need to get him his own reality show.

      • ninjaninja

        LIke when he said, “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds.”

      • Kitty

        COMPLETELY AGREE. That guy had me laughing SO hard.

  • pg1908

    Amanda I was also looking forward to your comments on Gretchen making the point to Tamra about “oh it doesn’t feel so nice when someone is talking smack about something they know nothing about to press”…the look on Tamra’s face was priceless. Deer in headlights…oh crap! she actually has a point! LOL…too funny.

    • JenG

      I thought that Gretchen made a great point too! Tamra reaped what she sowed!

    • Gretchen made an excellent point, and it got lost in some of the more explosive drama. Hopefully all of this stuff will turn Tamra into a nicer person, because I think she’s genuinely hilarious. It would be great if she were both.

      • S

        I doubt that Tamra will become a nice person. She’s 40 plus years old and such a villain. When Eddie was comforting her – my husband asked why all the women on the show have a cliche gay friend :) And no one pushed Tamra – she made a claim that Jeana did. That certainly didn’t happen.

  • suz

    Amanda, thank you for your outrage at Alexis and her ilk of “backward, ignorant horseshit”. That was on such a different plane of awfulness from all the other nonsense and drama, it caused me to completely lost my sense of irony and humor. I am older (OK…some would say old) and have spent much of my life agitating for righteous causes, in particular, equal rights …and I was nearly brought to tears by this ridiclous, self righteous, atavistic plastic excuse for a woman.

    Phew…glad I got that off my chest. Everything else seemed business as usual. Who brings a C&D to a party? Tamara’s face is starting to look pinched and old. Gretchen needs a new makeup artist…and a new boyfriend….Peggy’s boobs just won’t stay indoors.

    And, I would love to sit next to Seqn Avery at a dinner party. He was pretty darn cute.

  • P

    I didn’t think I could detest Jeana and Alexis more than I already did, but boy was I wrong! Alexis just took the entire Theory of Evolution and Women’s Liberation Movement and turned it upside down. I’m so happy to learn that all my years of biology class were utterly wrong…that I was literally born of my husband’s rib, and not my mother’s womb. Wow. Thank God my mom was somehow able to find the exact guy who would eventually be my hubby to grab a piece of his rib so that I could exist! I wonder how women older than their husbands come to exist??? Hmmm…

    Goodness gracious, why in the world did I think otherwise? What’s next? Dare I run for president or simply even open my mouth?

    And Jeana…I don’t even know where to begin. She should get a tattoo across her big fat stupid mouth that says “Abusive Men’s Doormat.”

    Thoroughly disgusting episode. Only thing that salvaged it was reading Amanda’s commentary!!

  • unowhat

    Amanda, I love to read your posts, much better than the show. I just had to say that it may have been my glass of wine talking, but I swear that Tamara not once, but twice said “cyst and diseast” instead of cease and desist!

    • Blaine

      She totally did!! Hahahahaha … I love Tamara for this!

  • unowhat

    Just watched the scene again…cyst and deceased. It wasn’t my wine talkin!

    • suz

      Totally missed that in my ADD fast forward viewing……how amazingly funny!

  • ellenbakes

    I don’t even know what to say about the RHOC anymore. Okay, the phrase “jumped the shark” did come to mind. Yes this episode was jammed packed; but it’s about damn time considering the whole season had to go by before we got it.

  • KathyB

    I really thought this article wouldn’t be so biased, but I was wrong. Jeana didn’t deserve anything that Tamra dished out to her last in the finale, including the drink in the eye. That could be considered assault and Jeana had plenty of witnesses. Also, Jeana never laid a hand on Tamra. She just said she was going to throw her “skinny butt” in the pool. Jeana never touched Tamra.

    • c.c.

      She didn’t. Jenna should have fixed her butt and called the police.

      I’m not a Jeana fan at all but Tamara is a reptile.

    • All of my posts are biased, they’re all based on my opinions. I didn’t say she touched Tamra, I just think Jeanna is a vile person who has richly earned a drink in the face, at the very least. And I wouldn’t have blamed her for calling the police, but she didn’t, which was her decision.

    • Diane

      Agree with you KathyB. Didn’t think Jeana deserved that, but I think Tamra is completely classless and clueless so wasn’t surprised to see her toss the drink. Jeana should’ve just turned and left! Wondering if I am the only one disgusted by the whole Tamra Eddie thing? Just yuck. Something is just one right there.

