As far as reunions go, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills get-togethers won’t go down as the best in Housewives history, that’s for sure. These ladies are too diplomatic well-trained to call each other names and get in each others’ faces when not plied by copious amounts of alcohol, and although everyone had on cocktail dresses at the reunion, drinks weren’t served until the end. And even then, they weren’t served to Kim.
We touched on some sensitive topics last night including Cedric the grifter and Allison the crazy psychic with the electronic cigarette of insanity, but little fur flew and even fewer secrets were spilled. It was worth it just so see Lisa and Ken joke around with each other, though. Where do I apply to be the new Cedric?
1. Andy Cohen is sick of Camille not taking responsibility for anything. Whether it be her divorce, the show’s editing or Kyle’s bullying, Camille always had something to blame for how awful she looked on the show. Andy finally cornered her and forced her to admit a little responsibility over one mean remark in the entire scope of nasty thing she said throughout the series, and while the camera remained on her for a second or two afterward, it seemed as though something inside of Camille’s brain cracked a little bit.
2. When Cedric left, he packed his things in Ken’s suitcases. Also, Cedric has the most punchable face in the history of the planet, and yet I somehow didn’t realize that until now. How did I miss it? Bravo gave Cedric a little segment to talk shit about Lisa, her giant ego, the low wages he was being paid and what horrible people she and Ken are, and it couldn’t have backfired on him in a more obvious way if it had been planned. Just like everyone else, I adore Lisa, and seeing his smug, grifting face going to acting classes to capitalize on his 15 minutes of fame made me feel slightly stabby. Finding out that he’s trying to extort Lisa for money made me feel even more stabby. Watch out, Cedric. You don’t want to run in to me in a dark parking lot any time soon.
3. Watching Taylor watch Russell act like a dick is absolutely fascinating. Whatever cracked in Camille’s head after she admitted responsibility for saying nasty things also cracked in Taylor’s head while Andy played a few clips of Russell’s creepy serial killer stare and Taylor crying over him. The picture-in-picture treatment that we got with those scenes was particularly excellent because the content was so incredibly negative; it was a lot different than watching Lisa watch herself poke Kim’s boobs, for example. I could do an entire reunion of just reaction shots; I think that would be far more telling than any of the talking points we heard last night.
4. Paul thinks bickering is fun. And he’s right, it is kind of fun if you know the other person isn’t taking it seriously! When talking to Adrienne and Paul about their relationship, the subject of pre-nuptial agreements came up, and Adrienne and Paul have one. Of course they do, they were both rich and successful before they got married! As for the rest of the cast members, they all denied having signed anything but a marriage license, which surprised me about Taylor in particular. Russell was rich when they got married, right? Is he a moron? Or did he forgo the pre-nup as a way to keep Taylor silent about his identity as the Beverly Hills Strangler?
5. Mauricio is Camille’s realtor again. Which is good, because if Kelsey gets to keep the house, she’s going to need one. Also, in unrelated news, female viewers love Mauricio so much that they’re sending him naughty pictures of themselves. I’m confident when I say that he is the only Housewives husband to ever have that effect on anyone. Although Ken is pretty awesome..
6. Ken has just as good of a sense of humor as Lisa does. He was shattered when Lisa said that they only have sex on Christmas and his birthday, because that’s a lie. They also have sex on Valentine’s Day. He got serious for a moment and spoke about Cedric, and I think it’s possible that she and Ken have the best, sanest and most enviable marriage not just on Real Housewives, but on television as a whole. When I’m old enough to have grown children, I hope I look half as good as Lisa does and have a man half as supportive and kind as Ken. I would be a happy girl.
7. Kyle and Kim actually seemed to have a pretty decent grasp on the dynamics in their relationship. Much has been said about whether or not Kyle is fair to Kim, but when Kyle and Kim were both asked to comment on it, they seemed to be largely on the same page about why Kyle seems mean sometimes. And after watching that back and forth for a few minutes, something occurred to me. Normally, the relationships we see take place on Real Housewives have developed over the space of a couple years, and sometimes even less. Kim and Kyle have been building an infinitely complex bond over decades, most of which we’ll never understand, let alone see. I think that might be why I’m instinctually slow to judge when Kyle seems mean or Kim seems spineless.
8. Watching Kyle and Kim’s fight still makes me massively uncomfortable. It still seems like something that the public doesn’t have any right to gawk at, but gawk we did for a second time while Kim and Kyle looked on uncomfortably. As far as the content of the argument goes, Kim says doesn’t regret being a child star and that she enjoyed her work, although that doesn’t mean it didn’t completely screw her up in the process. Also, Kim’s claims about her financial support of the family weren’t entirely accurate, according to Kyle, and Kim didn’t contradict that. Their dad bought the family’s home, and the other children in the family also worked.
9. Kim refused to confirm or deny that she has a drinking problem. Not a good indication, since it seems to be true and admitting you have a problem is the first step. Literally, it’s the first of 12. And although it’s her business if she talks about it or not, since we already know that she was in rehab for a week, being contrite and honest about whatever struggles she’s having would likely have been an indicator of an optimistic outlook. To me, refusing to comment is not a good sign.
10. Camille insists that she didn’t intentionally ply that crazy psychic with alcohol. Camille refused to say anything unkind about Allison, though, so Lisa went ahead and did it for her. She also insisted that the psychic’s presence wasn’t a setup but that, somehow, Faye Resnick’s presence was. And when Kyle accurately pointed out that Camille thinks everything is a setup, Camille got mad at her for using the word “setup.” At this point in the episode, I developed a very sharp pain in my head.