In the grand tradition of Bravo, we were promised some White House party-crashing on last night’s episode of Real Housewives of DC and all we got was Michaele in a cheap sari in the back of a limo. I should have known to temper my lofty expectations by now, but somehow, Bravo still pulls me in every now and then.

The network claims that they didn’t know the Salahis weren’t invited to the party and that the camera crew didn’t enter the White House, but that doesn’t mean that the network declined the opportunity to milk the event for all it was worth. Last night’s episode should have been entitled Prelude to an Epic Fail.

Before we could get to the Main Event, however, we had to talk to everyone else. The episode started out with Lynda trying to cast a fashion show sponsored by the Burkina Faso (Burkina Fasan? What’s the adjective form of that? Wikipedia was unhelpful.) embassy, which was exactly as interesting as it sounded. Model castings are boring, no matter who is involved or who is judging, and that’s why they only take up one episode of America’s Next Top Model every season. And even then, most of the excitement comes from the fact that they conduct the castings like a relay race.

We quickly moved on to Stacie and Jason, who were at home, composing a Facebook message to Stacie’s biological half-brother. It’s weird to think that when I was a freshman in college, which doesn’t seem all that long ago, Facebook was just starting out and was still restricted to students at large universities. Less than a decade later, Facebook is a plot device for middle-aged people on a reality TV show. Makes me feel a little old. Now get off my lawn, kids.

Instead of just spilling the proverbial beans in the message, Stacie chose to keep things cryptic, saying “You will not BELIEVE the mutual acquaintance we share,” and including Jason’s phone number. That would just make me think someone was trying to scam me and I’d never call, which is probably the difference between people my age using Facebook and people Stacie’s age using Facebook – the etiquette is hard to explain. You can’t hedge in a Facebook message. You have to show your hand or anyone my age will delete the message immediately. Still, Jason was optimistic and he ensured Stacie that he’d try his best to talk like a white guy and not give up the surprise when he answered the phone. The things we do for love.

Next, Lynda, Mary and Cat got together to talk about Cat’s busy schedule. Charles travels quite a bit since he’s the president’s personal photographer, and all of the ladies are still playing along with the whole “Cat wrote a book and it’s coming out and that’s very stressful” storyline, which is charitable of them. Cat has to spend her time taking care of her kids and hasn’t taken a bath in ages, the poor thing. Let’s hope she showers.

Because no one really cares about Cat’s bathing difficulties, talk turned to the Awful Twins, as talk is wont to do. More was said of Michaele and her “modeling” and “cheerleading” careers, and Lynda cleared up any confusion about whether or not Michaele has ever been employed with her agency. She has not, in case you still believe anything that comes out of her mouth. And if you do, I have to ask: why? More was said of the Salahis’ inability to pay their bills, including a mortgage, and whether or not Michaele is a well-intentioned moron or a purposeful manipulator. The jury is still out.

Speaking of the Awful Twins, their limo was our next stop. The Salahis were headed to a restaurant to go on a double date, and their entire conversation on the ride to the restaurant seemed predicated on ensuring us that Michaele does, in fact, eat. She said that she wasn’t that “in to eating” back when she met Tareq, but he taught her to enjoy food. I’m not sure why anyone would need instruction on how to like eating, but Michaele had obviously rehearsed her lines quite a bit and she barely even stumbled over any of the words. Still, the lady doth protest too much.

At dinner, Michaele and Tareq sat down with another couple and talked about how much they loved to travel and the “success” of America’s Polo Cup, and they also claimed to be working on the relationship between America and India, which is so preposterous that I can’t even think of a way to make fun of it. I though that the continuum of ridiculousness went on ad infinitum, but as it turns out, the continuum has an end point. That end point is Tareq pretending to be a diplomat.

If you’ll remember, the state dinner that these two loathsome people snuck in to was an India-centric event, so I suppose that this is how Bravo chose to set up that debacle later in the episode. I would bet anyone the balance of my bank account that the dinner scene was filmed after they crashed the White House and Bravo saw the enormous backlash. Yes, Bravo thought that Tareq and Michaele were involved with Indian foreign relations. Of course they did.

Anyway, it’s not time to talk about that yet. For now, we have to focus on Lynda’s Burkina Faso fashion show. The fabrics used were handmade by local women in the country, and Lynda insisted that she purchase the ensemble she would wear to the event instead of accepting it as a gift. Lynda says a lot of batty things, but she was the picture of professionalism in the meeting and is clearly a consummate business woman. Just when I was ready to alter my opinion of Lynda ever-so-slightly, she went on a bit of a rant about making sure that security at the fashion show had pictures of Michaele and Tareq in order to keep them out, and I was quickly reminded of the nutter that she actually is.