  • Kjon

    Amanda, you’re right on about Alexis. For anyone that frequents the comments section as much as I, you know I loathe Alexis. I screamed at my TV. It looked pretty psychotic but I can’t stand her ignorantly regurgitating information that her husband spoon fed her that she herself clearly doesn’t understand. Her elementary Bible study education level is an embarrassment to true Christians. Not to mention her interaction with Peggy where she called herself “Perfect”. Truly shameful. Jim is a sociopath.
    Jeana really fudged up. She cannot justify being in someone’s business like that. It may have been karma for Tamra but Jeana was in the wrong in my eyes entirely. Mind your own beezy, it’s not hard unless you’re a jack b*tch (excuse my language). I would have done it differently by sending the C&D through attorneys.
    I’m glad Gretchen came to her senses about Vicki’s illness but too little, too late for me. She used to be so fun to watch but she’s so bitter now! I think Slade keeps her bitter because he is.
    Ok, one last thing. I hope Vicki and Don work it out… I’m going duck and run for cover now!!

  • guccidiscounting

    I don’t even know what to say about the RHOC anymore. Okay, the phrase “jumped the shark” did come to mind. Yes this episode was jammed packed; but it’s about damn time considering the whole season had to go by before we got it.

  • Engr mom

    I didn’t watch every episode this season too busy trying to take care of two kids, work full time and loosing that baby weight. But I do think Amanda you’re a little tough on Jeana. She can’t help it if she identifed with her abuser, when you been put down for so long you forget what is right and wrong anymore. What do they call that syndrome that alledgely Patti Hurst went through, Lynburg syndrome or something like that. Boy but is it karma a b#*#*h. I remembered one episode when Jeana son was being an ah*** to her. Now he crawl back to her and staying at her guess house because he injure his leg. Probably have no money and place to go. This should be a lession to young people no matter how awful you think your parents are treat them with respect because you’ll never know you might need to stay in their guess house.

    Enough with lecture. I think most of the hwoc is vile, the only person that seem similar normal is Peggy but she is easily lead. She need to stick up for herself.

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  • Monkeybutt

    I am late to this party bc i just watched it last night after I dvred it. I hated the way Jenna seemed to be butting into Tamara and Simon’s divorce BUT i am shocked that no one commented about how Tamara threw the letter at Jenna’s face then Threw a drink in her eye. all Jenna did was tell her that she could throw her into the pool (but never did — in fact didnt even touch her). when Tamara went back to the crowd and Jenna wasnt there to defend herself, Tamara made it sound like Jenna threatened her life!?! and talked about how she was scared?!?
    that seemed like an overly exaggerated reaction to a comment that she could throw her into the pool. This episode wont help her when she cries abuse from Simon next time…. she just seems to be exaggerating to get sympathy — like a mild (extremely) case of Daniel from NJ when she said Jacqueline’s daughter “threatened her” when she told her to go to hell and then said “bye”.
    Just what i thought from watching the episode…

    • Kjon

      I see what you’re saying and I agree. I just want to add that I read somewhere that Jeana is still moaning about getting a drink in her face and even tried to go to the eye doctor and get confirmation that she actually sustained an “eye injury”. She wants to file a lawsuit. What a waste of time and money in my opinion! It’s very petty. If she went to college, she would probably be blind.
      The way I see it though is that she never would be in this position if she had minded her own business. It’s so simple, really.
      My point is that Jeana is just as immature, malicious and disgusting as Tamra is and maybe worse because she has her own issues with abuse to deal with.
      Also, according to the footage, she didn’t even wash her freakin’ face after it happened she just stood there like a big idiot and cried to Simon in her foyer… that sauce… is weak.

  • katieax

    Jeana always seemed sad and depressed to me.
    Not sure what her real story is.
    Tamra was out of line too.
    But Alexis troubles me the most!
    She wants be subservient!
    She called in to WWHL Sunday night–and her hatred for Peggy is not very Christian.
    And I would love to see Sean Avery again!

  • Ali

    You didn’t mention Quinn (wig lady) went over to Jenna’s house and gave her a hug, what a 2 timer!!!