Back at Stacie’s house, she and Jason had yet to hear anything from Stacie’s half brother. Big surprise – I bet the guy thought it was some crazy person trying to steal his credit card number or something. Cryptic messages via social networks don’t do anything but creep people out, and they should have tried again with a little bit more information. Instead, they considered going to the Nigerian embassy, which I didn’t think would help at all since Stacie’s father doesn’t even know she exists. I was wrong, and pleasantly so.

Stacie met with a woman named Stella from the Nigerian embassy, and Stacie gave her the only information that she had about her birth father: a few pictures. As it turns out, Stacie had gotten incredibly lucky: Stella was frame the same state as her birth father, and the cap he was wearing indicated that he was a chief or powerful person of some sort in his area. Both of those things increase the likelihood of Stacie locating him, and the way that the scene played out actually gave me chills. How often does something even remotely positive or important happen on Real Housewives, let alone something that could seriously change one of the cast members’ off-camera lives?

Speaking of African embassies, it was time for the fashion show! Lynda chose to pregame the festivities with a little scotch on the rocks while she was getting her hair done, which only made me more sure that Lynda is actually flying under the radar as the most insane person on this show. I mean that in a nice way. I wasn’t aware that grown people pregame events, I thought that was just something you did when you were my age and relatively poor.

Once she got to the event, Lynda realized that security hadn’t been made aware of the Awful Twins after all, but that didn’t turn out to be such an important issue since they didn’t show up anyway. Not that it mattered, because the people who did show up were dramatic enough – Cat and Erika. They were seated with only Mary’s between them and looked displeased about it, but luckily they more or less behaved themselves.

Lynda took a moment after the show to talk with David Catania and Jason (the gay one) about gay marriage, and Catania admitted that he had received death threats over DC’s marriage bill. Jason mentioned that he had been married to his husband for thirteen years, which is amazing – gay marriage wasn’t even a nationally discussed issue in 1997. Good for them.

But again, the point of this show is gossip, and don’t you forget it. Paul and Lynda ended up talking about Michaele at the after party, during which Bravo spliced in an interview with Michaele about how jealous Lynda is. Lynda may be a little envious of Michaele’s body type, but I think that’s probably where it ends – there’s no way on earth that anyone could be jealous of her troll of a husband, utter vapidity or financial problems, let alone that open-mouthed blank stare she makes when Tareq talks.

Our DC housewives have this magical power – they talk about the Awful Twins, and then Bravo’s producers make them magically appear in the next scene! We caught up with them at a salon where Tareq was supervising Michaele’s hair and makeup preparations for the State Dinner, since she’s not allowed to do anything on her own. He sat in the lobby and did “business,” which probably means he played Tetris on his Blackberry, while Michaele was in the back gossiping about Obama and Oprah with her makeup artist. After blabbing for what seemed like 20 minutes over the details of the event, she then emphasized how important it was to keep things quiet and told the hairdresser that it was confidential. I don’t think that word means what she thinks it means.

The hairdresser requested to see the invitation and Michaele made a big show of looking for it like it was actually going to be there, and for the first time that I can remember in the history of this show, a producer broke the fourth wall to remind Michaele mid-scene that she was supposed to be looking for the invitation and that one of the girls in the salon wanted to see it. Michaele had apparently gotten distracted by looking for her jewelry and/or undergarments, and when the producer asked her to explain to the camera why her entrance to the event wasn’t dependent on the invitation, she hemmed and hawed and said something about the invitation being safe at home, as if someone was going to try and mug it. If Michaele ever managed to answer a question directly and honestly, I think I might die of shock.

Tareq reiterated that the invitation is a formality, which is probably true – at many large events, the guest list is already in the possession of security and they check you in with your ID at the door. That doesn’t explain why Michaele claimed to have the invitation on her and then suddenly didn’t have it, or why the Bravo producer was under the impression that they had the invitation as well, but at least one of them managed to say something that wasn’t an outright lie. We were momentarily distracted from the invitation kerfuffle by watching Michaele haplessly try to wrap her sari, and luckily the makeup dude came to her rescue and pinned it in place. I’m pretty sure that the end result wasn’t how you wrap an actual sari, but what do I know? I’m not Indian.

That’s where the show left us – Michaele had made it into her outfit and the Awful Twins made it into the car, and they were headed off into the annals of pop culture and cable news infamy. We’ll see the fallout next week.

Share Your Thoughts With Us

  • Relli

    I am not going to lie. When Stacie met with Stella and she was explaining all those things to her and reached out to hug her, I cried. Stacie looked at peace, like a sense of home was washing over her and she felt one with this woman…. it was really beautiful. Seriously one of the most touching moments ever.

  • Bagolicious

    Last night’s episode was quite boring. The only interesting part, as far as I’m concerned, was that Stacey might finally find her birth father. I didn’t realize that she had photos of him which should make things much easier. It seems that it wouldn’t be that difficult to find him as her mother was in the Peace Corp, I think it was, and so the area can be narrowed down and most likely the village.

    One of my best friends was in the Peace Corp, in West Africa, and knew most people in the village that he was in for 3 years. And people can be quite helpful in parts of Africa. I have African friends who have led me to folks that I needed to find in Ghana, for example. So, I don’t think that her search will be that difficult. However, if the mother never wanted her to find her birth father, then why were photos of him provided?


    Still love Stacie, and yea, the awful twins baffle me – they are in their own little reality! The world according to Michaela and Tareq. They might be mentally ill, and we are watching these people crumble on national TV. Bravo really should have them examined.

  • Empress

    If Numbnuts had any sense at all, she’d google “how to wrap a sari.” I happen to think the sari is the most beautiful article of clothing in the world and I thought she looked delightful. The Salahis are gross, but she did look nice. I never thought two people could creep me out more than Duckface and Fatty from RHOC, but these two… SHAMELESS AND DREADFUL… Ick, just thinking of the four yuckiest people on tv is driving me to drink. Thanks for another HILARIOUS RECAP!!!!

    • Matthew

      Are “Duckface” and “Fatty” Alexis and her husband? If so, I might cry from laughing so hard…

  • gpc

    Amanda, please tell me that you really don’t think Stacie and Jason are “old” or that middle-aged is old????? :)

    • Haha, of course not :-)

      • Jo Marie

        We grown-ups know all about the party before the party(see Richard Gere revving up for his party in American Gigolo). Not a good idea and many have the DUIs to prove it. Let’s face it, some times the prep is the best part of the evening. Anyone who can get excited about purses probably gets a charge out of playing dress-up too. I always do.

      • Jo Marie

        p.s. I would delete and maybe even report that facebook message too.

  • Shi

    Btw the way what she was wearing is not a sari, it is a lehenga-choli which is a long floor length skirt with a blouse and a duppatta which is like a long scarf or stoleworn on top. A sari is a continous length of 6 yards of fabric that is draped and tied over an underskirt and worn with a blouse similar to Ms. Salahi’s . I wish she would google a sari and know what she is wearing is not it!

    • Thanks for clearing that up. I didn’t think that what she had was exactly a sari since they’re so much longer, but I admittedly don’t know enough about Indian dressing traditions to say that it was or wasn’t a sari with any authority. I was hoping someone else would chime in on the subject with more info – greatly appreciated!

      • Shi

        You’re very welcome :)

  • Lisa in Oregon

    Despite their views on gay marriage, I really like Stacie and Jason. I was moved to tears during their visit with the Nigerian Embassy representative. I was hanging on every word and facial expression she made. I feel so invested, and I really want to see this thing through. My hope is that it has a happy ending, despite her birth mother’s refusal to help.

    I’m starting to feel a little sorry for The Awful Twins. Knowing the outcome, it was almost painful to watch. They just don’t seem to be able to get out of their own way. It’s one lie compounded on top of another. I may have been more inclined to believe they did not crash the State dinner, if I hadn’t already known of the Black Caucus debacle. (and the Washington Redskins alumni nonsense)

  • jamiez

    I think I’m the only one who likes Lynda! To me, she’s no nonsense, and she’ll smile while she’s cutting you! LOL. I was also excited when Stacie visited the Embassy and I hope she finds something out. We all deserve to know where we come from. I hate how Michaele always LOOKS to Tareq for answers when they’re lying. Like when they were at the dinner, and the other couple asked how long they stayed in India…she looks at Tareq to get a time frame. He said, several weeks. She firmed it up a bit by saying 3 weeks. It’s frustrating and it happens a LOT, like she can’t have an independent thought and voice it. Even Tareq said they don’t like to be apart…it’s just a little creepy to me.

    • You’re not the only one who likes her! I like her too – she’s batty, booze-addled and completely ridiculous, and all of that just happens to be right up my alley. She’s fantastically entertaining while still being able to function as a businesswoman. I think she’s great, even though I can’t necessarily vouch for all of her actions.