    Alexis = The crazy one from NYC housewives (I forgot her name). Those two should meet up, that would be funnnnnnnnny!

  • mirna

    What’s up with all the gay sidekicks this season? Did I miss something??

  • willbuy

    do people really dress like peggy did on WWHL ? And she thought she looked classy??

  • Lorie

    I’m so disgusted that I have no words.

  • Trina

    Not defending Jeana ( cause she really needs to mind her own business) BUT given how Tamra started telling everyone at the party that Jeana lunged at her and was going to throw her in the pool, ( which clearly was not what happened) something tells me that Jeana’s claim on the dog leash might have some validity. If she was at the door and Simon had thrown it at her with the intention of hitting her, he probably wouldn’t have missed hitting her. Now, regardless Simon throwing the leash is not okay (and I also think he was an a$$*#le) but just trying to point out that Tamra seems to exaggerate and twist the sequence of events often. Also, for being so appalled at Simon throwing a leash, Tamra sure didn’t hesitate to throw the letter to Jeanna followed by the drink. All these people are just pathetic.

  • mochababe73

    Quinn looked a boiling, hot mess. That wig was horrible.
    Tamra is just trashier than usual this season. She should have just mailed the letter. Vickie had enough drama going on.
    I am not going to take up for Simon, but I have a feeling that if he was aiming for her, he would have hit her. I take most of what Tamra says with a grain of salt. However, he was still controlling.
    I like what Gretchen said to Tamra. The dim bulb still didn’t get it.
    Alexis just doesn’t bother me as much as most. She definitely sticks to her convictions whether she understands what she’s saying or not. I think that it is a bit far-fetched to say that Alexis is setting back the women’s movement or any of the other stuff that was said about her. Alexis and women like her are an extremely small segment of the population. To be honest, passive-agressive or not, if Alexis had something to say to you, at least she said it to your face. She’s just a politer version of Ramona. She is the ONLY one of the group that didn’t say nasty things behind the other women’s backs.
    I still am not a real fan of Peggy especially since her house is in foreclosure and accusing Alexis of being jealous of her. Pot meet kettle.
    I can’t wait to see what Donn has to say during the reunion show. I liked him. Vickie treated him (and her kids) terribly. She wants him to talk to her and come to the finale party yet SHE filed for divorce. Why would he come?

  • adrienne z

    Jeana is truly very unattractive and especially since her personality has very ugly traits attached. Has anyone taken a close look at her mouth? It’s a scowl. And she has the most unattractive hands as well. They’re fat & puffy & wrinkled like water-logged cadaver hands.

    • Crystal

      LMAO. Well said hon.

  • CacklingHens

    As much as Jeana is wrong for talking about Tamra’s problems, Tamra is just plain evil. She went to the party looking to start drama. The conversation was going on cool until out of the blue she just started raising her voice and shouting.

    She is also a desperate liar, crying to everyone that Jeana threatened her. She certainly knows how to play the victim game. She threw the “Cease and Desist” order in Jeana’s face. It was after that she said she “Should” not “Would” throw your skinny ass into the pool. Then Tamra proceeded to throw the drink in her face. That poor girl in the blue dress she was abused by everybody. She got one good shove in though.

    So glad it’s over they are all despicable people.

  • adrienne z

    i think the reunion show is tonight. I have to make sure I’m done with all of my work before it starts.

  • adrienne z

    i meant it’s on sunday. should be interesting.

  • Crystal

    Amanda, first time for me to visit this site and I dig it. I watch the shows but am left a bit confused about some of the characters of the women on the shows. The summaries and comments give me lots of insight.

  • adrienne z

    Loving Purseblog Forum!!!

  • yorkpatties

    Cyst and Deceased Letter!

    Doesn’t get better than that!

  • lollydolly111

    definitely said cyst and decease…too funny. who is it you are talking about when you say Earth Jesus? Jim? I think I want an evil eye tank top…how said am I?

  • Mobettabooz

    Fatties n Fuglies always stick up for VaJeana! Tamra’s tacky, no doubt, but VaJeana is vajodious, lit n fig. Alexis is an empty shell of spray tanned and liposucked flesh – her looks are utterly dependent on peroxide n plastic surgery. If she morphed back into her former gangly, dark haired, big schnozzed, sphincter lipped self, she wouldn’t so much as be cast as an extra on this show or any other.

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