    • carla

      When you lie, it’s necessary to get your stories straight. Sadly she is a terrible liar! I think she thinks she’s really good at it, though. Taraq is a master like only a sociopath can be, but she’s got tells all over the place she needs to work on if she’s going to hold up her end of this “team”.

    • c.c.

      I don’t mind Linda either.

  • ping

    I could not watch this show anymore, even though it was the “white house crash episode.” I tried and caught glimpses of the episode before switching back to regular tv. This has grown beyond boring. I can’t even find myself to care for these women. While I understand Stacie’s need to find her birth father, I don’t understand why it’s so difficult if she has a picture of him and if she is “so connected” in DC (oh i get it, its tv:). The awful twins are just boring and delusional. Lynda capitalized on the drama with the twins (the security look out for the terrible twin is too much). Mary is just another boring housewife. Cat who is the only real honest one summarized this in one of these episodes when she even said she can’t take it anymore. This is so bad that I rather watch the real housewives of NJ than this! To be honest, like anything else, Bravo now is a symbol what is happening to our countries where one can become famous for doing nothing but airing their laundry on tv, even if the laundry is just plain boring and insipid. This used to be my guilty pleasure on Thursday nights, but I will be getting some extra sleep now instead.

  • rfisher

    Amanda, loved the recap. You are much more interesting than this show.

    WOW….I love the Housewife Series but these women are way out there. Liars, power freaks, fingerprint locks on the closet and still it remains so BORING! I feel sorry for DC if these are the best women they could come up with. I too feel sorry for Stacy but I would never respond to a message like the one she sent her half brother. Sounds more like a stocker than a friendly message from a sister I don’t know exist! Does anyone know how many more weeks this show has? I want to stop watching but for some reason I continue to waste my time hoping that the next week will be better. Can’t wait for Beverly Hills!

  • otter

    Love when M informed T that she forgot her bra. Idiot.

  • BeHappy

    I think the show is hilarious! nothing out of the twins mouths is the truth.. I’m just wondering why they aren’t in jail yet ? Mary has no point to the show other than to spend money…I think I like her because i’m just a bit jealous . love to have her life.. Love Cat ! she says what she thinks.. she’s a lot like me but, I seem to always get in trouble for…. I really hope Stacie finds her birth father. and as far as lynda …well, i think she is just nuts.. with all her holistic stuff.. but, i do find it amusing. This is the first real HW i’ve watched and loving it.. hope the DC one continues…my guilty pleasure…
    Thanks for all the recaps .. nothing like starting the day with a laugh !!!

  • carla

    I’m not sure I commiserated with Cat in this one. She doesn’t have “small children”, 2 or 3 years old is small. She has school aged kids and let me tell ya the difference is VAST! When they sleep all night, can take a shower themselves, wipe their own butts, maybe even make their own pb&j you are NO LONGER in the trenches and can’t cry about being left alone with your small children.

    I understand she’s not happy in the marriage and probably lonely. Just don’t blame it on the kids and ALLL the work you have to do as a “single” parent.

    • Yeah, that kind of fell on deaf ears with me as well. Sure she feels lonely, but she has two girls in school who are intelligent and well-behaved, by all indications, and she doesn’t have a job outside of Real Housewives. Also, she’s not actually a single parent. What about the women out there who have small children, no help and bills to pay?

      I’m not saying the stress she feels isn’t real, but perhaps she needs a bit of perspective on the issue.

      • Chick

        And don’t forget that she was truly a single mother before she married Charles, right? So isn’t she just doing what she’s used to doing? I suppose she could have had nannies back in the U.K before she moved here to marry Charles but I don’t get that sense.

  • adrienne zedella

    Why doesn’t Stacie research the license plate that is in the picture of her father? Any police-friend would easily be able to access the license plate database and come up with a name and then take it from there. I’m sure she has connections in law enforcement (or at least Lynda would).

  • Amy

    i quit watching this show a couple of esp. into the season. Thank god for your recaps, much better than the show itself.

  • D

    I’m a bit bored with this show too. However, kudos are in order for the fact that none of the DC ladies have:

    a. produced their own musical cd
    b. “released” their own sex tape
    c. flipped a table at a restaurant
    d. had a boob job or botox during taping

    • c.c.

      Take a look at Lynda’s lips during the post taping interviews.

  • carla


  • helen

    Sorry, I can’t read about the Salahis. (ipad)

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